Down From the Clouds (2 page)

I looked down. Cleared my throat. “I never had a normal life, Ella. Being found on the side of the road by a stranger isn’t the most beautiful beginning.” I tried to smile. “So I hid. Most of my life I hid from everyone. And I thought a lot. Sometimes about what I’d be when I grew up, if anything, sometimes about what I’d give to the world, but mostly I thought about you. Maybe I longed for a woman because I never had a mom. Most kids thought I was stupid. Not interested in comic books, I wrote love poems and spent my nights falling asleep to Charles Dickens on tape. I was weird. I don’t doubt it at all. These paintings are so real to me because all of this time, all of these years, you were right there with me.” I took a breath. “What I’m trying to say is, some people find each other later in life and wonder what it would be like if they could go back and know each other as kids. Grow up together. Fall in love in the sandbox and stay in love through college. But I don’t need to do that because all of those times, all of those years, you were right there with me. All because I spent my life dreaming of you. Of this day. Of this second right here.”

She shook her head and squeezed my hands.

I squeezed back, took out the ring, and pleaded. “Ella, I want to spend the rest of my life experiencing everything with your hand in mine. I’ve waited forever for this. Will you marry me?”

She nodded, her eyes hiding under tear-soaked lashes, smile glowing. “Of course, Gavin. Of course.”

I stood and slid the ring onto her finger. “I wasn’t sure if this would be jinxed or not, having come from my mother’s hand before they buried her, but it’s the only thing I have of hers and it just seem—“

She pushed her finger over my lips and opened hers. “It’s perfect.”

“Like you.”

“No, like you.”

“Like us.”

Chapter Two

Friday night, alone in my apartment, Ella and I packed up my past. Matt moved the last of his stuff a few days after I proposed. Weird being without him and being with a woman so much. So fast. Every stroke of the past blended right into the most winsome time of my life. Even the dark blobs of color I didn’t want to acknowledge were veiled by soft strands of the present. The soft strands of the beautiful woman staring at the envelope she knew I didn’t want to open.

“It’s nothing, really.” I took it from her hands. Put it in my pocket. “It’s just a letter from my grandfather.”

“The one who died recently?”

I nodded, slipping the crinkled enveloped further into my pocket. Further from her hands, from my own.

“And why don’t you want to read it?” she said.

“It’s the last letter he wrote me. I have two others he wrote, but he said to open this one last. The other two were hard enough.”

She sat on my bed, perched forward, and tilted her head just so. Almond eyes waiting for me to explain the things I didn’t want to share. The things she deserved to know. And would know. Just not yet.

“It’s a story for another day,” I said.

She bit her lip. “Gavin.”

It wasn’t a question. I looked down. Away from her eyes. Away from the conflict brewing between us.

“Gavin,” she said again.

“Yes?”

She held up her hand. Pointed to the ring I put on it. “I am marrying you. I kinda hoped to marry all of you, not just the pieces you want others to see.”

I inhaled and smiled. “Ella, my love.”

“Don’t say that. Just tell me. Please. I want to know you.”

“I want you to know me. Trust me. I’m not hiding.”

“Then what are you doing?”

I exhaled so hard I could’ve blown the little piggies and their brick houses away. “I’m sulking.”

She shook her head. “Well, one thing you need to know about me is that I have a hard time letting things go. Especially when people I love are dealing with something inside and don’t talk about it. Sarah did this to me all the time. With her it was easy to listen, to be a shoulder, and to have no idea why on earth she was balling her eyes out. With you, I can’t pretend I don’t want to know. Seeing you hide behind your smile is nice and admirable. I know you don’t want to bring others into your problems. But have you ever thought that maybe it would be more admirable to be real in a world that’s trained into being fake?”

“I told Matt. He didn’t believe me.”

“You told Matt what?”

I touched her cheek with the back of my hand. Ran my fingers to her ear. “That you would teach me how to live.”

She let the envelope go. For now. I knew she’d bring it up later, but I needed time.

We pulled up outside of Matt and Lydia’s new house. Only Matt lived there so far. Lydia planned to move in after the wedding. Nice little garden, about a half acre of land, solid trees, yellow house with black shutters. It was a nice first house. Small, but nice.

Ella squeezed my hand. I squeezed back, pulled her fingers to my lips, and looked into her eyes. Life never felt so good, so perfect, as it did with her beside me.

“Ready?” She pulled the handle of the car door.

I nodded.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine.”

She tried to smile. Not so successful. 

I got out of the car and walked over to open her door.

She took my hand. "I want you to know that I desperately want to know what's inside of you. More than I can say. But I'm not going to pry you to open up to me when it's obvious you can't even open up to yourself right now. What am I going to do, though?"

"Yes?"

"I'm going to wait and I'm not going to forget about that envelope."

"I didn't expect you to."

"One day you'll stop hiding. You'll realize how exhausting it is."

We walked toward the soon-to-be Mr. and Mrs. Ryan house. Lydia opened the door.

Matt came up and put his hands on her shoulders. "Look who it is. The newly engaged."

Ella smiled. I kissed the top of her head and pulled her into me.

"Let me see the ring," Lydia said.

"What is it with girls and wanting to show off the ring? Isn't the man even better to show off than a piece of metal and stone?" Matt said, walking into the house. "Gavin, come in and I'll show off my hardwood floors and newel posts."

I laughed and walked past the ladies. "So, Heidi still has no idea she's coming to her baby shower right now?"

"No idea," Matt said from the kitchen.

I followed the trail of his voice. "Hey man, this house is nice. I can't believe how much wood is in this place."

"Yeah, I wasn't kidding when I said hardwood floors. And it's all heart pine. I could rip this stuff up and get rich by selling it."

"If Heidi has no friends here, then who is coming to the shower today?"

"Well, she's met a few of Lydia's friends. When I told Lydia about her she insisted on making her feel welcome and loved. Did you know Heidi is one of the bridesmaids for our wedding?"

"Didn't know. Don't know much about your wedding to be honest. Not even sure I remember the date."

"If I didn't know you better...."

"But you do." I opened the refrigerator and made myself at home by grabbing a beer. "You got the good stuff for me, I see."

"Your favorite. I'd much rather have a root beer any day, but I know how much you like that ale."

I took a sip. "I really do."

Women's voices escalated in the other room. Must've been piling in by the second.

"Are we going to be the only men here?" I said.

"No. Patrick is coming. And Mwenye will be here with Tylissa."

"Wow. This is nice of you guys. I know it's been tough for her. I can't even imagine."

He walked away. I followed him into the living room where a handful of women sat laughing and talking. My Ella knelt on the floor beside the couches. So typical of her. Selfless to the core. She refused to sit until everyone else had a seat and most of the time she ended up standing or sitting on the floor. And I'd follow.

Matt sat next to Lydia on the love-seat. I sat behind Ella and pulled her close. Her hair smelled like a spring morning.

I looked around the room. Didn't recognize anyone yet.

A knock at the door. Ella stood faster than I could've thought to stand. I looked over my shoulder. Tylissa and Mwenye.

I stood. The other women chatted away. So wrapped up in their conversations about shoes and hair that they had no idea the door even opened. Another thing I loved about Ella. Someone's water would be half-filled and she would pour more in before they'd ask. She always thought of others. And the most beautiful thing is I could tell her this a thousand times and she would cock her head at me, roll her eyes, and say, "I didn't do that. Did I?"

She really had no idea. Most of the time, at least. Just in her nature. The way she lived and breathed. So much to admire. Like Jack Nicholson to Helen Hunt. She made me want to be a better man.

I shook hands with Mwenye and gave Tylissa a hug and kiss on the cheek.

"And what's the baby's name again?" I said.

"Asylia," Ella chimed in.

"Swahili, isn't it?" A man's voice said from the doorway.

"Patrick," Ella said, walking to him with her fingers still locked in mine.

"Asylia is beautiful." I followed Ella and nodded for Mwenye's little family to make themselves at home.

I extended my hand to Patrick's, but he pulled me in for a hug. I patted his back and pulled away.

"Congrats on the engagement,” he said. “It feels like just yesterday Ella turned me down for some stranger she saw across a coffee shop years before."

I smiled. "Sounds crazy, doesn't it?"

"Crazy in a good way. I told her this would make the news. You guys should write a book or something."

"I'd prefer to live our story instead of writing it," Ella said, eyes on me.

"Come on in," I said. "You've met Heidi before, right? She isn't here yet. It's a surprise. She thinks she's coming for a wedding shower."

"I haven't met her yet," he said. "But having lost a wife to cancer I think I could relate to her a bit."

We walked inside. Everyone stood in mini circles talking with others. Ella hadn't let go of my hand for ten minutes. She led me into the kitchen and smiled, then handed me a pitcher of water and a plastic cup. I looked at her. She motioned toward Tylissa. Ah, nursing mother needed a drink. Leave it to Ella.

I poured a cup of water, spritzed a lemon in, positioned it on top of the cup, and walked toward Tylissa. Ella crossed her arms in the kitchen and smiled. I loved that we could have conversations without opening our mouths. Sometimes we'd sit in front of each other with blindfolds and talk to each other with our hands. Dangerously sensual. I only recommend it if you're truly in love, something so amazing shouldn't be wasted on just anyone.

Tylissa thanked me for the drink, downed it in thirty seconds flat, and handed it back. I laughed and turned to Ella.

"She's here," someone said.

We huddled together and waited for her to knock on the door. Matt answered and ushered her in.

"Surprise!"

Heidi covered her mouth with her hands, looked around the room, and caught the pink and white streamers and those little decorative cakes the girls made with a set of diapers. Her hand fell beside her.

"I can't believe this," she said, then walked to each person in the room to thank them with a hug.

Ella gave her a warm hug and made her way to the kitchen. I stood beside Matt and watched Ella out of the corner of my eye. I couldn't get enough of her. Wanted to stand beside her every second I could.

I refrained. Stayed near Matt and listened to Heidi talk about the crazy requests of her in-laws.

"I'm not trying to be difficult," she said. "I really want to have a relationship with them, especially since I don't with my own parents. But it just seems like they don't want me around. If I weren't pregnant I have no doubt they would never speak to me again."

"I can relate to that," Patrick said from behind her.

She turned.

"Oh, sorry." He looked down. "I didn't mean to listen to your conversation. You guys just happened to be right behind me."

"Oh, are you Jenna's husband?" Heidi said.

"No, my wife died not too long ago from cancer. And the reason I can relate to you is because the cancer went to her brain, affected her mental health to the point that she ended up like a vegetable." He exhaled, took a breath, and steadied himself on the wall beside him. "It was me who decided to cut off life support. Her parents say I'm a murderer."

Heidi's smiled disappeared like the sun hidden by a marshmallowy sky, then it appeared again. "They can say what they want, but I can tell you loved her and you only wanted the best for her." She touched his shoulder. "I would've done the same."

Matt and I looked at each other. Lydia walked over to help Ella in the kitchen. Matt followed her. I stood there for a second, watching Patrick and Heidi's conversation find its way to the couch, then made my way back to my soon-to-be wife.

She smiled when I came in the room. I leaned into the refrigerator and shrugged toward the living room. "Looks like Heidi and Patrick are pretty deep in conversation."