Eaglethorpe Buxton and the Sorceress (6 page)

“You can’t do anything to me. You need me.
Who will protect you from the hordes of goblins and monsters? Who
will enchant your armor, breed your winged horses, or transport
your armies through the ether? You need me.”

The actress playing Myolaena, which is to
say Myolaena herself, delivered her lines with feeling. It was as
though she had lived through the situation before, which of course
she had, and had spoken the lines before, which she hadn’t because
I just made most of it up. It was poetic license. As she spoke her
last line and exited stage left with the actor playing Priss the
Dragon, there was a thunderous ovation. The actors were called out
to make three bows. I waited patiently for someone to call “author,
author” and when no one did, I began the call myself. Others nearby
took up the call and soon, many around the theater were calling as
well. I stood up and took my own bow from my seat.

Now I account myself brave, and I have faced
many dangers that would have cowed another, weaker man. Still
facing off with a sorceress, one who might well be the most
powerful in the world, is akin to charging a dragon in his lair,
and what man, even a brave man would not think twice before doing
that? Myolaena Maetar had much to answer for though, so I headed to
the stage and made my way back behind it.

Backstage the actors were milling around
with a few dozen theater fanatics and other hangers-on, but I did
not see hide nor hair of the woman for whom I was looking. I asked
and was directed to a dressing room with a star and a moon on the
door. I opened the door and quietly stepped inside. Myolaena Maetar
was sitting in front of a great mirror removing her stage make-up.
I was pleased to see that from the angle I entered I did not appear
in the mirror. Slowly drawing my sword, I stealthily crept toward
her. When I was only about four feet away, she suddenly raised her
wand and I found myself frozen in place. My sword grew suddenly
white hot and I dropped it clattering to the floorboards.

“You!” said Myolaena, turning to look at me
with astonishment. “I was sure that I had killed you.”

“It was the disconsolateberries,” said I.
“They are a natural proof against poison.”

“Huh. I just assumed that they would work
like incarnadineberries, which enhance any poison in them.”

“You know what they say about assuming.”

“No, what?”

“Um, that it’s not good.”

“Well, my dear Buckethead. I am glad that
you survived. I have decided that your play is not so bad after
all.”

“Of course it isn’t,” I agreed. “It’s a fine
play—a wonderful play. It is perhaps the greatest play ever
written.”

“Whatever,” said she. “I have decided that
playing a sorceress on stage is a far more enjoyable pastime than
actually being a sorceress. I think acting really is in my blood.
I’m going to take it up full time.”

“You’re going to give up being
sorceress?”

“Sure, why not?”
“How could you… how could anyone give up all that power?”

“Oh, I admit that it frightens me a bit.
Still, you know what they say—power corrupts. I’ve had so much
power for such a long time. I used to be a nice person, you know. I
don’t know if I could be again, but at least if I become an actor,
people won’t expect me to be nice, at least not all at once and not
all the time. I’m going to take my wand and bury it so deep in the
ground that nobody will ever be able to find it, and I’m going to
drop my spellbook into the deepest depths of the ocean.”

“Even so, I can’t let you go,” said I. “I
can forgive you for trying to poison me, but you turned an innocent
young actress into a tree and then she was cut down for
firewood.”

“Angeletta Seedling is not so young or so
innocent, and she is also not dead. She’s right down the street
starring in “A Mighty Heart.”

“You didn’t change her to a tree?”

“Yes, I did. But I changed her back long
before anyone could cut her down. The worst thing that happened to
her was that a bird built a nest on her.”

“Oh. I guess all’s well that ends well.”

The taproom of the Singing Siren, which is
far nicer and has better ale by far than the taproom at the
Reclining Dog, was filled with patrons and pipe smoke. I sat down
after regaling the patrons with the first draft of my just
completed adventures. There was more than a smattering of applause,
but neither Myolaena Maetar nor Ellwood Cyrene who filled the other
two chairs at my table, took part in the clapping. They both looked
at me strangely.

“What?” I asked.

“I don’t think this story is as good as your
others,” said Ellwood.
“And it’s full of lies,” said Myolaena.

“It doesn’t have much cohesion,” continued
Ellwood. “It just kind of meanders around. It’s as if you took a
dozen stories from someone else and tried to weave them together
with your own life to make a story.”

“And it’s full of lies,” said Myolaena.

“I don’t know how you can say that… either
one of you,” said I. “I think this might be my best tale ever, and
note I did not say story, I said tale. The word story has an
implication that it might not be truthful, whereas my story…”

“…is full of lies,” said Myolaena.

“Did I not meet you right here, just as I
said?” I asked the sorceress.

“As if I could mistake you for one moment
for anyone but Ethelred Buckleberry. And what is this about a toad?
How could you say I turned you into a toad?”

“And what was all that about our strange
conversation in your room?” asked Ellwood. “Are you trying to imply
that I’m in love with you? That’s just crazy. If anything, you’re
in love with me.”

“A frog is not a toad,” said Myolaena.

“I mean look at you,” said Ellwood. “You’re
much older than me, and you’re getting a bit thick in the
middle.”

“Toads are altogether different.”

“And your hair is going gray.”

“And I didn’t try to kill you,” said
Myolaena. “Do you know how you can tell I didn’t try to kill you?
You’re not dead, that’s how.”

“And what about this Megara Capillarie,”
said Ellwood. “I’ve never heard of her.”

“I didn’t see her,” said Myolaena. “And she
would have passed me as I was leaving and she was entering the
house. Besides, I have lived here in Antriador for years and I’ve
never heard of any family called the Capillaries.”

“Maybe you just missed her,” said I. “And
maybe I had to change her name for legal reasons.”

“And maybe you kissed her,” said
Ellwood.

“I did kiss her.”

“Did you? Or was it just part of the story?”
He blinked as if fighting back tears. “Did you enjoy it?”

“Oh, enough of this.” Myolaena stood up, and
swirling her wand around her head three times, she disappeared.

“There. You have to admit that part was
complete fiction,” said Ellwood. “No one could give up the power of
a sorceress, least of all that particular woman. She’s still got
the magic.”

“Maybe,” I said. “Or maybe you’re not even
here. Maybe I’m having this entire conversation in my head. In
fact, next time I tell the story, it will be.”

“Good night Eaglehthorpe.” And with that,
Ellwood got up and left the taproom.

I did not get up with Ellwood Cyrene. Nor
did I leave the taproom at that time. There were too many people
who wanted to buy me a drink in exchange for one of my stories. I
told the story of how I fought an entire goblin army to rescue an
elven princess. I told the story of how I saved a poor farm girl
from a werewolf with only a fork. And I told the story of the Queen
of Aerithraine, in whose company I once had the pleasure of
spending a fortnight. I told that story four times.

When I got to my room on the third floor of
the Singing Siren, I was tired. I was too tired to even light a
lantern. Instead, I opened the shutters and let the moonlight
stream into the room. I breathed in the night air as I sloughed off
my jerkin and my breeches.

It was then that I noticed a light across
the inn’s courtyard. In the other wing of the building, also on the
third floor, someone had their window open—someone with a well-lit
room. This had barely come to my attention, when a figure in that
room stepped into my line of sight. It was Ellwood Cyrene. As I
stood there, he started to disrobe, removing his jerkin and
breeches just as I had done. I was about to close the shutters when
I noticed that beneath his shirt, his entire torso was wrapped in a
massive bandage. Naturally concerned, I wondered just what kind of
horrible wound he had sustained that would require such a
dressing.

Then he began to unwind it. I watch as he
carefully removed the wrapping, and when I saw what lay beneath, I
sat back, entirely missing the bed and landing on the hard wood
floor. Ellwood Cyrene, my friend and companion through countless
adventures, was a woman!

The Ideal Magic

A Play in One Act

By Eaglethorpe Buxton

Presented here in its entirety:

Characters:

Myolaena Maetar, Court Magician of
Aerithraine

King Justin, King of Aerithraine

Queen Beatrix, Queen of Aerithraine

Sir Thomas, Knight of Aerithraine

Sir David, Knight of Aerithraine

Sir Reginald, Knight of Aerithraine

Britomart, Lady Knight

Prissus Draco Noventus, Possibly a
dragon

Phoebe, Queen’s Lady in Waiting

Krabbi, Apple Seller

Luna, Serving Wench

Bud, Flower Seller

Mack, Fishmonger

Penny, Cutpurse

Waiting Women, Chorus

Knights’ Girls, Chorus

Citizens

(In front of Aerithraine Castle. Present are
Krabbi, Luna, Bud, Mack, and citizens.)

Krabbi:

Apples! Apples! Get your apples here!

Mack:

Fish! Fish for Sale! Fresh Fish!

Bud:

Petunias! Carnations! Red, red roses!

Krabbi:

We are the vendors who sell in the
marketplace,

Mack:

Here in the city, the jewel of the
world,

Bud:

We do our best to put on the best place,

Krabbi:

Here in the city known as Illustria,

Mack:

Where fortunes are made and banners
unfurled.

Bud:

I peddle my flowers to all with a spare
coin,

Krabbi:

I sell my apples to young and to old,

Mack:

I sell my fish for a silver or gold
coin,

Bud:

He’ll gladly take a brass penny,

Krabbi:

His fish are a week old.

Mack:

We’re growing rich in the market, rich and
quite fat,

Bud:

The people are thronging along the city
streets,

Krabbi:

No one goes hungry, can you imagine
that?

Mack:

I love Illustria, the capital of
Aerithraine,

Bud:

It’s a marvelous city where everyone
eats.

(Enter Penny)

Penny:

(Aside) Not everyone eats, Merchant. For
every fat street vender there are four hungry brats with no silver
or gold, or no brass penny neither. There are those of us who beg
in the streets and there are those of us who skim the sewers. Then
there are those of us who take what we can…. (picks pocket) Pardon
me. I am off to reap what the merchants have sown. (Exit)

Krabbi:

Apples for Sale! Nice Apples! Not a worm in
sight!

Mack:

I could use some worms. Fish are gettin’ so
they don’t bite on corncobs no more.

Krabbi:

Here, help yourself. I’ve worms a plenty.
The whole crop this year is wormy.

Mack.

That’s a good lad. Are you ready to sup,
Krabbi. They’ve a mutton stew at the Angry Rooster for three
pence.

Krabbi:

I’m for it, Mack. (Exit Krabbi and Mack.
Enter Myolaena.)

Enter Myolaena.

Myolaena:

(Aside) It’s a lovely day in Illustria, the
jewel of Aerithtraine, nay the very jewel of all Celestria. The
people are happy. The kingdom is prosperous. The king sits well
upon his throne…

Luna:

I’m just a serving wench out for some fresh
air,

I’ve spent all the night in the tavern down
yon’,

It’s such a delight to sit here in the fresh
air,

No fighting with pipe fumes from dusk until
dawn,

I’m just a serving wench out in the morning
air,

My world is the tavern, the rogues, and the
ale,

I somehow can’t see why the world is so
bright,

It makes my life seem somehow oh so
pale,

I’m just a serving wench, but I am so much
more,

I sing and I dance and I play a mean
lyre,

If a kind man could find my heart’s
door,

I would gather his hearthstones and light
his fire.

Myolaena:

(Aside) They young maid is lonely. She needs
someone. (Wiggles her finger at Bud).

Bud:

(To Luna) A flour for you, Luna. No
charge.

Luna:

Thank you. It is a pretty thing, isn’t
it?

Myolaena:

Ah,yes. Love is the ideal magic. But the
lass isn’t saying what she truly feels. (Wiggles her finger at
Luna)

Luna:

Oh you sweet thing! (Jumps on Bud and kisses
him) I love you Bud! Take me away and let’s be wed.

Myolaena:

There you see magic. But it is a small thing
for me. I am Myolaena Maetar, the court magician-- sorceress
thaumatageur, prestidigitator, diviner, seer, mystic-- I am
spellcaster, mage, conjurer, and necromancer. I am all that.

I am she who keeps the kingdom running well.
I am she who keeps King Justin on his throne. I bring prosperity
and fair weather. I am all that.