Drowning to Breathe (15 page)

I shook my head at myself.

Never.

Things were so fucking good. But that didn’t mean we weren’t constantly on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Jennings hadn’t pushed the custody issue since the day Kallie’d come home. One could hope he’d given up.

But Shea and I knew better. He was just biding his time.

Lying in wait.

The way all predators do.

Kallie belted out the last of the chorus to
Brown Eyed Girl
, sweet, sweet voice dancing in my ears. She grinned so wide it stretched out to touch me.

“That one is my favorite, FAVORITE, Baz.”

I ruffled her hair. “Pretty awesome, right? Song kinda reminds me of a couple girls I know.”

“Who?”

Just then, the side door rattled, and Shea came fumbling in, all soft seduction and radiant smile.

Fucking gorgeous.

I searched for the air that suddenly felt thick. Didn’t even try to hide the way I let my gaze take all of her in, eyes caressing up and down.

A curl of lust consumed me in the same second a rush of calm settled in the center of my chest.

Chaos and peace.

She floated in, all summer breeze and bouncing curls and joyful grin, today my girl light, light, light.

Sometimes I didn’t know how to make sense of her. It was like a constant war raged within her, crushing deep butting up against irresistible brilliant bright.

Kallie flapped her arms. “Momma…surprise! Me and Baz are makin’ s’ghetti for dinner. It’s gonna be so, so, so good! You better be hungry.”

Shea slanted me the sweetest, most appreciative smile before she turned toward her daughter with a feigned gasp. “Oh my goodness, did you make me dinner? And spaghetti is my favorite. How did you know I’ve been craving it the entire day at work?”

Shea edged around the island. She planted a kiss to Kallie’s forehead. Kallie lifted her face and gazed at her with unconditional adoration and love. Shea poked her chubby belly, and Kallie squealed, grabbing at Shea’s hands, little shoulders going up to her ears.

These two were going to be the death of me.

“Silly Momma, I already knows it’s your favorite. S’ghetti’s my favorite, too. ’Member?” Kallie’s voice turned scolding.

Shea laughed a throaty sound that had my eyes tracing her again. “Of course, I remember. Do you think I’d forget something as important as that?”

“No way.” Kallie shook her head.

After taking some time off to readjust with Kallie, Shea had gone back to work a week ago. She’d taken some lunch shifts to get back into the swing of things before she returned to her regular schedule this coming Tuesday.

Three days away.

Should have known the uproar it’d cause when I told her I’d take care of her. Asked her straight up if she just wanted to stay home and forget about working at
Charlie’s
.

She was having no part of that. Again she’d told me she wasn’t in this for my money or what I could give her.

But that was the thing. I wanted her to have it all.

Worst part was knowing my days here were fleeting. Part of me was working through every scenario, trying to figure out how I could convince her to come along with me. At the same time, I knew I couldn’t just roll in here and displace Shea and Kallie from their home.

Shea caught me staring. I swallowed heavily when those knowing eyes latched onto me. This time it was her turn to track me. Hunger and need and slow appreciation.

Fuck, the girl knew exactly how to undo me.

She stepped forward till her tits were brushing at my chest, hiking up on her toes to steal a kiss.

The second her mouth met mine, I grabbed her by the hips, all too eager to give her one back. I kissed her sweet and slow, keeping it PG considering we had little eyes for an audience.

Still, Kallie giggled like it was the most scandalous thing she’d ever witnessed. “You give Momma too many kisses.”

I pulled back, fingers still burrowed in Shea’s hips. “What?” I teased, voice going deep with disbelief. “There’s no such thing as too many kisses.”

“Uh-huh,” Kallie countered.

I passed Shea a smile, before I released her and took two measured steps toward Kallie.

“What, like this?” I grabbed her by the face and peppered loud, smacking kisses all over her angel face.

Kallie squealed, thrashing limbs and quivering chest that rolled with rasping laughter. “Stop, Baz! Those are tickle kisses!”

“Can’t…stop,” I drew out between kisses, making her squeal more.

Kallie retaliated, tiny fingers latching onto my ears, and she scattered her own noisy kisses across my cheeks. She jerked back, mischief and joy swimming in her eyes. “Got you!”

Laughing lightly, I nudged her chin with my index finger. “You got me.”

Got me good.

Wasn’t ever going to be the same.

I turned my attention back to Shea and got tripped up by the adoration shining from her face.

Still didn’t understand how I got lucky enough to be on the receiving end of something that beautiful.

Easing toward her, my voice dropped as I wound an arm around her waist and pulled her to me. “How was your day?”

With a contented smile, she stared up at me, tired but totally at ease. “Busy, but good.”

I planted a few more kisses at the edge of that delicious mouth. “Good.”

“Hey,” Kallie objected through a huge grin.

With my mouth still running along Shea’s, I sent Kallie a mumbled, “Watch yourself, little woman.”

“Little Bug,” she corrected, and damn, my heart went a little crazy.

Haywire.

I was completely unaccustomed to all this good when I’d been existing for so long in the bad.

On a laugh, Shea untangled herself from my hold and finally took in her surroundings. She seemed quick to take note of the disaster that had befallen her kitchen. Other than Kallie? This room was basically her pride and joy.

She raised a brow at me, words a playful accusation. “And how was your day?”

“Busy, but good,” I shot back as I snagged her by the belt loops and gave her a good tug.

She smirked. “Looks like it.”

A new song came on, and Shea glanced at the radio. Until that piece of electronics and I met, I was pretty sure it had only known old country songs.

Shea’s attention darted to Kallie who again started wiggling around on the island.

Shea cut her eyes back to me. A look of mock horror stretched across her face. “What in the world are you letting my daughter listen to?”

I tossed her horrified expression right back, though mine probably didn’t come across quite as feigned.

“What? Thought I’d start Kallie here off on some of the classics.” I lifted a shoulder. “The Rolling Stones. Led Zeppelin. You know, ease her in slow. Then maybe move on to some old school punk, get her primed before I introduce her to the real stuff.”

So maybe I thought the kid needed a little variety in her musical tastes.

Dismay widened Shea’s eyes. “And the
real stuff
would be?”

I scowled a little, playing with her, just a little prod. “I don’t know…I might know of a couple bands I could introduce her to.”

“Are you trying to lure my kid to the dark side?” Her tone was nothing but flirt and tease, and she wound a fist in my shirt, yanking and making me stumble forward a step.

I didn’t mind a bit. I found the base of her neck and tipped her head toward me. My other hand hit that sweet spot at the small of her back, bending her back. I whispered close to her face, lips hovering an inch from hers. “Never would dream of it, baby.”

Her eyes darted to mine, and that energy swelled. It was always this way. One touch. One murmur.

Fire.

That bell-like voice had me jerking my head back enough to catch the grin lighting up Kallie’s face. “All morning when you went and seen your
brover
, me and Momma were listening to you singin’, Baz. Momma turned it up way, way loud.”

Slowly, I slid my gaze back to Shea who was still leaning back, completely reliant on my hold. “Is that so?” I demanded.

A deep blush skated right up Shea’s neck and throbbed on her cheeks.

So maybe I shouldn’t get off on the idea of my girl listening to me while I was away.

Crazy how just a few weeks ago, I’d felt ill over the idea. I didn’t want my sweet, soft girl witnessing the way
Sunder
had to look on stage. All that hostility and hard and aggression that beat through our songs.

But now…

Now I wanted her to be a part of it.

Every aspect.

Every facet.

Because Shea got that it was me.

“You miss me while I was gone?” A smirk ticked up at one corner of my mouth.

Shea wet her lips, voice raspy with the admission. “Always.”

“Good girl.”

Teeth clamped down on her bottom lip, so hard it blanched, and damn if I didn’t want to haul her upstairs, toss her onto her bed, and sink into her warmth.

To taste and play and fuck.

To get lost in her sea of light and dark.

Just for a little while.

But the water was starting to boil on the stove and we had a little one watching us with rapt attention, innocence needing to remain intact.

Priorities and all.

I dropped a swift, closed-mouthed kiss to Shea’s tempting mouth, then righted her on her unsteady feet. “Come on, let’s finish up dinner. We just need to throw on the spaghetti and we can eat.”

Shea shook off the desire skimming along her honey skin. “Sounds good.”

I angled in and scooped Kallie from the counter. She released a high-pitched shriek, throwing her arms out, flapping them around as I made her soar through the air.

Butterflies and contentment and ease.

I slung her onto my back and helped her dump the box of spaghetti into the boiling water.

This was the way it was always supposed to be.

The way
we
were supposed to be.

The three of us sat down at the table and shared the meal.

And I knew I’d never experience anything better in my life.

“You are a mess.” Shea rubbed her nose against Kallie’s as she pulled her from the chair and into her arms.

Spaghetti sauce was smeared across Kallie’s face, clumps stuck to the front of her shirt, pieces decorating her hair. It looked like more had dropped onto the floor than had made it into her mouth.

“Bath time.”

Shea adjusted Kallie on her side, her lithe body slithering toward me where she dipped down and fixed a kiss on me where I still sat at the table. “Thank you both for dinner,” Shea said quietly.

Gratefully.

Truly.

Affection squeezed my ribs.

“Anytime,” I answered back, meaning it. “Go on and get this little one cleaned up and I’ll work on getting the kitchen back in working order.”

Upstairs, water ran, and I got up and cleared the table. I dove into the pile of dishes in the sink, quick to rinse through them and load them into the dishwasher. I wiped down the counters, swept up the floor, cutting through the mess Kallie and I had made earlier while wondering again how it was possible my life could change so drastically in just a few short months.

Sunder
was still supposed to be on our European tour, filling up dark, rowdy music halls, raising hell, reveling in debauchery and sin. And here I was in this quaint city, cleaning my girl’s kitchen.

Talk about a mindfuck.

Finished with the kitchen, I walked through the swinging door and living room. Wood creaked beneath my steps as I edged upstairs. Laughter rang out from the bathroom, the sound drawing me forward.

I nudged the door open wider and leaned my shoulder against the jamb.

Kallie splashed around in her bath, covered to her chest in bubbles. Shea sat on the edge of the tub. She’d torn off the sweater she’d been wearing, and now was in nothing but her jeans and a skin-tight tank, the front of it soaked with water.

Damn.

She glanced up at where I was sucking the flawless sight down, eyes locking on me.

Warm.

Honest.

Pure.

“What’s going on in here?” I asked like they were causing all sorts of trouble, making Kallie laugh and giggle. I edged forward just in time to catch Kallie cupping a big mound of bubbles in her hands. She blew them into Shea’s face.

Shea yelped then laughed, wiping it off, a few streaks still clinging to her face. “I think I’m under attack by the suds monster.”

“The suds monster, eh?” I asked, eyeing Kallie who started shaking her head, guilty playfulness written all over her.

“Nuh-uh.” A grin spilled from her. “I not a monster.” She stuck some of the suds to her chin. “I’m Santa Claus.”

Shea looked over at me. The expression on her face touched me from across the space.

Joy.

Joy.

Joy.

Shea’s cell rang from her bedroom. “Mind if I grab that?”

“Nope. Go ahead. I’ve got her.”

She grazed my hand as she passed, a simple touch that felt anything but.

Significant.

That’s what Shea and I had, even in the effortless moments like these.

Trust and certainty.

I took Shea’s spot at the edge of the tub. “Hey there, Little Bug. Did you get cleaned up?”