Early Spring 01 Broken Flower (18 page)

I thanked the nurse. Grandmother Emma nodded and smiled at her and
I
sat next to Ian.
"Mother's doctor just had Grandmother Emma paged,' he whispered. "She's on the phone with him now."
I knew that meant something very important was to be told or happening.
"Yes, I understand. You're absolutely correct. Please do make those arrangements," Grandmother Emma said. "Thank you.
She hung up and looked thoughtful for a moment. "It will be some time before we learn the full extent of your mother's brain injuries," she began. "When she emerges from her coma, we will see what we will see and know what has to be done.
"Until then, I'm having her moved to a hospital that specializes in this sort of thing and where there are well-known specialists in the field. A good friend of mine, Dr. Samuel Blakely, has made arrangements for your mother to be transferred to the Albert Einstein Medical Center in Philadelphia,"
"When?" Ian asked quickly.
"As soon as it can be arranged. Your father will remain here until he is stabilized and then he, too, will be moved to a hospital that specializes in his condition. He will be involved in a long recuperation that will involve therapy. There is much to be done and little time to waste now," she added.
"When will we see Mama again?" I asked.
"There is little point to seeing her until she emerges from the coma."
She looked at her watch. "I'll let you go in again. Jordan, if you promise, swear, and cross your heart that you won't cry and act like a child when you're asked to leave. Well?"
"I promise," I said quickly. "Ian?"
He looked at me. "I'm not going in again," he said. "It doesn't make a difference right now. Grandmother Emma is right.'
"No, she's not," I said, firmly disagreeing with him for the first time in a long time. "She can hear us. The nurse told me she could."
He just shrugged.
I got up quickly.
"I'll speak with the nurse first," Grandmother Emma said.
I followed her down the corridor to the door of the ICU. She told me to wait outside and she went in. I looked back and saw Ian standing with his hands in his pockets and gazing out the window. He turned as if he felt my eyes on him and looked at me. Then he looked out the window again.
Grandmother Emma stepped out. "You have five minutes. Jordan, and then you must leave with me. Do you understand?'"
I nodded.
She opened the door and I walked in again. The nice nurse smiled at me and I smiled back. I looked in at Daddy. He was still moaning and moving his head softly, but his eyes were closed. I felt so sorry for him, especially since he didn't know how terrible things were for him. He looked like he had won a place forever in my worst nightmares.
I took Mama's hand in mine as soon as I stepped up to her bed. "Mama. I'm back, but I can't stay here long. They're taking you to another hospital where they'll make you better faster. Grandmother Emma says I won't see you until you wake up. Please, try to wake up soon. I need to talk to you, okay?
"I won't forget to take my medicine. I promise, but I need you to help me with other things as soon as you can. Okay?"
I waited, hoping and praying she would open her eyes and smile at me and all would be better. Daddy would get better quickly, too, and everyone would forgive everyone else.
I
stroked her arm softly and kissed her hand and pressed my head against her upper arm and shoulder, and then I stroked her hair and whispered in her ear.
"Please wake up, Mama. Please."
Out of the corner of my eye. I saw the nice nurse starting toward me so I kissed Mama on the cheek. I thought a moment
and kissed her again. "That's for Ian," I said. and squeezed her hand softly before I let go.
I stood there staring at her face, but her lips didn't even tremble. Then, without being asked. I turned and started out and stopped when I
remembered something.
I hurried back, opened Mama's hand, and put the box of her favorite candy in it, closing her fingers around it.
When I stepped out of the ICU. Ian was there in the hallway waiting by himself. Grandmother Emma was on the phone again in the waiting room.
"Well?" he said. "I was right, right? She didn't wake up and she didn't know you were there.'
"Maybe not, but I left her a box of her favorite candy."
"She doesn't know she has it," he said.
"Yes, she does."
He shook his head at me with a look of pity on his face. "And then,
I
kissed her for you," I said.
His arrogant, confident expression faded.
And for a moment, he looked more like a little boy than my older brother.

Neither Ian nor I had any idea how much Grandmother Emma had already done and decided about us before we even had arrived at the hospital. Ian said she could easily have been a Nazi U-boat commander because she was so decisive and unemotional when she made a decision.

"She must have been thinking about all this even while she was rushing to the hospital and especially when she learned about Father's and Mother's injuries,'" he told me afterward.

Strangely enough, he didn't sound angry or critical about it. To me, he even seemed a little in awe of Grandmother Emma. Even though in his mind she was the cause of it all, his respect for her grew. She was all business and no nonsense, he told me, as if he were speaking about a superhero.

I had already been thinking about her in a similar way. I knew she didn't care that much for Mama, but why wasn't she at least sadder about all that had happened to Daddy? Did she ever cry? Or did she do all her crying in secret, behind locked doors? Was it shameful or unladylike to shed tears in public about your own son's pain and trouble?

On the other hand. Ian hadn't cried either. I thought, He was thinking and acting like another doctor and not like a son.

Would he, too, cry in secret?
Apparently, while we were on our way to the hospital, at the hospital, and returning back to the house. Nancy had been very busy following Grandmother Emma's new orders. She moved everything of mine from my room to the room that had been Daddy's, the room right across from Grandmother Emma's bedroom. All my clothes, shoes, underwear, toiletries, toys, books, and games were transferred, as well as my school desk. Until we arrived at the house and walked in with her, Grandmother Emma didn't tell me and Ian what she had ordered Nancy to do.
Nancy greeted us in the hallway.
"Is everything done?" Grandmother Emma said before Nancy could ask about my parents.
"Yes, Mrs. March."
"Good." She turned to me. "Jordan," she said, "you will be living and sleeping in your father's old bedroom for now. Ian, you are to remain where you are and not come to that side of the house unless I specifically ask you to do so."
Of course, I was totally surprised, as was Ian. I couldn't help feeling frightened and nervous about being uprooted like this, but I was also intrigued about being in Daddy's room and on Grandmother Emma's side of the house.
Both Ian and I hurried up the stairs and looked in at my room. Even the bedding had been stripped and taken to Daddy's old bed. Apparently Nancy had turned the mattress because there in plain sight were the stains from my first period. The sight of the emptied room as well as that gave me a chilling feeling.
"Holy schmnoly," Ian said. This was also when he called her a U-boat commander.
"This way," Grandmother Emma called to me. She was standing at the head of the stairs, about midway down the hall, beckoning. "Don't dillydally. All of your things have been moved. Don't worry. We have much to do. You can go to your room, Ian."
I looked at Ian. He lowered his head and walked to his own bedroom and shut the door.
"Come along," Grandmother Emma said.
I followed her down the corridor to her side of the mansion and paused at the open doorway to Daddy's old room. I looked in at my bedding, my desk, my toy chest, pictures on the walls, and other things.
"Where are Daddy's things?" I asked.
"Never mind about that. Go on," she said, urging me into the bedroom.
Daddy's old bed was as big as mine, but it was made of a darker wood as were all the furnishings. The room itself was larger, but the windows looked out in the same direction as mine did. I knew Nancy cleaned the room periodically, but it smelled like she had just polished all the furniture, vacuumed, and washed the windows.
The tub in the bathroom was larger and, Grandmother Emma explained, had a whirlpool as well. She showed me where all my things had been placed in the cabinets, including my medicine. As she explained it all to me, a thought came.
"What if Mama doesn't want me to move into this bedroom?" I asked.
She tilted her head a bit and looked at me. "While your parents are recuperating. I am in charge of both of you," she said. "I am responsible for your well-being. When your mother comes back, if she wants you to return to that bedroom, we'll discuss it then.
"In the meantime, you will be just across the hallway from me and I will feel much better about it. Is that all right with you?' she asked. She didn't ask it in a tone of voice that said she really cared about my opinion. It was more like. It had better be.
I nodded.
"Well, I'm happy we have that issue resolved," she said. "Get used to the room, pick out something to wear to dinner, and get yourself ready. We'll go down to dinner in exactly an hour," she added, glancing at her watch.
"What about Ian?"
"Don't worry about Ian. I'll make sure he's aware of everything.' she said.
"Are we going back to the hospital to see Daddy?"
"Yes, of course, but not for a few days. It's better to let him rest and recover enough so he can enjoy your visit."
"He'll be very, very sad when he learns he can't walk.'
"Yes, I'm sure," she said.
"When will I see Mama?"
"As soon as I have completed all the arrangements and we have her settled. Anything else you want to know?" she asked petulantly.
I looked around the room. Even though my things were in it now, it still looked cold and unfriendly to me.
"I don't like it here," I said. Without any of Daddy's things, it didn't hold the magic
I
had hoped it would. The guest room downstairs was nicer. I thought.
"Yes, well, as you will discover about most things in your life. Jordan, it's a matter of growing accustomed to it. And youwill." she said. Again, it sounded more like. You had better.
She turned and walked out, closing the door behind her. I stood there feeling alone and afraid, as if I was standing on an icy mountain and would start sliding down any moment. I couldn't help it. I just stood there crying. In a matter of mere hours, our lives had been turned entirely upside down and there wasn't anything either Ian or I could do about it. With both our parents out of the house, Grandmother Emma's hold over us was truly ironclad.
Because of what she had seen Ian doing with me, her view of him, the way she spoke to him, was even firmer and colder than it had been. He didn't speak back to her or disagree in any way with anything she told him to do. He had always been able to shut himself off from everyone else anyway. Now, even the tiny windows he had permitted to be open to his world were closed. For a long moment at dinner that first night. I looked at him in the same way he had gotten me to see the caterpillar. He looked like he had curled up, only this wasn't with hope. It was with total withdrawal. I had the sense he would never straighten out again. He would be gone forever.
I think this pleased Grandmother Emma. She didn't mind Ian's silence and withdrawal. She was happy to act as if he wasn't really there and turn all her attention to me. None of the things she directed at me was directed at Ian. It was as though my parents' accident had paved the way for her to shape me in her image, finally and forever. Mama had been a buffer between us, a shield, and that was gone. I was now clay in her hands.
She began that night by instructing me about how to sit at the dinner table.
"I'm not asking you to sit stiffly. Jordan, but you should work on that slouch. I've told you before that when you're not eating, you should put your hands in your lap. That way you won't fuss with your implements or do anything to distract others. Children your age are always fidgeting.
"The daughters and granddaughters of some of my friends have been incorrectly told never to put their elbows on the table. It's far more graceful for a woman to have her elbows on the table when she is conversing and leaning toward someone.
"But don't tip your chair or rock it. Your mother often reaches across you or Ian to get something. That's not proper. You can reach for something as long as you don't go across someone else's plate,"
She lectured throughout the dinner. I listened but I didn't say anything. I was happy when we were finished eating because I was so nervous I didn't enjoy anything or even remember tasting anything.
"Are you calling the hospital?" Ian asked her, finally lifting his gaze from his food or just down at the table.
"I have already,'" she said. "Nothing's changed except arrangements to move your mother have been completed. She'll be going in the morning.
"You've both had a very hard and emotional day," she added quickly, turning mainly to me. "I want you to go right up to your rooms, read or watch television until nine P.M., and then go to sleep.
''Jordan. I will come to your room early to be sure you've taken your medication. Tomorrow. I will call Dr. Dell'Acqua and arrange for another visit. I'd like to have a better understanding of your condition and treatment. I'm not sure all the right questions have been addressed."
"What would you have done if we were still up at the cabin?" Ian asked her.
For a moment she looked like she wouldn't answer. She didn't even turn to him. Then she did so, very slowly.
"You're not at the cabin any longer, Ian. You're here. She's here and all of the responsibility for both of you, especially Jordan, has fallen on my shoulders. Parents today don't have the same sense of obligation and concern that people of my generation had and have." she continued.
"Are we excused?" Ian asked her, making her feel as though everything she had just said had gone in one ear and out the other.
"Not just vet," she said.
She folded her hands and sat there a moment as if she had to gather her thoughts and say everything perfectly.
"Tomorrow, someone is coming to this house. Her name is Miss Harper. She will serve as your nanny until your parents are capable of taking charge of you again."
"Nanny? We're too old for a nanny," Ian said, curling his lips in at the corners.
"Perhaps that is not the right term in this particular case. In my time such a person was also known as a minder. Whatever, her name is Miss Harper and you two are to afford her the same respect and obedience you would to me or your own parents.
"You are not to leave the property without her. You are not to go anywhere together on the property without her. There are times I will not be here for meals. She will take them all with you, tell you when to appear. Jordan, she will assist you in what to wear. She will assist you when you bathe and dress. If you have any problems of any kind, you are to bring them to her attention. She has vast experience with young people of all ages and it is apparent to me that you two need someone of her caliber and background to address your problems."
She paused and turned her eyes slowly toward Ian as though she were resetting a cannon. "Especially your problems, Ian."
"How did you find her so quickly?" he asked, without skipping a beat.
"When you've reached my age and have had my experience. Ian, you will. I hope, be someone of some resource, too, and you will understand how things can be done efficiently and correctly."
Despite what she had suggested about him. Ian looked like he appreciated her answer because she had included him.
"How old is she?" I asked.
Grandmother Emma's whole face tightened as she raised her eyes toward the ceiling. "I'm not accustomed to being cross- examined by children, Jordan. You will be told what you need to be told about Miss Harper and you shouldn't ask people personal questions. It's not polite."
"Knowing her age isn't all that personal," Ian muttered.
"You're both excused," Grandmother Emma said sharply. She could have just as easily brought down a gavel to end the discussion.
Ian and
I
rose from the table, pushed our chairs in properly, and started out of the dining room. She followed us into the hallway and watched us walk up the stairs. When we reached the top. Ian turned to go left. I stood there, feeling frightened and alone. I had the urge to just run after him and go into my old bedroom and refuse to come out.
"Jordan," I heard Grandmother Emma say. "Go on to your new room and prepare for bed. I'll stop by in a while," she added.
She sounded friendly and caring. When I looked at her, she nodded. I started toward her side of the mansion and then paused to look down the hallway at Ian. He was standing there watching me. Then, acting sillier than I had ever seen him act, he put his thumbs in his ears, turned toward the stairway, and waved his fingers while he stuck out his tongue. Of course, she couldn't see him from below.
I smiled and he waved and went into his room. I waited a moment and then walked slowly into my new bedroom. Having my things there gave me some comfort, but it still felt cold and lonely. I sniffled back my tears and went to the bathroom to prepare for bed. Afterward. I put on my pajamas and crawled into what had been Daddy's bed. Of course,
I
had never slept in it. I had never really had a chance to look at it. The larger room made me feel so much smaller, too.
I glanced at the clock and saw I had at least an hour before I had to turn off the television so I started to watch something. I flipped the channels until I found a channel that was showing a documentary about, of all things, butterflies. Even though it was fascinating, it reminded me of Flora and what she had done to me. My mind started to spin around all the questions that had sprouted from the experience. I wanted to think more about them, but I couldn't keep my eyes open. I actually fell asleep with the television on and vaguely woke up when I saw Grandmother Emma clicking off the set, fixing my blanket, and then turning off the night lamp.
She stood in the doorway a moment.
Silhouetted by the hallway light, with her hand on her hips and her elbows out, she looked like a giant moth.
Seconds later, she closed the door and left me in darkness with only the vague light of a quarter moon threading its way through gauzelike evening clouds.
I thought about Mama and wondered if she felt the box of candy in her hand, woke up, and smiled to herself knowing that I had been there.
And that I would be back. That gave me a sense of relief and I closed my eyes, but suddenly. I heard a great deal of noise in the hallway. I listened hard. Grandmother Emma was telling Nancy and Felix, her driver, to move quieter. Why?
I slipped out of bed and peered out my slightly opened door. I saw Nancy carrying what looked like an armful of clothing. Whose clothing was it? Where was she taking it? Grandmother Emma was standing and watching her o down the stairway with Felix, carrying clothing, too, right behind her. I watched until Grandmother Emma started to turn and then I closed the door quickly and hurried back into the bed.
It all seemed like a dream. Maybe I was already asleep. I thought. Maybe I didn't even get up and look out that door. I closed my eyes. I was so tired, so tired. That thought opened the doorway to sleep and sent my tears for Mama back to the well of sadness from which they had been drawn.
The sunlight hadn't even begun to open the curtain of darkness when Grandmother Emma was back in my room, switching on the lights and telling me it was time to take my medication. She watched as I did it and then put it back in the medicine cabinet. She went directly to my closet, studied my clothing for a moment, and chose a dress for me to wear.
"I'd like you to look very nice this morning," she said. "Miss Harper will be arriving shortly and will take breakfast with us, in fact."
"When am I going to see Mama?" I asked.
"I told you, Jordan. After she is settled in at the new hospital, we'll see when it's appropriate to visit her. It's not polite to ask adults the same question repeatedly. The answer won't change because you do that either.