Dorothy Garlock - [Tucker Family] (17 page)

But as bad as she felt, Christina could only imagine how much worse it was for Holden, how angry he must be.

Finally turning, she found him doing his best to console his mother, but Christina was surprised to see that he didn’t look angry; on the contrary, he looked disappointed. His eyes held hers.

“Go after him,” he said simply.

“Holden, I don’t think that—”

“When he’s upset like this,” Holden cut her off, “what he needs is someone to talk to so that it doesn’t get worse.”

Christina frowned. “Maybe he just needs some time alone…”

“Tyler may not want to admit it right now, but I’m still his brother,” Holden said with a weak smile. “No matter what he thinks about me, I care about what happens to him. Right now, he needs someone.”

Christina didn’t relish the idea of fulfilling Holden’s request, but she felt as if she had no choice but to do as he asked. It was clear to her that, no matter how horribly Tyler had treated him, Holden genuinely cared for his younger brother. If trying to speak to Tyler would make Holden feel better, she should try. After all, he’d come so far in only a day’s time that she didn’t want anything to set him back. Besides, if there was anyone Tyler might explain himself to, it was she. She owed it to everyone to try.

“I’ll talk to him,” she said.

“Thank you, Christina,” Holden said, looking at her with an intensity that made her heart beat faster.

Worried that she wouldn’t find Tyler, Christina set off looking for him.

T
YLER’S FAVORITE PLACE
in the world was beneath the hood of a car. Ever since he had been a little boy, working on things with his hands had given him comfort. First disassembling something, then putting it back together, gave his life a sense of order, especially when life seemed anything but orderly. Tuning a fussy engine, replacing a cracked hose, changing the fluids, doing whatever it took to make things right,
that
was what made him happy.

So, of course, now that he’d once again made a mess of his life, the place where he chose to retreat was the garage.

Hoisting the hood of his Ford Tudor, Tyler smiled. Ever since he’d bought it, he’d done his best to keep it in pristine condition, doing the routine maintenance to prevent any problems from cropping up. Even now, when he knew the car was running fine, he began checking all of the hose clamps, looking at the cylinder heads, and then examining the transmission. Slowly, his tension began to ebb as he lost himself in the nuts and bolts of his beloved car.

When the side door to the garage creaked open, he had no idea how much time had passed since he’d stormed out of the house. Though he knew someone was standing there, he kept on working.

“Tyler?”

The sound of Christina’s voice shook him; she was the last person he’d expected to come after him. Remembering how he’d glared at her after Holden’s unexpected arrival, then the way he’d spoken, saying terrible things, had led him to believe that she wouldn’t want to speak to him for a long time. But here she was. Ignoring her would only make things worse.

“Yeah,” he said, still underneath the hood.

“Are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” he answered gruffly, reaching for his wrench and getting back to work. “What are you doing out here?”

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that question?” Christina replied.

“I’m working on my car.”

“I thought it was running fine. There didn’t seem to be anything wrong when you brought me back from your beehives.”

“It’s…I’m just…fine-tuning it, is all,” Tyler mumbled.

Christina stepped around the front of the car and stood beside him. Looking at her, Tyler was momentarily stunned by her beauty; even in the sparse light of the garage, he marveled at her long hair and the curve of her cheek. But even as he felt attraction toward her, he was struck by the realization that, with as much as he’d messed up, he couldn’t possibly deserve a woman as wonderful as she was.

“That looks complicated,” she said, pointing at the engine.

“It’s no different than anything else.” He shrugged. “Once you get the hang of it, it seems like the most natural thing in the world.”

“Have you always been interested in cars?”

Tyler nodded. “My father taught me,” he explained. “He wasn’t the most mechanical guy in the world, the type who was more at home with a book in his hands than grease underneath his fingernails, but one of the things he couldn’t stand was not knowing the answer to something. When he bought his first car, he resented the fact that he didn’t understand how it worked, so most nights he’d come out here and start digging around beneath the hood. Sometimes he did more harm than good. I was always at his elbow, taking it in right alongside him. Somehow, we learned together.”

“It was the same for me when my mother learned how to sew,” Christina said. “When I look back on it now, those were some of the happiest days of my life.”

“I know exactly what you mean.”

One of the reasons that Tyler was growing so fond of Christina was because she was willing to listen and try to understand. Anyone else would have stormed into the garage and demanded to know what in the hell was wrong with him, but she chose a different tack. Eventually, he expected her to raise the subject, but he appreciated the fact that she allowed the explanation to take its time. Right then, however, he didn’t feel like waiting.

“I suppose you’re back to thinking I’m an ass again,” he began.

“Again?” She smiled. “That would mean that there was a time I
didn’t
think that way about you.”

“Ha-ha,” Tyler said sarcastically. “Very funny.”

Slowly, the smile faded from Christina’s face, her eyes filling with concern. “But I do wonder why you behaved that way,” she said. “All of us are more than a little concerned.”

“You talked with Holden about the war?” Tyler asked.

“I did.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?”

This
was the question that was rolling around in his guts, churning up bile and making him feel miserable. Something about it felt like betrayal, as if she had purposefully withheld it from him.

“Because I spoke with him only this evening,” Christina explained. “I was coming down from his room when you arrived. But,” she added, “even if I had done it days earlier, that doesn’t mean that I have an obligation to tell you. What happened was between Holden and me, no one else.”

“He’s my brother,” Tyler argued. “I have a
right
to know.”

“Then you should ask
him
.”

Tyler knew that, in some regard, Christina was right; it wasn’t fair for him to expect her to tell him everything that went on between her and Holden. Still, Tyler had been more than a bit surprised and, though a part of him was ashamed to admit it, he didn’t like the idea of their spending time together. He didn’t want to call it jealousy, but he didn’t know what other description would fit. There was nothing that said she was his, but still…

“What happened between the two of you?” Christina asked, stepping closer and putting her hand on his arm. At her touch, Tyler felt as if he’d grabbed hold of a live wire. “What caused you to behave so boorishly?”

Tyler looked around the garage. Surrounded by such familiar things, by his family, he knew that he couldn’t tell Christina the truth. Not here.

“Come with me,” he said. “Let’s get in the car and go for a drive. Maybe then I can tell you what you want to know.”

He could see from the look on her face that she was distrustful, as she’d been back at the gas station. “It’s nothing like before,” he tried to reassure her. “I just can’t talk about it here. Trust me.”

Christina was still hesitant, but he could see her slowly warming to the idea. Finally, she nodded her head in agreement.

Slamming down the hood, Tyler pulled out his keys. “Let’s go.”

Christina shivered slightly as the cool night breeze rushed through the open window of Tyler’s car, teasing at her long hair. Though she was colder than she would’ve liked, the noise prevented them from talking, leaving her with plenty of opportunity to wonder where they were going.

Tyler drove the Tudor south and so far out of town that they were soon surrounded by fields of apple trees. Crickets chirped, their conversations faint over the crunching of the car’s tires on gravel. Eventually, they crossed the river at a rickety bridge before taking a looping turn and heading back toward Longstock.

“It isn’t far now,” Tyler said.

At a rusted gate, its lock hanging open and limp at the latch, Tyler left the road and headed up a weed-choked drive. Up they climbed, back and forth along a switchback path. The going was rough, full of rocks and potholes, and Christina held on to the door as they bounced and shook. Finally, the ground leveled out, revealing a field filled with row after row of abandoned apple trees. They all stood ghostly and silent. Tyler brought the car to a stop and shut off the lights, the engine ticking as it began to cool.

“It’s a ways out of town, but I think the view’s worth it,” he said.

Christina couldn’t have agreed more. With the cloudless sky and a nearly full moon, there was plenty of light to see how utterly magnificent the valley looked. Situated high above the winding road and river below, she could see for miles in either direction. Undulating forested hills adjoined the orchards to form a living chessboard. Far to the north, the outlying lights of Longstock twinkled.

“It’s beautiful,” she declared. When she looked back at Tyler, she found that he wasn’t looking out the window but rather staring directly at her; caught, he quickly turned away.

For a few moments, they sat together in silence. Finally, after what seemed like hours, Tyler began to speak.

“I should’ve said it earlier, but I’m sorry for how I acted. You shouldn’t have had to see that.”

“I’m not the one you have to apologize to,” she replied. “Holden deserves to hear it.”

“Holden.” Tyler winced as if the word had pricked his tongue. “You have no idea what it’s been like to spend my whole life in his shadow. Uncomfortable as hell.”

Christina didn’t answer. The truth was that she understood much better than Tyler imagined. While she and Charlotte had no obvious sibling rivalry, it wasn’t particularly easy being her little sister. But she had felt little resentment, had never tried to follow in Charlotte’s footsteps. Though Christina could’ve said something, she waited for Tyler to talk, to unburden himself, just as Holden had.

“Ever since we were little boys,
everything
that Holden did got noticed,” Tyler finally began, his voice soft, his words carefully chosen. “I can’t remember a time he wasn’t considered the fastest, smartest, funniest, most popular kid in Longstock. Everyone was drawn to him, happy to just be around him. My parents worshiped the damn ground he walked on,” Tyler spat. “That’s why it was such a disappointment when I came along.”

Christina could hear the hurt in Tyler’s voice.

“They wanted another son like Holden, someone they could hang their hopes on and brag about,” he said, looking off into the distance. “When they figured out that I was
nothing
like him, they rode me mercilessly. They tried everything they could think of to change me. But the harder they tried, the more I fought back. After a while, they just quit and centered all of their attention on Holden. They didn’t give a damn about me.”

“How can you say that?” Christina asked, shocked. “Your mother loves you every bit as much as she does your brother! It’s as plain as day!”

Tyler shook his head. “Holden’s
special
,” he disagreed. “Why do you think she lets him speak to her so disrespectfully? Night after night I have to listen to her crying, upset that he won’t talk to her or has slammed the door in her face. I tell her he needs to go back to the hospital, but she shakes her head and says that I don’t understand what he’s going through. So back she goes, over and over, no matter what he does! If
I
acted that way, my mother wouldn’t do any more than she absolutely had to for me.”

“I don’t believe that for a minute!”

“That doesn’t mean it isn’t true.”

Since her first visit to the Sutter house, Christina had wondered what she would do if she were in Clara’s position. Confronted by the suffering of a child, Christina imagined that she would go to any lengths necessary to make things better, no matter what it took. But what if that help was rejected? What if she had to listen to Holden’s insults? In the end, she knew that it wouldn’t have mattered; no matter what, she couldn’t have turned her back.

And that’s why Tyler’s wrong…

“If only my father were still alive,” Tyler said wishfully. “Things would be different. He wouldn’t have allowed Holden to be this way.”

“Your father…?” Christina asked. “I don’t mean to pry, but…”

“He died when I was fourteen,” Tyler said. “He had a heart attack while he was working in the yard. Uncle Samuel always said that it happened just like that,” he explained, snapping his fingers, “that he never felt a thing, but he was still gone.”

“I’m sorry,” Christina offered.

“Things seemed to get worse after he died. Holden was a bit older, more responsible, so he was the one my mother turned to for support. We managed to get by, but it wasn’t easy, especially not for me. My father was the only person in the family who seemed to understand me. He was disappointed I wasn’t more like Holden, but he could see I was trying to be my own person.

“I’m nothing like my brother. Where Holden’s polite and well-spoken, I’m a smart-ass.” Tyler gestured with first one hand, then the other. “While he has his nose in a book, I’m under the hood of a car. Holden’s the fella that most fathers hope their daughters will marry, while I’m the one they warn them to stay away from.”

“You say all of this as if you’re a terrible person.”

“Compared to Holden, I am.”

Christina hesitated, but only for an instant. “I don’t think you are.”

Tyler turned toward her in the moonlight, the intensity of his gaze enough to make her heart pound hard in her chest; what she’d said was forward, but it
was
the honest truth.

“There is one other person who doesn’t think badly about me,” he finally said, breaking their stare.

“Who?” she asked.

“Holden,” Tyler answered with a laugh. “Even after everything that I’ve said and done,
he
was always the first one to defend me. He never let anyone say something bad about me, not even our parents. He always encouraged anything I wanted to do, tried to cheer me up when I was down, never let me feel sorry for myself,” he explained, shaking his head. “All our lives we’ve been compared, but he already knows I don’t measure up.”

“It’s not like that,” Christina argued. “I’m sure of it…”

“The only moment Holden and I were treated as equals was when we went off to war,” Tyler explained, ignoring her. “While he went to France, I spent nearly three years hopping from island to island in the Pacific, fighting the Japs. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I’m proud of it. When I found out Holden had been hurt, I felt terrible. Sure, we’ve had our troubles, but I would never have wanted
that
. I tried to help him, but he never gave me the chance, never gave anyone in the family a chance.

“So to see him come marching down the stairs…it makes me sick. After all the hardships he’s caused, everyone else will see fit to forgive him, but not me. Seeing him smile, watching him be hugged by our mother, made me hate him more than ever before!”

“But why?” Christina asked.