Dunc and Amos and the Red Tattoos

•
1

Duncan—Dunc—Culpepper sat on the edge of his bed checking off items on the list he was holding. His best friend Amos Binder called them out to him.

“Swim trunks.”

“Check.”

“Mosquito repellent.”

“Check.”

“Sleeping bag.”

“Check.”

“Fake throw-up.”

“Ch—hey, that’s not on the list.”

Amos grinned. “You never know. Just when
you leave something at home, that’s the very thing you’ll need.”

“This camp we’re going to has some pretty strict rules about behavior. Willie Myers told me that Attila the Hun doesn’t have anything on these counselors.”

Amos took off his cap and put it on backward. “How come we got so lucky? Whose brilliant idea was it to send us off to Camp Gitchee Goomee, anyway? What a name. Have we done something to deserve this kind of punishment?”

Dunc looked at him.

“I mean lately,” Amos said.

“My mother says that everyone should have the experience of going to summer camp. She thinks it will be good for me to get back to nature, breathe some fresh air, and be around normal people my age.”

“What am I—abnormal?”

“Oh, I’m sure she didn’t mean anything against you, Amos. Besides, you’re coming with me.”

“I’ve been thinking about that. This camp business sounds worse than the army. I could stay here and hold down the fort until you get
back. Lie around the pool, soak up some rays, play some video games.”

“Amos Binder, I can’t believe it. We always do everything together. I can’t believe you would even think of such a thing!”

“I was going to write to you.”

Dunc decided it was time to try a different approach.

“Okay, Amos. If that’s the way you want it. I can handle that. No problem here.
She
might be a little disappointed, though.”

“She?”

“Melissa Hansen. I found out that she just happens to be going to the same camp we are.”

Dunc knew it wasn’t fair to bring up Melissa. Amos loved Melissa with his whole heart. While she thought of him as a welcome mat—if at all.

Amos put his cap on the right way. “Do you know for sure, guaranteed, beyond a shadow of a doubt, cross your heart and hope to eat raw liver, that Melissa is going to this same camp?”

“Where do you think my mother got the name of the camp?” Dunc nodded. “Melissa’s mother told her.”

Amos jumped from the floor up to the bed. “Ye-es! All alone with Melissa Hansen in a beautiful mountain setting. Birds singing, flowers blooming …”

“I hate to mention this, Amos, but you won’t be all alone with her. There will be at least two hundred other campers, besides the counselors. They put the boys on one side and the girls on the other.”

“Details,” Amos said, ignoring Dunc. “What an opportunity! It’ll really be the perfect place to show off my skills as an outdoorsman.”

“I didn’t know you had any.”

“I’ve got three days. I’ll get some.”

Dunc smiled. “Well, if you’re determined to go on this trip, who am I to stand in your way?”

•
2

Camp Gitchee Goomee was nestled in a small mountain range near Silver Lake. All of the buildings were made log-cabin style. There were twenty bunk houses, ten on each side of the camp. The dining hall, recreation room, office, and infirmary were located in the middle.

“Isn’t this something? I told you it would be great up here, Amos. Just breathe in some of that fresh air.”

“I’d like to, but breathing is not one of the things I do best right now.”

Amos looked like a giant raccoon. He had a small piece of white tape across his nose, and his eyes were two perfectly round black circles.

“Tell me again how you managed to break your nose.”

“It happened last night. I was bringing my camping gear downstairs when the phone rang. I figured it was Melissa calling to talk about camp stuff. It sounded like her—you know, that kind of high-pitched ring.”

Dunc nodded. Amos was always certain that Melissa was calling him. She didn’t give him any reason to think it might be her. She had never called him. In fact, she had never even acknowledged his existence on this planet. Or any other planet.

“Anyway, as you know, I like to get it by that all-important second ring. So she doesn’t have to wait. I slid the rest of the way downstairs on the banister. I cut off a lot of time right there. You should have seen me. I was really cooking.”

“Is that when it happened?”

“No, not yet. I was looking good. I ran wide open down that short hall to the kitchen, rounded the turn, and then my mother opened the pantry closet door. I hit it face-first, full blast.”

“How much damage did you do?”

“It knocked me out cold for two hours and left an imprint of my face in the door. Forever. It’s worked out okay, though. My mom’s going to have it framed and use it as a portrait. Save some money.”

“That’s really tough. I mean about your nose. Maybe camping will take your mind off it.”

Several busloads of campers had been steadily arriving. Each camper was assigned a cabin, a camp team, and a counselor.

Dunc read their names off a list on the bulletin board. “We are the Blue Jays, in cabin seven. I’m bunk eighty-eight, and you’re eighty-nine.”

“At least they put us together,” Amos said. “I don’t know if I could handle all this fresh air with strangers.”

They lugged their suitcases and sleeping bags across the exercise yard to cabin seven. Inside the cabin were two rows of metal army cots, a door marked
OFFICE
, and another marked
LATRINE
.

“It’s not home, but it’ll do.” Amos yawned. “I’m beat.” He stretched out on his cot.

A piercing whistle filled the cabin.

Amos flipped out of the cot and landed facedown on the cold cement.

“Camper eighty-nine. No lying on the cots except during a designated sleeping time. That will be one demerit
.”

Amos shook himself, tried to straighten his nose, and looked up. A mountain, posing as a man, was walking toward him, holding a silver whistle and carrying a clipboard.

“Camper eight-nine, you obviously have not read the Gitchee Goomee Campers Handbook. It lists all the camp regulations and the punishment for each infraction. See to it that you read it immediately.”

Amos dragged himself up off the floor.

The mountain folded his arms and glared. “I am Counselor Adolf. I am assigned to this cabin. You are answerable to me for each infraction of camp rules.” He turned and marched back to his office.

“Is that guy for real?” Amos whispered. “Did you see the size of his arm? He makes the Terminator look like a sissy.”

Dunc watched Adolf until he was out of sight, then shook his head. “He probably eats cats. Kittens.” Dunc looked at his watch. “I think we’d better get over to the dining hall before we miss dinner.”

“Duncan.”

Dunc knew Amos was serious when he used his full name instead of his nickname.

“Did you know about this? Did you know we’d get demerits for breathing and have a storm trooper for a counselor?”

“You always get way too excited over things, Amos. He’s probably a real nice guy—once you get to know him.”

“I don’t want to get to know him. I’d rather get to know a grizzly bear. Are you holding anything else back from me?”