Early Warning (25 page)

Debbie didn't start crying until Phil Ochs started singing. Debbie was not a screamer. She had one Beatles album, and she liked to listen to the acoustic Bob Dylan. Her sole pop-music memory was from three years ago, her freshman year, at a Peter, Paul and Mary concert, when she had gone up afterward to get an autograph from Paul. She was six people back in the line; it was late; she yawned, and Paul saw her. He looked right at her and sang, “On a Desert Island.” But Phil Ochs was handsome and graceful, and he had a rich voice, even in this crowd. And when he looked out at them and sang “Is
there anybody here who'd like to wrap a flag around an early grave?” she decided that he was singing to her, for Tim, and she burst out—wa-wa-wa—very embarrassing, so upsetting that David Kissell put his arms around her. And he followed that with “I Ain't Marching Anymore.” She heard David whisper the words “Her brother was killed,” and then there were a few tentative pats on her shoulder. Would Tim have come to this march? Debbie had no idea. But maybe his ghost would, knowing what it knew now.

—

JANET, TOO
, was at the march. The week before, she had gotten a letter from Aunt Eloise. Aunt Eloise was interesting to Janet, if only because every time her name came up Dad laughed and Mom said, “Oh, Frank,” then laughed, too. They thought Aunt Eloise was an embarrassment, but she wrote more faithfully than either Dad or Mom.

Dear Janet—

Thanks for your letter! I'm always happy to read anything you have to say, and no, I am not at all tired of you talking about your cousin Tim or telling me how much you miss him! You should miss him. I consider him a murder victim, not murdered by the Viet Cong, but by Lyndon Johnson and the rest of the imperialist pigs who are perpetrating an illegal war that they will never win. I know that you don't hear such things at THE MADEIRA SCHOOL, but you are old enough to know the truth. When I was your age, I was walking around the farmhouse, staring out the windows, and wondering what was out there. Now I know, and I can't say that it has made me happy, but it has made me strong. There have been many things that we have not been able to do anything about, but the Vietnam War is something that we can do something about. There is going to be a march in New York on April 15, a Saturday (here in San Fran, too). You should think about how you might get to that march. I don't know the rules at your school. But there is never anything wrong with breaking rules, and in fact, you should practice as soon as you can. You are a good girl, which is a convenient cover story for you. No
one expects you to misbehave, so, at least for a while, you can judiciously misbehave (not sex and drugs, if you know what I am getting at and I hope you do not).

Then there was stuff about Rosa and her daughter, Lacey.

By midnight that night, Janet had forged a brief note from her mother: “Back from Florida the other day. See your Dad is still in Palm Springs. Guess the hotel is a mess, and he needs to stay for at least another week. By the way, Nedra is very ill, and she asked to see you. A Surprise. Don't know what is going to happen, but you should come home this weekend, Love, Mom.” She'd stuck it in the envelope from an earlier letter, careful to tear off the postmark in a ragged way, as if she had ripped open the letter. When she took it to Miss Green, her housemother, the next day, she saw instantly what Aunt Eloise had been getting at. Miss Green barely glanced at the letter, just gave Janet a big smile and said, “Of course. Do you have train fare?” And, yes, she did.

The most adventurous part of Janet's trip to New York was something she would not be telling Aunt Eloise: that she spent Friday night on a bench in Penn Station. She did fall asleep, but only for an hour or so, with her purse between her chest and the back of the bench and her arms through its handles. She was awake by the time the crowds began to trickle through the building, and when she saw two girls in pigtails walking with two guys in army-surplus jackets, with long hair, she followed them as they headed uptown.

When the protesters began to head out of Central Park to Fifty-ninth Street, Janet was toward the front. She didn't dare speak to anyone, but she smiled several times and got smiles back. When they passed in front of the Plaza Hotel, where her mom had taken her for tea a couple of times, Janet looked east down Fifty-ninth Street; it hadn't occurred to her until right then that there were lots of people she knew who might see her, even if everyone in her family was out of town. The barriers were jammed with old people gaping. The only shouting was coming from the protesters, who were screaming “End the war! Stop the bombing!” Janet screamed that, too. Aunt Lillian had said that Tim was killed by a grenade—a piece of shrapnel had entered the back of his head, and he died right away—and that was all Janet needed to know. She screamed until she was hoarse, thinking
of Tim pitching balls to her when she was eight, and of herself striking out over and over until, finally, he tossed it right at the sweet spot where her bat was headed, and her bat hit it.

At some point, Janet realized that the tall white man and the shorter black man that she was right behind were Dr. Spock and Dr. King. There was a way in which Janet had not quite believed that Dr. Spock existed, like Betty Crocker or Aunt Jemima, but here he was, smiling and laughing, even when they passed a sign that read “Traitors!” And then she looked back. Because there was a little dip in the road, she saw the most thrilling sight she had ever seen, which was miles of people extending as far as it was possible to extend, into the buildings, into the clouds. They marched toward the East River, to the UN. The last time she was here was a field trip in sixth grade. She found herself a spot.

Janet was sure that Tim's ghost was right there with her, practically touchable, a figure in the crowd, maybe standing behind the Vietnam Veterans Against the War's placard. Tim had written her only one postcard from Vietnam, postmarked Nha Trang, and all it said on the back was “Hey, kiddo! Everything is fine here! Send me some more Hershey bars! Love you, Tim. xxx.” Aunt Lillian had let her read his last letter after she asked three times. Both she and Aunt Lillian knew that she would cry for days afterward, but that was good, according to her mom. As Phil Ochs sang “I Ain't Marching Anymore,” Janet closed her eyes and mouthed the words, and imagined that it was Tim singing. Just as he had sung all those songs with the Colts.

—

THE APARTMENT WHERE
Henry was staying for a long weekend, at Eighty-fourth Street and Broadway, had one window that faced east, and maybe Henry and Basil Skipworth heard the noise of shouting wafting on the breeze from the park, and maybe they didn't. As the crow might fly, they were only a mile or so from where the protesters were gathering. They had talked about joining the march but had indulged themselves in not doing so. Thinking of Tim, Henry felt a little guilty. But when he came to New York, he'd somehow not put two and two together about the protest; he had been thinking of this weekend as a break from everything about Tim that was putting his mother and Claire and Paul and Lillian—and himself, for that
matter—at loggerheads. Basil taught German at Yale. Even though he often said “my dear boy,” he was two years younger than Henry and about six times more sophisticated, if by that you meant that he read Balzac in French and Boccaccio in Italian as well as Goethe in German (and Kafka, too). On the other hand, he had only the most rudimentary grasp of the etymology of “foot” (
fot, föt, pes
(Latin),
pod
(Greek),
pada
(Sanskrit),
-ped
(Indo-European), much less that of “penis,” which meant “tail” in Latin and was almost unchanged from earlier forms. Basil, who had gone to Cambridge, was much more sophisticated than Henry in many ways, but, they both knew, not nearly as good-looking. He had started subtly pursuing Henry at the Modern Language Association meeting in December. Henry had allowed capture in March, intrigued by Basil's courage, since he himself had never been bold enough to push any pursuit to its logical end. They were using an apartment belonging to some friend of Basil's, who was back in England for a month.

Basil was completely up to date on sodomy laws: In England, still illegal, penalty, no longer death, but imprisonment, as for Oscar Wilde. Wilde, according to Basil, had been convicted under the same law that made the age of consent for females twelve; “however, my dear boy, for us, no consent is possible. I guess it is a sign of progress that, as of a hundred years ago, a man could be jailed for fucking a girl who wasn't quite ten yet, but the wheel of progress moveth exceeding slow.” Nor could they meet in Connecticut, where homosexuality meant prison if the judge felt like it. Illinois—didn't Henry know this?—was the most progressive. As for New York, well, buggery was only a misdemeanor, and with all of these draft dodgers in town, the police had their hands full.

“Buggery,” “balls-up,” “bollocks,” “git,” “ponce,” “poofter,” “rodger,” “wanker,” “stiffy,” “todger,” “stonker.” Listening to the words Basil enunciated in his layered accent (West Country underneath Received Pronunciation—he almost always pronounced his “r”s, for example, and sometimes joked around, saying, “Where ye be goin' to?”), Henry got used to them as if they were jokes, as if what Basil was showing him wasn't a little scary (“Oh, my dear boy, we've not got to that part yet”). Henry knew that Basil sometimes put on the West Country pretty thick just for him, because that was where the purest Anglo-Saxon still resided. Basil laughed at him for caring
about such elementary linguistic motes and crumbs, compared with
Death in Venice
, or at least
Doktor Faustus
, which had universal appeal. Henry's standard riposte was, had
Doktor Faustus
, finished only twenty years ago, really stood the test of time? He was willing to admit that Christopher Marlowe's
The Tragicall History of the Life and Death of Doctor Faustus
had features of interest that might prove lasting, but…

And then they started laughing. Basil said, “My God, you are a stuffy fellow, for all that length of leg.”

Henry was naked. The windows of the bedroom looked south, onto a tiny little square of green surrounded by cats and flowerpots. The apartment was on the third floor, and there were blinds; Basil had drawn them but not closed them. Henry supposed that north-facing windows across the alley had a view of their misdemeanors. They had kissed. They had stroked. Basil had warmed some baby oil and started at his shoulders, then moved farther down, lingering over Henry's arse, admiring the fact that Henry's body hair was fine and blond. Henry had rubbed Basil down, also, lingering a little around his shoulder blades before descending to the arse (hairy, not like any girl Henry had known). Until now that was all they had done, besides sleep side by side, though Henry wore shorts and a shirt and Basil wore pajamas (a word that was, indeed, related to “penis”). Basil had buggered and been buggered by, but he was patient. When Henry visited in March, Basil had walked around the apartment naked, sometimes with an erection, and he had done nothing with it except touch it from time to time, letting Henry get used to it. Watching him, without saying anything, Henry had imagined Jacob Palmer doing the same thing. Jacob had finished his doctorate at Wisconsin—highly motivated by the cold, he said—and was now married to one of his fellow graduate students, a Yeats scholar from St. Paul. They had a six-month-old baby boy. Jacob had gotten a good job at UCLA.

They were going slowly. Maybe Henry should be embarrassed, at his age, but they both knew that Henry had offered himself up for an education, and that Basil was perfectly agreeable to the terms, whatever they were.

The question was whether to walk over to Amsterdam and up a couple of blocks to Barney Greengrass, or down Broadway a few
blocks to Zabar's, and the answer was—did you want the best bagel or did you want the best lox? Henry let Basil decide, and it was always Barney Greengrass, where they were even ruder than at Zabar's. (“My dear boy, manners are the key. If he ejaculates, ‘Whaddaya havin', bud?' then the bagels will be just a little chewier and the lox just a little loxier.”) As they walked up the street, Henry thought, they revealed nothing about misdemeanors they might have committed or be about to commit. Basil changed his posture slightly, slouching his hips and straightening his shoulders. He could feel himself do the same thing. Did they know each other? Only slightly—colleagues who happened to meet and were catching a bite.

At Barney Greengrass, there was a lot of talk about the protesters, crazy hippies, what was wrong with those people, wasn't LBJ doing the best he could, these kids didn't know from trouble if they thought the draft was trouble. Henry and Basil exchanged a glance, even though Henry hadn't yet told Basil about Tim, or, indeed, anything at all about his family. Onion bagel, toasted, cooled, easy on the cream cheese, no capers, a little onion. Black coffee, two sugars. They took their plates to a table by the window.

—

CLAIRE DREADED
the hot weather and the muggy noise she would have to endure at the state fair, but since Paul had informed her that irritability was a classic symptom of pregnancy, she didn't say a word. Paul might not be pregnant himself, but when, on his thirty-eighth birthday, he burned the manuscripts of his partly written plays in the backyard, he had done in his mood for the rest of the summer. It didn't matter that his practice was booming so that he'd had to take on a new partner. He considered his new partner merely the best of a bad bunch—Cornell University undergraduate and Wake Forest Medical School. He was great with kids, but Paul didn't like him. Martin Sadler, his name was. He thought going to the doctor should be fun for a kid, or at least not terrifying.

Dr. Sadler was friendly. When he asked if he could tag along, Claire said yes, and began to think going to the fair might not be so bad after all in spite of the belly. He was there when they pulled into their parking spot. Paul snapped, “Well, I'm still not in favor of closing the office on a Friday,” but then, because it was cool and the
weather looked like it was going to be unusually pleasant, he said, “But we did pick a nice day.”