Drifting into Darkness (5 page)

“What’s on your mind, Sadie?”

I looked up to see her leaning a hip on the island with her arms crossed across her chest. The apron was gone and the flour and dough had been cleaned up. I really must have zoned out. “Nothing,” I said, shrugging and feigning indifference.

“Are you sure? We haven’t sat down to talk since we’ve been here. How are you dealing with everything? You know you can talk to me.” She sounded concerned, but I wasn’t sure if I should voice my thoughts or not. She’d always told me that I could go to her and she would never be upset with my honesty.

I let out a little sigh and pushed the water bottle away. “I’ll be honest with you, Mom. I don’t know how you do it. I love Dad, but if I was in your shoes, I’m not sure I would have forgiven him so quickly. I feel like you just swept everything under a rug. Like what he did doesn’t deserve a punishment of some kind.” It just all started coming out without warning. It was diarrhea of the mouth. “I’m not saying I would be happy to see you and Dad split, but how are you okay with all of this? You don’t even seem upset. And Dad? He acts like he did nothing wrong. If it weren’t for this move, we’d be living life as if nothing ever happened.”

She pulled away from the island and adjusted her clothes before placing her hands down on the counter, and then she observed me for a moment before replying. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, softly shaking her head. “I know it seems as though I’m not bothered by any of this, but I am. None of this has been easy, but I’m going to tell you this one time and I want you to really listen. I love your father more than anything. Did I think our marriage was over when everything happened? Yes. But I didn’t let that drag me down. I wasn’t going to throw away this marriage. We’ve been together for too long, and when you love someone, you at least try to work it out. And you don’t know your father like I do. There are so many levels to him that he doesn’t show anyone. You haven’t heard his apologies or his pleas for me to stay or the sorrow on his face when he thinks I’m not looking. I know he loves me. We all make mistakes, but it’s how we move forward that makes us who we are.”

I pondered what she said as she turned around to start chopping some vegetables.
It’s how we move forward that makes up who we are.
Those words hit home more then she knew.

An hour later, Dad walked through the door and into the kitchen. When he saw me, a smile appeared on his face and that’s how I was usually greeted. Ever since things happened a couple of months ago, he’d acted like nothing had happened, but I knew Mom was right. I didn’t see what she saw.

As we sat down to dinner, I watched as they interacted with each other. The smile never left his face. I wondered how hard it was to keep it there. It occurred to me that he was putting on a front for me. He had to have been doing this to make me feel more comfortable with the situation. He knew Jason broke up with me, so maybe he was trying to save the reputation of the male race. I wasn’t sure, but even though I commended his efforts, there was no resurrecting what was already dead. That would be a miracle.

~*~

After dinner, I helped Mom clean up the kitchen then I excused myself to go back to my place. It had been an exhausting day and the thought of lying down in bed was very appealing, but before I did, I had to look up the address Lisa sent me.

I walked inside, closing the door behind me and scrunched up my nose. It smelled like a horse’s ass. I forgot to take the trash out that morning and the left over Chinese that I threw away two days ago was really starting to stink. I really needed to remember to take the trash out regularly. I made my way to the couch, opting to ignore the smell for the time being, and picked up the laptop knowing exactly what I was ready to do. There was no reason to put it off any longer. Opening the laptop, I moved my finger along the mouse pad to wake up the computer. The screen lit up in a matter of seconds and I moved the curser directly on to the folder that read,
My Love
. Rolling my eyes at my own sentiment, I used two fingers to click on the folder, and then moved the curser to click on trash. In an instant, it was gone, still not fully gone, but gone nonetheless. I felt no sadness, so I immediately moved the curser to the trash and emptied it. Then I did the same for the background pictures I had saved. It felt refreshing to finally get it out of my life, to start fresh.

With that out of the way, I leaned to the side and grabbed my phone. There was one missed call with a voicemail and three texts from Erin. I ignored them and opened the text from Lisa. It was the address to the farm.

Google maps said it would take approximately thirty-five minutes for me to get to the farm. It wasn’t ideal, but I was sure once I got used to the area, I could find some short cuts to make the commute easier.

I closed the laptop and set it on the table in front of the couch. I was tired, so I decided to head to bed.

I grabbed the TV remote off my nightstand and turned on the TV that was sitting on my dresser located on the far wall, across from my bed. Tonight called for reality TV. There was nothing like getting lost in their world when nothing seemed to be going right with your own.

Four

My alarm buzzed loudly at nine, waking me out of a sound sleep. I reached out with my eyes still closed, and tapped the snooze button, and then raised my covers over my head. I really shouldn’t have stayed up so late watching TV. I did it to myself, even when I knew I had to get up in the morning.

Begrudgingly, I got out of bed and walked out of my room and into the bathroom. I had no idea how I planned to get up at the butt crack of dawn every day. A long hot shower and a cup of coffee would wake me up, though. Then I remembered, “Shit.” I forgot to set the coffee pot the previous night and I had no idea where a Starbucks was in the area. I could just look on my phone, but I knew I wouldn’t have time. I already felt like I was running late.

When I finished with my shower and brushed my teeth, I walked back into my room and picked out some clothes, cut off jean shorts and a baby doll shirt. It was too hot to really wear anything else. I knew I’d probably need to wear t-shirts while working due to getting dirty, but I didn’t think they’d have me do anything today, so I dressed for comfort. I reached for my slip on sandals, but then thought better of it and grabbed my tennis shoes instead. I wouldn’t want to accidently step in manure in sandals. That would be utterly disgusting.

After getting dressed, I brushed my wet, long brown hair into a high ponytail and put it in a messy bun. I dabbed on a little bit of foundation powder onto my face, some eyeliner and some lip-gloss and I was ready to go.

I grabbed my phone and glanced at the clock. It was nine thirty-seven. I should have plenty of time to get to the farm. I typed the address into my phone to get the directions again since I didn’t have a printer to print them out from my laptop. I also didn’t have a GPS in my run down Honda either. So this would have to do. It was my lifesaver. I was direction impaired.

Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, I stuffed it into my purse, and then grabbed the smelly trash out to the trashcan.

I got into my car and was thankful for the big oak tree from our neighbors’ house. It blocked the sun from melting the paint off my car, so I didn’t enter a sauna when I needed to go somewhere.

It took me thirty-eight minutes and one U-turn to see a sign that read ‘Johnson Farm'. I turned left down a gravel road passing fields of corn. I slowed down as I came up to a sign that read ‘Office’, with an arrow pointing to the right.

After making the turn, I noticed a red-bricked building with a wooden porch to the right and a row of cars parked in front. I assumed this to be the office I needed to go to, since there was nothing else around that resembled one. I parked at the far end of the building next to a big, black Ford truck and got out of the car. But before I walked up onto the porch, movement caught my eye. Derek and another guy walked out of the door and were headed in my direction. They looked to be having an in-depth conversation so they hadn’t noticed me staring yet. Although, I knew it was inevitable since I had to walk past them to get to the door.

Not wanting to seem like a weirdo standing there staring, I stepped up onto the porch. I passed a couple of rocking chairs and kept my gaze down as I walked in the direction of the door.

“Sadie.”

I looked up to see Derek just a few feet away smiling at me

“Hey,” I smiled back. “Am I in the right place?” I pointed to the building. “Lisa told me to meet her in the office.”

Derek nodded his head. “Yeah. Lisa’s in there waiting for you. We just took lunch.”

“Lunch?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “Don’t you mean breakfast?”

He let out a short laugh and shook his head. “No, I meant lunch. We come in around six thirty; so ten thirty is our lunch. But don’t worry, we get an hour and it’s nice to get out of the heat. It gets hot pretty quick out here.”

He wasn’t kidding. I was on the porch, out of the sun, and I was already starting to sweat. My shirt was sticking to my back.
Gross
. It was a good thing I had my hair up or I’d have a puffball on my head. I hoped getting up at five in the morning would be worth it. “Oh, okay, that makes sense.” I smiled. I snuck a glance at the other guy.
Holy hell, he is good looking
. He towered over me and was at least six-three or six-four. My stomach did a flip and I quickly averted my eyes to look back at Derek. “Well, I’ll just go in and find…” I started as he looked over at the guy.

“Oh, yeah, this is Landon, by the way. My brother.” He looked at Landon, then back to me.

I slowly brought my eyes back to Landon who was still looking at me with his piercing blue eyes, but this time his full lips were curved into a slight smirk. “Hi,” he said in a deep voice.

“Hi,” I replied as I felt the heat in my cheeks.

“We’re on our way to the feed store, so we’ll be back in a little bit.” I heard Derek say, but I was too busy looking Landon over.

Aside from his tall stature and beautiful eyes, he had a rugged looking face. But even with the stubble he donned, I could still see that he had softness to his features. The baseball hat he was wearing was pulled down to his eyes, making him look all kinds of hot and sexy. My eyes traveled further down and took in his boots, jeans, and white t-shirt that stretched across his chest, made taut due to his standing with his hands in his back pockets. I could see wet splotches on his shirt from sweat. I wouldn’t doubt he’d been in the heat since this morning.

Wait a minute.
You’re not here to ogle Landon, damn it.

I closed my eyes for a brief moment, and then looked at Derek with a smile. “Okay, I’ll see you guys later then.” They parted to let me pass and I walked toward the door.

“Y’all,” Derek corrected.

I turned to look at him as I reached the door. “Excuse me?”

“It’s y’all, not you guys. You’re in the south now,” he laughed.

“Right, I’ll make sure I remember that,” I added sarcastically.

Derek turned away and I glanced at Landon who was walking to the driver’s side door of the Ford truck I parked next to. He looked over his shoulder with another smirk before opening his door and getting into his truck.

I rolled my eyes at how obvious he was, but I wasn’t so subtle when I was looking him over.

Letting out a breath, I opened the door to the office, chastising myself as I walked in. I was not going to get all gaga over a handsome face. Lisa even said the only reason some girls wanted to work here was to get in his pants. I definitely wouldn’t be one of those girls. Besides, I’d had enough drama with the men already in my life to last me a couple of years.

As I closed the door behind me, the first thing I noticed inside was the huge mural on the far wall. It was a painting of a farm. I assumed the Johnson farm. There were fields of crops, horses, cows, and buildings all over. If it depicted the Johnson Farm, then it was a lot bigger than I originally thought.

Then there was the smell. It smelled like a mixture of dirt, manure, bleach, and…food? A definite mixture of smells, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever get used to it. It was worse in here than it was outside. My guess was because this was an enclosed building and it kept the foul smells locked up tight. Hopefully, we weren’t staying in here. I just might gag.

The sitting area in front of the mural was quaint with its orange plaid furniture, although, it definitely needed an upgrade. To my right was a desk and chair. It looked like something a secretary would use, but there was nothing on it.

Walking in further, I noticed two doors, one to the left and one to the right. I could hear talking coming from one of the rooms. Since only one door was open, it had to be coming from there. I walked closer, until I could see in the office with the open door. There, I saw Lisa talking to an older lady with silvering brown hair; she had on khaki shorts, a white V-neck t-shirt, and brown boots. I’d probably have to buy myself a pair of boots too.

She must have noticed my movement out of the corner of her eye because she turned as soon as I was in line with the door.

“Yay, you’re here,” she screeched as she bounded over to me. She was way more cheery than she was yesterday. I’d definitely have to get used to her bubbly personality.

“Yep, I made it.” I smiled.

“I hope it wasn’t too hard for ya to find.”

“Nah, it wasn’t too bad.”

She smiled. “Great, come on so I can introduce ya to Landon and Derek’s Nan.” She turned and walked back into the office and I followed behind. The older lady looked up as we entered, setting down the invoices she was looking over. She also had bright blue eyes and a pale wrinkling face with a pair of glasses at the tip of her nose. Her silvering brown hair was in a bun and reminded me of how movies portray librarians. “Nan, this is Sadie. The one I told ya about.”