Dreaming of Atmosphere (15 page)

19.

A lot of the time in space is spent travelling, going between space stations, Jump Gates and planets. That and asteroid mining or gas giant farming, neither of which we do. There’s quite a bit of time where we’re just drifting along, minding our own business. You need a certain measure of patience, perseverance and social graces to survive such times cooped up in the ship with the same people. The Dreaming had a communal area that was the focal point of most social interactions – the mess deck. It was an unwritten rule, or social contract if you will, that said if a crewmember wished privacy they could retire to their cabin and close themselves off. We all do it, some more than others. The mess deck, however, was always considered an open invitation to anyone wishing to interact with other people.

I found Eric sitting by himself, the next day, sipping a coffee and reading an old-fashioned book. The tattered cover was barely legible, the edges frayed and tattered. Besides the fact he was reading a book, I knew that he wouldn’t mind if I joined him and sparked up a conversation.

“Who’s…Rama? Some girl?” I asked, trying to make out the words on the cover.

“Rama is an alien space ship that drifted through ancient Earth’s star system.”

“Aliens visited us before we made Jump Gates?”

“No, this is a work of fiction.”

“Wouldn’t it be more interesting to watch the movie instead?”

“No, and there is no movie.”

“So someone went to the trouble of writing thousands of words on paper, when it would have been so much easier to just tell a holo-generator to create the movie?”

“Well, when this was written they didn’t have artificial intelligences to create movies. They had to do everything manually, using real people as actors and so on.”

“I’d almost forgotten how old you are.” I said, smiling mischievously.

He smiled at me over the top of his book, “Still young enough to kick your arse. Besides, books have so much more character to them than a movie. They stimulate your imagination more.”

“You’ll go blind, reading all those tiny words. Why don’t you just scan it with an app on your overlay and have it read it to you?”

“I read faster than a person can speak.”

“Bullshit.”

“You should try it.”

“No thanks, I’ll stick to regular entertainment. I barely have time these days anyway.”

“How is the new implant?”

“Strange.”

“That’s it? Just strange?”

“I don’t know, Eric. I’m still concerned that I may turn myself into some kind of techno-freak.”

“Your father felt the same way about biological augs, did you know?” he put his book down, turning a corner on the page. Talking about my father always interested Eric, and myself of course. Eric had been close friends with Caster Donovan, and a member of the Dreaming for longer than anyone else. Eric had been a deck hand under Hieron Donovan, one of the last of his Crew to serve with him before he retired.

“Did he ever change his mind?” I asked.

“Yeah, took him a while though. He only ever saw them as a cosmetic upgrade, right up until we had a crewmember go EV sans-helmet.”

“What?”

“A chap by the name of Frendril. Smug bastard, even for an Orlii. Started gearing up for a space-walk to go repair a loose sensor housing when an intern screwed up and activated the outer ‘lock. A malfunction took out the safety interlocks and pop! Out he went.”

I shuddered. I’d had enough extra-vehicular activities to have a healthy fear and respect for the hostile environs of naked vacuum.

“We got out there in a hurry, dragged what we thought was his corpse back in only to have him sputter and curse at us all as soon as we had oh two on him.”

“He survived? How?”

“Secondary organs, oxygen gland and reinforced lungs. The most he got was a mild case of frostbite around his lips that left him with a scar that made him look as if he was always sneering.”

“No shit?”

“Your dad was so spun out, the next port he went window shopping at the local bio-clinic. Maxine had to talk him out of it - the guy wanted to get a pheromone gland.”

“Ha, ha! That’s my dad, always thinking about his libido.”

We shared a chuckle, then sat in silence for a few moments. The loss of my father had hit me hard as a child, and it was Eric who’d always been there for me. At the time, Eric was tasked with my technical education, taking me through the engineering spaces regularly. After my father had passed, Eric took it upon himself to almost foster me to young adulthood. If Maxine could be called my closest maternal figure, Eric could be called my closest paternal figure. Between the two, they’d put up with my tantrums, mended scrapes and cuts, hugged and wiped away my tears as a child and given me all the advice and confidence I needed to succeed through to my early twenties.

Eric must have noticed I was getting maudlin, thinking about my father, and tried to cheer me up.

“Want to know something funny about Max and your dad?”

“From when they were an item?”

“Did I tell you about the time they got arrested on Bastor Station?” He had, but I liked the story so I shook my head, “They were on a sting to catch this thug by the name of…er…” he started clicking his fingers trying to remember.

“Moross?” I offered.

“Moross! Yes, he was running some prostitution ring that wasn’t sanctioned by the local crime boss. Got himself a bounty posted. Max was disguised as a new piece of skirt on the station, and your dad was meant to be a John looking for a good time. Well, their cover was so good, they both got picked up by the local security police.”

“How’d they get out of that one?”

“Oh, they sorted it all out with the authorities once their identities were known, but not before they spent the night in the local cells. Max was so pissed at him, it was his idea for Max to go as a hooker. He told us all that he’d been beaten by the cops, but when the ship’s doc at the time wanted to file a complaint he spilled the beans and admitted that Max had laid into him, he’d slipped and cracked his skull on the cell’s toilet.”

“Did they end up catching Moross?”

“Eventually. Max just went right up to him and socked him. Knocked him out with one hit. Broke her wrist doing it. Caster had to drag his arse out of the sector to their floater, and handed him over to the boss. We didn’t go back to Bastor Station for nearly ten years after that.”

“Max didn’t want to get recognised?”

“Yeah, she thought everyone thinks she was a hooker still. Made Caster promise we’d not get any more jobs from there.”

“So she was bossy even back then?”

“Oh, boy. You have no idea. She’s mellowed in her old age!”

“Careful, she might be listening in on the cams.”

To his credit, Eric actually looked startled and glanced at the nearest internal sensor. I laughed and he joined in when he realised what he’d just done.

“Tell me about my mother?” I asked. Instantly his mirth lessened.

“Why?”

“Because I know so little about her. No one ever talks about her. I know there was trouble with her and dad, I just wish I knew her, is all.”

“She was trouble from day one.” I could tell he didn’t really want to talk about her, but I was in a mood.

“Even though, I’d like to hear
something
about her.”

“Like how she tried to take the Dreaming from us? Or how she wanted Maxine and Geris off the crew?”

“Geris?”

“An engineer that used to work with us. Apparently, your mother didn’t like the idea of Castor spending months underway with other women.”

“Yeah, I already know about most of that, the bad stuff. Surely, there’s other things that weren’t all doom and gloom. I know she loved my father for a time, that has to count for something. She made him happy for a while.”

“A short while.” He sighed, “Okay, kid. I get your point. A man ought to know his kin, even if they like to throw spanners into the klystron.”

“She what?”

“Turn of phrase. She wasn’t happy when things worked just fine without her. Sorry, no negative stuff. Okay…let me think.”

“Gee, couldn’t be that hard could it?”

“She was a damn fine negotiator. Used to get us the best prices for cargo so long as we stayed near inner system worlds. She got all snooty in the frontier…”

“Eric…”

“Sorry! Okay! There was this one time when we were moored at Vengnashi, that giant ring around the planet?”

“The Ward.”

“Yeah, some of the crew got into trouble with this AI. Most of the local law enforcement are synthetics, with artificial intelligences controlling them. They were wired into all the local surveillance for the sector each AI controlled, the synthetics were their puppets for enforcement.”

“I’ve been there, it’s a very efficient system.”

“More like it’s a creepy place to live. The Demarchy of Veng leave too much up to their AIs. What if one malfunctions? They’re in almost complete control of the planet.”

“What about my mother?”

“Sorry, side-tracked. So this trio of dickheads who used to fly with us tried to copy a synthetic’s software. They kind of just grabbed it while it was on patrol, and hooked up all sorts of stuff to it. Probably thought they’d be able to make some credits off the brain. Little did they know there wasn’t one. The AI sent a dozen more synthetics and the crew members freaked out. Took a hostage.”

“No shit? Where’d dad find guys like that?”

“It was really only one of them, the other two were just suckers with poor character judgement. Even your father couldn’t spot the loose cannons every time, hiring is always a gamble.”

“Yeah look at Mal.”

“Hey, he might be an arsehole, but he’s a good worker.”

“Yeah, yeah. Force of habit.”

“So anyway, mother superior gets involved when the ship gets alerted. The AI wanted to just attack, but your mom stepped in and negotiated their surrender. No one got hurt, but the crew got arrested. She also represented them in court too. She had to step in during the siege, I understand that, but she didn’t have to help them in court after. That’s something I’ll always remember about her.”

“What happened to them?”

“The crew? One got off with a fine, the other two got sent to Iadon for a few years hard labour. One of them died there, the ring leader finished his term after several years and last I heard did something else stupid and is now interned on Mace in the Votus II System.”

“Mace? Isn’t that a high security prison planet?”

“Sure is. Controlled by another AI, ha!”

Eric had a good chuckle about that, but noticed I wasn’t joining him. I was thinking, and must have looked concerned again.

“What’s on your mind, boy?”

“Just think about the ship’s history. She’s seen a lot of different people over the years. A lot of history here. I was wondering how our part plays into it’s future.”

“I know what you’re saying. I’ve spent most of my life on the Dreaming. I know her like the back of my hand. You were born here, a few compartments over, actually. Your life, and my life, are entwined with her fate. She can be a kind mistress, if one learns to love her the way  we do. Maxine knows it, too.”

“How do you think we’ll do on this job?”

“We’ll be fine, mate. And you can come to me anytime you need to be reminded of that. I’ll tell you straight – this crew, these people we work with? They’re the finest damn bunch of spacers I’ve ever worked with. Our Captain is a master ship handler, our pilot is an ace, our systems operator is a sorcerer on the equipment, our doc is smart and enthusiastic, you got the finest damn Chief Engineer the ship’s ever seen and our First Mate is one of the finest human beings I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with.”

I smiled at his praise. I knew the man well, I knew he never gave praise where it wasn’t due. Leave it to Eric to boost morale. He always knew what to say and I was sure that with people like him on our crew, we’d always have a chance of pulling this job off.

20.

The next day I awoke, as men often do, with lingering dreams dipped in some sort of sexual fantasy, a cobweb of memories that were tantalising and half-forgotten already. I could feel Zoe beside me and realised, as my mind began to clear, that she was making the most curious noises. She was moaning in pleasure, but then stopped as I woke up fully. She turned to look at me.

“What was that?” she said.

“What was what?”

“What were you just doing to me? It felt
good.”
She tried to kiss me then, but I pulled away in confusion.

“I wasn’t doing anything.”

Concern played over her features, and we sat up. I scratched my head.

“Was it the nanites?” she enquired.

“Oh, shit! I’m so sorry!”

“You were dreaming. Of me?” she smiled and tried to cuddle me, but I pulled back and climbed out of the bunk. “What?”

“I have no idea what I was just doing! What if I’d hurt you?”

She considered it. I was almost sad that she didn’t start smiling again and tell me not to worry, but I could see it now troubled her.

“You’ll get used to them, in time. I don’t
think
you’d hurt me.”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t take that chance.”

“What are you saying?”

“I think…I think that we should keep our distance for now. Physically, I mean. We shouldn’t sleep together while I’m still…adjusting.”

She stared at me, but I knew her mind was thinking it through. I sat down next to her and took her hand. I knew that she was come to the same conclusion I had, and as I watched her pretty face I could see her coming to grips with it. I kissed her on the top of the head and held her for a few seconds. I stood up to get dressed.

“I guess that means no morning sex, either?” She asked, a mock pout on her lips.

“Sorry. You looked like you were enjoying yourself too.” I smiled at her.

“Well, just so you know, when you leave here I’m going to finish what you started.” She giggled and pulled the covers up over her head until I left smiling.

I was feeling better about myself as I headed down to Deck 2 and the mess compartment. Zoe was good for me, I could already see that, I only hoped I was good for her. We still had regular sessions where we just talked about my PTSD, and bit by bit I could feel her conversations were chipping away at my mental armour I had built up to protect my mind during the trauma I’d faced in my past. But now that I was preparing myself to return to Gossamer, I had to remain focused on the job at hand. As good as she felt, as natural as it felt, I had to distance myself from the comfort that she brought to my life. I had to become hard once more. I had to train.

I found Fel and Artemis in the mess compartment. They were at the same table, Artemis with a cup of coffee that had spilled slightly and Fel with a bowl of steaming
Vendrul
broth. Artemis was eyeing the bowl with distaste. I knew from personal experience that Fel’s Orlii tastes were somewhat…unpalatable to humans. Fel’negr was in the middle of explaining something to Artemis.

“…and so you see, the second mouse gets the cheese.”

“Yeah, but who likes to eat cheese after one of your family members is lying dead next to you?”

“Ah! Seth. Looking forward to our next lesson?”

“I am. What are we doing today?”

“Chemistry.”

“What?” I said dumbly.

“I’m going to teach you all about molecular chemistry. Or at least teach you a passing familiarity with it. Once you understand the building blocks of matter, you’ll be able to manipulate it better.”

“Like turning water into wine.” Said Artemis.

“Or titanium blocks into hull plating. Something infinitely more useful on a space ship.” Chided Fel.

“If you could turn Fel’s bowl of sewage into wine, I’ll tell you where another bomb is.”

Fel stopped lifting a spoonful into his mouth and looked at me.

“I don’t think that’s within the scope of my abilities right now, Artemis.” I said. I walked over the auto-chef and ordered a hot coffee and a bowl of black meal. I sat down at the table and started to shovel the cereal into my mouth as fast as I could chew and swallow. Artemis was staring at me in amusement.

“Baht?” I asked, cereal falling from my mouth.

“Have you always eaten like a pig?”

“Mumgry.” I said, as this explained everything. I kept eating. I
was
hungry. Hungrier than I remember being in the mornings. In no time I’d emptied the bowl and was considering a second serving when Max came into the mess. She got a tea and stood at the end of our table. She seemed to be considering something.

“So, Derris, you feel like explaining why we were risking our lives to protect you from Corporate big wigs?” she asked at last, blowing her tea to cool it.

“I suppose I owe you something” she said, and leaned back.

“That you do.”

“I did a job for Jenner a few years back. A little seduction, a stolen data package and some hurt egos. Nothing too big. Koveli-Xue likes to strut around, but Jenner’s contacts in the Corporations decided there were to be no repercussions.”

“Those
were
repercussions, Artemis.” She said, pointing to the wound that was still healing on her shoulder.

“I’ve had worse. I was in good company. Nothing I couldn’t handle.”

“You’re kidding me, right?” even I was amazed at her bravado.

“You got a grade A crew, Max, you run a tight ship.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere.”

“It’s gotten me plenty of places. You should know, it got you to Captain.” Max suddenly slapped Artemis. Her head rocked back and she almost fell backwards in her chair. She stood quickly instead, kicking her chair out from under her. In the blink of an eye her ballistic pistol was in her hand and pointed in Max’s face. Rage briefly flashed on Artemis’ face. That rage quickly turned to confusion and then pain, then she dropped the pistol with a yelp. It clattered to the table and started to sizzle in the puddle of her coffee it had landed in. It cooled in seconds and we all just stared at it. As one they turned to look at me.

All I’d done was reach out with my hand, but at the same time I’d taken a sip of my hot coffee, which was just a little too hot for my liking. I could feel nanites sending me data about the gun, reading its cooling temperature.

“I think maybe we should be doing control lessons, Fel. I’ve been having some issues with my nanites.”

“You may be right, chemistry can wait a few days.”

Max left for the command deck, a grin on her face, and Artemis headed aft towards her cabin. Fel and I headed down to the forward cargo hold and began practicing for the day.

Fel re-read a few exercises that the guides had mentioned and selected a few to try with me. Once more we were seated across from each other on mats, this time a candle between us.

“We’re going to light the candle, you’re going to scan the wick and analyse the flame. When you feel you have it with your nanites, you’re going to snuff out the flame. Once you can do this a few times, we’ll see if you can reverse the process. What we’re trying to achieve here is not necessarily the effects, but the process of changing commands to your nanites. You’ll try and get a feel for how the nanites react to your thoughts, but more importantly you’ll be looking to see how you can make them ignore your thoughts. Concentrate on your thoughts, on which notions cause the nanites to activate, and which ones do not. The guides say that the sensation in similar to breathing, when you become aware of your breathing you can control it.”

“Except that I don’t want to be automatically using the nanites when I’m not thinking about it.”

“They say that once you become aware of the process needed for control, the nanites should calibrate to your brain waves and be able to distinguish better.”

He brought out a lighter and lit the candle. I could smell the waxy scent as it burned. I reached out with the nanites and I could feel the heat. It was strange to be able to feel the fire, but not be burned by it. It was like putting my hand over the candle, the first half a second where you could feel the flame but it hadn’t yet started to trigger the pain receptors in your brain. The pain never came. Soon I could feel the wax and the cotton wick burning and evaporating slowly, or melting and dribbling down the candle. I imagined the process, thought of it as a mechanical action, and commanded it to stop in my mind.

No change.

I examined the flame again and this time, I imagined myself blowing the flame out.

Still no change.

I tried to feel my nanites pinching the wick to snuff the flame out.

The candle continued to burn, mocking my feeble attempts. I got frustrated and wanted to knock the candle against the wall. The flame flickered and wobbled. I’d caught an image in my mind’s eye of the reaction of the flame against the wick, and just thought of it going out, dissipating into nothing. I tried it again and after a few sputtering attempts the flame went out.

Fel, smile and watched me. He patiently reached out and re-lit the candle.

“Again.”

It was easier this time, as it was the day before. The next time I was even easier still. I found it was easier to put the light out if I used a hand gesture, substituting my hand for the nanites in my imagination. Soon I was snuffing out the flame with barely a thought, it was like flicking off a switch. I realised that I was waiting for Fel to relight the candle.

“Now, light it yourself.”

I remembered the friction burns on my hands from my tumble down the sewer drain back on the Corus Cluster, and tried to use the nanites to generate heat the same way.

No flame.

I tried to do the same thing I’d done to snuff out the flame, only in reverse.

Nothing.

What about chemical fires? I regretted not covering the chemistry stuff that Fel mentioned. I brought up a list of chemical reactions that could cause fires on my overlay.

I then stared at the wick and tried to imagine them mixing on it. No fires.

Was everything I had to learn about nano-proliferation going to be like this? Trial and error?

“There’s got to be an easier way, I’m just grasping at straws here.” I complained, “What about those pattern things I read about?”

“Paradigms?”

“Yeah.”

“You need to learn how to control your nanites before you can apply a paradigm to them. They still don’t know how you think. You need to teach them, as much as yourself.”

I sighed.

“Can you light the candle again, a few times?”

I practiced snuffing the candle out again, and then I realised that I was going about this all wrong. I was focusing on the flame, trying to bring it into being. Instead, I focused on the wick, and imagined how it felt when it burned. I bent my fingers in its direction and pushed my will at it.

The candle flickered into flame.

“Ha!” I cried.

“Again.” Fel blew out the candle.

It took a couple of tries, but as with each new application of the nanites it got easier each time. Within a few hours I was lighting the candle and snuffing it again with a flick of my wrist and barely a thought.

“I find it easier to do if I make a gesture at it.”

“Most NP users do. It helps the mind to focus on the subconscious actions that need to take place in order to perform an act.” He picked up the candle and tossed it to me. I caught it.

“Consider that motion you just made. You knew how to catch it, you just reach out and grab it. Muscle memory works to perform all the necessary muscle movements to get your arm and your hands in the correct position to catch it. You don’t really think about it, you just do it. The same goes with nanites, once they learn how to perform a task, you don’t really need to think too hard about it. The only difference is that you’ll need many months of training to be able to perform like professional NP users.”

“We don’t really have months, several weeks at most.”

“Until what? You planning on going anywhere?”

“Until we get to Gossamer.”

“You can continue your training after this job, you know?”

“Yeah, of course, but I want to be ready before we get there. I want these to be useful.”

“These nanites won’t be your only tool, Seth. If you come to rely on them, your other skills will degrade, and then when you most need them they’ll be gone.”

I thought about what he said. Was that what happened to the NP users that go mad? The bad ones? Had the power of nanites make them lose touch with reality?

“I’ll get at least a basic control of this, and then split my time up between practising this, and practising with Crege.”

“Don’t forget the human element.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re undergoing massive changes to your physiology and your mentality. You have people around you who will be feeling those changes as well, your changes will affect them.”