Dungeon Royale (Masters and Mercenaries) (20 page)

But she wouldn’t let him do that now. Before, he could have taken her in every way it was possible to take a woman. She’d been his from the moment he’d asked her to work with him. That was gone now. He wouldn’t meet another Penelope. He’d met his match, and it was done.

“We can put a blonde wig on someone. She’s right. Someone else would be better.” Anything to keep her far away.

“No. She’s going to stay with you for the duration.” Nigel sighed. “You’re like two children. I have to play the father figure. You will work together. You will play your parts. There will be no substitutions. There’s too much at stake. Penelope, you will not walk away from this operation. You will go on the cruise with Knight and you will aid him both in finding the terrorist and discovering what Champion has to do with all of this.”

She shook those blonde curls he loved to sink his fingers into. “I’ll be what you need.”

So fucking brave. She could have been his. All that strength would have been his had fucking Baz not screwed him over. His fists tightened. His. Fucking his. She belonged to him as no female ever had before and she wouldn’t look at him.

Because he’d burned that bridge, and he knew damn well no one got second chances.

She was far from him. No matter how close, she wouldn’t allow him to touch her. Wouldn’t allow him access to her. She’d spread her legs before and welcomed him. She’d tossed aside her every inhibition for him. She’d been his in every way that had mattered.

Now she wouldn’t look at him and his insides hurt. Baz had shot him but the fact that Penelope wouldn’t look at him was worse.

She stood apart. There was no chair for her. He and Ten were taking them up.

Damon practically leapt out of his seat. She should expect courtesy. From him. From every bloody man in the world. She was a woman. It didn’t matter if the man wasn’t fucking her. She deserved his chair, his protection.

She didn’t move to the seat. It was empty. He felt empty, too.

He wanted to hold her. She’d been so bloody perfect in his arms. She’d fit against him like he’d been missing a piece of himself and he’d finally been made whole.

He’d lost everyone. But just for a moment, he’d thought he would be okay. He would never get over the loss of Penelope Cash. A flash went through him. She was the one. He didn’t believe in love in a tangible sense, but he did think that there were rewards the universe gave out. For surviving, for bravery, for saving those who couldn’t help themselves.

She’d been his prize, and he’d lost her.

Like he’d lost everything else.

“I would like to talk to you alone,” Nigel said. He wasn’t talking to Damon. Bloody hell. An hour ago, it wouldn’t have happened. He would have told Penelope no, and she would have stayed at his side so Nigel would have treated them like a team. Unbreakable.

They were so broken now.

“Of course, sir.” Her words were a brutal monotone. Nothing like her usual lyrical speech. He loved the way she talked. Her ebullience made his heart beat faster, but there was none of it now. Staccato. She spoke in hard rhythms.

“Excellent.” Nigel pulled his chair up. He turned to Damon. “Damon, you will continue with the operation as though nothing has happened. Everything must appear normal. I’ll let you know when we get the information on the meet spot. It will likely be at the last minute so we have absolutely no chance to send in a team.”

He would wait until they stopped in a foreign port and pull them from their assignment. There would be no time for protection. He would be on his own. He would have to shelter her.

He would have to stay with her. Train her. Protect her.

She would have nowhere else to go. How the hell would he keep his hands off her?

Nigel frowned his way. “I believe I explained I need to speak to Miss Cash alone.”

“I would rather stay.” He sent Nigel a look he should recognize. It was his arrogant look. The one that said he would accept nothing less than absolute control. He was in control of Penelope Cash. He’d been her handler. He’d been willing to give up everything for her. A man got one girl. One woman who understood him. One woman who could change his destiny. Penelope was it. And Baz had fucked him.

He didn’t deserve her. He had to find a way to get her to walk away.

“No.” Nigel’s frown told him everything he needed to know. “I want to talk to her on my own. She’ll be with you in a moment.”

Damon stood. He couldn’t humiliate her again. Couldn’t argue his place with her. He’d blown that.

He schooled his expression. “If Penelope wants it, then yes.”

“I do.” A quick comeback.

Fuck.
She hated him now. But it was all right. She would have hated him the moment she truly knew him. She would have found out how cursed he was. She didn’t need to be in his life. He would only bring her hurt and sorrow.

It was better this way.

Perhaps Nigel would explain the world to her. She would understand and walk away. Then things would be the way they should.

He nodded her way and he and Ten stood and walked out.

He had no place with her.

* * * *

“He’s broken, you know.”

She looked up at Nigel, a bit surprised at his words. “Are you talking about Damon?”

Stupid question. Who else would he be talking about? Damon, who had casually ripped her heart from her chest. Or had it been so casual?

“Do you know how we came to recruit him?”

She shook her head. She wanted to tell him she didn’t care. It didn’t matter to her, but it did. Because he was Damon. He was her love.

He might never return it. She might move on. But he was her first real love. He mattered. She’d sat at her desk and a few things had occurred to her.

Damon was different. He risked his life every day. He was a hero. It didn’t matter that he couldn’t love her. At the end of all of it, she didn’t matter beyond what she was willing to sacrifice. She had her place. Her stupid heart was insignificant. “It doesn’t matter, sir. What do you need of me?”

Nigel was silent for moment. “I want to talk to you as your boss and as a colleague. Do you know how he came to be here?”

She shook her head. She didn’t care. Couldn’t. He’d shoved her aside like everyone else had. He didn’t matter. Her duty did. “It doesn’t matter, sir.”

“It does because I’m sending you back out there with him. I need to know that you’re going to protect yourself.”

He wanted to make sure she wasn’t just going to spread her legs and offer herself up on a silver platter again. “I believe I have my armor fully pulled around myself this time.”

“He can be charming.”

“I’ve seen the real man. I understand. I can do the job.”

“Did you know he received the Victoria Cross?”

She shook her head. It wasn’t in his records. The Victoria Cross was the highest honor a soldier could receive. “No. I knew about his time in Afghanistan, but I didn’t know he’d been decorated.”

“Because it was kept quiet. I wouldn’t tell you the story now, but I think it’s very important for you to understand who Damon Knight is. He was Special Air Service. His unit was charged with taking a VIP into Kabul. I can’t tell you who it was. That’s the reason the whole affair has been classified.”

So it was likely a royal or someone close to the family. The Windsor men served their country, and when the country went to war, the Windsor men went as well.

“You have to understand that the men in those units form a family. When you serve, when you literally depend on your fellow soldiers for your very survival, whether you like the others or not, you bond with them. My old unit meets up at least twice a year. All of us, without fail.”

She got the feeling she wouldn’t like what came next. “Go on.”

“The unit was pinned down in the desert. They fought for days. He watched them all fall. He lost his entire unit protecting their charge. Only Damon and his charge survived. He took out the enemy, but I rather think he meant to not survive. From the reports, he went a bit crazy. It was bloody. It was suicidal.”

She didn’t want to soften toward him. Not for a second, but there she was. Damon had lost his parents, then his mates.

What if he didn’t want to lose her, too?

“Knight was recruited because he had zero ties. He was cold, perfectly capable of making life and death decisions. Capable of sacrificing pawns when he needs to. I know he seems charming, but it’s a mask.”

Was it? She was finally settling down. The hurt he’d dealt her had seemed overwhelming, but now that he was out of the room, a few things didn’t make sense.

Damon was capable of sacrificing pawns. Perfectly capable of it. For years she’d watched him, worked with him on translations. He was known for being an Ice Man. Baz had been the jokester and Damon had been the brutal one underneath all his suave charm.

So why wasn’t he sacrificing her? It was the most expedient thing to do. She was a girl who had been on the periphery of his life for years and only in his bed for a single night. Yet in the time she’d been close to him, she’d believed he gave a damn about her. Was he really that good an actor?

He was a man who had lost everyone. Even his best mate had turned on him. What would that man do if he cared about a woman and she was suddenly in danger? Would he trust that everything would work out? Would he place his faith in the universe that had kicked him time and time again?

Or would he do what he needed to do to protect the woman he cared about? Even if it meant hurting her.

Perhaps she should treat Damon Knight like a language she was trying to learn. The words he said might make a certain sense to her when run through her own filter, but every good translator knew that words had different meanings in different languages. The Sami language of the Nordic countries had over a hundred words for reindeer, each expressing a slightly different thing.

What if Damon was trying to tell her something and she wasn’t understanding it because she was putting it through her filter and not his?

“Do you understand what I’m saying?” Nigel leaned toward her.

She nodded. “Yes. Damon doesn’t have anyone.”

No one had ever fought for him, ever put him first. He’d been an orphan and then a soldier and then an operative. His career was about using his body and mind as a tool, one that was expendable.

It would have been so much easier to keep her close, to use her as some weird form of bait. If there was one thing Damon wanted, it was revenge on Basil Champion. The man Nigel was describing wouldn’t hesitate to use her to those ends.

“He doesn’t have anyone because he’s not capable of truly caring for anyone. I know him better than you do. I’m trying to make sure you protect yourself. I wish I didn’t have to send you back in.”

She sat up straighter, squaring her shoulders. “You don’t need to worry about me, sir. We’ll be fine.”

They would be after she spent some time contemplating what he was really doing, what his words really meant. She needed to see how he acted now that the decisions had truly been made. Context clues. That was she needed.

If he went right back to charming and seductive, back to manipulating her to do his bidding, she would know she was a pawn. It was what a smart agent would do.

He hadn’t been acting like a smart agent.

She would have seen that if she hadn’t been mired in her own misery. She’d walked out, had a cry, and read the file. She’d known in an instant that she couldn’t leave.

And if they had to be stuck together, anything could happen. She wiped her tears and faced the truth. He’d humiliated her and she was thinking about how to win him back. It was pathetic, but it was true.

Nigel sighed a little. “It’s not that he’s a bad man. This job can twist a person. I’ve seen it before. Once this is over, I’ll make sure he doesn’t cause any trouble with you.”

“I can handle Damon.” Suddenly, she kind of believed it. It was all in how a person looked at the problem. Something fundamental had changed inside her. It changed because she’d fallen in love. Unfortunately, she’d fallen in love with a moody chap, and there wasn’t room for both of them to be depressed. Damon was likely brooding somewhere.

She could be wrong. He could have meant every word he said. Only time would tell. Before, she would have simply moved on, believing that she didn’t deserve that kind of happiness, but now she was different somehow.

If she was right, she would likely have a battle on her hands, one she had no idea how to win.

“Miss Cash, there’s one other thing.”

“Yes?” Now that she’d decided the world didn’t have to end because Damon had a fit, she was anxious to get back to him.

Who was she fooling? She was anxious to know if there was still a chance. If she walked out there and he tried to smooth things over with a charming smile, she would likely burst into tears.

“I want a report on him and his capability in the field. I don’t trust the Americans. They’re far too friendly with him. And I certainly don’t trust him to tell me the truth.”

She already knew more about Damon’s fitness than Nigel did. It had been one incident, and she likely would have passed out, too. He’d been climbing up a machine that was going the opposite direction. How many times would that happen? Other than that single incident, he’d been incredibly fit. She nodded. “Of course.”

“Be safe, Cash.”

She took her file—the one with the pictures of her having sex—and walked out, closing the door behind her. Her heart was thudding in her chest. Did she really want to know? Did she really want that moment when he simply smiled at her and acted as though nothing had happened between them? How would she act?

Was she being a complete idiot? He’d ripped her heart out. She should keep her distance. She should protect herself.

“Penelope? What the bloody hell was that?” Damon took her by the elbow. His normally perfect hair was mussed beyond repair. He looked like he’d been pacing, waiting for her not so he could charm her, but to yell at her. “We can still salvage this. Walk back in and tell him you quit again. You were right to do it. Hell, just get your things and you’ll walk away.”