Dreaming on Daisies (13 page)

Buddy cast a knowing look at his boss.

Leah shut her eyes and sighed, then lowered her voice. “Right. I’ll never understand him, Buddy. Never.”

“Don’t be too hard on him, sweetheart.” Buddy grabbed Charlie’s good arm and braced him. “He’s a good man when he’s sober; you know that.”

“Yeah, but that’s happening less often, and I’ve almost forgotten what it’s like. I’m not sure I even like him anymore.”

As soon as the words left her lips, she regretted them. Pa might be drunk, but he wasn’t deaf. Fear rose inside and pummeled her, leaving her raw and defenseless. The last thing she wanted was for bitterness to burrow into her heart and take root, but the tendrils of resentment kept sprouting and spreading faster than she could cut them off.

Buddy peeked at his boss, then focused back on her. “You might need help with those cows. What if that bull decides to take a gander at you again?”

“I’ll have my guard up, but he won’t. He’s got other things on his mind right now with the cows around. Besides, I imagine he got his mad out of his system, at least for today. Pa must have annoyed him. I’ve never seen him so ugly before.”

“I’ll get Charlie to the house, and Millie can look after him. Want me to go for the doc?”

Leah shook her head. “No, you stay and help Millie. Tell Steven to ride to town.”

Buddy turned wise eyes on her. “That young man saved all our bacon with his quick thinking.”

Leah shrugged, hating to admit it was true after the way she’d shouted. Why did she allow her emotions to get so tangled up that they caused her tongue to break out of the harness and run wild? “It was you shooting at the heels of the cows that sent them racing toward the bull. They caught his attention and slowed him down.”

Buddy grinned. “You’re fooling yourself, girl. You know right well if Harding hadn’t took off running in front of that bull, he’d have charged you and your pa before you could say scat.”

He tightened his grip on Charlie but kept his gaze fixed on Leah. “Now, go along with you. I’ll take care of your pa and Harding, but you’d best get a grip on your temper and apologize to that young whippersnapper. That is, if you don’t want to lose the only good worker you got around here now.”

Her head jerked up, and she stared. “Huh?” Steven hadn’t followed orders when she told him to stay clear of the bull. She’d had a right to lose her temper, hadn’t she? The last thing she needed right now was a dressing-down from Buddy.

He nodded. “Your pa’s going to be laid up with a busted arm, and my back is about to give out. You know I can’t do no more heavy work. Don’t know why you keep me around. Harding is the only healthy man we’ve got, so you’d best treat him right. Besides, that boy did you a favor when he came to work. Just because you’re sweet on him don’t mean you got to treat him bad.”

Leah felt as if someone had poked her with a sharp stick and all the air had whooshed out, leaving her limp and shaken. “I’ll think on it, Buddy.”

She trudged away but turned for a second and gave him a weak smile. “And thanks for sticking around, bad back and all. I couldn’t run this place without you and Millie.”

Steven kicked a pinecone and sent it spinning across the barnyard. What was it about that woman that burrowed under his skin so easily? First, she’d accused him of drinking with her father, and now she treated him with less respect than the worst tenderfoot to hit the West.

Maybe he should find another place to live. She certainly didn’t see much value in the things he’d accomplished. Even his effort to distract the bull while risking his own life had brought nothing but criticism.

He stepped onto the porch of the bunkhouse to be met by Rusty, tail wagging and tongue lolling to the side. “What’s the matter? Did everybody desert you after the excitement?”

Steven lowered himself into a rocker and patted his leg. Rusty crept over and placed his head on his knee, emitting a gentle whine. “Why can’t other people on this ranch be as friendly as you, huh, boy? I’m tempted to pack my bags and head to town.”

At least he’d coaxed a thank-you from Leah when he’d brought the doctor back to the ranch a few minutes ago. Of course, she was still worried about her father, and Steven couldn’t blame her. What was the man thinking, turning the bull loose in that pasture?

Steven stroked Rusty’s soft coat. “Some people around this place don’t use good sense, do they, boy?”

A thump on the walkway jerked him upright.

Buddy stood on the bottom step, leaning against the post. “You thinking about leaving us, boy? I heard what you said about packing your bags. Sure would hate to see you do that.”

Steven stroked the dog’s fur and met the older man’s eyes. “Sorry you heard that, Buddy. I must sound like a complainer.”

Buddy eased into a nearby chair with a grunt. “Naw, can’t say as I blame you. Our girl can blister a man with her tongue when she gets riled. You shoulda heard what she said to her pa after she got him in bed. Whoo-wee!” He grinned and slapped his knee. “Not that Charlie didn’t deserve every word of it. But I’m plumb sorry she took her fear out on you.”

Steven’s hand stilled, and he stared at the old cowpoke. “Fear? You mean about her pa getting hurt and being in danger?” He nodded. “I can understand that.”

Buddy wagged his head and smiled. “That ain’t what I’m talking about, at all. I meant Leah being a-feared for your life and how it almost made her sick, thinking you coulda been killed.”

“She felt responsible, I know, since I live here and work for her part-time. I suppose I’d feel the same.”

Buddy chuckled. “Fiddlesticks, boy—that ain’t the only reason. But it’s not my place to spell it out if you haven’t seen it for your own self. But let me tell you, this ranch needs you. Leah needs you. If you go traipsin’ back to town, she’s gonna be plumb hard to live with.”

“I can’t say as I’ve been enough help since I arrived to make a lot of difference.”

Steven hooked his arm around Rusty’s neck and pulled the dog close, rubbing him behind the ears. What was all this talk about Leah’s fear? What other reason would there be? From what he could tell she’d never noticed him as a man and seemed to disdain him as a worker—in fact, she’d made it quite clear she didn’t think him capable of making good judgments. So clearly Buddy was mistaken in what he appeared to be hinting at.

A pang stabbed at Steven’s heart. It would be nice if Leah did notice him in another regard, but that was highly unlikely after her behavior today.

“I’ll think on what you’ve said, Buddy. I don’t want to leave you or the ranch shorthanded, but I’m not convinced it would matter one way or the other to Miss Carlson.”

Chapter Thirteen

April 22, 1881

Charlie lay on his bed and groaned, not over the pain that lanced through his arm as sharp as a dagger, but over his own stupidity. Why had he decided to drink while sitting out in that field?

Truth be told, he’d started drinking before he’d wandered into the pasture. He hated the look he’d seen on Leah’s face when he’d come to, and he’d wanted to kick himself when she said she didn’t know if she even liked him anymore. Where had he gone wrong? Why had his girl turned against him?

He’d seen the disappointment shining in her eyes, doing battle with anger and fear. But it wasn’t his fault. None of it was. He drank because he had to, not because he liked the stuff.

Charlie shifted on the bed, trying to get comfortable, but no matter where he settled, his arm still throbbed. Doc said he’d be laid up for weeks without being able to use it. He’d already been lying here for twenty-four hours and hated the thought of being useless for so long. Stupid, that’s what he was. Dad-blamed stupid.

A whine sounded nearby, and Charlie turned his head. Rusty stood in the open doorway, tail wagging and ears cocked, as though asking why Charlie was abed at this time of day.

He grunted. “Good question, fella. Come on in. Nobody else wants to keep me company.”

The dog obediently trotted across to the bed, his nails clicking on the hardwood floor. He stuck his nose under Charlie’s good hand and rooted, begging to have his glossy coat stroked.

“All right, guess I might as well talk to you as not. What d’you think about this business, huh?” He tried to shift his weight and groaned. The laudanum the doc gave him seemed to be wearing off.

He feebly rubbed the dog’s fur. “I got myself hurt and made my girl mad all in the same day. You’d think if God cared about her at all, He’d not let things like this happen.”

Rusty growled deep in his chest, and Charlie patted the dog’s head. “You understand, doncha, fella. I only drink to ease the pain inside. Well, maybe to forget a little, too, I suppose. You ever had someone go off and leave you afore? Somebody you loved, and it hurt you so bad you thought you might die?”

Rusty’s tail thumped against the mattress as he pressed in tighter, and his entire body quivered as though in response.

“Huh. Guess you ain’t, at that. But let me tell you, it ain’t no fun bein’ all alone. No wife, no son, and a daughter who’s got no use for you, no-how. I tried, boy. All those years, workin’ so hard to keep the ranch goin’. A man has his pride, you know. What d’you think I should do about it, Rusty boy? Grab me another bottle and drink till I pass out, or tell Leah I’m sorry?”

Rusty stared up at him with soulful eyes but didn’t offer a response.

“I’ll tell you the truth—the bottle sounds almighty temptin’. I’m not so sure I could quit if I wanted to. Sometimes I want to … so bad it about kills me. Other times I want to wallow in my misery with a whiskey clutched in my hand. Why is that, do you suppose? Wish I knew, Rusty boy. I wish I knew.”

Leah walked toward the bunkhouse, her steps lagging the closer she came. The doctor had returned to check on Pa and she’d seen him off, but now her conscience pricked her until she could no longer stand it.

She swung around the corner of the barn and nearly collided with Buddy.

He reached out to steady her, grasping her upper arms. “Where you headed with such a glum face? Charlie having problems? You needing help?”

“No, I’m sorry, Buddy. Pa’s settled and taking a nap.” She stepped out of his grasp and kicked at a rock. “Millie’s keeping an ear open in case he wakes, and I decided to get outside for some fresh air.” She couldn’t quite meet his gaze but saw him nod out of the corner of her eyes.

“You headed to see young Harding and apologize?”

Leah bristled and opened her lips to deny it, then closed them with a snap. She hunched one shoulder instead. “Maybe.”

Buddy patted her arm. “Good. That’s what I was hoping you’d do. And while you’re at it, you might want to give that temper of yours over to the good Lord again, and ask Him to help you control it.” He chuckled and moved away, launching into a jaunty whistle.

If she didn’t love the man and been taught to respect her elders so much, she’d punch him. Leah blew out a breath of exasperation, then chuckled. Buddy was right. She could stand to have God’s help when it came to her temper.

Why couldn’t God have handed her a sweet, kind disposition like her friend Beth? Or Katherine? That woman had put up with more nonsense from her mother when she arrived in town than any woman Leah had ever seen and still managed to show respect at practically every turn.

Leah continued down the path toward the bunkhouse, sudden resolve driving her. Either friend was a wonderful example of what a Christian should be, and she’d be wise to follow their lead.

She stopped a few feet from the porch, taken aback to find Steven sitting in a rocker, Rusty at his feet. For some reason she’d expected to find him inside packing his bags. Maybe she hadn’t angered him as much as she’d thought.

She hooked her thumbs in the pockets of her trousers as hope surged. It would be so nice if she could breeze on past this without having to eat too much crow. “Would you mind if we talk?”

Steven drew in a long breath and released it slowly. “Of course I don’t mind. Please, come have a seat.” He stood and waited for her to step onto the porch and head toward the closest rocker. “I’ve been thinking about some things as well. Maybe I should go first.”

Rusty moved to Leah’s side. She drew him close and whispered in his ear, then sat back. “All right. Go ahead.”

He dropped into his rocker. “I’ve been going over what you said, and I’ve come to the conclusion you’re right.”

She straightened and laced her hands in her lap. Rusty whined and nudged her arm, but she ignored him. “About what?”

“Maybe I’m not cut out to work on a ranch. All I knew before moving to the city was working a farm, pushing a plow, and helping to feed a few cows. Obviously that wasn’t enough to make me a good ranch hand. I want you to know I’ll be moving on. As soon as I can find another place to stay, I’ll be on my way.”

Leah slumped in her seat, not sure she’d heard properly. He wanted to leave, after she’d made up her mind to apologize and ask him to stay? He couldn’t leave. She had to find a way to convince him she hadn’t meant what she’d said. Buddy was right. She’d made a complete mess of things with her poor behavior, but fear had pushed her to the edge. Now panic at the thought of losing Steven robbed her of speech.

She reached out and drew the dog close, finding comfort in his warmth and accepting gaze. Leah raised her eyes and met Steven’s. It was time to get to the bottom of this. She needed to hear the truth. “Why?”

He met her gaze squarely without flinching. “I think it’s clear you don’t feel I can do a good job at the work you’ve given me. I would think you’d be happy to see me leave. You are the one who suggested I do so, if you remember, Miss Carlson.”

She stiffened at his tone and the formal use of her name, then forced her body to relax. Hadn’t she come here planning to set things right? She would not be drawn into an argument or say something hasty that she’d later regret.

What he’d said was true, after all, and Ma had always told her that honesty would serve her best. “Yes, I’m afraid I am guilty of saying that. But I won’t continue this conversation if you insist on being so formal. I also recollect that you agreed to call me Leah, not Miss Carlson.”

He gave a short nod. “I did, but that was before.”

She quirked a brow. “Before … what?”

“Before you made it clear that you weren’t happy with some of my choices.”

Leah ducked her head as warmth rushed into her cheeks. She deserved that rebuke and more. When had she gotten so callous? Had living with Pa all these years bequeathed on her the same rough edges that marred his personality? She had always wanted to be like her mother—warm, kind, and considerate. At least that was how she remembered Ma.

She lifted her head. “I shouldn’t have said those things. I’m sorry.” She wanted to blurt out so much more—to tell him how terrified she’d been, how seeing him in danger had opened her eyes to so many things that even now she found difficult to admit. That she was beginning to care about him … no, care for him … in a way that scared her, clear to the tips of her toes. She couldn’t allow herself to care, couldn’t become vulnerable to a man who might run off and abandon her.

This time it was Steven’s turn to stare. At last he said, “Maybe I shouldn’t have been so blunt. This is your ranch, and you have the right to run it however you see fit.”

“But I don’t have the right to be rude or disrespectful to anyone, whether or not they live or work here. If you don’t mind my asking, what did you mean about being raised on a farm and pushing a plow? You mentioned that before you moved here. If you grew up on a farm, what made you leave?”

Leah waited, but Steven didn’t reply. “You don’t have to tell me.” She got up. “I’ll leave you and Rusty alone now. I’m sorry I bothered you, but I do hope you’ll forgive me and consider staying.”

Steven rose, making the rocker creak just as her boot hit the bottom step of his porch. “Please wait. You caught me off guard, but I’d like to answer your question.”

Leah swiveled. Did he mean what he’d said, or was it simply his innate courtesy coming to the fore? “You’re sure?”

He nodded. “Want to sit again?”

“Thanks.” She made her way back to the rocker. This man unsettled her, made her question herself in too many ways. All this time she’d seen herself as a woman who could take the reins from her father and run things better than he did. Then along came Steven Harding—who one minute drew her like a hummingbird to nectar and the next minute left her bristling like a porcupine threatened by a bear—and she found herself stumbling over her feet and making repeated mistakes.

He leaned forward and propped his hands on his knees. The dog advanced and licked Steven’s fingers.

Leah smiled, touched by the picture. “He’s not typically so friendly except toward family.” She’d often heard that dogs didn’t give their affection to someone who couldn’t be trusted, but was that really true? A tiny part of her felt irritated that Rusty had gone so readily to Steven, rather than to her, but another part rejoiced that the dog had accepted the man so completely.

“I’ve always loved dogs. So how’s your father today?”

Her mind spun with the change of topic. She wanted to learn more about Steven, not talk about her father. “He’s resting. After the . . . numbness wore off, he’s in worse pain than I expected, but the doctor gave him laudanum.”

His eyes mirrored warmth. “I’m glad it was only a broken arm. It could have been so much worse.”

“That’s what I told him, but Pa seems to be hard of hearing when it comes to his actions lately.” She bit her lip to keep from blurting out something she’d regret. From the look in Steven’s eyes she knew he’d understood the cause of her father’s accident. He scarcely could have missed the strong odor of alcohol on Pa.

“Maybe you’re being too hard on him.”

A lump rose in her throat, and she swallowed. What business did he have making a statement like that when he had no idea what her life had been like since her mother’s death? “I thought you were going to tell me about being raised on a farm, not pass judgment on me.”

His hand that had been stroking Rusty’s head stilled. Then he slowly nodded. “You’re right. It isn’t my business, of course. I simply thought that, if anything specific caused your father’s behavior, perhaps there might be a remedy.”

She pushed to her feet, fighting angry tears. Why was she always the one who needed to understand Pa or make allowances? “You know nothing about my circumstances or what I’ve had to put up with for years. Pa drinks because he’s still grieving my mother’s death. What he doesn’t recognize is that I lost both parents when she passed, not to mention my little brother, who left home three years later.

“Pa wallows in his grief and buries it in drink, while I’m supposed to remain strong and keep things running on the ranch—a ranch I’ll probably never own. And, all the while, I should understand his behavior and ‘not be so hard on him.’”

Leah stomped off the porch, then pivoted back. “Come on, Rusty, let’s go to the house. I need to check on Pa.”

She leveled a steady gaze on Steven. “You might want to get some sleep. We start branding tomorrow, and I’ll need you all day.” She spun and headed toward the house, hoping Steven’s time spent living on a farm had given him better skills with cattle than what he had with women.