Easy Silence (9 page)

“Thank you so much for sharing with me,” I said.

“You’re welcome. You can have that one if you’d like,” Pete said pointing to the one of my Dad and Brooke in my hand.

“Oh, okay.” I shoved it in my purse. I wanted to keep this memento to remind me of my dad’s
normal
days, even though it seemed kind of weird to be hanging on to a picture of my father and another woman.

“So, Bonnie and I are headed out to Jake’s Bar to go hear a band play. Wish you kids could come along, but you’re not legal yet,” he teased.

“When has that ever stopped me?” Jaxson blurted out.

Pete shook his head and snatched the cigarette from Jaxson’s mouth that he was just getting ready to light up. “Take that outside…or better yet take it to the trash!” he scolded. Jaxson did as he said and walked out the front door. “I haven’t smoked a cigarette in three months, and in that short time, I feel so much better,” Pete said.

“Wow, that’s really awesome! How long did you smoke?”

“Too long!” he replied. “I think the first time I ever tried was with your dad in eighth grade. Your grandmother caught us and immediately called my mother. Boy, did I get a beat down. Didn’t stop me though.” He laughed.

“Wow, my dad smoked?”

“I think that was his first and only time. Wish I could say it was mine.”

I let out a slight giggle, just as Jaxson came back inside. “Well, we’re out of here,” Pete said. “You kids have fun.”

“See ya, and thanks again for the picture.”

“No problem.” He smiled as he and Bonnie made their exit, leaving me alone with Jaxson staring into his eyes.

“So, do you want to go catch a movie or something?” I asked. He shrugged his shoulders, and I could tell making plans wasn’t going to be an easy feat. “Well, what do you usually do for fun around here?”

“Nothing. This place sucks.”

“Well, it only sucks because you allow it to. What about the mini-golf place up the street?” He rolled his eyes at the suggestion. “Well, I don’t see you coming up with anything better!”

“Let’s just hang out here and watch a movie. I’m not much in the mood for dealing with people tonight.”

Was he ever in the mood for dealing with people?
“Okay, sounds good to me.”

“Are you hungry?” he asked, after finally deciding on a horror movie on
Netflix.
He didn’t wait for me to answer before grabbing the house phone and ordering a pizza. I tried to stifle my laughter once he hung up. “What?” His voice rose in defense over the thought of me laughing at him.

“I guess landlines are okay?” He shook his head in confusion. “You said that you don’t believe in phones. If people want you, they can find you.”

“I meant cell phones…whatever.” He obviously didn’t find the same amusement in it as I had.

“Okay, I’m gonna put this out there. You really need to lighten the heck up. Stop taking everything so seriously. I’m not making fun of you. It was just a little joke.”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t become a comedian because I didn’t find much humor in that.”

Why was I so determined to hang out with him again?
I bit my lip and let out a deep breath. I was going to keep quiet until he initiated conversation, and given his track record, we may not be speaking for the rest of the night. He started the movie, and I stared straight ahead, not really paying much attention to it. He seemed to be thoroughly engrossed, judging from the few glances that I gave in his direction.

I was relieved when the pizza delivery came, hoping that would maybe cause him to speak. “You want something to drink?” he asked, placing the pizza down on the table. I shook my head. “Well, aren’t you going to have some pizza?” I shrugged my shoulders. He let out an annoyed breath. “Okay, are you a mute now?”

“Just keeping quiet because I don’t want to say the wrong thing to piss you off.” I finally broke my silence.

“Really, Samantha?” he shot me a dirty look.

Why was I subjecting myself to this? This was as much fun as sitting on pins and needles. “You know what? I should really go. I guess us hanging out was a bad idea after all.” I stood up and grabbed my purse as he stared up at me. I was delusional in thinking that he was actually going to try and stop me.

I was halfway to the door when he caught up to me and roughly grabbed my elbow, spinning me around and forcing me to look at him. “I want you to stay. Okay?” He rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand, looking like he was trying to think of the right words. “I’m sorry, for acting like a jerk. Will you—will you please just come sit back down?”

I briefly closed my eyes and relented, following him back into the living room. “Will you please sit down?” His tone was much softer than it had been earlier, but I could tell that he really had to work at it. I took a seat in the same spot I was sitting before. Without even asking, he went into the kitchen and came out with two glasses of soda. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I really didn’t drink soda, so I persevered and drank it, appreciating the effort he was making.

He grabbed a slice of pizza and placed it on a plate. “I’m really not that hungry,” I said.

“Well, why didn’t you say so?”

“Well, you didn’t even give me a chance. You just started dialing the number and ordered before I could even say anything.” I took the plate from his hand and took a bite when I saw the look of defeat on his face.

“You don’t have to eat it if—”

“No, it’s fine.” I smiled. I was willing to eat the whole pizza when I saw him crack somewhat of a smile.

It took me the entire movie, but I finally managed to get one slice down. I looked down at my watch when the movie ended. I didn’t want him to feel like he had to keep entertaining me, so I was just planning on leaving. “Well, I think I’m gonna get going.” He inched closer to me and gently pressed his lips into mine.

“Stay,” he whispered, moving down to my neck. Every inch of my body began to tingle, and I was finding it hard to catch my breath. His hand moved up my shirt and he skimmed his fingers under my bra.

“Jaxson,” I whispered. He looked down at me. “I want you. I want you so badly.” He pushed me down on the couch and kissed me harder as he unclasped my bra and lifted up my shirt. His lips moved from my neck to my breast, teasing my nipple with his tongue. I felt like I was going to combust with want for him. My hands slid under his jeans and into his boxers while my other hand worked feverishly to unfasten his button.

“Well, that was a bust.” Bonnie’s voice caused us both to sit up. I pulled down my shirt and tried my best to fix my hair while Jaxson tried catching his breath. I could tell by the look on both Pete’s and Bonnie’s faces, they knew what they had just interrupted.

“What’s up?” Jaxson asked coolly.

“Not much,” Pete replied with a raise of his eyebrow. “We just sat around for two hours, and the band just never showed up.”

“That sucks,” Jaxson said.

I stood up and adjusted my shorts. “Well, I really need to get going. I didn’t realize it was so late.”

I looked at Jaxson. He was still sitting on the couch. I was hoping he would walk me out so I could sneak in one last kiss, even though it was going to be more like torture, my body was still yearning for him.

“Jax, aren’t you going to walk Sam to her car?” Pete asked as if he were reading my mind.

He stood up, following me out the door after I said my goodbyes to Pete and Bonnie. “Did you want to go for a walk?” he asked once we reached my car.

I nodded, but not before pulling his face into me and planting a kiss on his lips. I grabbed on to his hand and we began to walk. We reached the bay beach and took a seat in the sand. I rested my head on his shoulder and stared up at the full moon overhead as the gentle waves in the bay lapped upon the shore. “What are you thinking?” I asked.

“Pete has the worst timing ever.”

I let out a loud laugh. I turned around and scanned the beach, not seeing another soul in sight. “Well, it looks like we have this entire beach to ourselves. So, why not…” I trailed my lips down his neck. He grabbed the back of my neck and kissed me as if his life depended on it.

“You are so beautiful, Samantha,” he whispered in my ear. I moved my hands under his shirt and began to caress his back when he pushed me away.

“What’s the matter?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Nothing, we just…we just can’t do this here.”

“Jaxson, there’s no one else around. What’s the big—”

“Damn it, Samantha! Just stop okay?”

My head was spinning. I couldn’t keep riding on this merry go round of emotions with him. I stood up. “You know what Jaxson, I can’t do this anymore. I promised I would never hurt you, but now you’re the one hurting me. I can’t keep turning my emotions on and off like this. So, maybe you were right, maybe we are just better ending this before it even begins.”

He stood up and took my hand in his. “Samantha…this has nothing to do with the way I feel about you.”

“Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn’t. But I’ll never know because you’re not willing to let me in. I’m not going to push you. I just hope one day you’ll see that not everyone is bad, and you are worthy of love.” I pushed his hair that was blowing in the breeze away from his face and stood on my tippy toes, pressing my lips on his forehead. “I have to go,” I whispered, letting go of his hand and walking away.

Two long days had passed, and I hadn’t heard from Jaxson. Normally his silence didn’t bother me when I was in his company, but knowing that he was blatantly ignoring me had me climbing the walls. I doubted myself for walking away on the beach the other night and basically giving him an ultimatum. I was hoping that would have been enough to get him to open up. I thought wrong. Whatever it was that he was hiding was buried so deep inside, I wasn’t sure that he could let it out even if he tried.

After helping Hadley clean, cook, and bake twelve dozen cupcakes for the church bake sale, I was all out of ideas to keep me from thinking of him. So, instead of going stir crazy, I hopped on my bike and headed to the library in town to have a look around. The smell of books was intoxicating to me. I had always been a big reader, preferring the classics over the latest trends.
Little Women
and
The Great Gatsby
were at the top of my list, but the tattered book I was holding in my hand was my absolute favorite:
To Kill a Mockingbird
. I smiled just skimming through the pages. I had read this book more times than I could remember, but each time after reading it, I would find I had learned something new. Maybe it was because I had envied Scout so much and the relationship she had with her father. Atticus Finch was my hero, and the man who I wished my dad could be: hardworking, honest, and still able to show his children love and teach them the important lessons in life. I dug through my wallet for my library card that I had obtained the last time I was visiting and checked it out, immediately feeling a little better, knowing that in just a little while, I would jump into the pages and transform into a girl whose dad actually cared. I wasn’t ready to head back to my grandmother’s yet. So instead, I sat by the fountain in front of the library and opened up my book, lifting it up to my nose to smell the pages.

“Smell good?” I jumped at the familiar voice.

“Jaxson? What are you doing here?” I almost didn’t recognize him with his backwards baseball cap and sunglasses he was sporting.

“Pete asked me to pick him up a few things at the hardware store.”

“How are you?” I squinted up into the sunlight, my heart fluttering.

He shrugged his shoulders and took a seat next to me. “What are you reading there?”

“Oh,
To Kill a Mockingbird
. It’s one of my all-time favorites. Have you ever read it?”

He let out a loud chuckle. “Umm…no. I’m not a big reader.”

“Well, this is a classic. Didn’t you have to read it in high school English?”

“Maybe…but I didn’t.”

“So what have you been up to?” I asked.

“Nothing much. Just working.” He took a deep breath, looking like he was working up the nerve to say something. “Samantha, I’m sorry about the other night. I just—”

I placed my hand over his in support. “It’s okay, Jaxson. If you’re not ready to open up to me, I’m not going to force you. I just want you to know that if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.”

He nodded and looked straight ahead. “Umm…I have to work tonight, but if you’re not busy after, then maybe…”

“I’d love to.” I smiled. “Just tell me when and where.”

“Well, I don’t get off until eleven. If that’s too late then we can—”

“Eleven is perfect, but there really won’t be anything open to go anywhere. So, let’s just meet at our spot.”

He smiled, and for the first time ever, I noticed the tiniest of dimples in his right cheek. He lifted the book from my hand and looked it over. “So what’s this book about?” he asked.

“Oh, it’s really good…it’s about—”

“Read it to me.” He placed it back in my hands.

I let out a small giggle. “Umm…isn’t Pete waiting on you.”