Dr. White's Baby Wish (15 page)

‘Forget what?' Cody asked as his locker banged shut.

‘Levi's birthday. I'm going shopping.' Then she remembered Cody had been invited to the party. ‘Will you be joining us on the day?'

His hesitation made her hold her breath until he finally asked, ‘Would you like me to?'

‘Yes.' Definitely. ‘Can't think of any reason why not.'

‘Except for your family giving us a hard time, but I guess we can handle them.' He could have sounded like he wanted that, not uncertain and wary.

‘Glad you think so. They've been soft on you so far.'

‘Really? Can hardly wait for the next instalment.' He nodded. ‘You want help picking a present? Before I go to the supermarket?'

‘I've already ordered it. He wanted a wicket-keeper's glove.'

‘Any suggestions on what I can get him?' Cody looked hopeful.

She spoilt that straight away. ‘Nope. You'll have to come up with something yourself. So, let's take my car and I'll drop you back here later.'

‘Sounds good.'

Hopefully some time that afternoon or tonight they'd get to talk about what had caused his abrupt mood change that morning. Because she really wanted to know. From his swift reaction to Tim, it was obviously something ingrained in him, what made him the man he was, and she needed to know more about this man who'd caught her when she wasn't looking. So much so that she wondered if she might've fallen a little bit in love.

A little bit? Or a massive, heart-stopping lot?
He wants a family, remember?
She wasn't likely to forget. But it seemed that hadn't stopped her heart getting involved here. Which could become a problem.

‘I'll come if you promise not to nag me about anything.' His words were light but his eyes told her he was serious.

‘We're not going to talk about what happened with Tim, then?'

‘No. We're not.'

That stung. It seemed personal stuff was taboo. She'd gleaned a few bits of information here and there, but nothing deep and revealing. Was she prepared to talk about Darren and his change of heart over her inability to have children? Possibly. But then it was early on in their—their what? It wasn't a relationship. Not yet. Probably never would be. A fling? As in, meet for sex and fun when there was nothing else going on in their lives? Or something more, that involved sharing meals and movies and her family parties? ‘Whatever.' She shrugged, knowing she must sound like a petulant teen. There were a few of those around the place today.

Walking out to her car, they were both quiet. Harper was trying to move past her disappointment. She had no right to expect Cody to talk about private issues when she wasn't prepared to be totally open with him. That didn't mean she didn't want to push the buttons that would make him tell all.

‘You're over-thinking everything.'

She pinged the locks on her car but instead of sitting inside in the heat that had built up over the day she leaned against the door, her arms folded on the roof, her chin on her wrist, and eyeballed Cody. ‘I do that when I haven't got any clues to work with.'

He mimicked her stance from the other side, his gaze firmly on her, as though he was weighing up what to say. ‘I'm sorry for the way I reacted this morning. It was a hangover from the past.'

Harper waited. That wasn't enough of an explanation.

His sigh was loud between them as he gave in. ‘My close mate's girlfriend got drunk and fell off a balcony into a garden, collecting some massive bruises on the way. She used it against Jack, saying he hit her. Fortunately, her timing was out. We were still on board the trawler tied up at the wharf at the time. As it was, no one believed Jack until someone came forward to say they'd seen the woman fall.'

‘That stinks.' How could anyone do that?

‘It screwed Jack's life. Some people couldn't accept the truth and kept pointing the finger. He finally moved across the Tasman to settle in Perth.'

So he'd lost a close friend out of it all as well. ‘I think I can understand your comments to Tim now.'

‘But I should be toning them down? I get it. Sometimes I forget I'm not working amongst fishermen any more. He probably didn't mean anything by it.' He finally smiled. A tight, sad smile, but a smile.

Of course, that got him exactly what he wanted. ‘Get in.'

As she drove towards the sports shop where she'd ordered Levi's present, her brain was busy thinking over the little that Cody had said. ‘What made you decide to become a nurse?'

‘Thought you were being too quiet,' Cody muttered. At least he was still smiling. ‘You don't give up easily, do you?'

‘I don't see what's wrong with asking that.'

His sigh hissed over his lips. ‘Nothing, I guess.' He stretched his legs as far as possible, not far at all, considering how long they were. ‘Okay, no. I always wanted to be a nurse right from when I was at school.' He stopped.

As she accelerated away from traffic lights, she asked, ‘So?'

‘I was a rebel, having too much fun with outdoor stuff to settle into more study. I was also intent on proving that the snide remarks suggesting I was a girl if I was going to be a nurse were wrong. What testosterone-laden teen isn't going to react by proving how masculine he is?' He grinned at her.

Harper chuckled. ‘There's nothing girlie about you.' She knew intimately. Whipping into a vacant parking space right outside her destination, she stopped the engine. How lucky was that? ‘Did you ever consider becoming a doctor?'

‘Briefly, but nursing always held more interest for me. Anyway, by the time I was ready to change careers, I'd spent too long doing a very physical job. The extra years and the huge hours studying for a medical degree would've stifled me.'

‘That makes sense.' Then, ‘What happened to make you leaving fishing and go after your original dream?'

‘Let's quit the questions, shall we?' There was a hint of anger in his voice. His door opened and he swung his legs out.

‘I'm interested, that's all.' What was going on? The man was moody as all hell today. It didn't seem to matter what she said, she got it wrong.

He glared at her over his shoulder. ‘Harper, drop it. I don't need this.' He stood up and closed the door with a little shove.

When she clambered out, she said, ‘Sorry. But it was a simple question, nothing more. All part of getting to know you better.'

‘You don't know when to quit, do you?' He blanched. Stepped back. Shook his head at her. ‘We'll take a rain check on that dinner.' Then he walked away, leaving her wondering what had just happened.

She watched him charge through the crowds of shoppers and office workers, heading back the way they'd come, his shoulders tight, his head forward.
Did I really deserve that?

Maybe. He disliked talking about himself, yet she'd kept pushing. But she wanted to know Cody, as in everything about him. They were getting close, had spent that amazing weekend together; of course she wanted to understand what made him tick, why he reacted to situations like he did.

So how dared he speak to her like that? She
didn't
deserve it; didn't need him to bite her head off.

He'd said ‘a rain check' for dinner. Did he think she'd be hanging around waiting eagerly for his next invitation? He could go take a flying leap. She didn't do that for anyone.

CHAPTER NINE

H
ARPER
PARKED
AT
work and shoved the door open, then grabbed it as a gust of wind blew through the car park. ‘Whoa.' The image in her mind of her door bent back on its hinges was not pretty.

Not that there was a lot that looked good in there this morning. Cody had dominated her thoughts throughout the long night, and was still there now.

Her head throbbed with discontentment.

One weekend with Cody had not been enough. But she'd probably walk into the department and he'd be there with his smile, acting as though he hadn't walked away from her yesterday.
You wish.
Was he a man who forgave easily? But then, what was there to forgive? She'd done, said, nothing out of the ordinary as far as she could see.

During those long hours of the night, she'd begun wondering why he'd reacted so angrily, so quickly, to what she'd asked. Every answer she came up with had no substance—because she didn't know him well enough.

Out of the car, the wind caught at her hair, pulling strands loose from the band she'd wound round it earlier. Typical Wellington day—or so the rest of the country thought.

The roar of a motorbike told her that Cody had arrived. Should she wait for him and risk being snubbed? Or should she head inside and pull on her scrubs in readiness for another day?

Unwilling to be snubbed, she took the soft option. They had all day for her find out where she stood with him.

‘Hey, Harper,' Cody said as she made her way to shift change-over.

‘Morning,' she acknowledged, watching him walk to the changing room and wondering if that had been a friendly or not-so-friendly tone he'd used. Then thought,
this is plain childish. Of me and him
. She didn't do childish. She often growled at the brats for that. Thank goodness they weren't here to witness her slide from the rules. Right, she'd act as though yesterday hadn't happened when Cody joined the group.

She didn't get a chance to act in any way at all. An ambulance brought in two men from a truck that had gone over the edge of a bridge spanning the motorway. A serious spinal injury took all Harper's concentration for the next hour and a half.

Cody worked alongside her, friendly enough, but still with a glimmer of reproach in his attitude.

And that was how the week continued. The ease they'd known the previous week had gone, leaving them back to being two members of the day shift who got along fine as long as they stuck to work issues.

‘You need some sleep,' Karin told her on Friday as they were winding up and handing over to the night shift. ‘Hope you've got a quiet weekend ahead.'

‘A birthday party with the brat pack.' Yikes, was Cody still going to join her family for that?

Apparently so. Sunday afternoon at Jason's again, and Cody was playing cricket. Again. Harper was having a wine with her sister and sisters-in-law. Again.

She couldn't believe Cody had turned up after the week they'd had keeping their distance with each other. It didn't make any sense. As soon as the game stopped, she was going to bail him in a corner and demand to know what he thought he was doing.

Jason handed her a refilled glass. ‘What's the lover's tiff about, then?'

‘You want to wear this?' Harper held her glass up.

‘That'd be a waste.'

‘Then go play with the kids.'

Surprisingly, he did, and Harper started to relax a little.

Until Suzanne picked up where their brother had left off. ‘Want to talk about it?'

Silly girl. She should've known better with her family. ‘No.'

‘So something's happened.'

The wine was chilled to perfection, but suddenly she wasn't enjoying it. ‘Why does everyone think because Cody and I aren't falling all over each other there's something wrong? We work together, we're not soul mates.'

Gemma looked from her across to where Cody was bowling the ball and back again. ‘Could've fooled me. You've both had the hots for each other right from that day the gunman held his weapon to your head. The way Cody carried you up the path to your apartment was so tender and loving, it made me all gooey inside.'

Harper could recall in a flash every detail, every sensation of those strong arms holding her against that wide chest. Now she knew his body better, she wanted more. Lots more. ‘“Loving” is a big word. We'd hardly talked until that day.'

‘If it fits,' Gemma quipped. ‘You two sure look like it does.'

‘What's really the problem?' Suzanne asked.

Everything. Nothing. She wasn't telling them the nitty gritty of their argument when she hadn't figured it out herself, but she could raise what would eventually become the final devastating issue between her and Cody. ‘He wants kids.'

‘You've discussed this?'

‘He told me the weekend we rode out to Pencarrow Head.' How could she have been so stupid as to think she could manage this? Could walk away from the best thing she'd ever known? Cody was...the man she'd fallen for. In a flash. Probably from the first time she'd taken notice of his hot bod in scrubs. He was everything she wanted in a man and a whole heap more.

Talk about setting herself up to get hurt. She couldn't blame anyone else. She also couldn't continue with the relationship—if it was still there.

‘Writing this relationship off before you have a full and frank discussion with Cody is a bit like cutting your own throat when you're actually happy.'

Sisters could be so annoying and interfering. ‘You think after Darren I'm going to put my heart on the line when I already know Cody has desires for a family of his own?'

‘There are other options. Adoption. Surrogate mothers. It goes on all the time.'

‘Why would Cody do that when he doesn't have to?'

‘Because he loves you.'

Harper leapt to her feet, the wine flying through the air. ‘Don't say that!' she yelled at Suzanne.
I can't cope with that.
‘What would you know? Next you'll be saying I love him.'

‘Don't you?'

Yeah, she did. She'd finally admitted it to herself. But for her family to see it, that made it harder to pretend otherwise. ‘Shut up.'

‘There a problem here?' Cody had strolled across the lawn to stand a couple of metres away. He might have thought his expression was neutral but Harper would have sworn she could detect hurt lurking in his eyes and in the slight downturn of his mouth.

He'd overheard Suzanne. Or her. More likely her. She'd been the one yelling. ‘Yes. Annoying sisters who don't know when to mind their own business.'

‘Time for a bike ride, out where we went the other day.' Cody held out his hand. ‘You need a jacket.'

‘Excuse me?' She stared at him. Dropped her gaze to that extended hand. Extended in friendship? What else? But go with him on a ride so that he could quiz her about what he thought he'd overheard?

‘Harper?' Cody asked. ‘Jacket.'

So he wasn't taking no for an answer. Not that she'd given any response. She felt incapable of one. Had no damned idea what she should be doing. Going back to where they'd had their first kiss hummed with danger.

Behind her there was utter silence.

The easy option would be to go with him. At least as far as the gate. She had to get away from the girls. Needed time to think without their crazy input.

Harper grimaced as Cody revved the bike and headed for the main road. How much of that argument with her sisters had he heard? She cringed when she thought he might've overheard the ‘love' word.

For the first time holding on to him was a nightmare. Putting her arms around him made her want to cry for what they might've had. For that love she held for him but couldn't share. On an indrawn breath, she laid her face against his back. She felt his strength wherever she touched him; the strength that had drawn her to him in the first place.

It was as though she had to feel him, to smell him, be with him for one last day to store memories to take out in the middle of the night over the coming weeks and months.

The ride was torture. Time was running out. After today, they'd definitely be over. She would call it off. Falling in love with Cody had wrecked the hopeful fallacy that she could have fun with him without getting hurt.

* * *

At Pencarrow Cody helped Harper off the bike and walked beside her along the beach. He said nothing, but his head was spinning, his gut churning. She hadn't denied she loved him when Suzanne had pressed her. Gees. He jammed his fingers through his hair. Jeez. What was he supposed to do with that little gem of information?

Even as he wanted to lift her into his arms and spin them round in circles while grinning and kissing her, he fought not to run for his bike and take off as fast as it could go in an attempt to outrun the fear driving up through him. He couldn't do this, whatever ‘this' was. He wanted to love Harper back, to have the whole family, home and Sundays playing cricket thing. He really, really did. But what if he lost Harper like he'd lost Sadie? What if someone like that lowlife with his gun happened again? What if...? A hundred questions exploded through his brain, none of them stopping for an answer.

They reached the end of the beach, both pausing to stare around as though they had no idea why they were there.
Well, hello, I don't. I dragged Harper here and now I don't know what to do, what to say.

He certainly wasn't about to tell her he was frightened of what might be blooming between them. If it still was after the last hour.

Finally he asked, ‘Why did your marriage break up?'
Why that question?
He'd no idea, but it seemed a good place to start.

‘Darren left me because I couldn't have babies.' Her voice was quiet but determined. As though she wanted this over.

‘You hadn't told him before you married?'

Now her voice rose and anger spat at him. ‘Thanks a bunch. You honestly think that I'd hide something so important from the man I loved?' She dropped to sit on the damp sand. ‘You believe I kept quiet in the hope he'd accept it once we were married?'

‘That's not what I said. Not quite,' he admitted with a hint of guilt. ‘I know you better than that.'

‘I thought you did.' She shook her head. ‘But really, I know very little about you, and the same could be said the other way round.'

He stared down at her, his heart beating hard and loud. ‘So Darren just changed his mind?'

‘Yes. After we'd been married for two years. After all his promises about finding other means to have our own family.'

Cody squatted down beside her. He wanted to take her hands in his, but even as he began to reach for her his old fear prevailed.
Why touch her when he didn't want to continue a relationship with her?
As in, a marriage and happy-ever-after relationship? Who said you don't want it?
He did want it, badly, but he couldn't do it. Today, after hearing what she'd said to Suzanne, he knew he couldn't. Knew that he'd always live with the fear of something bad happening to her, of him losing her one way or another.

He picked up a small stone and hurled it at the sea. ‘You got a raw deal.'

‘Huh? You reckon?' Leaping to her feet, she stormed down to the water's edge, her small hands clenched into fists at her sides.

He followed, stood beside her and waited impatiently. For what, he didn't know, but there was more to come. It was there in her stance, in her face. Did he want to hear it? Yeah, he did. For whatever reason, he did.

* * *

I love him.
Harper gulped, drew in a deep breath and squeezed her eyes shut. She loved Cody. End of. Yes, very much the end of.

Her anger intensified. How stupid could she get? Loving Cody was impossible. Not allowed. She'd never ask him to give up his dream of a family for her. Never. She kicked at the water, got splashed for her effort.

‘What went wrong for your husband to change his mind?' Cody stood so close to her she could feel his heat, yet the gap between them felt as wide as the Cook Strait.

‘What's the point of all this?' she snapped.

‘Then I'd know.' He sounded so damned reasonable.

‘Right. Then will you tell me why you never talk about your past? I doubt it.' The air from her lungs hissed over her lips. ‘Take me back. Now. I'm done with this, with you.' They had to break up one day, so it might as well be today when they were already at loggerheads.

Cody looked away, went back to staring at that blasted stretch of water between the two heads.

‘I loved Sadie very much.'

Harper waited, her temper not abating, but hovering, ready to explode. She wanted to hear him out, but he had to hurry. Her patience was at zero. Because she was hurting.

‘When I said she'd died...' He paused and slowly met her gaze. ‘She was murdered.'

Slam.
Her anger evaporated. Instantly she reached for his hand. It was cold in hers. ‘Oh, Cody, that's appalling.'

‘She divorced her ex when he went to prison for fraud. We met around that time and fell head over heels in love, got married as soon as she was free, and life was sweet. Or so we thought.'

Harper continued holding his hand, shocked at what she was hearing.

‘I came home from work one day to find her lying in the lounge, bleeding out. I couldn't save her. She never stood a chance once he stabbed her heart.'

Cody's voice broke. ‘He planned it so I'd find her. He wanted me to pay for marrying his wife. He'd learned when I was home from a fishing trip, escaped from jail, headed straight for our house and waited until he heard me turn into the drive.' Tears streamed down his cheeks. ‘I tried to save her. I did everything possible. It wasn't enough.'

‘If her heart was stabbed it's doubtful anyone could've done any better.'