Echo Bridge (22 page)

The crowd tittered. I caught sight of Molly and Elaine on the far side of the church. Neither of them was smiling, and Elaine had one arm protectively over Molly’s shoulders. The girls in the pew behind them kept nudging each other and whispering. One of the more absurd rumors making the rounds was that Hugh had actually killed himself because he’d been in love with Molly and she’d rejected him. Another, less outrageous version pinned Molly as the reason he’d been so drunk as to accidentally kill himself.

“The thing is, by putting our whole lives on the score sheet like he did, Hugh pushed me to do better, be faster, do more. I hope I did the same for him. I don’t know. All I know is that the person who made me be my best self is gone, and now I have to find a way to go on without him. We all do. It’s what he would expect from us. I can hear him now, proposing that we see who can hit all five stages of grief the fastest.”

Ted was weeping now. I stared at him. Hugh made him be his best self? I wondered if Ted had ever really known Hugh. Or if I had ever really known Ted. Mr. Marsden climbed to the podium to clasp Ted’s shoulders and to invite the crowd back to the Marsden McMansion for refreshments. Benji and Horse moved to their folding chairs again, playing an instrumental “Tears in Heaven” as the rest of the boys took their places and heaved the coffin to their shoulders. Once they’d left, the crowd rose to its feet and began to mill about, slowly funneling out the double doors at the back. It was moving much too slowly for my taste, and next to me Melissa was sobbing again.

“Courtney?” asked Lindsay. “Are you okay? I don’t think it’s me. You do not look good.”

Selena turned around. “Whoa. Courtney?”

But I was falling away from them. My body dropped sideways, my ribs and right arm slamming into the wooden pew, but I didn’t feel it, because my mind kept falling, down into a sweet, cool blackness.

* * *

By fainting, I actually accomplished exactly what I’d wanted: a path was cleared, I was helped to my feet, and Horse Riley carried me outside and sat me on the steps.

“I think the Marsdens will probably understand if you don’t go by the house,” he told me. “You need a ride home?”

I put my arms around his neck and buried my face in one of his huge shoulders. The hysteria I’d been fighting in the church came gushing out, a Niagara Falls of tears, snot and drool dripping onto his pinstriped shoulder. Horse pawed my hair awkwardly before helping me up, guiding me across the parking lot, and opening the passenger door of his station wagon.

I stayed in bed all day Monday, staring numbly at the ceiling. I ignored calls on my cell from Lexi, Ted, Melissa, Selena, and Horse. The house phone rang a few times, but if any of the calls were for me, my mother didn’t mention it. She left me alone until dinnertime, when she brought me a bowl of the turkey soup she’d made to use up the leftovers.

“Honey?”

I rolled over in bed and looked at her standing in the doorway.

“How are you feeling?”

I managed to shrug visibly without actually sitting up. She came into the room and set the tray with the bowl of soup and a piece of bread on the nightstand.

“I know it’s very upsetting to lose someone unexpectedly like this,” she said quietly. “And when the person is so young… I don’t know what I would have done if it were you.” She brushed my hair away from my face. “This will be a very difficult time for the whole town. I’m glad that you and Ted have each other to lean on. How is he doing?”

I stared up at her. I had no idea how to respond to this. “He gave the eulogy,” I said.

“Good for him. I’m sure that meant a lot to Hugh’s parents.” She sat down on the edge of the mattress. “Courtney…Hugh’s death was an accident, wasn’t it?”

I felt the blood drain from my face. “Of course it was.” I snuck a look at her face. “What else could it be?”

“Well, that detective called a little while ago. She wants you to come in again tomorrow morning, before school. I guess they’re still questioning everyone who saw him Friday night.”

I pressed my face into the pillow. “Do I have to?”

“I think so, yes. I know this must be hard, but they’re just trying to get a clear picture of what happened. God, when I think of how much time you’ve spent over there… did you ever go in this barn? Why on earth didn’t Ted’s parents fix the door? Or at least keep it locked when they’re not home?”

“It was locked,” I said.

“What do you mean?” Mom looked at me, confused.

“I mean, they usually do. Keep it locked,” I backpedaled.

“Still, if something like this could happen, it obviously wasn’t secure.” She smoothed the covers over me, a little frown forming between her eyebrows. “I just can’t believe the Parkers would allow something like this,” she shook her head as she stood up. “This is going to ruin their lives, you know.”

“It was an accident, Mom.”

“Yes, but they’re still responsible. It’s their house. Their property insurance will probably go through the roof.” She clucked her way to the door, and then turned back to me. “Try to eat something, honey. I’ll drive you to the police station and wait there to take you to school.”

* * *

“Tell me, Miss Valance.” Detective Soleto steepled her fingers over a Styrofoam cup of bad coffee. “How would you characterize your relationship with Hugh Marsden?”

I picked at the rim of my own cup. The smell of the coffee was making me ill. Why was she asking me this? What clue had come up in their investigation that she needed to talk to me again? I was terrified.

“We were friendly,” I said.

“You must have been more than that.” The detective leaned forward on her elbows. She was aiming for girly gossip sesh, but came off as totally fake and prying. “You’ve dated his best friend for over a year. I imagine you’ve spent a lot of time together. You must have been close.”

I shrugged, trying to seem casual. “We ran with the same crowd, yes. But I’m much closer with the girls than any of the guys. Other than Ted, I mean.” But I didn’t know how close Ted and I were anymore. We had barely spoken in three days—just that brief moment on the church steps. I had no idea what he must be going through. In spite of his eulogy, which had rang with a horrible truth that Ted couldn’t have possibly understood, it had been hard for me to see him so upset at the funeral.

“So he never made a pass at you?”

“Hugh?” I stared at Detective Soleto. What did she know? “Um, no. I mean, I’m his best friend’s girl. You don’t do that.” You just lock her in the bathroom and pin her arms behind her back.

The detective raised an eyebrow. “Come on, Courtney. We both know that teenage boys don’t necessarily play by the rules.”

She knows
, I thought.
Oh my God, she knows
. I stared at her, petrified.

“You must have flirted a little, though, I bet. I mean, that’s only natural.”

“Um,” I said. I tried to remember last year; had I flirted with Hugh before he raped me? Even in the light, meaningless way I did with Jake? “Maybe, I guess. Not for real, though. Just the way my friends and I talk to each other. It could be considered flirtatious, but most of the time we’re not, like, actually trying to make something happen.”

“Courtney,” said Detective Soleto. “Whatever you tell me will stay between us. Ted doesn’t have to know.”

I didn’t believe that for a second and wondered if I should be insulted that she thought I was that dumb, but I was also terrified of what she was driving at and what she might have discovered in the Parkers’ barn or among Hugh’s affects.

“You seem pretty nervous.” She was trying to change tactics now. “Is he the jealous type? Ted, I mean.”

“No,” I said. “Not at all. I mean, I’ve never given him reason to be. My friend Melissa is always telling me I should play harder to get. But I love him.” The words echoed emptily in my ears.

“Courtney,” said Soleto. “Has he ever scared you?”

I looked down at my coffee cup, the whole rim now ragged and torn away and the coffee full of white flecks of Styrofoam. Her question recalled the first time I’d tried to talk to Molly about Hugh.
If he ever scares you…
I wondered if she remembered that too, if she had thought of it while he had her in the darkroom.

The detective sighed in exasperation and set her notes aside. She laid her palms flat on the table and leaned toward me. “Courtney, is there any reason that Ted might have had a grudge against Hugh?”

“What? You think—you think Ted killed Hugh?”

“We’re investigating all the factors that might have contributed to the circumstances surrounding Hugh Marsden’s death.” Soleto sat back in her chair.

“It’s not possible. They were best friends. They thought of each other as brothers.” I looked at Detective Soleto, with her warm brown eyes and firm, determined mouth. I should have come to her that first night, sat here in this room with her and told her what Hugh had done to me. Then all that determination would be behind me, aimed at Hugh, instead of at Ted. I was ruining his life.

“Courtney, I’ll level with you. Based on the accounts of your movements at this party, I think that you might know something about how Hugh died that I don’t. I’m not going to come down hard on you just yet, but you can bet that once I’ve done a little more digging, I will come up with something that will make you want to tell me the truth. I’d hate to see you get in trouble down the road.”

I gave her a blank face. “I’m sorry, Detective Soleto,” I said, my voice hollow. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

By the time my mother dropped me off at school, I had broken into a cold sweat. It seemed inevitable that I’d be caught and blamed for everything: Hugh’s death, the 2C-I at Revelry, failing to report my own rape. My thoughts were jumbled, and the only one that I could focus on with any clarity was that it was my fault, all my fault. I walked through the front doors and heard a smattering of applause from the auditorium to the left. A sign posted on one of the doors stated that morning classes had been canceled for an “assembly of celebration and remembrance.” No way was I going in there. I decided to walk around campus a bit. I hoped the fresh air would clear my head, and I had a feeling that the assembly of celebration and remembrance would drag on, and no teacher would bat an eye if I turned up late for class. I walked through the woods toward the river on the northwestern edge of campus.

I began to feel better. The leaves underfoot were soggy from all the rain we’d had, and the air was cold and sharp in my sinuses, but it smelled like snow. The cold on my cheeks was bringing me out of the zombie state. I could hear the river through the trees. The Souhegan was usually flat and shallow, but it was swollen with rain and rushing along with a gentle, insistent sound. Over the sound of the river, I heard a loud
thwok
, and paused. Then came another. They made a slow rhythm, as if someone were pounding a nail one steady whack at a time, taking a break after each one. I saw a flash between the trees down the bank of the river. Someone was out there. I crept closer, grateful I had a black coat and dark hair, the better to blend into the bleak November woods. The person on the bank was blond and had a red nylon jacket. About twenty paces away, I recognized Elaine Winslow and relaxed. I guessed she was avoiding the assembly of celebration and remembrance, too. She was holding a driver and hitting golf balls over the river, fishing them out of the pouch pocket of her windbreaker and dropping them on the mossy bank between swings. The balls arced through the air and occasionally made answering
thwoks
when they hit trees on the far bank.

“Hi,” I said, stepping out of the woods.

Elaine whirled around, her golf club raised over one shoulder, a frightened look on her face. She opened her mouth in surprise and then swung the club down by her side. “Oh. Hi.” She squeezed a golf ball in one hand.

I pulled out a cigarette. “You weren’t up to it, either?”

“Uh, no,” Elaine squawked, as if she were laughing, but there was a strange edge to her voice, and as I stepped closer, I could see that her cheeks were wet.

I kept one eye on that golf club. “Tell me what he did.”

“Molly told you. He tried to attack her.”

I held the pack out to her. “Tell me what he did to you.”

Elaine took my pack of Parliaments. She dropped the golf club and sat down on the wet ground. I crouched next to her as she lit her cigarette.

“We were at Hilary’s house on the Cape. This was a weekend in the spring of sophomore year, when I was still with Ted. It was that same crew you hang out with now, only I was there instead of you.” She spoke frankly, and her blue eyes were dead. “I guess you’ve probably been to that house, so you know it’s huge, and we all had our own rooms. I woke up one night and Hugh was in mine. He said if I didn’t do what he wanted, he’d do it to one of my sisters, since they were too little to fight back. Molly was in eighth grade and Kara was in sixth. What was I supposed to do?” She looked at me like I might actually have an answer. There was a pause, and I could hear how loud the river was, drowning out whatever other sounds there might have been. Birds, or the rustle of footsteps. Then Elaine said, “I’ve been with Marshall for a year. He wants to sleep together. I mean, he loves me; he wants it to be special.” She looked at me and bugged her eyes as if she couldn’t believe it. “It’s not like he’s mad he’s not getting any. He’s hurt. He feels like I don’t trust him. But I can’t. I
can’t
.” She curled in on herself in a way that I recognized, and I could feel my skin crawl just looking at her.

“How come you never said anything?” I asked. “Especially once he asked Molly out?”

“Why didn’t you?” she returned.

We smoked in silence. I was grimly aware that I was not surprised by Elaine’s story, only sickened. But I felt a sudden burst of realization, as if a flare had momentarily lit up the fog in my brain. At the end of sophomore year, right after Hugh raped Elaine, Ted broke up with her and began dating me. I could still hear Hugh’s voice:
This is what we do… It’s our secret
.