Dusky Rose (21 page)

She merged with the city traffic, knowing she could not return to the penthouse in Pacific Heights. She had no right to be there. In fact, she had never had any right to be there. Her marriage had been more of a sham than even she had supposed it to be. David's arrogance had prevented him from making love to her without her consent and she was doubly grateful now that she had not allowed herself to give in to the surging demands of her own traitorous body. The marriage had never been consummated and she had been a wife in name only. And now David had decided that they should have the marriage annulled, and her last chance for happiness was about to vanish forever. But she knew that lust was no basis for a marriage and that was obviously all David had ever felt for her. So perhaps it was best to end things now, while she still had some dignity left.

She drove past the plant shop, noting with sadness the
Under New Management
sign displayed in the window. Remembering that Steven and Midge were still on their honeymoon, she drove toward the old apartment she had shared with Midge. When they came back, they would be living here until their new home was ready but for now it was unoccupied and could provide Laura with the solitude and calm she so desperately needed.

She let herself into the apartment, setting her suitcase down in the entryway. Then she went into the kitchen and made herself some coffee and toast, which she forced herself to eat, while she looked at the paper David had given her. The name on the paper was Judge Lawrence B. Jamison and the address was not far from David's own home in Pacific Heights. She phoned the number on the card and identified herself. After a short pause, she was told that the judge would see her at nine o'clock the following morning.

Laura decided that she would drive David's car to her appointment and then leave it in his garage. After that, she would take a cab to the bus terminal and catch a bus to Carmel. It was too early to go to sleep and Laura longed to see the waters of San Francisco Bay one last time so she took her parka and left the apartment, walking toward the cable car that would take her to Ghirardelli Square and Fisherman's Wharf. Even though they were well known tourist attractions, they still seemed restful enough to make the trip enjoyable for Laura.

She took a seat inside the cable car, not in the mood for the invigorating joy that usually came from riding outside the car. She allowed herself one last lingering look at the winding streets and steep hills that were so much a part of the city she had come to love. Finally, the cable car clanged to a halt at the small park opposite Ghirardelli Square and Laura climbed down, walking the short distance along the path leading to the water.

A cold wind was blowing in from the bay and Laura began to shiver beneath its frigid onslaught. This was not the day for a reminiscent stroll along the San Francisco waterfront. She shuddered as she raised her collar over her ears and quickly retraced her steps, walking across the street and up the hill to the beckoning warmth of the old Ghirardelli Chocolate Factory, where she sat down with a steaming cup of their delicious hot chocolate. She was savoring the sweet aroma that was steaming from the heavy china mug when she heard her name called from across the restaurant.

"Laura, what on earth are you doing here? I understood you were away in Carmel with Jonathan. Good grief, you look terrible. Is anything the matter?"

Laura stood up and took Janine Hartmann's hands in hers. "Janine, it's good to see you. Please, won't you join me? I've just come in to enjoy a brief respite from the wind."

Janine looked at Laura and raised her eyebrows quizzically. "Stay put; I'll be right back."

In a few minutes, Janine was back, carrying a cup of steaming coffee with her. "Now, tell me what's been going on," she said, sitting down next to Laura. "You know, of course, that your marriage took everyone by surprise. I must say, you certainly had me fooled, claiming not to know Jonathan and then marrying him, right under Amanda's out-of-joint nose. I guess that explains why you were given final approval over the decoration of Lattimer Lodge. I'm really going to enjoy working with you, Laura; our tastes complement each other so well. But I understand you're still living in Pacific Heights? When are you moving out to Hillsborough?"

Laura thoughtfully stroked the white china cup with her fingers as she stared into the fragrant mist rising from its contents. She bit her bottom lip as she answered, "I'm not moving into Lattimer Lodge, Janine. My marriage to Jonathan Lattimer is being annulled." She blinked her eyes, fighting back the tears that were threatening to reveal the depths of her despair.

Janine eyed Laura with genuine concern. "Look, we can't talk here. Where are you staying?"

Laura told her and when they left the Chocolate Factory Janine hailed a cab, directing the driver to Laura's apartment. She paid the fare and followed Laura into the flat, shrugging off her fox jacket before sitting down.

"Now, sit down and tell me everything. You look as if you're about to collapse. I thought you would be the happiest girl in the world by now."

Laura's heart was breaking and she suddenly felt she would crumble if she didn't share her problems with someone. Midge was away and Aunt Estelle was in Carmel and her need for companionship and understanding was more than she could bear, so she told Janine the entire bizarre story, leaving little out other than the more intimate moments between herself and David. These were too painful for her to reveal to anyone; the mere memory of them still had the power to send waves of weakness surging through her limbs.

Janine listened without interruption as Laura spoke. Then, when the other girl was finished, she spoke. "Well, if I didn't know you better I'd swear that you were making the whole thing up, but I believe you, and I promise that nothing you've told me will go beyond this room. But I can't believe what you've told me about Jonathan Lattimer. I told you once before—he never makes mistakes. If he married you, he wanted to marry you. And if he wanted to marry you, he must love you. Why don't you go back to him and discuss this like two normal people? More marriages have been broken by lack of communication than anything else. As far as Amanda goes, Jonathan is too smart to be fooled by her false exterior or by her flashy claims. He knows what an adventuress she really is, under all that dyed blonde hair and heavy make-up. If he had wanted to marry Amanda, he would have married her long ago. Jonathan rarely does anything he doesn't want to do. He doesn't have to."

Laura sighed deeply. "I only wish you were right… but he wants an annulment now. And in all the time I've known him, he's never once told me that he loves me. I know he wants me, he's made no secret of that, but he's never felt anything more than desire for me and there's no use in my pretending otherwise. But thank you for listening, Janine; I wish I could believe what you say, but just having someone listen to me has been a help. Thank you—really."

Janine hugged Laura as she rose from her chair and headed for the door. "I only wish I could convince you to think things over before getting that annulment. Just try to get a good night's sleep; things always look better in the morning." Then she kissed Laura on the cheek and walked down the stairs.

Laura wiped her eyes and took her suitcase into the bedroom. She stared at the embossed initials and realized that David had invaded every corner of her life. She emptied her clothing from the suitcase and put it by the door so she would remember to return it tomorrow when she drove the Porsche back to Pacific Heights. Then she showered and prepared for bed, dreading the dawning of the next day.

Laura spent a restless night. David's face hovered over her melancholy reveries while she drifted in and out of the sleep that continued to elude her. When the gray light of dawn finally came creeping through the window, she dragged herself out of bed and padded wearily toward the shower. She let the gushing stream of warm water envelop her body, hoping it would return some vitality to her weary limbs, but only one thing could ever make her feel whole again, and David's love was something she would never have.

She walked from the shower to the bedroom and selected a fresh change of clothing from her luggage. The only things she had with her were the jeans and T-shirts she had purchased after her marriage and the dress she had worn to Midge's wedding. Midge had given away all her old clothing, on David's orders, and she was not about to wear any of the clothing Miss Wentworth had purchased for her. She chose jeans and a shirt, thinking that they would be more comfortable than the dress for the trip back to Carmel. She looked dejectedly at the pale, emotionless face reflected in the mirror as she silently combed her hair. All the sparkle had left her eyes and her whole face looked tired and drawn from too many worries and too little sleep. She tried to bring some color into her ashen cheeks by highlighting them with a rosy gloss, but her artificial efforts did little more than emphasize the haunted expression in her eyes.

It was still too early for her meeting with the judge, so she went into the kitchen and prepared a breakfast of toast and coffee. She sat at the table, picking at the food, finding it difficult to swallow even the smallest morsel of toast. Finally, convinced that nervous tension had made her stomach too queasy to accept any food, she washed the dishes and replaced them in the cupboard. It would be best if she saw the judge immediately and got all the legal aspects of the situation settled as soon as possible. She would always love David and yearn for his touch, but once he had been granted his annulment she would no longer have the right even to dream of him, and in the long run, maybe she could banish even the thought of him from her life just as he had banished her from his.

She left a brief note for Midge, explaining that she had used the apartment and was planning to return to Carmel to live with Aunt Estelle. Then she gathered her things into the large canvas satchel which she had used during her school days and left the apartment.

The streets of the city were alive with people going to work, walking their dogs or running mundane errands that occupied their daily lives. Laura envied whatever tasks they had to do because none was as painful as the chore she had to perform today. Straightening her shoulders and sighing deeply, she went to the Porsche, threw in David's luggage, placed her canvas bag next to it and slid behind the wheel. She took the paper from her pocket and doublechecked the address, then started the motor and drove carefully through the steep, winding streets leading toward the water.

The small car took the hills easily and Laura found it much simpler to maneuver than her own bulky blue van. She stopped at the top of the hill above Pacific Heights and looked at the calm waters below, watching the early morning fog burn off, giving way to a hesitant sun that was peeping over the velvet-ribboned horizon. Then she shifted the car into low gear and descended the steep hill.

She turned into the judge's street and began checking house numbers. The houses in this area were smaller than David's and their architecture reflected the Victorian style of old San Francisco. Laura finally found the address she was seeking, a stately white house with tall french windows and ornate gingerbread carving along the eaves. She parked the car and walked toward the door, her despondent heart pounding with the uneasy tension of the occasion. She mounted the steep steps leading to the brightly painted front door, contemplated the heavy brass knocker, rang the doorbell instead and waited nervously until the door was opened by a small, elderly woman in a crisp black and white uniform. She eyed Laura dubiously, looking her up and down, obviously disturbed by her casual attire.

"Yes," she said hesitantly, "what can I do for you?"

"I'm Laura Lattimer, I have a nine o'clock appointment with Judge Jamison. I'm sure he's expecting me."

"Yes, of course, Mrs. Lattimer. The judge is waiting for you in his library. Please come in; I'll tell him you're here." She motioned Laura toward a bench in the entryway and disappeared down the paneled hallway.

In a short while, the maid reappeared. "The judge will see you now. Please follow me."

Laura followed her down a narrow hallway, stopping at a heavily carved oak double door. She waited while the maid tapped on the door before inching it open. "Mrs. Lattimer to see you, Judge Jamison," she said, and ushered Laura into the room before backing away and closing the door silently behind her.

The heavyset gray-haired man came from behind the desk and took Laura's hands in his. "Well, Laura, this is a pleasant surprise. I thought you and David would be away on a honeymoon. Don't tell me that foolish boy is letting his dull business keep him in the city when he should be off relaxing with his charming wife?"

Laura looked carefully at the judge as he spoke to her. She was sure that she had seen him before, his low soothing voice had a strangely familiar quality to it, but try as she might, she just couldn't recall where she had met him. Then suddenly it came to her; he was the director of the play she and David had taken part in. Only he wasn't a director, he was a judge, and the play wasn't a skit, it was a wedding—hers and David's. Her mind was still going in circles, trying to cope with this startling realization, when he addressed her again.

"Come now, sit down and tell me what brings you here so soon after your marriage." He motioned Laura toward a black leather chair and settled himself behind the desk once more.

Laura looked at him in confusion. "Didn't David call you?"

Now it was the judge's turn to be confused. "No, I haven't heard from David since the night he asked me to marry the two of you." Then he looked at Laura's desperate face. "Is something wrong?" he said, leaning forward in his seat.

Laura's face dropped and she squirmed in her chair. "I expected that David would have been in touch with you before this. I thought you would know all about it."

"About what? You're talking in riddles, young lady! What is it you've come here to speak to me about?"

Laura took a deep breath and blurted out the word. "An annulment; I've come to get the marriage annulled." She looked down at her tightly clenched hands where they rested uneasily in her lap.