Duty from Ashes (8 page)

“Let’s just say the briefing has left me with some concerns.” Without waiting for her mother to comment, she continued. “There are two COs, both new to the battalion and who I’ve never worked with, that worry me. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit my concern increased after finding out Pawlak had concerns about them. From what Lucinda said, the only reason he hadn’t transferred them out was because the Devil Dogs weren’t going to be on the field any time soon – or so he thought.” She leaned back and once more wished she’d had a chance to talk more in-depth with her former CO about the battalion’s staffing.

“Specifics?”

“One of them was openly insolent in the briefing, almost to the point of being hostile. Add to that the fact that neither of them took notes or even seemed to pay much attention to what was being said and, well, let’s just say I don’t want them anywhere near my people in a firefight. If I can’t trust them in a briefing, I sure as hell don’t want them at my back.

“If that’s not enough, one of them actually protested when I said there would be additional training today. It seems PT this morning was more than enough for him.

“Add to that a sergeant who is nothing more than a paper pusher. According to Talbot, the man’s really very good at admin but he wouldn’t want him at his back. That’s enough for me to want him out of the unit. I need combat vets, not admins. That’s true especially of the HQ staff.”

Unlike many other battalions, all of the Devil Dogs went into battle, including the headquarters staff. Shortly after the battalion had been formed, it was decided that all officers would hit the battlefield. It was a decision Ash had always agreed with. Being in the thick of the battle meant the commanders understood exactly what was going on and were setting the example for all the Marines in the battalion.

“Also, the two officers in question have habitually been the last to file their reports and the training records for their companies are laughable and I don’t think I have any choice but to get rid of them.”

Elizabeth’s expression clouded. Seeing it, Ashlyn swallowed hard. She’d seen that expression many times when she was younger. It was the expression her mother had worn whenever Ash told her about something going wrong at school. At least this time she hadn’t done anything wrong. – she hoped. All she could do now was wait as Elizabeth considered everything she’d said and either agreed with what she wanted to do or told her no.

Instead of commenting, Elizabeth remained silent. Ash waited, her pulse beating a bit faster. Then, her mother nodded, indicating she wanted Ashlyn to continue.

“I’ll admit I’m a bit sensitive to my position in the Corps – and the battalion – right now. So, to make sure I’m not overreacting, I’ve ordered Luce to set the two companies the officers and sergeant are assigned to through their paces in sims and on the O Course today. We’ll be meeting over breakfast in the morning to discuss how they did.”

“What parameters did you put on the sims?”

“I told her to push them. Ground and space sims. Variants are to include senior noncoms being taken out of the mix as well as the officers, at different times. I want to see how the companies respond when they have to act without their officers and vice versa. I also told her to set one sim for shipboard where the senior naval personnel are taken out. I want to see what the officers have their people do in that sort of an emergency.”

“Excellent. There is a reason why most of our people are cross-trained with naval personnel.” Elizabeth nodded in approval. “What else?”

“Well, MJ Adamson will be setting up the O Course for them and, if I know her, she will run it with them as well.”

Now Elizabeth threw her head back and laughed. “That’s just evil, Ash. MJ is one of the best we have at the O Course. She’ll not only run them in the ground but she will probably scare them to death as she does.”

“I have no problem with that, Mom.” And she didn’t, at least not in a metaphorical sense. “We’re Devil Dogs. That means we have to be the biggest and meanest sons of bitches to take to the battlefield, no matter whether it is in space or on the ground. You and Dad taught me that when I was just a kid. Pawlak drummed it into me as a new member of the battalion when I transferred in.”

“But there’s more, isn’t there?”

Now it was Ashlyn’s turn to remain silent. Except her mother was better at waiting her out and always had been. Finally, realizing Elizabeth wasn’t going to speak until she did, Ash nodded.

“There is.” She sipped her coffee, trying to find the right words to explain what she had in mind without making her mother worry more than she was already. “I’m going to run the course with them and, no, MJ and Lucinda don’t know.’

For a moment, Elizabeth didn’t say anything. Then she nodded, a look of understanding on her face. “Ash, I’d probably do the same thing, were our roles reversed. However, I have a feeling my reasons to do so would be less complicated than yours.” She held up a hand before Ashlyn could interrupt. “Yes, you are doing this to show the members of the two companies that not all officers are like their COs. But you are also doing it to prove to yourself and anyone else who might have doubts that you are more than ready to take over the Devil Dogs.”

“Mom—”

“Don’t.” There was a bite to Elizabeth’s voice and Ash closed her mouth with an almost audible
snap
. “You wouldn’t be having these second thoughts, at least not to this level, if that bastard Hines hadn’t pulled that crock of shit with the sim the other day. Admit it, you’ve been stewing about what he said since then.” Now she pinned Ash with a firm look, waiting until Ash nodded reluctantly. “Damn it, Ashlyn, I wish you’d get it through your thick head that no one but you doubts your ability to return to duty.”

“Don’t give me that, Mom.” Now it was her turn to hold a hand up. “You know as well as I do that I have my doubters. That’s only natural. But they’ve never really bothered me. I’ve had to deal with their kind my entire career. Unfortunately, you are right about how I’ve reacted to Hines and what he said and did. I’m not sure it would have hit me this hard if he hadn’t had Brodsky put Jake into the sim. But it did show a weakness, one I can’t afford to have on the battlefield. I froze when I saw Jake. That weakness could cost lives and I don’t want to be responsible for anyone else dying needlessly.”

Instead of saying anything, Elizabeth activated the virtual keyboard on her desktop. Ash watched as she typed in a command sequence. A moment later, the holo screen over her desk activated and the vid of the training sim appeared. Ash watched, her stomach tightening, as her mother fast-forwarded to the end of the sim. As much as she wanted to look away, Ashlyn forced herself to watch.

“Look.” Elizabeth paused the vid and highlighted the time code at the bottom of the holo display. “This is where you have gotten the child to safety. You haven’t figured out who he is and you are still doing what needs to be done. Right?”

Ash studied the display, remembering how it had felt to run toward the safety of the barricade with the child cradled against her battle armor. She slid when Talbot told her to get down. At the same time and other members of the unit had opened fire on the remaining enemy. There hadn’t been many of them. Her people had done their jobs well and most had already been killed. But there were still stragglers, still danger to her people and the civilians they were trying to protect.

“Now, watch how much time passes from when you realized who you held and when you called an end to the sim.”

Elizabeth started the vid and Ash fought the urge to look away. Instead, she focused on the display and watched as the seconds ticked away. There! She looked down as the child refused to go with another member of her unit. One second. He looked up at her. Seeing his face on the screen was like being hit in the solar plexus. Two seconds. Recognition dawned on her. She could see it on her face, the disbelief followed by the anger. Three seconds. She looked around, her eyes scanning the area. Four seconds. She called for the sim to end.

Four seconds from start to finish.

God, it had felt like an eternity when it happened. Now, watching it replay on the vid, it had been nothing more than a few seconds. Could that be right?

“Now, will you please quit beating yourself up for something that didn’t happen?” Elizabeth asked. “Before you answer, think about this: you identified, reacted and weighed the situation in less than four seconds from the moment you first looked down at the boy’s face. In that time, your senior NCO and your XO didn’t respond to the situation. Neither did anyone else on your team. So, if you persist in condemning yourself, you’d better get used to condemning them as well.”

For a moment, all Ashlyn could do was look at her mother in disbelief, anger and resentment flaring. How dare she speak that way about her team! Then Ash realized it hadn’t been her mother talking to her. It had been Elizabeth in full senior officer mode. Swallowing hard, she did her best to think about what she’d just seen, not as the person involved but as a Marine. If it had been anyone else, she would have said pretty much what her mother had. Unfortunately, it was difficult to remove emotion from the equation, especially when that emotion was based not only on seeing her son inserted into the sim but also on the betrayal by Sorkowski and O’Brien that had cost so many their lives and had sent her and six others to the Tarsus penal colony.

Damn it, how long was that going to whisper doubts in her ear?

“You made your point.” She blew out a breath and leaned back, reaching for her mug. The coffee had grown cold but she didn’t care. “Since you brought up the sim, have you had a chance to review my report and the other information I sent?”

“I have and I’ve forwarded my recommendations to General Okafor. Until she decides whether or not Brodsky will remain in charge of the sims, I’ve issued orders that no FirstDiv sims are to be run through him. I have also asked Rico Santiago to look into what happened. The information Captain Ortega gathered raises the question of security breaches and, if they do exist, I want them plugged.

“There is one other thing. I want you to quit worrying about Hines and what he’s said in his reports. He is wrong and you need to accept it. The rest of us have already.”

Ash sighed and closed her eyes. Intellectually, she knew her mother was right. But knowing the doctor had voiced the same concerns she privately held didn’t help.

“You’re right about one thing, Mom. What Hines said – and what he insinuated – has been eating at me.”

“Now you’ve admitted it, it will get better.” Elizabeth smiled slightly in reassurance. “Ash, what he did was nothing more than an attempt to undermine your confidence. If he managed to do that and could point to sim or test results showing it before you ship out, he could claim that you aren’t ready to return to duty, much less to assume a command position. But you’ve realized what he was trying and you won’t let him win. Right?” She cocked her head to one side and waited.

“Right.”

I’ll be damned if I let him or anyone else pull that sort of crap on me again
.

“Good.” Elizabeth gave a decisive nod and dismissed the holo display.

“I want you to consider this as well the next time you start doubting yourself. If I had any reason to worry about your fitness to return to duty and to command the Devil Dogs, I’d find a reason to keep you here in the capital. Remember, I’ve been there for your nightmares and for all those sleepless nights. I know the demons you are fighting. I also know that you have not given in to them and that you aren’t going to. You have beaten them just as you’ve beaten those who tried to take you down.

“However, think about this. I have my own demons and know that they still come to haunt me even now, years after the fact. That’s why I understand they are just part of the healing process and they don’t make you unfit for duty.”

Ashlyn stared at her mother, not understanding what she meant. What demons? She didn’t think she asked it aloud but the look on Elizabeth’s face was enough to know she had.

“I may not have been betrayed like you and your people were, child, but I’m like any number of Marines. I’ve been in situations I wish I could forget. I’ve seen too many of my friends and innocent civilians die because of a careless order or an officer out for glory. Those are bad enough but seeing what those we fight against are capable of is much worse.” She paused and licked her lips, a haunted look clouding her expression. “Some of my demons stem from a time before I met your father. There’s a very long two week period I spent as a prisoner of some pirates. I won’t tell you all that happened, to me or to my fellow Marines. Hell, Ash, I’ve never told your father about it. Just know that it was bad enough to make me want to wipe every pirate and slaver out of existence in the most painful manner possible.”

For one long moment, Elizabeth just sat there. Then she shook herself and it was if the memory of that time was gone.

“Mom.” Ashlyn’s voice broke and she swallowed hard. It was no wonder her mother had been so understanding after her return from Tarsus.

“As for the doctors, I’ll be honest. They are concerned that you’re holding too much inside.” Now she shook her head, a slight smile touching her lips. “You know how they are, darling. If you’ve been through Hell – and you have been – they want you to pound your chest and scream in anger. They want the tears and self-recriminations and condemnation of everyone who didn’t immediately come to your aid. But they don’t understand Marines, much less Devil Dogs. You haven’t played by their rules but they don’t have a reasonable medical excuse to keep you from returning to full active duty status.

“So, they signed off on it and will testify if needed that Hines is full of shit when it comes to you. All I want is for you to promise me one thing.”

“What?” Ash asked when her mother didn’t elaborate.

“That you will continue to let the JAG and the rest of us deal with Sorkowsi and O’Brien and any others who were involved in what happened on that last mission.”

Ashlyn blew out a breath and climbed to her feet. She should have expected her mother to ask just that. They’d danced around the subject often enough. The only problem was that she didn’t know if she could make the promise. All that had gotten her through the two years of hell on Tarsus was her determination to make the ones responsible for the death of so many of her fellow Marines pay for their crimes. She wanted to mete out justice by her own hand. Even now that she and the six sent to the penal colony with her had been cleared and their records expunged, it was difficult to trust the system. After all, that system had been more than willing to convict them in the first place.