Earthbound (4 page)

“Oh no,” Becca said, laughing in his face.
“You’re not the marrying type!”

Pace joined her in her laugh. “You’re right
about that.”

My fists unclenched.

More whiskey.

“Boze,” Becca mused. “The only reason I dated
him was my parents thought it would be a good match that would make
fine babies. But I always knew he was an idiot.” We all laughed in
agreement. I could see Becca’s eyes darting around – she was
getting uncomfortable. She didn’t want to talk about Boze anymore.
Fine by me.

“Relationships are a funny thing,” Pace
announced. “Our ancestors used to have the luxury of indulging in
love, if they chose to. But there wasn’t as much pressure then as
there is now. How many times do we have to hear about ‘repopulation
of the species?’ Is that really our obligation? And just because an
arrangement appears to be a strong match, like you Rebecca with
Boze, doesn’t mean it’s love. We’re living life too much for
society’s sake. We should live more for ourselves.”

“Amen,” Becca replied. “But I’m not sure how
realistic that is.”

“It has to be!” Pace continued. “I feel so
fenced in. Somehow I’ve got to find a way to get out of our little
town. Maybe I’ll be one of our traders, so at least I can see the
other settlements.”

“I thought you were going to stay in the bank
forever,” Becca said.

“That would be so sad,” he replied. “My Dad’s
been good to me, no doubt, and that stupid bank has kept me from
going hungry. But I’m ready for a little hunger right now.”

We passed around the flask and all took
another sip of whiskey and let his words resonate.

“I’m always a little hungry,” Becca finally
responded.

“Working at the general store’s not going to
fix that,” Pace said.

“No. It’s like dying just a little bit every
day,” she remarked. I could see by the slight squint in her eyes
that she meant it. “How come I never see you in the store?”

“I go in there from time to time to buy
kindling,” Pace replied.

“Not you,” Becca groaned. “I know your family
hires Martha to do most of the errands. I mean you Asher. Mine’s
the only store in town. If you don’t buy food there, I don’t know
how you’re eating.”

“I get by,” I lie. Truth be told, I tried to
go to the general store only on off-hours when she wouldn’t be
working there. Or if I saw her in the window I’d keep walking, even
if it meant I’d go hungry that night. I don’t need to be a burden
on her.

More whiskey.

Then we found ourselves staring up into the
sky. It was so clear. Nothing but stars.

“What do you dream about, Asher?” Becca asked
me. She was looking at me all quizzical. Like she did when we used
to sit around all day and just talk. Again, just to be clear, that
was when we were prepubescent. That’s the only time I think when
boys and girls could just sit around like that. Now, there’s too
much pressure to do something – anything else.

Anyway, I didn’t have much of an answer, so
Pace chimed in. I think he sensed my hesitation. Came to my rescue
too. “Me first. I can tell you. I dream about going up there.
Starbound.” He pointed to the stars. “I want to go where our
ancestors went. I want to see what’s beyond our solar system. I
want to pass by that hypernova and give it the middle finger. Just
imagine what’s out there. It must have been amazing for our
ancestors to forsake all this. Otherwise they would have come
back.” I looked down at the weeds. Wasn’t sure what “all this” Pace
was referring to. “What about you, Rebecca? What do you dream
about?”

Becca looked straight down to the ground and,
as always, she spoke from her heart. “I dream of a life without
fear of poverty. Because that’s what makes life so unbearable. Not
the poverty. The fear.”

I tried to grasp the concept she was saying.
I admit, I had a hard time with it. But Pace seemed to
understand.

“The fear’s what keeps us trapped in the
settlement,” he said. “If we can get past the fear, there’s a whole
world out there, and nobody’s taken it yet. It can be all
ours.”

Pace and Becca were staring into each other’s
eyes now. They were making a connection. Eff that.

“You know what I dream about?” I blurted out.
Both of them averted their gaze from each other over to me. I
waited a second, for dramatic effect. “Nothing. I don’t dream.”

Becca moaned. “Asher, that’s such a cop
out.”

“It’s not. I’m a realist. Isn’t that how you
taught me to be, anyway? I accept my situation for what it is. I’m
just trying to get through it.”

If you wanna know the truth, though, I do
dream. It’s just nothing I can openly admit. Certainly not to
Becca.

That was certainly a conversation killer,
anyway. Our thoughts all trailed off. I just fixated on the river.
I thought about all those fish in there. Enough to feed our
settlement for many lifetimes over. And I thought about my mother,
and what she saw in that water anyway.

Next thing I knew, though, Becca shouted out.
I sprang up, fearing wolves. It was a predator – but the kind
that’s easy to handle. It was just Pace. He had tried to give Becca
a kiss, apparently. My fists clenched again. Yup.

“If you weren’t such a playboy, Pace…” Becca
said, pushing him away.

My fists unclenched. Becca could take care of
herself.

“Kissing’s just fun,” Pace said in his
defense. “That and the things that come after it. Gives us
something to do while we’re bored, right?”

“Maybe you should try kissing your horse,” I
offered. They both liked that one.

“I do,” Pace admitted. “Problem is he kisses
back.” Then we passed around the flask one more time, to smooth
over whatever had just happened.

Then, I don’t know if it was the whiskey or a
healthy sense of competition, I dunno, but I had this overwhelming
urge to kiss Becca. Yeah, I have that urge all the time, but that
thing in my brain that stops me from doing stupid things wasn’t
listening. I just leaned over and put my large hands on her winsome
face and leaned in.

“Asher, what are you doing?” Becca pushed me
away harder than I thought she could. I looked away sheepishly. “We
can’t.”

Didn’t I know it. “Sorry, I…”

“I don’t think you need to apologize,” Pace
said, intervening in our intimate moment. I was kind of relieved
actually. “Hey, we both gave it a shot. Can you blame us? You’re
the best looking girl we know.”

Becca seemed to blush at that. I’m not sure
she believed it. But it was true.

“We should head back,” Becca said, changing
the subject. “It’s beyond late.”

We saddled up and made our way back out of
the forest. I still never saw any sign of those wolves. Once we got
back to the skyscrapers, we rode a little faster than before, with
the added confidence you get when you’re just retracing your steps.
But then when we got back to that effing bridge, we took our time
again getting across. This time, Pace went first. I was bracing for
a sudden swim but it never happened.

Soon, we neared the outskirts of Great Falls,
and it all felt very familiar. And a little disappointing. Maybe
that’s why Becca slowed her horse until I caught up with her. I
could see some kinda look on her face, not sure how to describe it.
Maybe regretful, I dunno.

“I’m sorry about before, Asher,” she
said.

“It’s all right. It was just the whiskey,
actually. Won’t happen again.”

I told you I’m comfortable with lies.

“There’s just too much history. Otherwise…”
Her voice trailed off. I wanted to know what “otherwise” meant, but
I found myself thinking about what my relationship with Becca used
to be. After my mother died, Becca stepped in as a bit of a mother
figure to me. She helped with cleaning and cooking. I lived in that
old empty house by myself – I didn’t know how to do that stuff
without her. As she said all the time, I’d starve without her. That
was pretty much true. I was an outcast by then, but not to her. She
taught me about everything. Even girls, when puberty hit. But by
then of course, I’d developed quite a crush on her. But why would
she be interested in me? I had no future. She’d have a better life
with better suitors. Eventually I purposefully ignored her, and we
drifted apart. My memory did flash to the time when I was out with
a girl named Lithe. Told you I wasn’t a virgin. Truth be told,
Lithe was never my type. A little too skinny. Just a placeholder
really. It was nice that she liked me and all. Or to be more
truthful, she was so desperate she thought I was her only shot at
marriage and all that. Poor girl. Anyway, Lithe was holding my arm
or whatever, and we happened to walk right past Becca. We glanced
at each other but then we both looked away. It was awkward,
especially then.

“You know I’ve always believed in you,” she
said. True. She was the only one who ever thought I wasn’t innately
evil. That I wouldn’t follow in my father’s footsteps, break into
the armory and go around shooting anyone in sight. He killed
fifteen people that day. No one understood why. My mother certainly
never understood. But I think I do. Which is why Becca was always
wrong to believe in me. When my boss on the ranch hands me that
shotgun, with just enough shells to ward off the wolf pack, I am
tempted. I wonder what it would feel like. It certainly feels good
killing wolves. And when it’s time to slaughter pigs or cattle, or
even the bison, I know how to do it and I get good satisfaction
from it. But those are just animals, or so I tell myself. We eat
most of them. That’s the way nature works. But I dunno. If I knew
where that armory was, there’s no telling what I would be tempted
to do.

“Want me to tell you a story?” Becca asked.
She knows her stories. She’s very well read and all, and she makes
good use of the library filled with all sorts of relics from our
past. She used to read stories to me all the time. It was actually
better than going to the movies, cause it was just us. Hearing one
of her stories would have been a good way to pass the time, no
doubt. But instead, we kept riding in silence.

We rode near Becca’s house and dismounted,
far enough away that we wouldn’t wake her parents. In a minute
she’d sneak back in that window unnoticed and crawl into bed for a
brief sleep before sunrise. And she’d be out of my life once again.
It was time for me to say something. But what was I supposed to
say?

“Hey!” we heard a male voice shout out. I
thought it was her father. I was ready to run. Her father could
catch Becca with Pace, that would be okay – actually, he’d love it.
But not me. Never with me. The voice, though, wasn’t Becca’s
father’s. It was Boze.

Boze stepped out from underneath a tree. He
was tall – had that going for him. And big in a kind of lumbering
way. Not a face that women liked, like Pace, but not as ugly as me
either. Kind of a compromise. But whatever poor girl got saddled
with him would have to put up with his foolish thinking and loud
mouth.

“I’ve got a good mind to arrest you both,”
Boze said loudly, with his tin badge gleaming in the moonlight.

“Shh!” Pace whispered. “Do you want to wake
up her parents?”

Boze was properly scolded and kept his voice
lowered after that. “Rebecca, where’ve you been with these
boys?”

“None of your business anymore,” Becca
replied rightfully. She tried to breeze past him but he grabbed her
arm.

“Everything in this town is my business,” he
growled.

“Hands off, Boze!” she shouted, maybe not
caring about waking her parents up anymore.

Pace rolled up his sleeves, gearing up for a
fight. Me, my fists were already clenched of course.

“Ladies aren’t property, Boze,” Pace said.
“And this one’s got better ideas on how to spend her leisure time –
and with whom.”

“And that’s supposed to be you?” Boze
scoffed.

“Suppose so. We just got back from the Old
City. You think she’d go there with just anyone?”

Boze stared at us with his jaw open, looking
stupid. Boze wouldn’t have the guts to go anywhere near the Old
City. “That’s against the law you know,” was all he could muster to
say.

“I’d like to see you try to arrest me,” Pace
dared.

Boze didn’t know how to respond, so he just
turned his attention back to Becca. “Rebecca, you can’t be hanging
out with these guys. After you change your mind about marrying me,
I don’t want you having done things I can’t live with. The rich
one, I can sort of understand, but this one…”

Boze pointed a lone finger at me. That was
all I needed. My fist connected with his jaw. I was ready to follow
with a punch to his gut, but he was already down. And out cold.
What a clod.

We stared down at Boze for a moment. I’d
punched him before of course, and most of his Nuggets too. When we
were all younger they loved harassing me. They called me a demon
child or devil spawn, or worse. They’d beat me up frequently. But
as I grew older, though, I became increasingly difficult to beat
up. Eventually they learned that and left me alone. And I suspected
Boze would again after this. He could arrest me, sure, when he came
to, but then everyone would know I decked him – while he was
stalking his ex-girlfriend. He might want that little detail
overlooked.

“You all right?” Pace asked Becca. She nodded
with thanks and turned to go. Then she stopped. I wanted to ask her
why she stopped. Then she turned, and just had this amazing curled
up smile on her lips. She leaned in and kissed Pace on the cheek.
It was all he needed to put a big smile on his face. Then Becca
leaned in and kissed me on the cheek too. It was a tentative kiss.
I could barely feel the heat from her lips. But it was enough for
me too.

“G’night,” she said. And then she sashayed
off to her parent’s house and snuck back in her bedroom window.

“That was worth it,” Pace remarked.