Double Threat My Bleep (18 page)

Keesh scoops up another mouthful. “Keep going, keep going.” It’s like we’re watching Maury or something and we can’t wait for the juicy details.

“Okay, okay, don’t get your panties in a bunch. Sheesh.” Steph puts her empty bowl aside. “So we were just playing around that night. We were kissing and I had my hands on his waist and I started tugging at his shorts. I thought he’d stop me. I’d done that before, just playing, and he always moved my hands away. But he didn’t that time. He kinda moved around and wiggled himself out of his trunks.”

“With your help,” I add.

Steph smiles, “Well yeah.”

Keesh, eager for more, tosses a pillow at Steph. “And then what?”

“Oh my goodness I can’t believe I’m even telling you this. Maybe I should call Dominic and make sure it’s okay.”

“Seriously, Steph. C’mon, just dish, okay,” I snap. My lack of patience is killing me now.

“Fine, give me those licorice then,” she concedes. I pass her what’s left, and hope that there’s enough in there to satisfy her. She takes one rope out and rips off a piece. “So you guys jumped out of the spa. And we kinda laughed it off. I really didn’t think anything else would happen. I thought he’d just put them back on and that’d be it. But the more we kissed and the more our hands moved around, we sort of started exploring each other, I guess.”

“Each other? I didn’t see you take anything off,” Keesh blurts.

“I didn’t. And I won’t either. But he can still touch my body with my clothes on. It’s nice actually. We can be close that way and I don’t get uncomfortable. I’m not ready for him to touch my naked body or see it though. I’m not even comfortable seeing myself naked.”

“Oh, Steph, I’m sure you’re beautiful naked. Be confident. Dominic will love you now matter what,” Keesh tells her. We both know why Steph isn’t comfortable—it’s her size she’s worried about.

“You think I’m worried about all this,” she says, pinching a roll. “No way. I’m not really. Dom doesn’t care. And if he did I wouldn’t be with him in the first place. I’m just not ready to be that physical. But when I am, he better watch out.”

“So what did you do then?” I ask, still curious. I really want to know.

“Let’s just say he explored the hidden treasures upstairs and downstairs.” She puts her head down and grins. “And it felt really good too. Thank God my clothes were on though. I can see how people say they just get caught up and do it. But I don’t want that to happen to me. I’m way way way too afraid of getting pregnant. If we ever do it, he’ll be wearing a condom, two maybe, and I will be on the pill or patch or something, and then there’s the spermicidal gel and foam. I don’t want any accidents.”

I think I lost it at two condoms. I’m laughing so hard I actually snort. I love it when laughing is contagious and the more we laugh the more we can’t stop.

“Omigod, stop. Stop. I can’t breathe,” Keesh says, trying to calm us down. “It was sounding so good and then you had to ruin it with double baggin’ and jiz-killing foam.” I start cracking up again. Nice way to put it Keesh.

“Well you guys asked,” Steph says in her defense.

“Alright, alright, so he played with your boobies and with your vajayjay, and you did what to him, because he was shortless. You were not doing the touchy feely over his clothes.” Keesh has a way with words.

“Well…” Steph is not so eager to share.

“Did you touch
it
?” I ask in horror. For some reason, I’m kind of grossed out by the fact that she touched his bare naked wood. I mean, sure I touched Alex’s but it was still in his jeans. Wow.

Steph looks guilty.

“You did, didn’t you?” Keesh’s eyes widen, as she points at her.

Steph lets out a big sigh. “Okay, I did. But not for a long time. I didn’t like give him a hand job or anything. I just kind of checked him out a little.”

“Oh, honey, never say little when you’re talking about your man’s manhood, okay,” Keesha teases.

“Holy crap. Steph touched a weiner,” I sing.

“A weiner, Meg? C’mon,” Keesh says in disgust.

“What’s wrong with weiner? You want me to say penis?”

“How about dong?” Steph suggests.

“No, that sounds dumb too. How about schlong? That way it sounds like he’s hung like a horse,” Keesh proposes.

“Schlong? Omigod. Where did you hear that one? That’s awful. Let’s ask the guys,” I say. “Let’s text them.”

“Wow, Meg, what are we gonna say? What do you call your penis?” Steph asks.

“Why not? This should be fun,” Keesh declares taking out her phone.

Steph texts Dominic and Josh. Keesh texts Jon and Travis. And I send one out to Alex and Ben. They’re going to think we’re nuts—and they’d be right.

Within seconds texts start flying in.

excuse me?

WTF.

r u guys drunk

want me 2 show u

The last one was my personal favorite sent in by Travis. After we text them all back explaining that we’re just trying to come up with a word for it rather than calling it a penis which sounds so clinical—and no we’re not drunk or high—they humor us with a response.

Alex: I’ll play along…here’s a nice one…stiffy ;)

Ben: whatever ladies this is weird but u can call it a flesh wand…lol

Josh: manhandle…dis is wat ur tlkin bout at ur slumber prty

Travis: I like 2 hang out wit my WANG out…so come ovr at ur own risk…jk

Dominic: I just call it a boner..or a rod…nothin fancy

Jonathan: mines a heat seeking moisture missile…nice 1 huh…u no u miss me

Omigod. Jon kills me.

“They must think we’re total sickos,” Steph says.

“Yeah but they’re loving it and you know they’re all calling or texting each other trying to figure out what’s going on over here,” I tell them.

“You know it,” Keesh agrees. “You know Josh and Travis wanted to come. If they’re not with us, they don’t know what to do with themselves. Hello, go play a video game or something.”

“I think I’m gonna start calling Travis, wang,” I joke.

“Nah, you really shouldn’t give him any pet names. That dude still wants you,” Keesh says.

“Whatever happened to Leeeechaaa?” I ask. I can’t say her name without enunciating it like that.

“He said she was a little too spicy for him,” Keesh explains.

“I thought guys liked spicy. She had the Megan Fox thing going on…super sexy,” Steph says.

Keesh digs into her Cheetohs again. “Yeah, I think boys our age think girls like Megan Fox are hot, but they wouldn’t know what to do with her. So I think this chick was a little too intimidating for him. I think he’s scared of her. And that’s too bad, I think she dug him.”

“So what you’re saying is I’m not very intimidating…or sexy?” I joke.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying…but not in a bad way, of course.” Is there any other way?

“Okay, no nicknames for Travis. What now? You guys wanna watch a movie or something? I’m getting a little tired.” My original plan was to stay up all night, but Keesh seems to be doing better so if we just chill now, I think she’ll be okay.

“Sounds good,” Steph replies.

“Yeah, I’m tired too, and I need to stop eating these. The bags almost gone.” Keesh tosses the bag on my desk.

We haul some blankets and pillows out into the family room where we can rest for the night. I love girl’s night out—or in. It couldn’t have been any better. Or funnier.

Chapter Twenty Four

“Hey,
babe, watch it. You almost hit my third leg,” Dominic warns Steph, as she jumps in his lap.

“Whatever, Dom. You could’ve just told me to be careful. I woulda understood what you’re saying.”

I’m thinking it was a bad idea to ask the guys about the whole alternate words for penis thing. They haven’t been able to let it go. Seriously, it’s been three weeks and they are still cracking jokes. Dom would have never said something like that before and now he’s talking about his third leg. Give me a break already.

“When are you guys gonna give that up? It’s getting old,” I complain.

“Never,” Josh yelps. “It will never get old. In fact, I’ll be right back. I gotta go drain the
main vein
.” Travis gives him props and they slap hands. Whatever. Josh leaps to his feet and jogs across the quad to the bathrooms.

“Forget it, Meg, they’ll never let it rest,” Steph sighs.

“Yeah, just laugh. You know it’s funny,” Travis adds.

He’s right. Yesterday, we all started talking about snakes for some reason I can’t remember. I confessed I’m deathly afraid of snakes to which Travis asked if I was even afraid of one-eyed snakes. When everyone laughed, I didn’t get it until Keesh explained it to me. Okay, so that was a good one.

“What are you thinking about, Meg,” Travis asks me. “You’re smiling about something.”

“I was just thinking about your one-eyed snake.” I chuckle, but notice my friends staring at me, mouths wide-open in silence. Omigod. “I mean your one-eyed snake comment yesterday, not your…omigosh…eww.” I swear I’m such a dork sometimes.

“So what’s the deal with lunch, Steph? I thought I heard you say something about working for ASB tomorrow,” Dom inquires.

“Oh, we’re all on ticket duty for a couple days. We have to sell Backwards dance tickets at lunch for a week,” Steph explains.

“When are we going to get ours?” he asks.

“Who said we’re going?” she teases.

“Ha ha…you’re so funny. Who else you gonna ask?”

“You never know,” she jabs. “I’m just kidding. You wanna go to the dance with me?”

“Uh…let me think about it.” He pauses, and looks up at the sky. “Okay, I guess I’ll go.”

Keesh and I look at each other. She’s most likely thinking the same thing I am. This sucks. Who the heck are we going to ask? Our guys can’t come. And I don’t want to go with anyone else.

“Meggie, you wanna be my date for the dance?” Keesh proposes.

“That’s a freakin’ great idea. Just don’t think you’re gonna get lucky because I don’t put out on the first date.”

We giggle at my joke. “Deal. But if I decide to take you out again, you better be ready to get busy.”

“Can I watch?” Travis says.

“Me too,” Josh adds.

“Sure, why not,” Keesh teases them. They both do some fist pumps like
yes, we get to watch
. What dorks.

“So who you guys gonna go with?” I ask them.

“Maybe we should go with each other too,” Josh says. “Girls are stupid. I don’t wanna go shopping for some cheesy matching shirt, and then be stuck with her and her stupid friends for the whole night. I’d rather hang out with you guys.”

“Okay, but I guarantee ya I’m not putting out on the first, second, or third date, or ever.” Travis is so serious, it’s funny. Like anyone of us, especially Josh, thought they’d go to the dance as a real couple.

Dom tosses the last bit of his sandwich in his mouth. “Well, glad we got that settled. I guess I’ll be driving us all.”

Duh. Who else is going to drive? Poor guy. He always takes us everywhere. He and Steph never have a minute alone without us tagging along—well except for that night in my spa. Eww.

“You know the dance is here, at school. So if you guys want some alone time, we can walk. You don’t have to take us,” I tell him.

Steph shakes her head. “No, don’t be silly. It’ll be fun if we all go together.” Dom seems to be okay with this too, so I don’t argue. The bells rings, ending lunch so we all gather our things and head to class.

Keesh and I spend all week looking for our outfits for the dance. With a theme like Fantasy in Film, the possibilities are endless. Actually, I’m surprised Mr. Mitchell or the principal didn’t veto the choice because the idea of fantasy can take on a lot of different meanings—many not suitable for school functions. Kids have been joking about going as porn stars since they think it’s considered fantasy. We’re nerds though. We decided to go with one of our favorite book series of all time, even though we’re not huge fans of the movies. I mean I like them but how can you take a book that’s over four hundred pages and turn it into a two hour movie without losing so much of the plot. Seriously, I can’t even understand how people follow the movies since they’re missing so many key events. But oh well. Whatever.

I wish the day was over already. I’m really anxious to get to the dance. Last night, Keesh and I tried on our costumes and we look so freakin’ cute. Think Britney Spears schoolgirl meets Hermione Granger. With cloaks, black thick-framed glasses, striped ties, fitted white tops and short skirts. We’re going as Hogwart’s students. Not any of the characters in particular, we’re just going for the overall idea of young wizards—with a sexy kind of twist, I guess. Most of the people we know are just buying matching shirts with movie logos on them, but we want to be different. Steph thinks we’re geeks for choosing Harry Potter, but whatever. As long as we’re having fun, then who cares? And wait till she sees the skirts. I think she’ll have a change of heart.

This day is going to drag, I just know it. After school, the girls and I are going to Keesh’s to get ready for tonight. The guys will pick us up later. No Denny’s tonight. Some of us are short on cash, so maybe we’ll just eat at Keesh’s or hit up Taco Bell.

I take my seat with a sigh. Math sucks. I take that back. Math sucks ass. How I have survived this whole year sitting in the same spot, in between Amy and Eric, I have no clue. Really, I think this teacher is trying to torture me. He has changed his seating chart more than once, but we have always remained sitting up front and right next to each other. What the hell, man.

“Since you have a test next week, we are going to work on a review today,” the math geek snorts. He begins passing papers down each row. “We’re going to try something different. I’m going to let you work in groups of three.” Perfect. I look back at my girls. Finally, we can work together. “But I will choose your groups.” Ugh. He’s killing me. When he’s done assigning groups, I’m stuck with my two best buddies ever: Amy and Eric. Seriously. Now I really know this guy hates me. Really? What did I ever do to him?