Durability (The LockDown Series Book 3) (32 page)

“Maria, calm down,” Antonio chimes in, lifting his sister from Luke’s lap.

“You were supposed to protect him, you were his brother, you were supposed to keep him safe. I hate you, I fucking hate you.” Maria’s words are harsh and bitter as she screams them through the room, flaying and kicking out as Ant sits her down on his lap and restrains her to him. “I FUCKING HATE YOU!” It leaves her mouth once again before she breaks down and weeps into her brother’s chest. “He was supposed to protect him,” she quietly says as Antonio strokes her hair gently.

“I'm sorry… He was my brother, I was supposed to protect him. Fuck, this can't be real. Get me the fuck out of here.” Luke stands up barging through Nate and to me.

“Where are you going?” I ask, wiping a tear from my eye.

He laughs sadistically. “Going to finish the game, Leighton. The end is now,” he answers me, pushing past me.

“You need to stay here with Maria and Nate, Luke,” I instruct him, knowing he is needed by them more. Nate will most likely hit a wall with his sadness soon and be on self-destruct mode.

“No, I am not. You heard her, she hates me, it’s my fault. I have to make this right Leighton. Now move.” I stand in his way, not allowing him to exit the room.

“I SAID, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY NOW, LOCK.” Luke growls out his words, rage pouring from him. I will stand my ground here, I don’t want him regretting the decision of leaving when Maria and Nate need him most. It could break something that was unfixable. They need to grieve together, come to grips with the fact that Brad is gone.

“Please, let me go, please I have to go, Leighton.” His words are softer this time, tears falling once more. His body sags against me, instead of resisting. “He was my brother.” He cries into my chest, his fist holding so tightly to my shirt, if I move it will rip. “He can't be dead, no, please Leighton, do something. He can't be gone.” I wipe furiously at my own face as my own tears flow freely, dripping down my cheeks and off my chin. My nose is blocked and my skin sore as I mourn the loss of a friend and brother.

“I know, let it out, Luke. Let it all out. He was our brother.” I cry with him, both of us holding on to each other like our lives depended on it.

“Leighton?” I hear the voice, distantly, of my wife. I turn my head, keeping Luke into me still, allowing him to release his sorrow.

“Baby,” I answer her, looking down sadly as my tears escape.

“What’s happened?” she asks me. “Georgia stayed home with the babies. Maria left so abruptly. I'm worried,” she explains, coming to my side. She looks around the room, taking in Luke in my arms and Maria on her brother's lap. “Where’s Brad?” Her eyes are wide and sad as she tries to work it out.

“Baby,” I choke out, unable to finish the sentence.

“Leighton, where is Bradley?” she asks again and a sob breaks from my throat. Everything is just so real and so painful to deal with.

“He’s gone,” I simply answer, trying to comfort my friend as he continues to cry and scream.

“Where to?” Abigail quizzes me and it is obvious she is already in denial.

“He’s gone forever, baby. He’s dead,” I tell her, flinching at her gasp and the following piercing cry.

“No, he can't be. I just saw him this morning. You promised me Leighton, you promised no one would get hurt. He can't be dead. He can't.” The guilt overtakes me, the overwhelming guilt of my failure as a boss and friend. Abigail is correct, I had promised no one would get hurt, let alone die.

“I'm sorry.” I choke on my words, unable to breathe properly.

“This is your fault, Leighton. Your fault,” my wife tells me, shattering my fragile heart into a million pieces.

She walks away, her face furious and sad at the same time. She sits beside Antonio and takes Maria’s hand, crying with her.

Nate remains on the floor, his legs drawn up into himself, his forehead to his knees. Thomas is beside him, holding him to his side. His gentle kisses joined with his own tears fill the room.

I am scared, of everything. I am scared I can’t win this battle, that my friends and family will no longer be okay, that Nate will return to his old ways, the way I find him, when times are too hard for him.

My life, as I have known it, is changing.

My friend and brother is dead, shot and killed by someone.

My wife hates me and blames me.

I feel a hole inside of myself I’m not quite sure will ever fill or fix.

Slowly, but surely, every part of my life and existence is seizing up and soon will fail to work at all.

I can't breathe, I can't see past the blurriness of my eyes. They ache, they’re sore from the continuous tears that are falling. I'm a mess, my heart is broken, my spirit shattered and my life closing in to an end.

Is this the end for them all? Will I slowly lose everyone I care for? Bradley was a vital part of my life. I love the twins; they are like brothers to me and are the other part of my best friend’s heart. I look to Maria, seeing the complete devastation on her face. She needs him, more than she can possibly say. She is a mess without him, broken and shattered inside. She can't even look to Luke, devastated and broken himself. He is the spitting image of the man we have all lost today, same blue eyes and blond hair, same walk and laugh. The same goddamn cry.

I am angry, angry at the world and at my husband for letting this happen. I know in all reality it isn’t his fault, all of the men know the dangers of this situation, but I need someone to hate and lay blame on. I can't control the emotional turmoil inside of me and I am lashing out on the people that don't deserve it.

Maria is the same, hating on Luke, blaming him for the loss of his brother. He is devastated, a continuous stream of tears falling from his eyes. It has been thirty minutes since I arrived and he hasn’t stopped. He still grips Leighton as if he will disappear if he lets go. Maria has calmed, nearly asleep on her brother's lap, but Nate and Luke are a never-ending stream of despair. They have been the closest thing to one another for so long, I am sure they feel as though half of them has died tonight.

“I'm going to go grab a coffee, does anyone else want one?” I ask, standing up. I need to clear my head, get away from it all for just a second.

“I’ll come with you,” Leighton says, walking Luke to sit next to Maria on the chairs. I know she won't want him, but I’m hoping she will eventually let him in to help them heal each other. As for Leighton coming with me, I want him to. I owe him an apology, to grovel for forgiveness. There is no way in hell I will ever blame him for this loss, he must be hurting so fiercely I haven’t once considered to be his wife and comfort him.

Maria’s eyes are fluttering and heavy as Luke takes her from Antonio and settles her in his lap. “I love you, Luke. Please don't ever leave me. Please don't go,” she whispers, silent tears falling once again. She clings to him, in fear of his life.

“I'm not going anywhere, baby. I'm here. I love you.” He kisses her forehead and they cry together, clinging to one another for salvation and reprieve for their emotional stress.

Antonio walks from the room and we both follow him, walking the hospital corridors to a coffee machine. Ant pumps money in, making cup after cup of coffee and tea. He looks to me sadly, water clouding his eyes. He has been so strong for his sister, unable to really grieve. “This is fucking shit,” he shouts, throwing a cup of hot coffee at the wall, the brown liquid spraying the partition like blood, staining the whitewashed surface. “Will it ever fucking end?” he cries, falling to the wall
, sliding onto his backside. He leans against the wall, his hands clenching his hair and pulling.

Leighton and I sit beside him on the floor, holding him to us. We appear to look like as though we’ve broken from the mental hospital, all of us crying and screaming in pain. All of our hearts are mashed in to the floor, all of our souls ripped at the seams. Getting back up from this is going to be hard, harder than any challenge I’ve ever faced.

Maria and Luke, they have to spend every day looking at their beautiful babies, being reminded of the incredible person Bradley was.

“We have to be the cement, you know that don't you?” I ask them half hour later, still sitting on the floor. My arse is numb and aching from the continuous pressure on the tiles.

“What do you mean?” Leighton asks, looking up from his hands.

“We have to be the ones to hold the cracks together, stop us all from breaking, and then we have to cement it all together when the time is right.” I smile sadly at my friend and husband, their own smiles present. They aren’t happy smiles, but sad smiles at the reality of everything. There is no way to change what has happened, fuck if I could, I would go back in time and stop them from ever leaving the house, but I can't. We have to face reality and move forward, however slowly it has to be.

One thing is certain though, and that is that this is to end. I will do everything in my power to finish this feud. “I know, baby. We can do that,” my soul mate tells me, wiping away a stray tear that trickles my cheek to my chin. Leighton gently kisses my lips, reminding me he is still here and safe.

Antonio needs to go home, he needs to be with Georgia and have her love and support. “Go home Ant, we’ll stay here with Luke and Maria,
” Leighton tells him, gently budging him.

“My sister needs me, I can't leave,” he answers.

“You can't do anything here, man. She needs to be alone with Luke for a while, they need each other. You go home and be with my sister, please,” Leighton explains, standing up to extend his hand to Antonio.

We all stand, walking back to the family room with hot drinks in our hands. I have purchased a hot chocolate for Maria, knowing it always helps her when she is sad. “Sweetie, here drink this.” I speak quietly and softly as I approach her. Luke is half asleep with red raw eyes, Maria in and out of sleep on his lap.

“He’s not coming back is he, Ab?” she asks me and it takes all of my strength remaining not to cry again.

“No sweetie, he’s not. I'm sorry this has happened babe, but you two need to be strong for each other and look after your babies. You need to look after yourselves Bradley wouldn’t want you mourning over him so much. You know he’d spank the ever-loving shit out of you for crying, and Luke he’d kick your arse.” I try to lighten the mood and it works a little. Both of them raise their heads and laugh at me.

“He could try,” Luke answers, rubbing his eyes, tired from crying.

“Here, both of you drink up. You need to get home and get your babies,” I instruct them, handing over a chocolate and tea.

I walk away from them and sit with Leighton. Antonio approaches his sister and cuddles her, informing her he is going home to his girlfriend. She nods and kisses his cheek goodbye. Antonio claps Leighton on the back and smiles sadly at me before leaving.

Nate seems to be taking this the hardest, still on the floor in a heap, Thomas holding him. “Nate.” I call him, trying to get his attention. He ignores me, still crying and shaking.

I walk over and kneel on the other side of him. “Has he said anything?” I ask my best friend, Thomas.

“No, he won't look up,” he informs me and I sigh in heartache.

“NATE!” I call, snapping my fingers in his ear. His shoulders stiffen, which relieves me. “NATE, head up now,” I order him, my tone firm and orderly.

I hear a laugh, uncontrollable, from beneath the hands shielding his face. “He would laugh at that, you know.” Nate finally talks and I encourage it.

“Laugh at what? What would he find so amusing huh?” I laugh a little trying to get Nate to talk.

“You. He would find it so funny that you, the delicate, submissive Abigail Lock is attempting being dominant.” I budge him as he laughs.

“Hey, I'm not all submissive. If my friends are in need of my help, I’ll become a hard bitch to get them out of a funk,” I say, mocking my hurt.

“Don't kid yourself Abbi, baby. You are submissive through and through,” Leighton calls across the room, making me gasp at this words.

“One week, Leighton, one week,” I warn him, looking to him and giving my best evil eyes.

“One week what?” he asks across the room.

“Abstinence, Mr Lock. You will wait now,” I inform him and the scowl he gives me makes me laugh. “See, I can be in control, dear husband.” I laugh loudly, followed by everyone else in the room.

“God, you’re so under the thumb with her Leighton. God help you man,” Luke says from his seat, finally looking a little happier.

“Guys, Brad wouldn’t want us sitting around in a hospital family room, as though he’s just having an op and we’re awaiting his recovery. He’d want us out, drinking and celebrating his life. I'm going to go and buy a round of drinks at the bar down town, if you want to join me, please do.” It is a harsh reality, but Leighton is right. We are all sitting around as though Bradley is going to wake up any minute and we can see him. He is never coming back and we will run ourselves down
sitting here hoping he will. I am
with my husband on this, standing from Nate’s side I walk over to take his hand.