Doubt (9 page)

DURING HER FIRST YEAR
as an undergraduate at GN University, Cristal had decided to take a class in introductory Spanish hoping to help improve her communication skills with gamers in Spanish-speaking countries like Mexico and Spain. Truth be told, she was envious with the fact that Harry had taught himself five different languages. He told her that it helped give him the advantage when playing with Truth Seekers from around the world. She was confident that she could master the language in a few weeks, given the fact she was able to read at super speeds.

Two mo
nths later, no matter how fast she was able to read through the textbooks, the words never stuck in her head. When she tried to form the words with her mouth, she couldn’t remember what the words were. It was one of her greatest weaknesses, which she never could overcome.

“
Do you need help?” Ms. Cruz, her Spanish professor asked her.

S
he must have been surprised to see Cristal struggling. How could Cristal Hernandez, an Honors student have problems in Introducción al Español 100?

“
Come to my classroom every day after school. I can help.”

Cristal was grateful and accepted her offer
willingly.

Unfortunately
, after three lessons, even Ms. Cruz had to admit that there was no hope for Cristal. She dropped out of the class soon after.

Cristal
never mentioned this to anyone. Not to her mother. Not to Harry.

W
hen other students asked her why she dropped the class, she simply said, “Spanish sucks.”

Soon after
wards, something strange began happening to her. She found that when she was in a crowd of people who were speaking in another language, the sound would increase like a muddle of voices in her head—all shouting to be heard. She would cup her hands over her ears and run away to get the voices out of her head. Over time, she was able to control the “situation” by putting on her headset and drowning out the sound with music. Not just any music. Her carefully selected assortment of songs stored on her cell phone was the only way she could block out the noise.

***

On the plane ride to Tel Aviv, the voices of the passengers were getting louder and louder in her head. She glanced over at Kerim who was busy watching a movie on the screen in front of him. She reached into her bag on the floor, rummaging for her phone.
Where in the world did I put it?

“
Looking for this?”

Dangling in front of her was her
cellphone. Kerim had a mischievous grin as he handed it to her.

“
Very funny,” she said, grabbing the phone from his hand.

“
So what kind of music do you listen to?” he whispered in her ear.

She flashed him a
disarming smile.

“
Sir, like I said earlier, I’m not interested in small talk.”

His eyebrows shot up and he shook his head as he chuckled into his hand.
She smiled to herself as she shoved the ear buds into her ears and then hit the play button on her phone’s music player.

She could see Kerim was still talking
, but she let the beat of the music from one of her favorite alternative bands,
Bittersweetness
, drown out his voice and all the other voices in her head.

Kill this desire to fly
close to the sun, burning wing tips,
singe away the feathers
Can this hollowness be filled
Forgiveness: another feather to fall from wing…

“
I like that song, too,” she heard Kerim say as his voice entered her head.

She opened her eyes.
Kerim’s eyes were closed, but he had a smile on his face.

S
he shook her head and shut her eyes. Her mind was playing tricks on her.

“
No, it’s not.
”

Her eyes sprung open and she sat up
right, turning her body toward Kerim.

“
Did you say something?”

He opened one eye, pointed to himself and said,
“Who me?”

She lowered the volume on her phone.

“You know what I’m talking about.”

Kerim sat up and turned to face her.

“Cristal, are you okay?” he asked.

She took a deep breath, holding back the desire to scream at him.

“
I’m not going to say it again. What are you doing to me?”

He stared at her blankly
, and for a moment, she doubted herself.

Shaking her head, she said,
“Never mind. I’m just tired. Sorry to bug you.”

Closing her eyes, she reached for her phone and turned up the volume.

“
I can help you
,” Kerim’s voice said in her head.

She opened one eye and saw Kerim was leaning back with his eyes closed. There was a smile on his face
, and she swore she could see it getting wider.

“
Help me what?” she said out loud.

“
Get over the problem you have with learning another language
,” he said, still in her head.

What?
Now how did he know that? She knew he was able to sense things about her, but how in the world would he be able to sense she had a problem with languages? And how come she could hear him in her mind?

“
It just started when you had your eyes closed earlier, Cristal
,” his voice in her head said. “
I could hear your thoughts. They weren’t clear, but the more upset you became, the clearer they were.
”

“
Okay, that only half answers my questions. How in the world are you talking to me in my head?”

“
Not sure, but I think when you started listening to your music, I could hear it, too
,” his voice said. “
And for some reason, through the music, I felt I could reach you. The feeling was so strong that I sang the message to you in my head.
“

He sat up turning to her
, his mesmerizing eyes gazing deep into hers.

“
And you heard me…didn’t you?” he asked her.

Her heart started beating harder, her breathing faster
. Everything around her started spinning. Kerim grabbed her hand.

“
Breathe, Cristal, breathe.”

She felt her hands shaking.
Oh no!
The plane started rocking violently. Screams from the passengers filled the cabin.
No, please don’t let this happen again.
Tears streaked down her cheeks as she imagined the worst thing that would happen next.

Kerim held her hand tight and pulled her towards him.
She glanced up to see his lips so close to her face.

“
Everything is going to be fine, Cristal,” he whispered, stroking her hair.

She could smell his
scent in her nostrils. Her body felt magnetic energy move from inside her towards him.

Kerim pulled her
tighter into his embrace. Before she could push him away or say anything, his head bent down and his mouth pressed down on hers. She felt her body flush with excitement as she melted into his kiss. Her hand was on his chest, and she could feel his heart beating hard. Her other hand found its way to his wavy hair. Pulling a handful gently into her hands, she marveled at how soft it felt in her fingers. Suspended in the first kiss, tongues searching each other, their hands explored each other’s body. While enjoying the moment, a part of her suddenly realized that the plane had stopped shaking. She opened her eyes and looked to see the flight attendants were running around.

“
The plane just passed through a small batch of turbulence. Everything is fine,” the Asian flight attendant said to them as she rushed by.

She looked over at Kerim. His
eyes were warm and dreamy; his smile was relaxed, and his face seemed to have an afterglow. It was then that she picked up her cell phone, and pointed the camera lens at him.

“
I want to keep the way you’re looking at me now in my memory forever,” she whispered.

He
tilted his head and raised his fingers in the “peace” sign, the pointer and middle fingers up.

“
Actually, it means
victory
,” he said as she snapped the photo.

She
liked that it could mean both peace and victory.

S
he cuddled up close to him and slept for the rest of the flight, listening to the songs on her phone with Kerim’s voice singing along in her head.

KERIM WAS MEETING HER in the hotel lobby soon. It was their first full day off since they arrived, and he had promised to show her around.

T
he first few days going to the Global Nation office in Haifa was awkward to say the least. Every morning at 7:00 a.m., like an alarm clock, Harry waited in a small silver Subaru hatchback, outside the hotel—never a minute late. Although it was annoying, she was comforted knowing he would be there. Life was different here. Not that it was a bad thing. It was difficult for her not being able to speak or understand the language. Hotel workers were generally polite.

“
How are you, Miss? Do you need anything, Miss?” they would say, always with their well-rehearsed smiles.

But if she wanted something, an extra towel or bar of soap, suddenly no one could understand English.

***

Every night, Kerim patiently tried
to teach her conversational Hebrew and Arabic. His creative teaching style using music was experimental, but she had to admit that it was working. The only phrase she was able to say in both languages was “Ayph hshyrvtym?” and “Wayne hamam?”
which meant, “Where is the washroom?”

“
Well, at least I will never worry about you finding a bathroom,” he teased her.

She smacked his shoulder playfully.

During the day, she and Harry were
supposedly restoring the server networks at GN, but in reality, they were downloading data for Cristal to decode. If it were all about work, she wouldn’t have minded so much. The problem was that Harry was always trying to corner her.

“
There are things I wish I could share with you,” he said, searching her eyes, hoping to see the old Cristal, the one who used to be willing to listen.

That wa
sn’t going to happen.

“
Let’s keep things professional, Harry,” she said, refusing to let him get an inch closer to her. “We’re here to do a job, so let me do my work.”

He grabbed her elbow,
pulling her to him.

“
You know I care about you,” he whispered into her hair.

Her mind was telling
her to push him away, but her body froze.

“
I always have,” he said, releasing his grip.

He turned away
and left her feeling confused and empty.

If that weren
’t enough, Dr. Saeed was beginning to give her the creeps. He would sneak questions into their conversations, like: “Have you been sleeping well? Have you had any other fainting spells? Do you want to talk about the visions you’ve had?”

How she wanted to tell him—
Leave me alone! I’m not your lab rat.
But she bit her tongue, trying to keep things polite.

She wished she could be with
Kerim and Gabriel instead of being stuck at the GN office. Harry had sent them on missions in Haifa and Gaza to meet with other Truth Seekers.

“
I want to go with them to meet the others,” she told Harry.

“
No, we need you here at GN. We can’t let the New York office suspect what we are doing,” he said.

His tone was sh
arp and authoritative.

“
You’re the boss,” she mumbled under her breath.

In the evenings,
Harry asked all of them to meet to discuss the missions. Cristal made sure to sit beside Kerim. He could speak to her inside her head while she had one ear bud in her ear, listening to her music.

“
I’ll take you back to your hotel after work,”
Kerim’s voice told her.

“
You promise to tell me everything you uncovered today in Gaza
?” she responded.

“
After I teach you a few more phrases in Hebrew and Arabic
.” He turned to her and winked. “
Like, I love you, my sweetheart.
”

Her cheeks
turned several shades of red.
Did he say that out loud?
She calmed down when she saw that everyone was focused on Harry at the front of the room. Harry’s eyes seemed to bore into hers. He was talking to everyone, but he seemed to only be looking at her.

“
I wish we could sneak out of here,”
she said in her thoughts.

“
Patience, my dear Cristal. Let’s save the world first and then we can go play.”

She glanced over at Kerim
who reached over and squeezed her knee.

Silent conversations—i
t was weird, but romantic. Most importantly, it was their little secret.

***

The hotel phone rang, startling her from her thoughts. She glanced at her watch as she picked up the phone. Kerim must be in the lobby now.

“
Kerim, I’m on my way down.”

A deep voice
responded, but it wasn’t Kerim’s.

“
Ms. Hernandez, this is the hotel concierge. There is an I.S. agent here who wants to speak with you.”

Why would a security agent want to speak
with me?

“
Madame, are you still there?”

She shook her head
to clear her thoughts.

“
Yes, I am coming down.”