Dying Light (19 page)

He blinks those green eyes at
me.

“
No,” I shout. The air
glimmers around me. “
No
. I will totally lose my shit right now if you don’t tell me
you understand. Ally lives. Do you understand? No matter what,
Ally
lives
. She’s
going to be a grandmother that dies in her sleep with a fat pug
sleeping on her feet, you got that?”

His wings twitch against his back. “I
understand what you want.”

“
But?”

“
But we do not always get
what we want.”

“
No.” It’s all I can think
of. No, no,
no
.
“If she is going to die, you might as well kill me now. I’ll never
be your apex.”

“
You will be the
apex.”

“
No. Because I can’t
imagine a world without her and I wouldn’t save a world without her
in it.”

As soon as the words leave my mouth, I
realize I’ve cursed myself. Never say never.

Ally

W
hile regrouping in Gloria’s apartment, I’ve had nearly two
hours of uninterrupted research. And thank God, because if I had
nothing to do but sit here and obsess about whether or not Jesse
has been beheaded, I would lose my mind.

Fortunately, Nikki was distracted with
her own work. Jeremiah sent her tasks, which she addressed
remotely. And once that was done, she took inventory of her guns,
stripping and cleaning each one thoroughly.

I’ve also spent my time wisely. Since,
thanks to Gloria, I knew only seven of the twelve on my list were
partis, I worked to eliminate the others. It helped once I took
Cindy, Jesse, and Rachel off the list—all known partis.

What I was left with were nine names
for the four remaining partis that we needed to unearth and
investigate. I eliminated three more names right away: Sharon
Ortega, Chris Trinidad, and Paul Lang. All are dead and can’t be
one of the eight partis, including Jesse, that Gloria thinks still
walk the Earth.

In my search, I stumbled across an
interesting BBC article about a woman named Jin Go who lived in an
apartment complex in South Korea. The 67-year-old grocer claims
that one day a woman she knew, Minli Yang, had stopped to buy
vegetables. Only when Minli went to pay for the vegetables she’d
selected, Jin Go couldn’t accept the money. Go claimed that as she
reached for the money, a horrible light shot out of Yang’s hands
and into Go’s eyes. Go was permanently blinded and the authorities
are searching for Yang, whom they’ve been unable to
find.

Go claims she was not surprised that
the girl would shine a terrible light into her eyes and steal her
vegetables, given her recent poverty since the death of her father.
Neighbors of Yang’s living complex confirmed they too had seen
strange lights coming from Yang’s windows at all hours of the
night, leaving authorities to believe that perhaps she’d been
practicing with the light-emitting device before actually using it
on the grocer.

The article encourages anyone who sees
Yang to report her whereabouts to the authorities. A picture of a
petite woman with long sleek hair and big black eyes accompanied
the article.

Monroe Dupree was also on the
run.

A neighbor told
authorities that he heard gunfire next door and ran to check on
Dupree, believing the man had attempted suicide for a third time.
However, when he arrived, he couldn’t find Dupree or anyone else in
the house. When he searched the yard, he believed he saw Dupree
running off in the direction of the swamp, but told authorities
that couldn’t be right.
I must’ve seen a
shadow ‘cause no one would wander out there with them gators at
this time of night, with the wind a-howling like it was.

The neighbor also claims he saw a
black sedan speeding out of the shared gravel driveway, heading in
the direction of town.

Now I have two names at least. Two
potential threats or allies.

“
Got her.” A grin spreads
across Gloria’s face. She leans forward on her elbows, coming out
of her seat at the table and grabbing a pad of paper and a pencil
resting a foot away. “He’s holding her in the First Church of the
New World.”

“
Goose Island?” Nikki
reassembles her clean gun and smiles.

I give her a definite, do-you-have-to
do-that-at-the-table stare. Really though, I’m thrilled she’s found
something to occupy herself.

“
Yes.” Gloria turns the
laptop toward me so I can see the blinking red dot representing
Jesse. “I’ll notify our backup.”

Nikki and I exchange a glance. I wet
my lips and turn to Gloria. “Gloria, when are we going to meet this
backup?

Gloria doesn’t even look up from the
computer. “When they decide it’s time.”

Nikki puts the clean gun to the side
and selects another. “So what’s the plan? Just go in guns
blazing?”

“
I don’t have a gun,” I
remind them.

Nikki arches her eyebrows. “You need
one.”

“
Do I?” My sarcasm is loud
and clear. I don’t believe violence can be ended with more
violence. It seems like an idiotic idea to me. Why would doing the
thing you want to stop, make the thing stop?

“
You don’t have to carry,”
Gloria says. “Not everyone in a war carries a gun.”

“
What she
said.”

“
Of course, those soldiers
usually die first. Or become POWs,” Gloria adds with a
shrug.

I like this answer a little
less.

Gloria closes the laptop and reaches
across the table to grab her sketchbook. “I’ll view the church, the
situation, and based on what I see, we can finalize the
plan.”

“
And while you’re doing
that, I’ll keep researching Monroe Dupree.” I search for my bag,
computer and notes. I was so footsore when I came through the door,
I don’t even remember where I dropped them.

The television kicks on behind us.
Nikki and I both jump to our feet.

“
What the hell?” Nikki
asks. “Do you have a ghost?”

“
I don’t believe in
ghosts,” Gloria says.

The fact remains that the TV in the
room came to life all on its own. I take a step toward
it.

“
Maybe you shouldn’t do
that,” Nikki says, her voice higher.

“
Are you scared of
ghosts?” I’m trying to sound casual, teasing. But it is a little
strange.

“
What is it saying?”
Gloria asks.

As if on command, the volume on the
television goes up. I can actually see the button
moving.

“—
continue to argue about
the condition of Earth’s magnetic field. Scientist Ralph J.
Grangerson says this: ‘While it is true that the magnetic field is
weaker today than it was fifty years ago, we do not have enough
data to understand the ramifications of this observation. It could
well be true that the field weakens and strengthens regularly and
has for billions of years. Much like climate change, it could be
part of a larger cycle.’”

“
Other scientists argue
that the weakening magnetic field is a serious problem. “Dr. Taylor
Rickets of Henrichs University has this to say: ‘Without a magnetic
field, life on Earth won’t last long. One solar storm could
exterminate life on the planet, or render it uninhabitable. And if
that doesn’t kill us, the radiation will, slowly.’”

Caldwell appears on
the
television
,
his legs crossed and fingers laced in the perfect portrait of
composure. Even his hair is slicked back into place. The word LIVE
flashes on the bottom right side of the
screen
.

“
He changed his suit,”
Nikki says, as if this is the most important thing to
notice.

“
The Bible tells us that
the end times are near,” Caldwell pantomimes sympathy and
seriousness. “This may put fear into your hearts, I know. But have
faith, for we are the children of God. And he will keep us safe
under his wing.”

The television clicks off.

“
What the hell?” Nikki
stands, knocking back her chair.

“
I’m sure there is a
rational explanation.” I struggle to keep my breath steady and my
mind clear.

“
Do ghosts frighten you?”
Gloria asks her, a small smile tugging at the corner of her
lips.

Nikki’s cheeks flame bright red and
her nostrils flare.

“
Really? In a world like
ours?” Gloria says as if Nikki had spoken.

“
The dead stay dead.”
Nikki puts her hands on her hips. “
They’re
at peace.”

It sounds like a bizarre mantra that
one might tell oneself in order to not be afraid. Though why Nikki
has a readily available mantra about the dead, I’m not
sure.

“
It’s strange,” I agree,
not wanting Nikki to feel like we are excluding her, making her out
to be paranoid. “It turns on for some program about magnetic fields
and shows Caldwell’s face and then turns off again? Why? And did
you see the way he snake-eyed the camera. How many people do you
think he’s manipulating?”

“
Millions,” Nikki says,
some of her calm returning.

Gloria says nothing. Her eyes fall to
her sketchbook again.

“
Gloria,” I ask. “Do you
have an explanation?”

“
It’s your TV,” Nikki
says. “Does it do this?”

“
Sometimes,” Gloria
admits.

Nikki continues to stand in the middle
of the room looking from the television to me to Gloria as if
waiting for instructions. When neither of us give her any solid
ground, she’s forced to recover herself. “It is an old television.
Maybe there’s a bizarre electrical problem or something. My
grandfather had an ancient alarm clock that would click on and play
Etta James all by itself once in a while.”

Gloria doesn’t look worried, so I find
it easier to keep my own panic under control.

I try to remember what we were doing
before this happened, but my mind is distracted doing the math. If
Caldwell is dressed and giving live press conferences, he isn’t
cutting off Jesse’s head. And it seems unlikely that he could give
a press conference if he was recovering from having killed her.
After all, he’d have to reboot just as Jesse did, right?

I look up from my thoughts to find
Gloria watching me.

“
No she’s not dead,”
Gloria confirms. “Not yet.”

Jesse

N
o.
I roll over on the bed, turning
away from Gabriel.
I’m still not talking
to you
.

“
You are talking to
me.”

I cut off the mind speech, refusing to
say anything else. This is punishment for him being so secretive
and getting me into this mess. I stare at the cinder-block wall of
my little cell, noting the thick lines between each stone and
flecks in the white paint that reveal the gray rock
beneath.

Die to save the world. Don’t die and
the world dies.

I can’t wrap my head around the idea,
though I know I should be able to. This is just a larger
representation of what I already do, right? I die so others don’t
have to.

So why is it so crazy to think I am
going to do it for the whole world?

My
throat
contracts and a little sound
escapes.

“
Would I wake up?” I roll
over and stare up at the ceiling. “Like all the other times I die
for others. Would I wake up again?”

“
No.” Gabriel leans over,
blocking my view of the ceiling. “This death will be
different.”

Why?

“
The process will destroy
your body.”

So I’ll never be alive
again. I’ll never see Ally or Winston. I’ll never eat chocolate or
potato chips or watch reruns of
Dead Like
Me
.

I adjust the pillow under
my head and my mind starts to chew on the idea, broken up with
grievances like
god I wish I could wash
the brains off of my hands
. I see Kyra,
Umbri, Gloria, Cindy, Ally and Lane—all of us at the table eating,
laughing. I see Ally sliding a coffee into my hand and pushing a
stray hair off of my face. She’s smiling at me. She’s laughing at
my sarcasm.

I see Lane offering me a helmet to his
bike, helping me fasten it under my chin before he climbs on and
waits for me to do the same.

The life I built—this good life full
of good people—gone.

“
I worked so hard for this
life.” I worked so hard to get away from Eddie and my shitty
childhood. “Now you want me to give it up?”

“
A human cannot live
forever and you
are
human, Jesse.”

I roll onto my side and curl into a
tighter ball. The chain on my wrist bites deeper into my skin. I
lift and lower my arm until I can figure out how to lay it just so
without it squeezing my wrist bones.