Dust to Dust: A Broken Fairy Tale (21 page)

I turn my head to look up at him and my eyes meet his. “I don’t care what happened with you and Bridgette. I didn’t care when the accident happened. It hurt—of course it hurt to see her with you like that. But I trust you, Holden. I realized that night, that I really do trust you with my heart. I believe you when you tell me you love me.”

He lets out a deep sigh and presses his lips to the top of my head. If it wasn’t for my broken foot and ribs, I would have flipped around on top of him and showed him just how much I really do forgive him, but I can’t. All I have right now are my words. Just when I am about to speak, “Dust to Dust” comes on. I giggle to myself and close my eyes, thinking of how this song made me realize my true feelings for Holden.

“God, I love this song,” Holden whispers.

“This was the song I was listening to right before my accident,” I say quietly, not expecting the emotion that came with my words.

“I’ll change it. I don’t want you upset tonight.” Holden begins to wiggle out from behind me.

I press my hands into his thighs, stilling his movements. “No, don’t. I love this song, too. It makes me think of you…of us.”

He sweetly brushes my hair out of my eyes and kisses my nose. “Me too. It’s like it was written just for us.”

We sit there in silence for a few minutes listening to the words, growing closer and closer to each other with each verse. Holden is softly tracing circles along my stomach while he quietly sings the words into my ear. His voice is hauntingly beautiful, sending chills through my body and straight to my heart.

I slide my injured body up the side of his and softly kiss the bottom of his lip. He looks down at me with hooded eyes that say more than his words could. He lifts me carefully and brings me in for a deeper kiss. His is soft and searching at first, as if he is memorizing each crease of my lips. The gentle way he strokes my face as he inhales me with each kiss is making me melt into him. All the aches and pains I felt seconds ago are erased with the desire building inside me.

I pull back, needing to tell Holden everything I have been too afraid to before. “I love you, Holden. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone in my life, and that terrifies me.”

“Don’t be afraid, Cam. I’m not going to hurt you.” His deep green eyes search mine. “You complete me. My life means nothing without you. When I thought I lost you…just the thought of my life without you in it, even for a second, was killing me.”

“That’s what I’m talking about, Holden. Doesn’t that scare you….loving me that much?”

“Not even a little bit,” he answers confidently.

“I never realized how lonely I was when you left until you came back to me, Holden. It was as if you were sent to me all those years ago because we belong together. But loving you the way I do scares me. I don’t want it to, but it does.”

“Dust to dust, Cam. Dust to dust.”

I know exactly what he means…what John Paul and Joy mean. I need to burn down my walls; they have kept me from happiness for too long.

“Dust to dust,” I whisper back and press my lips once again to his.

I trace my fingertips along the edge of his pants while I pour my heart into our kiss. I need this; I need him. I want Holden to incinerate the last wall I have up between us and finally mend the gaping hole that has plagued me all these years. Tears well in my eyes as my heart feels like it is going to burst out of my chest.

Holden pulls away quickly and wipes a tear away with his thumb. “I’m so sorry, Cam. Did I hurt you? I got carried away. I’ve just missed having you in my arms.”

“I’m fine, not hurt at all. Well, other than the obvious.” I laugh at myself, feeling ridiculous that I am actually crying because of how much I love him.

“Then why are you crying?” he asks, stroking my face with his fingers.

“I’m a dork, you know that.” I smile, feeling like a silly schoolgirl again. He looks at me, confused. “It’s just—I’m happy. Like super happy. They’re happy tears.”

Holden’s whole face lights up, something that rarely happens. “Well, I guess that makes me super-duper happy then.” He sweeps me up in his arms. “Can I take you to our room if I promise to be extra special careful?” Holden’s mouth begins to trace little kisses behind my ear. I can’t help but giggle like a schoolgirl again.

“Our room? I like the sound of that.”
I really do.
I run my fingers through his hair, guiding him back up to meet my mouth. “I like the sound of that
a lot
.”

I wake up in bed alone, pulling the soft blue comforter up under my chin, taking a moment to relish in the awesomeness that was last night.
Is that even a word? I don’t give a shit—I’m happy.
I knew Holden wanted to make sure that he was already up and in the living room when the girls wake up this morning, not wanting them to feel uncomfortable with us sleeping together. Not that we did much sleeping last night.
Not much sleeping at all.
I can’t keep the smile off my face thinking about the loving, patient way he made love to me last night. It was if it was our first time all over again, discovering new, and dare I say creative, ways to connect with each other. Holden was afraid of hurting me with nearly every part of my body being riddled with some sort of ailment. None of that matters when I am with him. It is as if every kiss, every touch, is healing me from the inside out. Last night, he made me forget that someone had just tried to kill me and made me feel nothing but pleasure and love.

I hobble out to the kitchen to find Holden sitting with the girls, already eating their breakfast. The smile on my face grows wider, hearing them laugh at something Holden says in a whisper to them. Holden looks up from the girls and his playful smile turns serious. He surprisingly shoots up from his stool and runs over to me.

“Why didn’t you text me when you were up like I told you to? You are not going to get better if you don’t get your rest.”

I roll my eyes, but still can’t help but smile as Holden sweeps me off my feet. “Actually, I will get better by getting up and moving around. It’s actually what the doctor ordered. So you can put me down and let me walk over to my two cuties and give them a kiss.” I kiss his cheek, and then slap his head when he tries to set me on the couch. “If you’re not going to put me down, will you at least bring me to the kitchen with my girls please?”

Holden gives me a menacing smile. “Maybe I just like having you in my arms this way.”
Why does he always know the perfect things to say?

Ellie and Sophie waste no time spending breakfast filling me in on all of the things I missed while being cooped up in the hospital. Sophie fills me in on the recent episodes of
Sofia the First
that I’ve missed—
riveting information
—and Ellie passionately describes the injustices that have been occurring on the handball court at school.

“But guess what, Mommy? When Uncle Holden and Daddy
both
showed up together to talk to my teacher about Patti pushing me every time she loses, Bishop Gibbons finally called her in and she got detention. I think Bishop Gibbons was scared of them. Daddy and Holden are best friends now, too; they told me so. I even saw them high-five when they left the office.”

I can’t help but laugh. “They gave each other a high five, huh?” I kiss the top of Ellie’s head. “I bet they were just happy that you won’t be picked on anymore.”

“I think they were just happy they beat Bishop Gibbons. I think Daddy said he was a hypocritical son of a—”

Holden quickly interrupts before she could finish the phrase with guilt across his face. “Uh, of course we were just happy that Patti won’t be pushing you around anymore, sweetie.”

Nice try.
All I can do was continue to smile because after all that I’ve been through this year, it’s hard to believe that my personal life seems to have fallen into place so easily after it has been turned upside down. Holden and Marcus were able to keep my family together when I couldn’t and I am proud of them for that. Especially Holden.

But as quickly as my happiness peaks, it is sucked away with doubt. This is all fun and games right now with Holden, but he has no idea what it is like to take on two young girls night and day. Sure, he has been around us a lot over the past year, but not for the middle of the night wakeups with wetting the bed, or nightmares, or puking. He hasn’t had to come home after a long day of work to deal with homework and temper tantrums day after day. He’s the confident, uber-successful, disgustingly sexy superhero helping restore the Shore. Not some father and husband wiping snot off some kid’s face.

“Whatever you’re sitting there thinking about right now, Camryn, stop.” Holden is scowling at me from across the table and I try to give him a look like I have no idea what he is talking about. Just as I am about to defend myself and make up a lie, he cuts me off. “Nope. Don’t even try to spew out some excuse. I know you too well, and I know that look.”

“I...”
Taunting look by Holden.
“But…”
He’s rolling his eyes now!
“You…”
The girls are now rolling their eyes
with
him!
“Oh all right, I give up. Girls, let’s go get you ready for school.”

“I’ve got that covered. Jess laid out Sophie’s clothes and Ellie’s uniform is all ironed. She’ll come grab the girls and drop them off at school while we talk about some things. I have to head into the office today, but only to go to a lunch meeting, then I will grab the girls and we will all be back for dinner. Jess is staying with you today while I’m gone. All I want you to do is rest up and get better. I got you covered, babe.”
It appears you have it all figured out. I should like it, but I don’t.

The girls are off in seconds and in to their new room without a word from me. Holden is grabbing lunches out of the refrigerator and cleaning up breakfast.
What the hell is going on? Am I in the Twilight Zone?

“Ok, thanks, but I don’t need a babysitter today, and I have a lot of work to get caught up on after being out for so long. I have an article due in five days, and if Jess is here, I will get nothing done but watch crap on TV.” I stand up, trying to hide the shooting pain that tears through my chest at the sudden movement. “I can take care of myself.”

Holden ignores my plea and is at my side, helping me to the couch. “Of course you can, Mrs. Pouty Pants, but just think of it like you’re doing a favor for me. Can you do that, babe?” Holden bats his impossibly dark, long eyelashes dramatically, which should make me mad, because he’s patronizing me, but it doesn’t. I can’t help but smile and slump onto the couch, defeated.

Within minutes, the girls are off to school with Jess, and Holden is back in his room, getting ready to leave. I have been virtually cut off from the outside world since my accident and am going to go crazy if I don’t get online and find out what the hell is going on in the world. My head begins to spin thinking of all the messages I must have in my inbox.
Ugh, I’m sure it’s well over a thousand
. I frantically begin looking around the room for a laptop or iPad—hell, I’d even settle for an iPhone right now, anything that will tell me what I’ve missed in the world during my recovery. What’s been happening in the Middle East? What’s the latest problem in Washington DC? Who was kicked off
Survivor
?

I scan the distressed oak table against the gray walls at the back of the den, knowing that is where Holden always likes to work. He says listening to the waves and the sounds of the bay helps to keep him centered when he is preparing for a trial. Holden is a very tough and smart lawyer. It is always sexy watching the way he passionately defends his ideologies and innate need to fight injustices. His hefty trust fund allows Holden to have the freedom to take on many more pro bono cases than most.

My heart skips a beat when I see a picture of Holden holding the girls on his desk. Not me, but the girls.
Motherfucker!
It is as if he has found a way directly to my heart. He made sure the girls were cared for when I was in the hospital and has been doing every single thing possible to make sure I know how much he loves me and the girls with each breath.

I have to stop my Holden lovefest and find a computer before I explode. Just the thought of all those emails gives me anxiety. I could possibly have an issue with control—
so I’ve heard
—and one of the things that drives me crazy is having unanswered emails. I make lists, so that I can have the satisfaction of checking things off them. It’s like a drug for me.

Hobbling like a freaking ninety-year-old, I make my way over to Holden’s desk and start rummaging around for any form of technology that can give me my fix. I pause to get a closer look at the picture of him with Ellie and Sophie, and my heart melts a little more. Ellie and Sophie are both wrapped in Holden’s arms, their hair flying freely in the wind, Holden’s smoldering green eyes sparkling with joy. It was taken the day we told the girls that we were a couple. It was one of the happiest moments of my life, and by the looks of this picture, the same could be said for the three of them.