Dust on the Horizon (32 page)

That was not what had attracted him to Millie. And yet, God help him, he would happily take her to his bed but he didn't want her to be any more the source of gossip than she apparently already was. Joseph's hands curled into tight fists as he recalled Wiltshire's words. He cared nothing of what other people thought about him but he would not have them think badly of his family or Millie.

He glanced at her huddled over the fire and delight replaced his dark thoughts. His love for Millie had grown from the way she cared for his children, took an interest in what happened on the property, made sure he was well fed and his clothes were washed. She had adopted the ways of Europeans and yet there was no mistaking her native roots, not just because her skin was black but because of her natural connection with the land. She may live like a European yet she existed easily in the landscape that was Smith's Ridge. Clara had often struggled with the heat, the dust, the flies. Not Millie, she mixed the two cultures, taking her knowledge of both to create someone new that was uniquely Millie.

She turned to look at him, a shawl draped around her shoulders, her face glowing from the warmth of the fire. “What are you doing standing back there in the cold?” she asked. “The days might be warm but the clear night sky sucks away the heat. I've poured you a mug of tea.”

He went and sat beside her and took the tin mug she offered. It had sat a while so it was cool enough to wrap his fingers around. He took a sip and wrinkled his nose.

“What's this?”

“Tea.” Her smile split her face. “With a little something extra for aches and pains.

“I told you I feel quite well.”

She raised an eyebrow and looked back at the fire. He took another sip, the taste was a little bitter but bearable. He extended one hand closer to the flames feeling at a loss for words. Now that he'd admitted his true feelings to himself he was unsure how to speak to her lest he say something wrong. Binda had said something had happened to her at the property down south where she'd worked. Joseph had suspected it was something to do with a man. He didn't want to do or say anything that would upset the balance of their lives.

“You do a lot of thinking, don't you?”

He looked up from the flames. Once more Millie's big dark eyes were studying him.

He shrugged. “With four children the time to ponder is short.”

“What things do you ponder?”

He kept his gaze on hers. “You, my dear Millie.”

She looked away and instantly he regretted his words. Perhaps it was too soon to tell her how he felt but they had so little opportunity to be alone. Frantically he thought of something else to say.

Millie stood. “We should talk.”

He looked up at her, hope surging in his heart.

“Not here.” She nodded in the direction of the cart where William was sleeping. “He's a little sleeper that one.”

Joseph liked the way her English was sometimes not quite right. Her native dialect still influenced her speech, but he wasn't about to correct her.

“There is a moon.” Millie lifted her face to the sky. “How about we go for a walk?”

She pulled her shawl tighter and moved around the fire. Joseph picked up his jacket and followed, unsure if he was about to be told off or encouraged. His heartbeat quickened.

They walked for a while along the dry creek bed in silence. Once away from the fire, their eyes adjusted and the moonlight was enough for them to see their way clearly. Millie led them to the pale grey trunk of a huge gum that had fallen and now stretched part way into the creek. She leaned her back against it and waited for him to come to a stop beside her.

She looked beyond him up at the sky. The moonlight made her skin shine but for the first time since he'd met her he saw a deep sadness in her eyes. He sensed her inner turmoil. He was desperate to know what troubled her but he wouldn't rush her.

Finally she lowered her gaze to him and spoke. “There is a lot you don't know about me.”

“I could say the same.”

She grinned, the sadness swept away in an instant. “Perhaps.”

“I know that you are a wonderful housekeeper and you take good care of my children.”

She shook her head slightly and stared into his eyes with a look that suggested she was far older than her years. “When my brother found you and brought you to our camp I thought you were a magical being.”

She reached out and traced one finger slowly down the side of his face, along his jaw to his chin. Her touch was so gentle and yet his skin tingled where her finger had been. Her hand dropped away.

“I wanted to find out everything about this boy with strange skin and words I didn't understand.”

“I remember you were often hanging around.”

His attempt at humour was ignored.

“When you left, a great sadness came over me. I think now that perhaps I loved you even then.”

Joseph gaped at her. “How old were you? Three or four? It's bad enough your father says I'm the reason his son lives in two worlds. I don't want him to think I was the cause of your choice as well.”

“Don't worry.” She flashed him a smile. “He already blames you.”

Joseph shook his head. No wonder Yardu's hostility towards him was so strong. Not only was Joseph the reason Binda had moved away from his people but it appeared he was also the reason Millie had too.

“When Binda left I wanted to go also. I was too young but when Binda came to the camp for visits I would get him to teach me your words. When I was older the chance to get away came. I hid in a hawker's wagon and got a job in the house of a family closer to Adelaide. I didn't think my father would find me there. By the time he did I was my woman. He sent Binda to bring me home but Binda understood why I wouldn't go. It was a big property, lots of sheep, lots of people working there, Aborigine, English, Chinese, even a German. The family who owned it treated us all well. I was happy there.” Once more Millie glanced at the night sky and fell silent.

Joseph watched the changing expressions cross her face, as if she were grappling with an inner demon. “Did something bad happen to you there?” He felt compelled to ask even though he wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer.

Millie dragged her gaze back to his. Tears brimmed in her eyes but they didn't fall. “I fell in love. Not a little girl fondness … truly in love.”

All kinds of wild thoughts whirled through Joseph's head. If she was no longer with this man did that mean he'd hurt her?

“What happened?” he asked in a whisper.

Millie let out a deep sigh. “I had been there four years when James arrived. He was the owner's nephew. He was my age, not long from England, keen for adventure and …” She smiled. “He laughed a lot. How he would laugh, and soon everyone would be laughing. He much preferred the conversation of the workers quarters, he said the big house was too quiet. It was him who helped me improve my English even more. We'd spend any time we could together and we fell in love.”

Once more Millie fell silent; looking up at the sky, remembering something Joseph was not a part of. He waited.

“James's uncle found out. He was very sad for us. Said we could not be together. James was only in Australia for two years then he was to return home to help with his father's business. The family sent me to another property. To protect me, they said. James would have to go back to his life in England and I couldn't go with him. James managed to visit me a couple of times but when his uncle found out he was sent home to England immediately.” Tears filled Millie's eyes again. “My heart was broken.”

Joseph desperately wanted to wrap his arms around her but he'd never done anything more than bump her accidently in passing. Her heartache was intense. Unsure what to do, his arms remained limply at his sides.

“Anyway the new property wasn't the same. Not just because James had gone from my life but the owners weren't nice people. Treated their workers badly, especially my people. I decided to go home. My father wasn't happy. He made it difficult for me and I had made it difficult for myself. I was used to your ways and couldn't settle for the life my family lived.” Millie pushed away from the trunk and stood just in front of him, looking deep into his eyes. “When I came to Smith's Ridge I recognised the sadness in your eyes, Joseph. I remembered the boy I thought I loved and I wanted to make you smile again.” She reached out a hand for his, gently clasping his fingers in hers. “I see you, Joseph Baker. Your heart sings again and it makes mine sing.”

“Does that mean—”

“That I like you very much.”

Joseph felt a mixture of relief and delight. They'd both had sorrow in their lives, other loves lost to them. He reached for her other hand. Her grip was strong but when he tried to pull her closer, she resisted. Her eyes darkened.

“I am still sad sometimes for James. He is gone from me and I don't want that pain again.”

“I understand that pain, Millie, but I am also my own man. I love you. I won't let anyone or anything hurt you.”

“I am sure you mean what you say, Joseph, but we are not alone.”

He felt a prickling at the back of his neck but resisted the urge to look around.

“You have family,” she said. “Friends, neighbours. They will not feel happy for us.”

He laughed inwardly. His mind had gone straight to spiritual beings rather than the people they lived with. “It may be a surprise at first—”

“Think about it, Joseph.” She squeezed his hands. “Look at what happened today. The fight you had was about me, wasn't it?”

“I had another issue with Wiltshire.”

Her eyes stared deeply into his.

“Well, partly, but he is a pompous ass of a man who believes he's a cut above everyone else. I don't intend to cross his path again and I don't care a jot about what he thinks.” Joseph leaned a little closer, willing her to see what was in his heart. “It's how we feel that matters, Millie. If we love each other my family will accept that and anyone else who doesn't will be of no importance to me.”

“Don't be so quick with your words, Joseph. We need time to explore our feelings. You are a deep thinker. I like that. Think on this, on us and what our being together would mean, for longer.”

Joseph inhaled deeply. He was happy at least to know she had not been physically harmed in the past and that she didn't reject his love outright. If she wanted to move forward slowly he would accept that for now but there was something he was desperate to do.

“Millie?” He pulled her gently towards him and this time she didn't resist.

“Yes.”

He leaned his head towards her. “May I kiss you?”

Her lips parted in a smile. “Yes.”

They drew together and Joseph savoured the taste of her, the feel of her slim body in his arms. Just for a while there was nothing else to think about but holding Millie close.

Twenty-seven

1885

Joseph looked down from his horse at the bloodied carcass of a sheep. Blood stained the ground around it. It was a fresh kill but already the flies crawled all over it. He slid from the saddle and moved closer. No smell yet but the heat of early January would bring on the decay quickly.

He looked up as Binda came through the bush from the other direction.

“Dingo.” He looked from Joseph to the pitiful remains between them. “Big male. I lost his tracks on the ridge.”

Joseph pursed his lips. The wild dogs had been all but eradicated with baits and traps in the early days. There had been good summer rain in the ranges and grass was plentiful. Rabbits had increased in numbers and they in turn had become easy food for the dingo along with his sheep. This was the third carcass they'd found since the new year had begun only a few weeks back.

“Such a waste.” He turned back to take his shovel from the pack on his horse. “We'd better bury it. Don't want it ending up in that waterhole down the hill if we get more rain.”

Binda found a place where the soil was clear of rock and while Joseph dug the hole Binda cut what wool he could from the dead animal and stuffed it in a small hessian bag. Finally the job was done. Joseph took a long draught from the water bottle and offered it to Binda. They both stood in the shade of a tree and stared at the mound. The dingo had eaten little of the sheep.

“Such a waste.” Joseph shook his head.

“Dingo only eats to fill his stomach. He knows he can easily get more food.”

“This was the offspring of one of my experiments.” Joseph bent and tugged a tuft of wool from the bag. He slid it through his fingers feeling the oily lanolin on his skin. “Sturdy for these conditions and yet the wool is so strong and fine.”

“Maybe I should camp up here for a while,” Binda offered.

“It's the middle of summer.”

Binda grinned. “Best time here. Plenty of food, plenty water.”

Joseph nodded. “I would appreciate you keeping a watch for a while. I'll get some traps next time I'm in Hawker.”

He spun at a footfall. Two sheep came through the bush. They stopped at the sight of the two men and the horse then settled to munch on the sweet grass.

“You're a bit jumpy.” Once more Binda grinned at him. “Expecting someone?”

“I was …” Joseph's voice trailed off. He was hot but even so heat spread to his cheeks. He had continued to court Millie very discreetly but he knew there was little her brother Binda missed. Nothing had been said about it though. If Binda thought Millie was being too familiar with Joseph he continued to reprimand her. Joseph took care to be nothing but respectful but after the Christmas just passed – the third since Millie had come to live with them – he'd asked Millie to marry him and she'd accepted. Their love didn't have to be a secret any more. “Millie's been gone a while.”

Binda waved his arm. “This is her country. She can look after herself.”