Dream Chaser (36 page)

Bill laughed. “Emergency anesthesia,
Thad
.”

Jonathan frowned. “
How many stitches do you think I’m going to need?
”

“No telling by this light and I’d rather do those in my office. For now, I’ve got you gauzed up pretty good. We’ll take care of this tonight after I get some penicillin into you.”

As they departed, Bill Ames gave Suzanna a quick pat on the arm. “Looks like you’re a real ranch woman now, Suzanna.”

Kittie laughed and winked at her. “I’ll talk to you later.”

Suzanna helped Jonathan into
the doctor’s truck
for the trip into town. It was past midnight when
Nate came for them. With his help, Suzanna put him to bed
.
But it seemed hours before she stopped reliving what had happened. Only when Jonathan rolled over and pulled her into his arms did she start to relax.

A week
after the doctor
had
checked his
leg f
or the last time, Jonathan returned from a
last minute
business trip with a bad cold
. He was
in a foul mood when Suzanna said she
needed to start planning her return to
Minneapolis.

“I promised Kevin and Ronnie I’d be home for her folks’ big party. I’ve already stayed longer than I planned.” She brushed a lock of his hair out of his eyes. “Besides, I’m not sure I should stay here—at your place.”

“Why not?” He frowned and tried to sit up.

“It isn’t proper.”

“Since when do we care about ‘proper’? Was it ‘proper’ for you to
sneak into my hotel room that day I came to see you at your house—” h
e lowered his voic
e “—and have your way with me?” H
e ogled her.

“Oh, you,” she giggled. “That’s not how I remember it.”

“
A minor detail. And
what about you
going snowshoeing
with me? Do you think anyone who knows we went up there together figures we slept in separate bags?”

“Jonathan, please lower your voice. Nate’s in the other room.”

“You
don’t think Nate knows what we’r
e doing?
We’re
not teenagers sneaking around in the back
seat
of a car
or the hayloft of
a
barn. We are two people who happen to love
each other
. S
o what if we’re not mar—
”

He stopped talking
when he saw how she was looking at him.
“
You know how I feel about you.
I won’t ask you for a commitment
if you can’t—or won’t—or don’t
want to give it to me.”

He paused and pointed to
one of the Indian rugs hanging over the stair banister. “
O
ne of our first sheep
herd
ers
,
an old Navajo
,
work
ed
our high pastures before anyone else
ran sheep here
.
I
think I was
fourteen the
summer
my dad sent me out to work for him
.
The old man
told me that our dreams are our
hopes without words.”

“All I want …” he cleared his throat, suddenly gone dry at her nervousness. “A
ll I want is
for you to
ask yourself what your hopes are. You
don’t need to tell
me. Unless
you
want
to …
when you’re ready.”

She brought a spoonful of medicine to his lips. “Your old Indian
reminds me of
my grandmother. She was always telling me to chase my dreams until I caught them. Here, you need this
, to get over your cold
.”

He moved his head away. “It tastes like swill.”

She sat back for a moment. “You
sound just like Kevin when he’
s feeling better.” She put down the medicine bottle and stood up. “I need to go
into town. I promised to help Emma this afternoon
.
”

She shrugged into her coat
. When he started to get up to follow her to the door, she turned to him. “You don’t need to see me out.”

“Then come back
for a moment
. I know you’re not ready
…
” his voice trailed off.

“That’s not exactly right.
It’s just …
I need time to think all this through.” She brushed her hand against his forehead. “You’re
still
feverish.
You need that medicine,
even if it does taste like swill.”

He sighed
and
looked
up
at her as she leaned over him. “By your reckoning, if we got married, does that mean I would be just a husband?” he pressed, glancing back at her.

At his words, her pulse did a quick jump-start she willed to tamp down.
“No, of course not. You have a ranch to run and a consulting business, too.”

“And you want to
run
the
library
with Emma
. Admit it. You’ve always wanted to do that.”

“That’s true.”

“So you wouldn’t just have responsibilities here,”
his voice confident
. “That means you wouldn’t
be, as you said a while back,
an appendage.”

She pressed her lips together.

“Where are you going?” Jonathan asked as he limped in the direction of the doctor’s office two days later.

“To pick up the mail,” Suzanna replied. “Then I need to check in with Emma about her surgery. Shall I meet you at the library?”

“Good idea.” The half hour session with the doctor left his leg burning and he was still having trouble walking more than a few blocks before the aching began. He took the steps slowly and pushed open the door. Emma smiled up at him. “Good to see you, Jonathan. Where’s the best librarian’s assistant I’ve ever had? She could run this place without me, you know.”

He bussed his second cousin’s cheek. “She said she was going to pick up the mail. I’d have figured she’d be here already. Mind if I get myself a cup of coffee and check out what you two have done with the Children’s Corner?”

“Feel free. You know where it is.” She waved breezily toward where she kept a pot of coffee for the adult patrons.

He wandered in the direction of her wave and was nearly to the coffee corner when he saw Maris standing there, one hand on the coffee urn, a cup in her other hand.

“Mind if I get a cup, Maris?” he asked.

“You shouldn’t have brought her back here.” Her voice grated.

When is Maris going to accept that I’m not interested in her?
“Why do you say that?”

“She doesn’t belong here. Just ’cause everybody around here likes her doesn’t mean she’s gonna stick. You know how big city women are, Jonathan. I’d have thought you’d have learned your lesson with Chelsea.”

In spite of his desire to raise his voice, he kept it low, though it shook slightly with suppressed anger. “Maris. Butt out. Suzanna is here because she wants to be and I invited her. She’s my guest.”

Her thin lips pursed into a white line, standing out against the tired creases spreading from the corners of her eyes and down her cheeks on either side of her nose. “You deserve better, Jonathan. You know that. Why do you always go for women who think they’re better’n us?”

“Suzanna’s not like that. And we’re done talking about it. Now, if you’ll step aside, I need a cup of coffee.”

But Maris stood her ground, her hands gripping her cup so tightly her knuckles whitened.

“How do you know she isn’t going to try to take all your money and skip town—like Chelsea tried to do?”

“Chelsea didn’t take my money. She just left.”
Why am I talking to her? I don’t need this.

“You know what I mean. She used you and then she screwed you.” She seemed to choke back laughter. “In more ways than one if I remember right—before she screwed half of the cowhands in the county. And on your own land, too.”

“Maris,” his voice rumbled warningly. “That’s old news—not worth your time or mine.”

“Well, Suzanna’s not old news. I’ve seen her kind before, how she thinks she knows better than we do about what makes you happy. Does she wear those thong things that get men so hot? I’ve seen her hands, all soft and white. She’s probably never done a lick of work her entire life. Is that what you like, Jonathan, someone who doesn’t know her way around any room except the bedroom?” Her voice rose to a shrill whine. “Not like me. I know how to work. You know that.”

Jonathan looked around. He put down the cup he’d filled, and grasped both of Maris’ arms.

“Stop with your innuendos and listen to me. We’re done. We’ve been done since the day my dad found out you lied to me. You know nothing about Suzanna. And if I hear you saying bad things about her, you’ll be hearing from the sheriff. Spreading lies about someone is a crime. It’s called slander. Chuck Raines knows where you live. I’ll swear out a warrant against you if I have to.”

“Just ’cause you’re so high and mighty doesn’t mean you can push me around, Jonathan,” she shot back. “Like your Daddy did. You took advantage of me. You should have married
me
.” But her eyes had widened when he’d mentioned the sheriff. “And I’m not scared of you.”

She stomped around the corner.

Jonathan reached for his coffee cup, its contents now too cold for his taste. He was about to empty it into the sink when Suzanna approached him. The look on her face told him she must have heard at least some of what Maris had said.

“Are you ready to go home?” He slid a hand around her waist.

She nodded. “How is your leg?”

“A little tender. I’ll live.” He waved at Emma and they left.

Jonathan glanced at Suzanna as they drove over the cattle guard. “You’re pretty quiet. Is something on your mind?”

“Maris has never liked me. Now it seems she has a … uh, a history with you. Should I know about it?”

He sighed. “She was a year behind me in high school. She had a crush on me then and I ate up the attention. What sixteen-year-old kid wouldn’t, when a pretty girl practically throws herself at him? I was a kid high on hormones, too dumb to know what she really wanted.” He stopped the truck at the ranch house and gazed at Suzanna. “Maris … was a virgin—”

“And then she wasn’t?” Suzanna finished his thought.

“My dad was furious with me when her folks accused me of ruining their daughter, and demanded that I marry her. She claimed she was pregnant. My dad didn’t buy it, said if she was, he’d make me do the right thing, but she had to show him a positive pregnancy test. She couldn’t, and that was the end of it. She’s held a grudge against me ever since.”

Suzanna said nothing. “Did she not like Chelsea, either—the same way she doesn’t like me?”

He shook his head. “The funny thing is she and Chelsea were buddies. When Chelsea left, Maris tried to take her place. I nipped that in the bud. The kids never liked her.” He halted the truck and limped around the front to open her door. “Can we talk about something else? Maris always puts me in a bad mood, and I’d rather be in a good one. With you.”

She smiled back at him but remained quiet through dinner. Was she thinking about what Maris had said, or his explanation?

The next day, he came in from the barn to find her
peering at
the computer screen in his office, studying the flight times of the planes leaving Bozeman
.
“I guess this means
you’
re
really leaving
?”

She looked up at him as he leaned over her shoulder. “
You know I have to. I have a holiday I promised to celebrate with my future in-laws and a son to marry off. I’ve stayed two extra weeks already.
”

He pulled her to him, kissed her on both cheeks, and then her lips
, before nuzzling
the soft spot on her neck
while she stroked his sideburns
.

That night, she snuggled next to him, asking with her hands and her mouth for his attention, which he gladly gave. Before he fell asleep, he imagined how lonely he would be—in his bed, at the ranch—without her when she returned to Minneapolis.

Chapter 18

Jonathan’s words to her and his mentions of marriage continued to swirl, creating a vortex of conflicting thoughts as Suzanna flew home. Would marriage to Jonathan disintegrate like her first? Would Jonathan become abusive if he became frustrated with her? Somehow, she didn’t think so, but could they blend their two families into one?

Suzanna rubbed her lower lip with one finger as she stared out the window at the clouds below, the hum of the plane engines a steady background drone, seeming to chant “do it, don’t do it.”

She hardly knew his grown children. Neil had been so kind, that day at the beach. But she didn’t know Christine at all, and Jonathan’s daughter was soon to become a mother. Was she like Penny, protective of her father to the point of denying Suzanna the opportunity to be with him, or to get to know the new baby?

Then there were her children. Kevin seemed to like Jonathan. More to the point, her son wasn’t in an interfering mood, never had been. And he was concentrating on his last year of college and his upcoming wedding to Ronnie.
Bless you, Kevin
.

Penny was another matter. How could she have produced a daughter so quick to condemn when she herself had been forgiving far too long? Penny had accused Jonathan of loving her. Suzanna’s pulse picked up at the remembrance of that night, and the times after she’d returned to the ranch and slept with Jonathan. Would Penny know that Suzanna now
was
his lover?

She had promised Jonathan she’d come back after Kevin’s wedding. When she was with Jonathan … how to describe it? She felt herself blush. Exciting? Stupendous? Mind-blowing? Better than anything she’d ever felt with Brad, for certain. And comforting. Safe. Secure. Something she’d never had before.

Suzanna smiled briefly at the person in the seat next to her before turning back to look out the window. Maybe the way she acted with Jonathan made the difference. Because she’d come to feel so inadequate with Brad? So afraid to do something wrong, especially when she knew he might hurt her?

She pushed her seat back, trying to relax, trying not to think about Penny and her accusations. No getting around it. Suzanna had to talk with her.
I have to get her to see that my life is
my
responsibility, not hers.

But the anxiety she felt as she anticipated that confrontation grew until she was surrounded by a fearsome cloud of uncertainty. By the time she arrived home, she was shaking.

To try to put a more positive spin on her mood, she took Sam, who was overjoyed to see her, for a walk. When Margaret called, Suzanna put off her friend’s plan to share tea and cookies until later in the week.

“But I want all the scrumptious sweaty details, Suzie Q,” Margaret demanded.

As she prepared for the holidays, Suzanna sent and received daily emails from Jonathan. His messages seemed to bounce into her voicemail queue in the morning, but what she knew he wanted to hear she hesitated to say, telling herself she needed to concentrate on Kevin’s wedding before thinking of herself—when it was really her need to talk to Penny that held her back.

Her daughter was too busy to come over to the house when she was home. Kevin reminded Suzanna that Penny was dating someone from Chicago. Did that explain her frequent trips south? She sighed the second time she asked Penny to come over for dinner, only to be put off with a vague explanation that struck Suzanna as an excuse, plain and simple. Her daughter did not want to talk.

She mailed Jonathan a Christmas present she’d finally finished. When a small package was delivered to the house with her name on it, she placed it under the tree to open on Christmas morning.

Late on Christmas Eve, she answered the phone, thrilled to hear his voice.

“Are your kids with you?” she asked.

“No,
Neil
’s in Japan with his unit—I spoke to him today, and he couldn’t get leave.
And, Christine’s celebrating with her husband and waiting for their new baby. The doctor said she shouldn’t travel this late in her pregnancy
, especially with how the weather’s been
. So, it’
s
just me.
I wish you were here to share the day.
”

She imagined
rush
ing
into
his arms. “Did you open my present yet?”

“I’ll do it now, if you want me to.”

“Please.” She listened to the paper rustling that covered a needle
point picture of the ranch house, the entry gate with a tiny Circle K on it, and a pasture with two horses near the fence.

“Did you
create
this?”
he asked.

“I started it when I was at the cabin, and wasn’t sure I’d
have a chance
to give it to you.”

“I really like it,” he replied. “Did my gift arrive?”

“It did. It’s been calling to me ever since I tucked it under the tree. I didn’t want to open it until we talked. Let me get it.”
Suzanna
opened the box
to reveal a silver pin in the shape of her initials, a tiny bell on either side.
It tinkled when she jiggled the pin.
“This is beautiful
.
Thank you.”
She blew him a kiss through the phone. “I just love it.”

“The tone reminded me of the bell pull you hung in the tree next to the cabin.” His chuckle made her ache for his arms around her, the warmth of his body heating hers.
“
I wish I was there to pin
it on you.”

“I’ll wear it when I come back to the ranch—after Kevin’s wedding.”

“You said you have a tree. Do you hang mistletoe over the door, too?” He paused before adding, “For a Christmas kiss?”

She shook her head. “No mistletoe,” in a quavering whisper.

“Does that mean no Christmas kiss?”

The heat that coursed through her had to be more than a reflection of the nearby oven, heat that would blend with his to the boiling point and beyond, if he was with her.

“No, it doesn’t mean that,” she murmured into the phone.

The pause that followed told her he might be thinking the same thing.

“Jonathan, I need to talk to Penny. To clear the air. About us. It’s what … I need to help her understand.”
No way am I going to tell him what she said to me last summer.

“She’s mad at me. Right? That you came back here?”

Suzanna sucked in her breath. How could he be so insightful?

“It’s me she’s most unhappy with.” She sighed. “She needs to understand I have to have my own life.”

“Surely she knows that.”

Suzanna’s mouth quirked into a half-grin. “She’s said things that imply otherwise.”

And then he asked her the question she’d been dreading. “When are you going to talk with her?”

“I’m having some difficulty getting her to commit to coming over. She’s very busy. Her job and all.”
And that out-of-town boyfriend, if that’s what he is.

“Won’t she be home for Christmas?”

“I’m not sure I want to complicate the holidays with this.” She clenched the fist not holding the phone and sighed again.

He was silent for a long minute. “Merry Christmas, Suzanna. Next year, we’ll celebrate together,” he added.

After a brief pause, she said, “I want that, too.” Christmas at the ranch … Nate would be serving roast beef, she knew. And she would be sleeping in Jonathan’s arms, warmed by his presence and by his love, if only she could make Penny understand.

Kittie had said the ranchers took turns hosting holiday gatherings on different days throughout the season, and that her specialty was a lentil soup with hot garlic bread. Suzanna had told Kittie she had a special salad recipe especially good with soups and they had laughed about sharing recipes, though Suzanna was unsure whether Nate would ever allow her in “his” kitchen.

Suzanna hummed to herself. The table was set in the dining room, and the lights were twinkling among the branches of the Christmas tree Kevin had set up. In two hours, her new in-laws would arrive with Kevin and Ronnie. Would Penny be coming alone or with her stockbroker boyfriend?
I have to call her again, insist that she stay home with me for a few days. After all, aren’t the holidays for family?

She walked slowly upstairs to change clothes. Perhaps she would wear Jonathan’s pin tonight, as a way of keeping him close to her heart. Still, she couldn’t stop thinking Christmas on the ranch was where she wanted to be.

She thought back to the realtor’s comments about putting the house on the market, not the best idea during a Minneapolis winter. She could use the time to decide what she might want to keep if she went ahead with her plan to sell the house.

Two weeks into the New Year, Penny stayed overnight at Suzanna’s between business trips. “I have to get going soon, Mother. I promised Charles I would meet with a new client and I want to do that before another week goes by.”

Suzanna took a deep breath and sat down on the bed. She reached for Penny’s hand to stop her from folding her clothes into her overnight bag. “I’m glad you came to see me. Before you go, we have to talk. Please. I didn’t want to … it didn’t seem right when Ronnie’s parents were here over Christmas or at the party they threw on New Year’s Eve, but this is important.”

Penny’s lips thinned, and she closed her suitcase. “What about, Mother? Can’t you just send me an email?”

“No. An email won’t do. This is about us. About you and me. Look at me, please.” She gazed into her daughter’s eyes, pale like Brad’s, icy with annoyance. “I want you to understand something.”

Now it was Penny who seemed nervous, her hands jerkily moving toward the clothes she had yet to pack still piled on the bed. She gave Suzanna a quick sidelong glance before turning her gaze toward the pictures on the bedroom wall. She seemed to be staring at the one taken after her graduation from the university, her father’s arm around her shoulders.

“This is about Jonathan, isn’t it? I don’t want to talk about him. He’s not right for you. He—”

“It’s not your place to tell me that.”

Penny stood up abruptly. Was her chin trembling? She swiped a hand against one cheek.

Suzanna rose and wrapped her arms around her daughter, knowing she had to take control of the conversation. “I want you to listen to me. I love you. I’ll always love you. You and Kevin. But there have been times in the last couple of years when you’ve tried too … too hard, you’ve tried to make me live the life you want for me.”

Penny opened her mouth to speak.

“Let me finish.” Suzanna handed a tissue to Penny, who tossed it onto the bed, sniffing instead. “I love Jonathan. And he loves me. He’s asked me to live with him on the ranch. And it’s something I want to do.”

“Oh, mother! No! You can’t,” Penny wailed. “I won’t let you. That man—he can’t be trusted. He’ll use you and toss you away. I know he will.”

“Like your father did?” Suzanna surprised herself when she flung the words at her daughter.

Penny gasped. “How could you say that? Daddy loved you.”

“He loved lots of women—way more than he loved me!” She forced herself to take a deep breath and rushed on. “You know he was having affairs. I already told you that.”

Penny sucked in her breath, her cheeks flushing.

“And whenever I tried to stand up to him, he used his fists when I wouldn’t back down.”

Penny’s hands flew up to her face, her eyes wide and staring.

“Most of the time he made sure the bruises didn’t show—by hitting me where my clothes would cover up what he’d done.” She looked away from Penny, sadness overwhelming her that she felt the need to share her shame.

“When you came back from the beach, your face … Did Daddy do that?” Penny asked.

Suzanna nodded. “I should have left him years ago, but I didn’t have—I wasn’t strong enough. He would have fought me for custody when you and Kevin were small.”

Penny’s eyes filled as she stared at Suzanna. “Does Kevin know?”

“Right before he moved to the frat house, he overheard us arguing. I think your father forgot Kevin was home that night. When things got really rough, your brother
…
” She brushed tears away with the back of her hand, reliving her terror that Brad might take out his fury on their son.
“Kevin tried to intervene. I got him to go back to his room, but he saw my, he saw where your father …” She shook her head. It was so hard to say this, to explain away the years of her fear and humiliation. “The next day, Kevin moved out—I insisted.”

“Did he talk to Daddy?”

“More like a threat. Kevin said he’d call the cops if Dad ever touched me again.”

“What did Daddy do?”

“I think he was surprised when Kevin stood up to him. You know how your brother used to try to placate your father. But Kevin wasn’t at home much after that, so he never knew about the other times.”

Suzanna rubbed her arms. “Your father didn’t want anyone to know. But he was a mean drunk, Penny. Mean without ever being drunk, too, when it suited him.”