Earning Edie (Espinoza Boys #1) (24 page)

Why the hell did she always have to be right, though?

“Fine, whatever,” Tequila muttered.

I reached over and squeezed her hand. “I’ll go with you to tell them, though. And I’ll tell them I don’t think you’ll go out to a party like that again for a long time.”

She nodded. “Thanks.”

“No more dating older guys, T.”

Despite my scolding, she smiled. “You sound like, Edie. She always calls me T.”

I chuckled. “She would have flipped her lid if she saw you at that party, too.”

Tequila gaped. “She was
there?”

“Yep.”

“But she’s not with you?”

“With Jaime.”

“Oh. I’m sorry,” she said, and I looked at her in surprise. She shrugged. “Jaime’s nice. I met him once when I needed a ride, but I always kind of thought Edie liked you.”

“Nah, I’m not up to Edie standards,” I said, flashing a grin to lighten the moment. “But you better believe I’m working on it.”

I pulled up in her driveway, and held out my hand. “Let me see your phone for a second.”

Tequila eyed me suspiciously, but handed it over. I keyed in my contact info and sent myself a text so I’d have her info, as well.

“What are you doing?”

“Making sure you can get hold of me if you need me,” I said, handing her phone back. “Come on, I’ll walk you in and we’ll talk to your parents together. Then, if you need someone to talk to, you have my number, okay?”

“Really?”

“Really. You’ve got one more friend, T. But no more parties with older boys, okay?”

She nodded, her eyes flooded with tears. “Okay.”

CHAPTER 15

NICK

If chasing away Edie had been a wake-up call, outing Jamie was a shrill alarm. This wasn't who I wanted to be, and enough was enough.

Taking a deep breath, I picked up the phone and called Elana.

She sounded stunned when she answered.

"Nick? Is everything okay?"

I could tell from her tone she expected a family emergency, and how sad was it she believed nothing less would lead me to speak to her?

"We need to talk, Elana. I can't keep this secret anymore. It's killing me."

She sighed. "I've wanted to talk for a long time."

"Sorry—"

"No, listen. You don't have to feel so guilty. Gabe and I were already separated. No one knew, but we weren't going to make it. All that travel? I'm pretty sure he was cheating on me too."

The news hit me hard. Gabriel had loved Elana so much. I couldn’t imagine he’d taken a separation easily. And while he was grieving for his dying marriage, I’d added another nail to the coffin.

"Jesus, Elana," I ground out. "That doesn't change what we did. What I did to my own brother. You might have known your marriage was falling apart, but I don't have that excuse."

Wouldn't Edie be proud to see me taking responsibility for my actions at last?

"Yes, you did! You listened to me complain endlessly that winter. Surely you remember."

I remembered she'd been lonely. She wanted Gabriel to be home more, and I'd planned to talk to him when he got back from his latest trip. I never got the idea their marriage was over.

Elana’s justifications rang hollow. It wouldn’t have changed anything if I’d known. Wrong was wrong.

"It doesn't even matter. I called a family meeting, Elana. I'm going to tell them so I can move on. I might have lost Edie over this, and I can't give up on her without even trying--"

"You're doing this for some little girlfriend?"

"Not only for her. For me, so I can let go of the past. I don't know if I can ever forgive myself, but hopefully I can move forward if I let this secret go. You can come to the meeting, if you want. You should have a voice--"

"No!" Elana exclaimed. “"No, I can't. Damn it, Nick, if you hadn't avoided me all this time I could have explained sooner. Saved you the grief."

I laughed bitterly. "Don't kid yourself. You were never going to save me any grief. He was my brother, and I betrayed him. We both did."

"Please don't do this," she pleaded, all the fight gone from her voice.

"I have to. I'll text you the time. If you change your mind, feel free to be there."

"You don't get it. They’re not my blood. This will destroy the only family I have left!"

"I’m scared, too, but I don't believe it will come to that."

"Then you're still the naive boy I used to hurt Gabriel."

The call disconnected. I stared at it, trying to make sense of her last words. Could that be true? Had she used me against my own brother?

I hoped not. The Elana I knew wasn’t that calculating. Either way, it didn't change what I had to do now.

***

I looked at my family, gathered in the family room to hear my big news.

I’d arranged the family meeting to follow Sunday dinner. If I was going to get thrown out of the family, I wanted one last delicious meal before I went. My fear and guilt about Elana had already cheated me out of too many home comforts.

Mama looked excited, her blue eyes sparkling. She was going to be disappointed with this talk. Tony looked bored; his chin propped on his hand. Cynthia, gliding back and forth in the rocker, watched me with curiosity.

Though I’d texted the time and date, as promised, Elana wasn’t there. She hadn’t replied to my text, so I wasn’t surprised.

“So, why the dramatic family meeting?” Tony asked in a bored voice.

“Hush!” Mama said. “Nick has exciting news.”

“Not exciting,” I corrected quickly. “I never said it was good news.”

Her face fell. Cynthia’s gaze sharpened, and she stared at me.

“Is this about the girl you brought to dinner?”

“Not exactly,” I hedged. “Why?”

I realized I was stalling. If I didn’t get this over with soon, I was going to bail. Wiping damp palms on my thighs, I gritted my teeth against the bile rising in my throat.

“Actually, it doesn’t matter. This isn’t about Edie. It’s about Elana.”

“Elana?” Mama asked.

“And me.”

“Elana and you?” Mama repeated.

Cyn gasped, covering her mouth with a hand. She’d made the leap easily.

“What. The. Fuck—” Tony started.

“Language, Tony!” Mama snapped, before turning to me. “Start explaining yourself, Nicholas.
Now.”

All three turned to me expectantly, but I couldn’t meet their eyes. I was terrified of losing their love and respect, but I could hardly expect anything else.

I’d made this mistake, and now it was time to face it.

Heart pounding and palms sweating, I took a deep breath and told them.

I told them I’d made a big mistake more than a year ago, and I’d kept it a secret ever since. I told them I’d spent a lot of time at Gabe’s garage, working on our project car, and Elana and I got to be friends while he was out working.

“Oh, Nickie,” Mama said in the most disappointed voice I’d ever heard as the picture started to come together. Her eyes filled with tears.

I took a deep breath, and came clean. Finally.

“I didn’t respect Gabe’s marriage. I got involved with Elana—”

Mama leapt out of her chair, shaking like a leaf. Everyone else jumped to their feet in response, all of us ready to catch Mama, to comfort her. She was the glue that kept our little family together, and we all knew it.

“That’s not how I raised you, Nickie!” she said sharply, her face pale. “How could you do this to your brother?”

She clutched at her chest, and my heart ached in response.

“I’m sorry!” I blurted. “I’ve been sorry every day. I wish to God I could tell Gabriel, ask forgiveness—” My voice broke and I swallowed hard, my eyes as full as Mama’s. “I feel so guilty.”

At the sight of Mama’s face, I felt compelled to make things clear. She looked absolutely sick about it.

“It only happened once. I promise. But Gabe died and—”

“Stop! I don’t want to hear anymore,” Mama said in a thick voice. Her chest heaved, and I worried I was going to give her a heart attack. Then I’d have one more thing to feel guilty about. “We’re done talking about this.”

Tony stalked across the room, moving into my personal space.

“I’m not done; I’m just getting started. You think you can stab your own brother in the back and get away with it just because he’s dead?”

He pushed forward, getting in my face. “Nice try, but I’m more than happy to stand in for Gabriel on this one and beat your ass.”

“You think I don’t wish Gabe was here to kick my ass? Hell yes, I do. So, if you want to take a swing, go ahead!”

Tony looked ready to take me up on the offer, but Cyn inserted herself between us.

“Guys, this isn’t helping.”

"It's helping me," Tony snarled.

“Me too.”

A soft sob reached my ears, and I flicked a guilty glance in Mama’s direction. Cyn pushed at Tony’s chest again, and he relented.

“Nah, it’d be too easy. You’d probably be relieved, taking your punishment, huh? Maybe I’ll just find Edie and hook up with her instead. Give you a dose of your own medicine.”

“Antonio Espinoza! You will do no such thing,” Mama scolded.

Her eyes were still red, but she squared her shoulders and looked between us. “There will be no fighting. I thought I taught you boys to love and respect each other. You’re supposed to be best friends, not …
this.”

“I’m sorry,” I said hoarsely. “I can’t even explain why it happened—“

“Because you’re a dick?” Tony asked sarcastically.

“Maybe you could give him a break,” Cynthia said, coming to my defense. “He’s obviously torn up about it. This has been festering for more than a year. At what point does he get a chance to make amends and find forgiveness?”

“What about Gabriel?”

“Gabriel’s dead, and I’ll never have his forgiveness,” I said quietly. “I have to live with that.”

Tony eyed me speculatively. “That must feel awful,” he acknowledged finally. “But you’re still a dick.”

“Agreed.”

“Besides, you know how Elana is,” Cynthia said.

Tony and I turned confused eyes on Cynthia, but it was Mama who spoke. “What do you mean?”

Cynthia shrugged. “She doesn’t show it much around you, Mama, but Elana was always a huge flirt. I always wondered if she was faithful to Gabriel. He was out of town so much …”

“Doesn’t change what Nick did,” Tony said bluntly.

“It’s not all on him, though—“ Cynthia started.

Mama looked to me, her eyes beseeching. I could tell she wanted some shred to grasp onto so she could easily forgive me. I couldn’t give it to her, though.

“My decisions are on me. Elana’s not here, so she would make an easy scapegoat. But I’m the one who betrayed my brother. I have to take responsibility for that.”

Mama sighed and sank back into her seat. Everyone else took her cue, and we sat down as tensions calmed.

“You’ve changed, Nick. I’ve been watching you these past weeks, and … it’s Edie, isn’t it?” Cynthia guessed. “You care about her.”

A glimmer of hope lit Mama’s eyes. Angry with me or not, she was a devoted matchmaker. She couldn’t resist a love story. So, I gave her one.

By the time I’d told her everything — from my disastrous interview with Edie, which elicited another disappointed “Oh, Nickie,” to the moment Edie walked out of my life after demanding I do the right thing — Mama was flat-out crying. Tony stared at me like I was a creature from space; and Cyn smiled at me like a proud mother of a tottering toddler.

As for me, I just felt exhausted.

“Do you love her?” Mama asked.

I cleared my throat. “If I did, I’d want her to be the first to hear me say it.”

She beamed, obviously able to read between the lines, but her smile faded fast. “Nickie, I thought I raised you better than this. You’ve disappointed me.”

I swallowed hard, my eyes firmly on the floor. The hardwood floor was in need of a refinishing. Focusing on the scuff marks in the grains of wood helped distract me from the pain in my chest.

“But today you’ve made me proud, too.”

My head jerked up and I stared at her in disbelief.

“You knew coming clean would be hard, but you did it. That took courage.”

I flushed. “Mama, I’m still selfish. I don’t know if I’d have ever told you if Edie hadn’t left. I just … I told myself there was no point in bringing you more pain after Gabe’s death. I knew that night with Elana was a mistake.”

She nodded. “Maybe so, but it still took courage. And Nick, I know you’ve suffered. You’ve been standoffish, disappearing into your work and not coming for dinner, avoiding the family. No girlfriends, no smiles. I knew something was wrong, but I couldn’t figure it out.”

“Yeah.”

“I hope Edie forgives you, and I’m hoping that for very selfish reasons myself.” I looked up at her, surprised. “I think she makes you a better man. And every man could use a woman like that in his life.”

I nodded. “I agree.”

Tony rolled his eyes, muttering “whipped,” and Cyn smiled.

“Don’t stop trying until you convince her. Persistence, Nickie. Patience. She’s worth it, yes?”

“Yes, Mama.” I agreed wholeheartedly.

***

The following morning, I woke up in my childhood bedroom to the smell of bacon.

After my confession to the family, I’d decided to spend the weekend. I wanted to make up for lost time and reconnect with my family. And I’d slept better than I had in more than a year. Finally, the weight of my secret was off my shoulders.

My stomach rumbled appreciatively, and I smiled into my pillow. There was no better feeling than waking up to Mama’s cooking and the delicious smells that filled the house.

I rolled out of bed and tugged on sweats and a T-shirt before shuffling out to the kitchen. Stopping at the coffee pot, I poured a mug and stepped up behind Mama, who was leaning over the stove.

“Smells great, Mama,” I said, leaning in to kiss her cheek.

Her skin was damp, and her voice shaky as she answered. “It’s just about ready.”

I carefully placed my coffee on the counter, then grabbed her shoulders and turned her. “Mama?”

Tears streaked her cheeks, and she had bags under her eyes. Her look of abject misery brought my guilt rushing back.

“Oh damn,” I cursed, tugging her into a hug. “This is because of me, isn’t it? I’m so fucking sorry—“