Down 'N' Derby (2 page)

             
“Momma, this letter is for you from Aunt Sela but Aunt Sela is dead.”  She moved to take the note from me but I wouldn’t let her.

             
“No Momma, tell me what happened to her baby.  She says you need to take care of her baby.”  She got up and shut the door and the next time she tried to take the note from me, I let her.

             
“Maddox, you know that I love you and I loved Aunt Sela.  She was my twin sister, did you know that?”  I nodded.

             
“Sela was very sick before she got pregnant.  She had diabetes, she’d had it for years and it made her very weak.  And soon after she had her baby she died.  Her baby boy was five months old when she died and I took him to raise as my son.”  She moved closer, “Maddox, that baby was you.  Aunt Sela gave birth to you, but you are my son.”

             
“Mad, snap out of it.”  I wiped my palms on my jeans and made a noise similar to a deflating tire.  “Nix, I’m not in it.  But I need to pee and I’m hungry.”

             
“Yeah, what’s her name?” I looked at Nixon like he was out of his mind.  “Her name is Mom, you punk.  I’ve got things other than chicks in my mind.”

             
He flicked on his blinker and pulled over at the next exit. Every exit ran together—gas stations, truck stops, fast food joints and casinos.    We parked at a truck stop.  We walked in and sat at a sticky booth.  The waitress looked unhappy to say the least. 

             
“What’s it gonna be, sugar?” She sat in the booth next to me as she spoke and I moved over.  I didn’t know if she was here to stay or she just needed to take a load off. 

             
Nixon didn’t miss a beat. “I need a burger with pepper jack and onion rings.” He put the menu down and caught my glare. He widened his eyes in a ‘what?’ motion. 

             
“Um, yeah, I’ll have the same.  Thank you.”  She wrote it down but didn’t immediately move and I started to get the twitch. It always started in my fingers. I got it the first time my mom hugged me after she told me the truth.  Over the years I’d learned to hide it well from those I loved and it’s what kept me from getting in too much trouble with girls. It wasn’t just girls either.  Anytime anyone touched me, I got twitchy.  For me it was parallel to leg spasms but it happened when someone got too close, physically.  It was as if bugs or ants started crawling under my skin when someone got too close.  Nixon and Reed were the only ones who knew about it.  Reed said it was a defense mechanism.  Like spikes on a porcupine but I was sure that porcupine was grateful for his spikes.  I was not as grateful as he.  I hated it.  It’s why I ran through girls so fast.  After a few dates, and for some at the end of the first date, they started getting handsy. Even hand holding freaked me out. I knew that Owen and Falcon thought I was trying to be some kind of player but actually the opposite was true.  I was simply trying to find a girl who didn’t make my skin crawl. 

             
She finally got out of the booth and Nixon shook his head at me.  Once I only thought of Nixon as that cousin I saw on holidays and birthday parties but in the past year he has really been more of a friend.  He was the best kind of friend.  I didn’t have to explain and re-explain every damned thing to him.  He already knew.  He knew what I was talking about when I made suit references about Falcon and he knew I was talking about Owen when I called him Pec Nectar.  He was the childhood friend that everyone needs. 

             
Reed was the new friend.  And I needed her friendship equally as much as I did Nixon’s.  She didn’t know all the history and details so her take on everything was from a fresh perspective.  And she didn’t just assume things; she asked me what I thought about stuff.  And I loved her for the simple reason that she loved Falcon.  And now she was keeping my secrets.  I didn’t ask her any questions when I called and she didn’t ask any of me.  I told her I was fine, I was eating and we were safe and then I hung up.  She was my tie to home.

             
Nixon had a map spread out on the table and a marker in his hand.  “We’ve got twelve more hours to Nebraska.  Look, Ruby, Nebraska.  We can sleep there and then go to Omaha from here.”  I nodded as the waitress clanked the two plates on the table before us.  Nixon told her he needed ketchup.  The guy lived on ketchup.  When we were kids he’d put it on his eggs, his grits—I saw him make a ketchup sandwich one time.  He swears that never happened but Owen saw it too.

             
And there it is again—another one of those freakin’ memories.  I couldn’t escape them and every time I thought of one I obsessed over it.  I looked for details in each memory, something that made it obvious to me how different we were.  But the thing was, I couldn’t find it.  In every memory there was no difference between us.  We looked similar except for our eye color.  Owen’s were green, Falcon’s were brown and mine—I had one of each one brown and one green, like no one.

             
The thump, thump of the bottom of the ketchup bottle broke my thoughts.

             
“How much ketchup are you gonna put on those onion rings?  It looks like you’re bludgeoning them.”

             
“Shut up and eat, King of the Road.”

             
We finished eating and got back in the Rover.  Twelve more hours until Ruby, Nebraska and a couple of days until my first lead on my dad.

Chapter 4

Reed

I’m a Lysol sniffer.  Seriously.  There’s nothing better in the world than walking into a doctor or dentist office and smelling disinfectant.  And don’t tell, but I always steal tongue depressors.  Always.

              Nellie had to hold my hand the entire time.  I may have squeezed it harder than necessary when she ‘awwwed’ for the third time. 

             
“Ow, damn that hurts, Reed.” She fussed at me and shook her hand out.

             
“Well, stop making goo goo noises,” I snapped back at her.

             
“But he’s gonna love it.  Seriously, I wanna see his face when he sees it for the first time.”

             
I turned my head slowly towards her, giving her time to process what she’d just said.  “You really want to be there the first time he sees it?”

             
She still hadn’t gotten it.  Then she snapped her head towards me. 
There it is, welcome to reality, Nellie.

             
“Oh my stars, no!  Nevermind, eeww, I do not want to be there.  I can’t believe I just said that.  I’m such a sleeve.”

             
“A sleeve?” I asked.

             
“A pervert, a creeper—you know a sleeve.”

             
“Damn it Nellie, quit making up shit.  That one doesn’t even make sense.”  Even the tattoo artist was laughing now.

             
This tattoo would remain Nellie’s and my secret until my wedding night.  Which is why it was kinda creepy for Nellie to want to see Falcon’s face when he first saw it. 

             
“I like it.  I think I’m gonna keep that one.” She made a curt ‘hmm’ sound, satisfied with her new word. 

             
I rolled my eyes and continued to bear the pricking.  It was so going to be worth the pain.  He asked that I not get his name as a tattoo when I first expressed interest in getting inked.  So, this technically wasn’t his name but damn it was close enough.  I didn’t care anyway, he was branded on my heart, might as well be branded on my body.

             
We got done and my side felt squishy with the Vaseline and plastic wrap plastered to me. I took four of the blue pills Nellie gave me so Falcon wouldn’t notice I was in any kind of pain.  I didn’t want him to know yet.  Hopefully Mad would come back soon.  If not, I was gonna have to tell Falcon.  Hopefully the stubborn jackass would come back on his own.  I understood; I did.  I felt better after finding my aunt, but it wasn’t crucial to my sanity.  But Mad has crossed that line long ago.  Finding his biological dad was a ball and chain he drug around for almost a decade.  For his own peace of mind, he needed to know. 

             
We had a girls’ night planned with Sylvia since she had been a ghost of her former self since Mad left.  He wasn’t angry with her, that much I knew.  I think he isolated himself from us because he thought we would be angry with him—and that just pissed us off more.  He should know better.  Hell, I would bet my left pinkie toe that if he had just talked to the family about it Falcon and Owen would have gone along with them, helped him find his Dad. 

             
But no, he was being an asshole about it. 

             
Nellie and I stopped by the grocery store for junk food.  Sylvia had taken to eating everything in sight since Mad left and tonight we were gonna help her.  My phone rang on the chip aisle and I answered it.

             
“Hello?” I answered sweetly, since on the other line was my sweetness.

             
“Poppy, I’ve decided to become a ninja, find Mad and then we can get married sooner but there’s one problem.” I giggled, knowing this playful voice of his was saved only for me.

             
“What’s the problem?”

             
“They won’t let me wear the shirt and tie at the ninja training center.  It’s non-negotiable.  I’m sorry.”  We both started laughing and Nellie took the phone from me.

             
“Hey, bird boy, we’re trying to have girls’ night here.  Quit making my girl get all red in the face.”  I don’t know what he said back to her but she turned blushy and stuck the phone back on my ear, none too sweetly.

             
“What did you say to her, she’s all pissed now?”

             
“I told her that if I wanted to I could say things to you over this phone that would not only ruin her girls’ night but make you drop what you were doing and come home—right—this—second.”

             
Nellie must’ve known he was repeating what he said to her.  She rolled her eyes and yelled, “Clean up on aisle three! I’m gonna toss my cookies.”

             
“I gotta go.  She’s now screaming in the grocery store.  I’ll talk to you later.”

             
“Ok, Love you.”

             
“Love you back.” I said and hung up the phone.  Nellie was rushing around to the next aisle, leaving me in the dust.

Mad

Chapter 5

Coconut is weird.  Coconut flakes are even weirder.  Is it grass?  Is it supposed to taste like sunblock smells? It has the consistency of fresh cut hay and when I chew it I feel like a cow chewing cud.  Speaking of cows, why do coconuts have milk?  No cuts, no butts, no coconuts.

              The motel in Ruby, Nebraska was less than hospitable to say the least.  The room smelled like mold had grown on the tip of a lit cigarette and the sheets felt like fine grade sandpaper.  Of course, Nixon didn’t care.  He took a shower, with no hot water, and flipped onto the bedspread and was snoring before I could even get my clothes out of my bag. 

             
I showered, barely registering the lack of hot water.  I wouldn’t feel it anyway.  When it came to physical things of late, I could either get the pricklies or I would be completely numb.  The shower was one of those instances.  It wouldn’t matter if the water was hot or cold, I couldn’t feel it.  I used to rely on the hot water to burn my skin so that I knew I was still alive, still sane, but now it did nothing for me. 

             
I studied the maps and notes a little after getting out of the shower.  Nixon had woken up again and was channel surfing through the same twelve channels afforded us by the cheap motel. His name was Einer Macon according to my birth certificate.  What kind of name Einer was, I’d never know.  But I already knew who he was.  He was the rat bastard who ran out on my mom when she was pregnant—end of story.

             
“Don’t overthink it.  We’ll find him one way or another bro.”

             
“I know.  I just wish it was sooner.  I just want to get it over with.  I feel like I’ve been in limbo since I made up my mind to find him.  I just hope everyone doesn’t hate me when all this shit is over.”

             
“Are you kidding me?  I’m surprised they haven’t found us already.  You know Reed is feeding them info every time you call.  And you could shit brimstone and they’d still love you.  I don’t care what you say, those are your brothers.”

             
“You’re an only child.  How would you know?”  It was a low blow.  Nixon had always hung out with us as kids because he had no one else to play with.  His mom was never the same after his dad left and spent her time, well, basically whoring around and she stayed drunk.  We all knew it.  And that’s why Nixon had a real complex about women in general.  He didn’t date or even show any interest in girls.  He would tell me once in a while about a girl at school or something but never pursued her.  His mom had crippled him.