Drunk With Blood (29 page)

2 Chronicles 28.5

Estimated Number Killed: 10,000
Ahaz and his soldiers

Ahaz was another king that God didn’t like very much. He just wasn’t enough like David to suit him.

Ahaz ... did not that which was right in the sight of the LORD, like David his father. 2 Chronicles 28.1

And, it’s true; he did seem to lack parenting skills.

Moreover he ... burnt his children in the fire. 28.3

But worst of all, he was a compulsive incense burner, burning incense in the high places, and on the hills, and under every green tree in Judah.

He burnt incense in the high places, and on the hills, and under every green tree. 28.4

So, of course, God had to put a stop to that.

He did it in the usual way; he smote him by delivering him into the hand of another king (this time the king of Syria).

Wherefore the LORD his God delivered him into the hand of the king of Syria; and they smote him … And he was also delivered into the hand of the king of Israel, who smote him with a great slaughter. 28.5

The text doesn’t say how many of Judah’s soldiers died in this smiting. But since in the next verse 120,000 soldiers die in one day, I figure it must have been at least 10,000.

2 Chronicles 28.6

Number Killed: 120,000

Valiant men of Judah

After God smote Ahaz (
127
) by delivering him into the hand of the Syrian king, he delivered him into the hand of another king (Pekah, the king of Israel) for some more smiting. I guess the Syrian king didn’t smite Ahaz hard enough.

God should have been pleased with the second smiting, though, since it was “a great slaughter.”

He [Ahaz] was also delivered into the hand of the king of Israel, who smote him with a great slaughter. 2 Chronicles 28.5b

And it was a great slaughter, too. 120,000 valiant men died in one day! (And 200,000 women and children were taken for slaves.)

For Pekah the son of Remaliah slew in Judah an hundred and twenty thousand in one day, which were all valiant men; because they had forsaken the LORD God of their fathers. ... And the children of Israel carried away captive of their brethren two hundred thousand, women, sons, and daughters. 28.6-8

But God wasn’t pleased with this slaughter either. In fact, the fierce wrath of God was now on the smiters.

A prophet of the LORD was there, whose name was Oded: and he ... said unto them, Behold, because the LORD God of your fathers was wroth with Judah, he hath delivered them into your hand, and ye have slain them in a rage that reacheth up unto heaven. ... for the fierce wrath of the LORD is upon you. 28.9-11

You see, in the first smiting, the Syrians didn’t kill enough people; in the second, the Israelites killed too many. God has a golden mean, sort of a Goldilocks standard for smiting. I’m guessing that God thought that 60,000 to 80,000 was the proper amount of smiting to pay forward King Ahaz for his children/incense burning activities.

In any case, the Israelites worked things out with God by sending the slaves back to Judah and giving them their stuff back. And God forgot his rage toward the Israelites and moved on to his next killing.

2 Chronicles 36.17, Jeremiah 21.4-10

Estimated Number Killed: 10,000

Citizens of Jerusalem

There are only two kinds of kings in the Bible: those that were like David and did right in the sight of the Lord and those that were not like David and did evil in the sight of the Lord. Zedekiah was in the latter group. He didn’t humble himself in front of Jeremiah, he rebelled against Nebuchadnezzar, stiffened his neck, and hardened his heart.

Zedekiah … did that which was evil in the sight of the LORD his God, and humbled not himself before Jeremiah the prophet speaking from the mouth of the LORD. And he also rebelled against king Nebuchadnezzar, who had made him swear by God: but he stiffened his neck, and hardened his heart from turning unto the LORD God of Israel. 2 Chronicles 36.11-13

And everyone else in Judah was just as bad. They did all the basic heathen-like abominations, polluted the temple. You name it.

Moreover all the chief of the priests, and the people, transgressed very much after all the abominations of the heathen; and polluted the house of the LORD which he had hallowed in Jerusalem. 36.14

They even ignored, mocked, and mistreated God’s messengers.

And the LORD God of their fathers sent to them by his messengers, rising up betimes, and sending; because he had compassion on his people, and on his dwelling place. But they mocked the messengers of God, and despised his words, and misused his prophets. 36.15-16a

Well, there’s only so much of that that God will put up with. Finally he couldn’t take it any more and unleashed his wrath upon them.

The wrath of the LORD arose against his people, till there was no remedy. 36.16b

He sent the Babylonians (Chaldees) to slaughter the people of Jerusalem. Young men, little girls, old people—God had them all killed without pity.

Therefore he brought upon them the king of the Chaldees, who slew their young men with the sword in the house of their sanctuary, and had no compassion upon young man or maiden, old man, or him that stooped for age: he gave them all into his hand. 36.17

Well, not all, I guess. Some survived and were carried off to Babylon.

Jeremiah gets even more carried away with this story. Here’s what he says:

Thus saith the LORD God of Israel; Behold, I will turn back the weapons of war that are in your hands, wherewith ye fight against the king of Babylon, and against the Chaldeans … And I myself will fight against you with an outstretched hand and with a strong arm, even in anger, and in fury, and in great wrath. ... I will deliver Zedekiah king of Judah, and his servants, and the people, and such as are left in this city from the pestilence, from the sword, and from the famine, into the hand of Nebuchadrezzar king of Babylon, and into the hand of their enemies, and into the hand of those that seek their life: and he shall smite them with the edge of the sword; he shall not spare them, neither have pity, nor have mercy. ... He that abideth in this city shall die by the sword, and by the famine, and by the pestilence: but he that goeth out, and falleth to the Chaldeans that besiege you, he shall live, and his life shall be unto him for a prey. For I have set my face against this city for evil, and not for good, saith the LORD: it shall be given into the hand of the king of Babylon, and he shall burn it with fire. Jeremiah 21:4-10

The Bible doesn’t say how many God killed with the sword, famine, and disease. But according to Jeremiah, everyone in Jerusalem died, except for those who surrendered to Nebachadnezzar. So I’ll guess 10,000.

Job 1.14-19

Estimated Number Killed: 60

Job’s 10 children and slaves

This is the only killing in the Bible that Satan had anything to do with. And he didn’t do it alone; God was a co-conspirator.

The story begins by introducing Job.

Job was a perfect man with 7 sons, 3 daughters, 7000 sheep, 3000 camels, 500 oxen, 500 she asses, and lots of slaves. He was the greatest man in the east.

There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was perfect and upright, and one that feared God, and eschewed evil. And there were born unto him seven sons and three daughters. His substance also was seven thousand sheep, and three thousand camels, and five hundred yoke of oxen, and five hundred she asses, and a very great household; so that this man was the greatest of all the men of the east. Job 1.1-3

Job’s sons liked to party a lot, and they often invited their sisters over to party with them.

His sons went and feasted in their houses, every one his day; and sent and called for their three sisters to eat and to drink with them. 1.4

Job worried that his sons (he didn’t worry about his daughters) might sin while they were partying, so Job spent all his time killing animals for God in order to sanctify his sons.

When the days of their feasting were gone about … Job sent and sanctified them, and rose up early in the morning, and offered burnt offerings according to the number of them all: for Job said, It may be that my sons have sinned, and cursed God in their hearts. Thus did Job continually. 1.5

One day the sons of God came over to God’s place. And Satan was with them.

Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan came also among them. 1.6

God ignored his other sons, but was especially interested in Satan. He hadn’t seen him for a while and wanted to know what he’d been up to lately.

And the LORD said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? 1.7a

Satan said that he’d been down hiking around on earth.

Then Satan answered the LORD, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it. 1.7b

God asked Satan if he’d seen Job, you know, the guy that is perfect, upright, God-fearing, and whatnot.

The LORD said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil? 1.8

Satan knew who God was talking about. He told God that Job had a good reason to be good. God made Job the biggest big shot east of Eden, protecting him from everything bad and giving him everything good.

Then Satan answered the LORD, and said, Doth Job fear God for nought? Hast not thou made an hedge about him, and about his house, and about all that he hath on every side? thou hast blessed the work of his hands, and his substance is increased in the land. 1.9-10

Take away the protection and mess with his stuff, and he’ll curse you to your face, Big Guy.

But put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath, and he will curse thee to thy face. 1.11

So God said, “You’re on, Satan. Go back down to earth and do whatever the hell you want with his stuff. But don’t do anything to him.”

The LORD said unto Satan, Behold, all that he hath is in thy power; only upon himself put not forth thine hand. 1.12a

So Satan left God’s place and, presumably (although the Bible doesn’t actually say so), went down to earth to visit Job.

So Satan went forth from the presence of the LORD. 1.12b

When Satan got down to earth, he found Job’s children partying, as usual.

There was a day when his sons and his daughters were eating and drinking wine in their eldest brother’s house: 1.13

And then all hell broke loose.

A messenger came to tell Job that the Sabeans had taken his oxen and asses and killed all his slaves (“servants” in the KJV).

There came a messenger unto Job, and said, The oxen were plowing, and the asses feeding beside them: And the Sabeans fell upon them, and took them away; yea, they have slain the servants with the edge of the sword; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee. 1.14-15

And then, while Job was still talking to the first messenger, another messenger showed up, telling him that “a fire from God had fallen from heaven” and burned up Job’s sheep and slaves (I guess some slaves must have survived the Sabean attack).

While he was yet speaking, there came also another, and said, The fire of God is fallen from heaven, and hath burned up the sheep, and the servants, and consumed them; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee. 1.16

And then while the second messenger was speaking, a third messenger arrived to tell Job that a wind came up and knocked down the party house, killing all of Job’s children. (These three messengers were, of course, the only ones who survived.)

While he was yet speaking, there came also another, and said, Thy sons and thy daughters were eating and drinking wine in their eldest brother’s house: And, behold, there came a great wind from the wilderness, and smote the four corners of the house, and it fell upon the young men, and they are dead; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee. 1.18-19

After Job heard these three messages he ripped up his clothes, shaved his head, fell on his face, and worshiped the God who had just murdered his children.

Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped. 1.20

Oh, and he also said that he was born naked and would die naked, God gives and takes away, blessed be his name.

And said, Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. 1.21

God burned to death his slaves and animals and murdered his children, but Job didn’t blame God.

In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly. 1.22

But God was to blame, even if Job didn’t have the guts to say so.

We know that God and Satan killed Job’s seven sons and three daughters. But Job also owned a lot of slaves, which were killed in God’s bet with Satan, although the Bible doesn’t say how many. I’ll guess there were 50 slaves that died (some burned to death).