Dusty Britches (33 page)

“
Yeah,
”
Dusty giggled.
“
Mama used to worry you
’
d get your head beat in one day.
”

Dusty looked to Ryder when he didn
’
t respond. He was
staring out at the horizon. S
he could tell by the look o
n his face that something she’
d said had bothered him profoundly. He seemed to shake it off after a few moments, however, and turned back to her.

“
Your mama was a wise woman,
”
he said
with meaning—
though Dusty couldn
’
t
quite understand what the meaning was
.
“
She treated me like her own boy. She treated all of us hands like her own boys. Never worked for another rancher with a wife like that.
”
He smiled at her
as he stood
.
“
Well, I
’
m anxious for them pies tomorrow. You make
’
em as good as your mama ever did.
”

“
Thank you,
”
she said, standing and smiling at him.

He winked at her, delighting her completely. She watched him saunter away, rubbi
ng one shoulder as he went. She wanted to run after him—beg him to stay with her—b
ut no sooner had he disappeared around the side of the house th
a
n Becca appeared at Dusty
’
s side.

“
That was the most pitiful excuse for a conversation I ever heard, Dusty Hunter!
”
she scolded.
“
Couldn
’
t you at least make him think you were interested in talkin
’
with him?
”

“
Eavesdroppin
’
is a sin, Becca!
”
Dusty spat at her.
“
Go find somethin
’
to do. It
’
s late.
”
She started to walk away.

“
Be my sister again, Dusty,
”
Becca pleaded in a whisper.
“
Please! I need yo
u! I need someone to talk to! I…
I
’
m so lonely all the time. I have
so much I wanna say to somebody.
I…
”

A longing—
a regret so intense she felt she might suddenly fly apart
—
washed over Dusty. Turning quickly to Be
cca, she took hold of her hands, pulling
her down to sit
next to
her on the porch steps.
“
Help me, Becca! I don
’
t know where I am
.
I don
’
t know which way to turn or what to say! I don
’
t know how to be a sister anymore.
”

Becca
’s eyes filled with tears. “
I
’
m
startin’ to feel that way too…l
ike I
’
m losing me, Dusty. I can
’
t hardly hang on anymore.
”

“
So,
”
Dusty whispered
,
“w
here do we go from here?
”

Becca smiled and brushed tears from her eyes.
“
Where we used to go when we knew ourselves and shared secrets we didn
’
t speak to anybody else.
”



Sitting across from Becca,
Dusty gazed at her beautiful little sister. What fun they
’
d had
t
here as children! What secrets they
’
d shared! What days of make
-
believe and joy! Now, though Becca didn
’
t know it, this place held even more magic for Dusty. This was the place where she and Ryder had begun making their peace with the past.
As
Du
sty and Becca sat in the hidden alcove, t
he
cool
water cascaded over the falls
,
creating a tranquil peace as only Mother Nat
ure could create in the evening
.

“
Pretend it all never happened, Dusty,
”
Becca said. Her voice was soft and soothing.
“
Pretend you were never
burned by Cash’s low character…
that you never
even considered him
. Pretend Ryder never left and that Mama is still alive.
”

“
Pretend that I
’
m still the me I used to
be, Becca,”
Dusty
whispered.

It was a game
they used to play as children.
P
retend I
’
m a princess and you are too. Pretend the alcove is our castle
. I
t had been different so long ago.
Dusty knew Becca knew it
had been different too
.
Still
, Dusty also knew she needed to
heal,
and sometimes going back to the beginning helped a person to sort things out. Maybe it would help her find the Dusty
who
had been lost along the way.
“Pretend you can tell me anything, and I can tell you anything,
and everything in life is as beautiful and as sweet as Christmas.
”

Becca paused for a moment—
bit her lip as if considering whether she could say any more. Then quietly she spoke,
“
Pretend that I
’
m in love, Dusty.
”
Dusty felt her hear
t begin to ache for her sister—
for
something in her knew
Becca
was not pretending but
spoke the truth.
“Not in love like—like a crush…r
eally in love. I
’
ve
been in love for a long time…a
nd I
’
ve had to hide it away.
”

“
With who?
”
Dusty asked in a whisper
.

“
Pretend I
’
m not ready to tell y
a
who yet. But I
am
in love,
”
Becca admitted
,
tears
filling her eyes. “But
pretend you
’
re able to tell me anything. Do you love someone, Dusty?
”

Dusty paused. She
nearly began to build up the internal stone wall—the one preventing anyone from g
etting
too close to her. Yet w
ould she go forward
instead, try to find herself again—
the self she and everyone else had been happy to know? Or would she remain a selfish, hur
t, emotional hermit heaping discomfort and pain on everyone around her? In an instant, s
he
’d made her decision, t
he decision th
at had to be made—
the right decision.

“
Y
es,” Dusty cried in a whisper. T
ears burst from her eyes
,
and she buried her face in her hands for a moment. Sniffling hard, she looked back
to Becca, tears streaming down her face as well
.
Still, it was all she could confess
.

“
I have dreams
,
y
a
know,
”
Becca offered. S
he closed her eyes for a moment, tears trickling over her lovely cheeks like tiny rivulets of emotion.
“
S
omeday, he’ll walk up to me,
take me in his arm
s, and tell me that he loves me…
that he can
’
t live another day without me. He
’
ll kiss me
,
and his kiss will be the mo
st wonderful thing in the world!
And
then…then
I
’
ll be able to kiss him whenever I want
to…t
o be held by him, talk with him, laugh with him
,
and
—”

“
You will
,” Dusty told her softly. “Does…
does he love you yet?
”

Becca sobbed for a moment
,
trying to do so quietly
. She
si
mply shook her head. “No. No, he…
he doesn
’
t even notice me.
”

“
That can
’
t be true, Becca,
”
Dusty argued.
“
He has to notice you. Everyone notices you.
”

“
He notices me
,
I
’
m sure…whenever I do something s
illy. But not—
not like I notice him.
”

“
But
,
Becca
—”
Dusty began.

“
It
’
s Ryder you
love, Dusty,” Becca interrupted
.
“
It
’
s always been Ryder.
”

Dusty knew Becca did not want to dwell on her own pain anymore. Here was the test. Could she confide in her sister the way she used to? Could she find the courage and the humility to do
so
?

“
I do love him, Becca,
”
she answered in a sobbing whisper.
Still,
when she s
aw the delight and hope in Becca’s eyes, she hurried on. “
But only wait
. H
e…he doesn
’
t like
who
I
’
ve become. He…I think he
’
s lived a lot of life since he left here and…and…
”

“
Has he spoken to you about…about when he left before? Does he know how much it hurt you?
”
Becca interrupted.

Dusty nodded.
“
Oh, he knows. He feels
,
or at least felt
, a heavy guilt about it. But…
but I never stopped loving him, Becca!
”

“
I know,
”
Becca said, tears
still
streaming down her face.
“
I never understood why you accepted Cash when you had never given up Ryder in your heart.
”

“
What else could I
have done?
I kne
w Ryder could never come back…t
hough I watched for him every
day. Every time I watched a new cowboy ride in each fall or spring, I prayed it would be Ryder.
”

“
Why did y
a
stop?
”
Becca cried out.

“I…I don’t know exactly,”
Dusty admitted.
“
I used to dream he
’
d come riding in…arrive ju
st as Cash and I were exchangin’
vows and carry me off into the sunset. I don
’t think I ever stopped watchin’ for him…prayin’
he w
ould come back someday, wishin’
he would remember me as more than a little girl
he once owned
affection for a long time ago.
”

Be
cca smiled through her tears. R
eaching out,
she
took Dusty
’
s hands in her own.
“
But don
’
t y
a
see, Dusty?
”
she whispered.
“
He did come back.
”