Dreaming of Antigone (8 page)

CHAPTER 15

This sucks. Selena has already left us, and while I worry about how we'll get home, Natalie and Thomas are making out in the Dark Corner and Trista and Hank are making out Right in Front of Me. I have seen parts of Trista's body I have no business seeing.

And I am out of Diet Coke.

I stare into the flames of the bonfire Thing One and Thing Two have lit. Caleb looked a little forlorn when he saw Natalie and Thomas disappear holding hands, but after a six-pack of beer, he tried pawing at me. I shoved him off, and he slunk over to the other side of the fire, where a few other girls from the soccer team were giggling and drinking. They seem more than happy to help comfort him.

Another pair of headlights swings into the gravel drive that circles the fenced property. A large white truck. Oh God, no.

Alex gets out of the truck and walks over to where I'm standing. He leans up against the fence with me, his hands in the pockets of his army-green jacket. What I wouldn't give to have a jacket right now. Even standing this close to the bonfire, my backside is freezing.

“Pluto!” Caleb shouts from across the flames. He raises his bottle in a salute, and the girls hanging on him giggle.

I don't look up at Alex, but I can tell he's tense. What does he have to be uptight about? And why is he standing next to me? “Hank said you were bringing the good stuff. Fall off the wagon already?”

Suddenly he is right in front of me, his tall frame shading me from the firelight. “What are you talking about?”

I want to step back but there's no room. I try not to look intimidated. Instead I glare at him. I don't say anything.

“And why the hell are you hanging out with such lowly company, Cupcake? Did you come to drink and smoke your cares away?”

“Don't be ridiculous.”

“Don't make assumptions about people you don't understand.”

“You still think I don't understand you?”

His blue eyes seem to glow when he smiles. But his smile isn't friendly. It makes me wonder what a genuine smile would look like on his face. “No, you don't.” He stalks off toward Caleb and the soccer girls. Erin is over there and smiles when Alex reaches them. But he doesn't take the beer she offers him. Nor does he let her touch his hair, or stand too close to him. I watch as he dodges her touchy-feely hands but still laughs and cuts up with Caleb.

Trista looks up at me from the ground, where she's been rolling with Hank. “Honey, did you see Nathan over by the crypt? He was hoping you'd be here tonight.”

Nathan wears head-to-toe black and has hair blacker than mine. He also wears eyeliner. I roll my eyes as Hank giggles and adds, “He said—”

Trista slaps him and shrieks. “No! Don't tell her what he said!”

Hank is still laughing. “He said he'd be happy to stake you with his—”

“You dumb-ass!” Trista says. “She won't go near him now.” She is giggling too. Hilarious.

Hank waves to Caleb. “Come on, I need another drink,” he says, tugging Trista along with him. She stumbles after him toward the other side of the bonfire.

Someone taps me on the shoulder, and I whip around, expecting Nathan and his Jonathan Harker fetish. “Leave me alone!” I snap.

A startled Alex is standing there, holding a can of Diet Coke in each hand. “Peace offering. I thought you looked thirsty.”

Every time I think I have him figured out, Alex does something nice and tilts the universe a little bit.

He gently clinks his can against the one I'm now holding in my hand. “Cheers.” He cracks open the can and takes a sip, making a face. “God, this stuff tastes better with Crown.”

I roll my eyes at him, but I am grateful for the drink. I'm starting to worry about Nat. She and Thomas should have been back from the corner long ago. “If you don't like it, then give it here.”

He pulls his can back, just out of my reach. “Nope. Need the caffeine.”

I look up at Alex. Really look at him. He's watching his friends on the other side of the bonfire. “Are you really not drinking alcohol tonight?”

His concerned gaze settles on me. “I can't go back to that life anymore.” He frowns as he looks at the crowd gathered around the fire. “But it's so hard.”

“I know.” But I don't know. I've never struggled with addiction. Never known how it felt to crave something so violently that I thought I couldn't live without it. Would lie, cheat, or steal to have it. Just how much of an addict was Alex? I only saw him high that one night.

But then again, I'd never actually seen my sister high either. Hungover, yes. Tipsy after a date with Alex, yes. Coming down on Monday morning, God yes. But she never actually got high around me. Whatever her reasons for using drugs, she kept them hidden.

I glance around the clearing, seeing only a lot of drunk, horny teenagers. No, two seniors whose names I don't remember get out of a van they've been sitting in, their eyes red. It's not long before we can all smell the pot.

Police in Atlanta can probably smell it.

Beside me, Alex tenses again.

“Why are you here tonight?” he asks. “You don't look like you're having fun.”

Neither does he, actually. I shrug. “I'm watching out for my friends. I want to make sure no one gets hurt.”

“Andria.” Alex says my name so softly, so sadly, I'm forced to look up at him. “You can't save everyone.” He moves away from the fence and holds out a hand. “Come on, we need to get out of here.”

I'm not about to take his hand. He shrugs and puts his hands back in his pockets as I just glare at him. Natalie and Thomas have reappeared from their turn in the Dark Corner of the cemetery and are laughing with Nathan and his friends. Trista is leading Hank by his shirt collar back to the corner for their second turn. All friends present and accounted for.

I follow Alex back across the clearing and through the open gate to where he is parked.

He opens the door to his truck for me. “Come on. Neither one of us belongs here.”

He's right. But I don't think I belong in his truck, alone with him, either. “Give me a ride home?” I ask.

“Aren't you supposed to be spending the night with Natalie?”

He's right. If I go home now, I could get Natalie into trouble for this. And Trista. I climb into the front seat, and he shuts the door.

I wait for him to get in on his side and take a deep breath. At least it's warm in the truck. But there's not a lot of air in here once he's inside the space with me. And the truck smells like Alex. Like apple-scented shampoo and fresh-baked bread from the Indigo Dragon. “Okay,” I say, trying hard not to panic. “What do we do now?”

His hands are on the steering wheel. “I have no clue.”

His honesty makes me want to giggle. And then I embarrass myself by yawning.

“Tired?”

I could fall asleep right here, but I can't let him know that. This is weird. The Alex air that I'm breathing in is just too much. It suffocates me. I need outside air. Normal air. I open the truck door.

“What's wrong?” Alex asks.

“I'm getting claustrophobic,” I say. But as I look out across Rock 'n' Roll Graveyard, I don't want to go back there either.

“I have an idea,” Alex says. “Slide out this way with me so nobody notices us.”

He pulls a wool stadium blanket from the small space behind his seat and climbs out.

I slide across the front seat toward his door, about to tell him he's crazy if he thinks I'm snuggling under a blanket with him.

But he spreads it out in the bed of the truck. “Get up here,” he whispers, even though the music from someone else's car stereo drowns him out. Everyone out in the clearing is too busy having fun to notice us.

He doesn't hold his hand out to me again, and for half of a heartbeat, I'm disappointed. I put my hands on the tailgate as he jumps down, and suddenly his hands are on my waist, lifting me up.

I feel dizzy for just a moment. And then he's letting me go and climbing back up after me.

He closes the tailgate and sits down on the blanket. “Now, look up. You can lie down flat here and see the stars.”

I do as he tells me and take a deep breath. Alex is right. The clouds from earlier today are gone. The stars out here, even with the bonfire's light, are breathtaking. He lies down beside me, with more than a foot's space between us.

“
I strain my heart, I stretch my hands. And catch at hope,
” he whispers.

That dizzy feeling comes back. The stars are beginning to reel overhead. I close my eyes. His blanket smells like sunshine, like my sheets at home. His moms must use the same laundry detergent as mine does.

“When did you find out?” I ask, not daring to open my eyes. I don't want to see his face yet.

“Yesterday. Before that, I was oblivious. What about you?”

“Walt Whitman.”

I don't know what else to say. And he's quiet for a long time too. Is he glad it's me? Was he hoping it was someone else? Or did he just like the idea of writing to someone anonymously?

“What constellation is that directly above us?” Alex asks finally.

When I open my eyes again, I see Leo. The moon hasn't risen yet, and I can see the swath of the Milky Way stretched across the sky. When I tell Alex the name of the constellation, he growls softly, more like a sick lawnmower than a lion. I smile in the darkness, but don't laugh for fear he'll think I want to be friends. Or something.

I point out the brightest stars in the sky to him: Regulus, Arcturus, Castor and Pollux. We see Mars and Jupiter, and I think I see a falling star, but it flits across the sky and disappears before I know for sure if I really saw it or imagined it.

I make a wish anyway. Just to be safe.

We are both silent when we hear Trista and Hank approach the truck. “He's not in the truck—was he with Caleb?” Hank is asking.

I can see Alex's face in the firelight. His cheek is smooth, stubble-free. He's putting his finger on his lips. Fascinated by the shape of his mouth, I can do nothing but nod. I have no desire to join the others just yet either.

“No, Caleb is over in the Dark Corner with Erin,” Trista's saying. “Maybe he's with Scott and Dylan.”

I watch Alex's face for any signs that the news about Erin bothers him. And why is Alex hiding out with me if Erin's here tonight?

“I'm sorry,” I mouth, and he looks at me, puzzled. I don't know if he can't read lips or if he doesn't know why I'm sorry. “Erin,” I whisper.

He rolls closer to me, so he can whisper “What about her?” in my ear. His breath is warm and tingly on my cheek. I feel more claustrophobic now than I did inside the truck.

“PLUTO!!!!” Hank yells across the cemetery.

“Come on,” Trista is saying. “Let's go see if he's out behind Dylan's van. That's where the real party is.”

Alex's stare is intense. I hold his gaze, and I'm ready to apologize for assuming he was here to get high with Dylan and the others. I realize how hard it is for him tonight. I'm glad he's here, hiding out with me instead.

When we hear Trista's shriek and Hank's laughter from the other side of the bonfire, we both take a deep breath. “Now, what about Erin?” Alex asks.

“You two aren't dating?” I feel stupid and hope he doesn't think I am purposely paying attention to his love life. “Natalie and Trista thought so when we saw you together this morning.”

Alex rolls his eyes. God, I hope he can't see my blushing cheeks in the dim light. “I was giving her Caleb's history notes. I'd borrowed them from Caleb the day before and she was going to see him before I did.” His face grows serious. “Why would you assume I'm hooking up with someone else?”

And here is the discussion I've been dying to have, but I also don't really want to know.

“Iris never talked to me about you,” I say, playing with my bracelet nervously. “So I never really knew how serious you two were.” I'm admitting to Alex that my twin and I were not as close as twins are expected to be. She kept her secrets. I always wondered if it was because she thought I'd tattle to Mom. But I wouldn't have. It hurts that she didn't trust me, because I told her all of my secrets. She laughed at my angsty crushes and hugged me when I thought the world was conspiring against me.

“Anyway, I didn't mean to be nosy.” And I find myself unable to ask the question,
Are you over Iris?
Unwilling to hear his answer.

Before he can say anything, I push up from the blanket in the truck bed and start to climb out. “I need to go,” I say. But he grabs my arm, and I topple over, on top of him.

I panic. “Let go!” I whisper, struggling to get away from him.

“Andria,” he whispers, as his hands settle on my hips. Part of me wants to quit fighting and lean in closer. The other part of me wants to run.

I'm trapped, and I push up on my hands, trying desperately to stay above him.

His grasp tightens as he squeezes my waist. Nerve endings all over my body explode like fireworks, and suddenly I feel out of control. It feels wild. Intoxicating.

Oh God, what if I completely lose control? The fear of having a seizure right here and now is very real. My heart is pounding, both from teen monkey lust and sheer terror.

He rolls, and suddenly I'm underneath him, his blue eyes staring at me with an intense, haunted gaze. He must see the fear in my eyes, because he begins to pull away. I put a hand up against his chest, then slowly, I move my fingertips to his mouth.