Double Trouble (38 page)

Because that’s what I was really worried about. I had a Zen moment of utter clarity there. I was afraid that I would fail them because I didn’t know how to do kids and marriage and all that stuff.

On the other hand, James had some experience. And he’d been pretty accommodating of my slips thus far.

I wondered whether my worst enemy here was myself. Maybe I controlled my environment so carefully to ensure that I was never really tested. Maybe I was made sure that I never faced with a challenge that I couldn’t conquer.

Maybe it was time I took on some new, untamed, unpredictable peaks.

Someone called Lydia and she headed back to work with a big thumbs-up. I sat on the sidelines and watched, working through my own reactions to these children, who were just kids after all. And my heart skipped along as I wondered and thought and hoped.

It was only with great reluctance that Jimmy eventually came back to me. He had only a couple of minutes to introduce me to his opponent, whose mom trailed behind.

“Steve lives right near us,” Jimmy said, Steve nodding with enthusiasm. I realized that they probably hadn’t met because they went to different schools. James had kept the boys in their private school. “I know his house. Do you think he could come over?”

“I don’t see why not. But ask your dad when we get home.”

“Okay.”

“Maybe you guys should swap phone numbers.” Steve’s mom suggested, her smile telling me how pleased she was. She leaned closer to whisper to me. “All he does is play that game. I thought I’d never get him to play with other kids.”

“At least they can play the game together.” I had a pencil and paper in my pocket, so the ritual was done, then Steve was called back to a seminar. His mom gave me a smile and waved as she steered Steve toward the conference rooms.

Jimmy put his jacket back on and looked at me expectantly. “Now, what?”

“Now, I dunno.”

“I thought you had everything planned.”

“I did.” I looped my arm around his shoulder and we headed for the door. “I had this great big scheme to teach you the wisdom of the ages in seven easy steps. Or at least what I know of it.” Jimmy harrumphed, but I gave his shoulder a squeeze and he looked up.

“I wanted to make you realize how lucky you are, Jimmy, but it turned out you knew a few things already. I brought you here to teach you a lesson, but instead you taught me one.”

“Really?”

“Really. You did a good thing there. I’m proud of you and I’m glad you made a new friend.”

He shrugged. “I just went to play, like you said.”

“I know. That’s what’s so great about it.”

Jimmy gave me a skeptical look, à la Coxwell. “You feeling all right, Auntie Maralys?”

“I feel great. Come on, Calypso, let’s return to base. Our work here is done.” We headed out of there with one last wave for Lydia, snagged a bus and worked our way back to the house.

When we were walking up the street, about a block from home, Jimmy looked up at me. “I thought today was really going to suck, Auntie Maralys.”

“It started out kind of rough, didn’t it?”

He smiled. “You know it. But I had fun with Steve. I’m glad we went there.” He gave me a quick hug, embarrassed by his urge, then ran toward the house.

“Hey!” I shouted after him. “Tell me where you got the shiner.”

Jimmy paused on the porch, wary again. “Do I have to?”

I climbed the steps. “No. But I’d like to know.”

This kid could do suspicion in spades. “Are you going to tell my dad?”

“Depends. If you don’t want me to, I won’t.”

“I don’t.”

“Okay, I won’t.”

“Promise?”

“Absolutely.”

He sighed and looked across the street with a frown. “When we were changing for gym, Louie said that Mom left us because Dad is an asshole.”

“Ouch.”

“He said that everybody knows it, and that his mom heard it from my mom.” Jimmy watched me, his expression fierce. “I couldn’t let him say that about my dad. It’s not true.”

I hunkered down in front of him. “No, it’s not true. Did your dad ask you about your black eye?”

“Well, yeah, but I couldn’t tell him that people say he’s an asshole. Could I?”

I smiled. “I think he’s more used to it than you think. People say that a lot about lawyers.”

“Well, they shouldn’t. It’s not true.”

“I think you could have told your dad what had happened. He’d probably tell you not to listen to the garbage that other people say.”

“You think?”

“I think you should ask him yourself. I mean, you may have noticed that not only am I not your dad, but I’m not a guy.” We grinned at each other. “Locker room politics is not my forte. There’s got to be protocol for such things, but we chicks don’t get the rulebook.”

“What would you have done?”

I shrugged. “Probably made a joke at Louie’s expense and stayed cool.”

“Like—it takes one to know one.”

“Something like that. Or, is that why
your
mom left?”

“Oh yeah!” Jimmy bounced. “His parents are divorced too!”

“I’m glad you’re all so well-adapted.”

“Stuff happens, Auntie Maralys.” Jimmy shrugged, insouciant as ever. “You just have to deal with it and move on.”

I stared at him. “Are you really ten-years-old? Or are you some kind of imposter? A body snatcher, an alien, who’s really 110 years old but trapped in the body of a child? That must be it! Do you have the end of a watermelon vine where your navel should be?”

“No!”

I snatched at him and tickled him, purportedly feeling for something that would reveal his alien status. Jimmy laughed and squirmed and we eventually made it into the house, looking flushed and rumpled. James was on his way out the door, going to take his mom to her AA meeting, my father was grousing about dinner, though they looked up at the ruckus we made.

“Remember, Calypso, our mission was top secret,” I whispered and Jimmy nodded with satisfaction.

“Roger, Houston. Over and out.”

I do think everybody knew that we’d had just too much fun.

----

Subject
: men!

Dear Aunt Mary -

So, where are all the good ones? Every guy I date is such a loser. Things start out well enough then go straight down the toilet. I’ve dated quiet ones and rowdy boys, doctors and thieves - everything from soup to NUTS. What kind of genetic mutation is this? Where can I find a keeper?

Looking for a Hero

----

Subject
: men... and you

Dear Lost Girl -

What’s the common variable here? You. The issue may be that your behavior is showing repeatable results. Which is another way of saying - life is too short to make the same mistake twice.

Or learn from other’s mistakes. Life’s too short to make them all yourself. Take a hard look at your own choices before you blame half the world for your woes.

Aunt Mary

***

Uncertain? Confused? Ask Aunt Mary!

Your one stop shop for netiquette and advice:

http://www.ask-aunt-mary.com

----

M
uch much later, I heard James come in, the front door closing with a click that echoed through the slumbering house. I stayed right where I was, though my heart started to pound.

I heard the deadbolt shoot home, then heard him walk down the hall to the kitchen, the hardwood floor creaking with every step he took. I closed my eyes and pictured him moving through the house, checking locks and windows, ensuring that my dad was fine.

I smiled at his protectiveness. James wasn’t there long, but then, I knew my dad was already asleep.

The house breathed gently of all of our presences, even as James’ careful steps creaked on the stairs. I heard him pause at each boy’s room, heard his whispered “goodnight” go unanswered. I heard him sigh as he headed toward his own room and smiled to myself, knowing that he envisioned another night alone.

I do love surprising him.

James didn’t turn on the lights, but the blind was still up and the light from the street touched him as he moved through the room. He shed his shirt, his jeans, his socks. He folded his jeans over the only chair in the room, threw the rest into the laundry basket. He paused to look out the window before drawing the shade, and the harsh light made his features look careworn.

Tired and burdened.

My heart squeezed and I sat up, bracing my weight on my elbows. He spun at the unexpected sound and just about jumped through the roof when he saw me.

I smiled. “You’re going to have to lift your game, Coxwell.”

James smiled and drew the shade down against the night. “I thought you’d left.” His voice was low and velvety, the sudden darkness in the room making me shiver in anticipation.

“Dad fell asleep. I couldn’t have abandoned the fort and left it undefended.”

The mattress squeaked as he sat on the side. Even in the darkness, I could feel his gaze on me.

“I owe you an apology,” I admitted. “I’m sorry I said what I said. I was wrong.”

He nodded, apology accepted. “Is that the only reason you’re here?”

“Nah. I thought I’d try out a real bed, see if it was worth the investment.”

James half laughed, then his hand landed on mine. “Really, Maralys.”

I sat up and reached for him. I found his shoulder, then discerned his silhouetted face. I eased closer, dropped a kiss on his shoulder and wasn’t pushed away. “I had to tell you that you were wrong.”

“How so?”

I heard him inhale deeply, as if he was as intoxicated by my scent as I was by his. He didn’t move though, just waited for my explanation. Any other guy would have rolled me to my back and asked questions later. Not James.

All or nothing. I had to respect that.

And I understood that maybe I wasn’t the only one afraid of the intensity of my feelings. I ran my fingertips down his cheek to his chin, feeling the stubble of his beard, then caressed his lips. He felt all new to me, he was new in my realization of what was between us. I could have touched him all night, explored him, gotten to know all of him.

But James caught my hand in his, his words hoarse. “Tell me.”

“You said I was afraid,” I whispered. “And I am. But it’s not all about taking a chance. Mostly I’m afraid of letting you down.”

“Maralys!”

“No, it’s true. I don’t know how to do this family stuff. I’m afraid that I’ll miss a cue, that I’ll screw it up and the boys will be scarred forever.”

The strength of his fingers was in my hair, cupping my nape and drawing me closer. “We all make mistakes, Maralys,” he whispered, his breath fanning my lips. My eyes were getting used to the darkness and I could see more of him with every passing moment. He was so intent upon this and I wanted so much to believe him. He smiled slightly. “But you’re the most reliable person I know. You’ll do fine.”

“I don’t know...” I started to argue, wanting to make sure that he understood.

James’ thumb slid over my lips. “No, but even when you don’t know or you don’t understand, you try so much harder than anyone else.”

“I want to try.”

“It’s all any of us can do.”

“Even if it’s not enough?”

“We’ll make it be enough, Maralys. We’ll do it together.” He was watching me, waiting for my agreement.

I smiled at him and slipped my arms around his neck. “Now, can we get to the celebrating part?”

James grinned and swooped down for a kiss. “You’re going to love this bed,” he whispered. I was happy enough to let him deliver on that threat.

It was a huge concession, you know.

* * *

We awoke to a day bursting with the promise of spring. Birds were singing and the sun was just peeping over the horizon. The sky was devoid of clouds and it was going to be gorgeous. The last of the snow was already receding, as I saw when I opened the shade. James stretched, looking like a big contented lion, the way he smiled when he saw me just adding to the analogy.

“Where are you going?” He whispered and so did I.

“Down to the couch, while there’s still time.”

He sat up but quick then. “I’m not going to hide the truth from the kids, Maralys.”

“Well, I fully intend to hide it from my dad.”

“You can’t be serious. If anyone in this house is going to figure out exactly what’s going on, it’ll be your father.”

“Wrong-o.”

James rolled out of bed and came after me. We argued in tense whispers as I tugged on my undies and sweater. “Maralys, you’re not a little girl any more. Your father has probably noticed.”

“No, but I am the eternal virgin.”

“What? You were married!”

“Oh, now here’s a boy who doesn’t know his doctrine. There are three reasons to get divorced in the eyes of the church.” I held up my thumb. “One is consanguinity.”

“You and Neil were not cousins.”

“Clearly.” I held up my finger. “The second is that you were never really married in the first place. It never happened.”

“A legal technicality.”

“Right. But my father was in that church and he saw me get married. He knows it happened—he paid for the reception. He saw the legal paperwork being done, so he knows that I was hitched without a hitch.”

“So to speak.”

I held up my second finger and wiggled it. “You know the third possible reason?”

James shook his head.

“That the marriage was never consummated.”

I got a skeptical look for that.

“Oh yeah, my father knows it was, but he prefers to think that it wasn’t. The alternative—that I am sexually active although unmarried—just isn’t thinkable. We both participate in this charade and trust me, you don’t want to mess with this particular cornerstone.”

“Then you’d better move it,” James said, a wicked gleam in his eye. “I go running at six and Johnny sometimes goes with me.”

“Jimmy?”

“Not yet, but I keep asking.”

It was five to six. Yikes. I gathered my stuff but quick and made to head out, but found James in my way when I got to the door. “You are not going to sleep on the couch until we’re married,” he muttered.

I grimaced. “Don’t even say that m-word.”

“The whole enchilada, Maralys.” I got the steely-eyed look and knew I wasn’t going to win this one. “You know that.”