Don't You Remember (20 page)

“That guy is a fool. Who would ever break up with you?”

I breathed and smiled at the same time, briefly thinking back to those days before snapping out of it. “Sean, I’m just going to go to the bathroom before our food comes. I won’t be a minute,” I said getting up and walking away. I felt Sean’s eyes on me and grinned to myself, hoping he liked what he saw. Sean might just be the very thing I need, my very own saving Grace from Johnny.

*****

“Thank you, the meal was lovely,” Johnny told the waiter as he collected the plates from the table.

“I’m glad you liked it. I’ll send the chef your compliments.”

“Yes please do,” Johnny said, getting up from his chair and looking back out the window. He looked at the people eating and drinking outside and thought next time he ventured to this restaurant he would definitely sit outside and to hell with the anonymity. Sometimes you just have to suck it up. Sometimes he wanted to be away from people and other times he didn’t mind the crowds. He sighed and thought it would have been nicer if they had sat outside, he should have asked for a corner table with an umbrella to shield away prying eyes. Next time. He would do that next time. “Lize, I’ll just go to the bathroom before we leave,” he said using his pet name for her and kissing her quickly on the forehead.

Johnny walked into the gents, shutting the door behind him just as Jen walked out of the of the ladies toilets. She walked down the stairs and back to her table, where Sean sat with his arm rested around her chair, happily waiting.

CHAPTER THIRTY

I unwrapped the gift and kissed Sean on the lips. “Thank you, you shouldn’t have.”

“Nothing is too good for my girl,” he said patting me gently on the bottom.

I laughed and kissed him again. “You are too good to me.”

“Six months together is pretty good going. Why not celebrate with a gift? If I want to buy you a necklace, then let me.”

“I really love it,” I said, lifting the one carat diamond pendant up into my hands. “Can you put it on?” I handed Sean the necklace and removed the smaller diamond pendant Johnny had given me almost ten years ago. I stared at it for a moment telling myself it was a good time to put this necklace to rest. I wondered why I had continued to wear it after all these years and I knew the answer was because I still loved Johnny and always would. I loved the Johnny I grew up with, the guy that loved and cared for me, the man that told me I was the one. Not the new, selfish Johnny that didn’t seem to care about anyone else other than himself and the people he mixed with, the people that belonged to that world, a world of fame and fortune, one that he didn’t feel I would fit into. I told myself Sean was the guy for me. Not Johnny.

“What do you want to do tonight?” Sean asked, putting my new necklace on.

“Let’s stay in and get some take out.”

“What do you feel like eating?”

“I could really eat some Thai food. How about some Pad Thai? That’s what I feel like.”

“Well let me run you a bath and I’ll go and get some Pad Thai then.”

“Could you be any more perfect?” I said, kissing him hard on the lips again.

Sean ran me a bath and ordered me to go in and relax.

“Come on then. Let’s have your clothes,” he said, cheekily.

“Is this your way of getting me to undress?”

“No. But I intend to do this more often just so I can watch you get undressed.”

I smiled untying my fitted navy blue wrap dress. I took my plain cotton camisole off and stood in my matching bra and pants with goose bumps from the slight chill in the bathroom.

“Off with those, too.”

I slipped out of my under-garments and handed them to Sean as he sat next to the bath tub. I put one foot in and felt the warmth and slowly lowered my body.

“Right. Your orders are to relax. I’ll be back with some food shortly.” He bent over to kiss me, dropping my clothes in the washing basket on the way out. “Love you.”

There was silence. This was the first time he had ever said those words to me. Sure we had been intimate, but we had never said the words, ‘I love you’ to each other. I thought of Johnny yet again!  Why does he still pop into my head?

I lay in the bath and listened to the bubbles in the water gently popping.

The door opened and I woke up, realizing I must have dozed off. “Are you still in there?” Sean shouted.

“I am. I fell asleep for a bit.”

“Wait there. I’m coming in and I’ll bring the food.”

Sean undressed showing me his manly body, shaped and firm from working out in the gym in his office building. He ran and lifted weights four times a week in his lunch hour and he looked good for it. I was a very lucky girl to have such a desirable, naked man in the bath with me.

He pushed his legs to one side of the bath while mine relaxed on the other. He lent over, collected our Pad Thai cardboard containers and some chopsticks, passing mine over to me.

“What a great way to spend our six month anniversary,” I beamed. “I couldn’t be more happy.”

“You can make it up to me after dinner,” he winked, looking from my naked chest to my face.

“Oh so that’s the deal,” I winked back. “Happy to oblige.”

After we had eaten I got onto my knees and knelt over Sean to get to the taps. “We need some more warm water,” I said, looking at my finger tips and noticing how prune-looking they were. Still on my knees in front of him, Sean put his hands on my hips and looked up at my breasts and then to my face and gently moved my hips closer to his chest so that he could kiss my navel.

“Let’s get out,” he said, pushing his arms down on the side of the tub to lift his body up.

He was hard now and he wanted more. I was happy to give more and ready to receive some loving myself. We dried off and got into bed, facing each other. He kissed me tenderly and ran his strong hands over the side of my body stopping at my hips and then gently gliding his fingers back up towards my breast. He played with my breasts for a while cupping one breast in his hand and lowering his mouth to kiss it.

“Mmm. That feels nice.”

He kissed it some more and moved his hand down to my thigh so he could open up my legs. I could feel him hard next to my body and was enjoying the pleasures he was giving me. He entered me easily as I arched my back and moaned. He pushed and pushed, getting harder and faster.

“Oh, you are so good,” I encouraged.

“Yeah, that feels good. That feels real good,” he continued. And then he came. Before me and without me.

“You didn’t wait for me,” I said, upset.

“Sorry, I couldn’t wait any longer. Your body is divine. I just can’t stop myself.”

I couldn’t get angry at the compliment and, unfortunately, I couldn’t help comparing the way Johnny and I always came around the same time. He would wait for me. It was a million times better coming at the same time. Sean and I were still in the early stages of our relationship, coming at the same time would be something we could work at; there was plenty of time.

Sean had fallen into a deep sleep lying on his back and I was lying on my front with my face flat down on his toned chest. My mind raced as I thought about Johnny, wondering why, no matter how much I tried, I refused to let him go.

*****

Johnny returned to his apartment after a three month tour of Europe. Eliza was in Paris modeling and wasn’t due home for another two weeks. He was tired and thankful for some time to rest. Johnny undressed and climbed into bed and let his mind wander. He missed the company of a woman, of Jen…. When he was on his own sometimes he thought about what their life would be like if she was alive. He imagined her going on tour with him, keeping him on the straight and narrow. There would have been no need for any other women.

Johnny had come to believe that you only have one soul mate and that his had gone. That didn’t mean he couldn’t be happy, he could. He would never feel quite complete knowing that Jen was always the one, but he could be happy. Eliza made him happy.

He thought about how old Jen would have been now. Perhaps they would have had children. He wondered what their children would have looked like and what kind of personalities they would have had. How many children would they have wanted? This was a subject they never discussed because all they cared about back then was getting out of Rushton, being together and having a decent future. Memories were the only thing Johnny had of Jen, and they were there constantly.

As tired as he was, he couldn’t sleep, so Johnny got up and began to strum out some tunes on his guitar, writing some music and lyrics at the same time, another activity he and Jen use to do together.

How is it that two people can be made for each other and yet can’t be together? Isn’t that kind of cruel? Somehow he felt alone in the world, like a newborn baby, not knowing its parents but knowing they are loved. Johnny felt the same way; he knew Eliza loved him but they were no perfect match, at least from his point of view. He could only know this because he once had perfection and everything else in life would be an endless comparison. Still it’s better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved before.

Lately Eliza had been dropping hints about a formal commitment. She said she was twenty-seven years old now and wanted to have a child before she was thirty. Johnny didn’t know how he felt about that, but he figured he would probably have to put a ring on her finger if he wanted to keep her.

The turmoil and sadness that sometimes came over him was painful. He didn’t like feeling down but life had thrown him some cruel curve balls but equally thrown him unbelievable opportunities, making his life more privileged than most and, for that reason, he felt guilty wishing for more.

Johnny hadn’t slept during the night, still awake after ten hours, even though the tiredness was overwhelming. Sometimes he had music moments where he would get into the zone and write for hours. Sometimes, when he felt melancholy, he wrote the most poignant songs.

He put his guitar on the ground, then rolled his body down on his bed and fell into a deep sleep… dreaming of all the things that were in his head.

“Let her out,” he shouted at the guard. “I’ll give you everything I have, everything. Let her out.”

“Johnny!” Jen cried out from another cell. He couldn’t see her but he could hear her. “Johnny, where are you? I need you.”

“I’m coming. I promise I’ll be there,” he shouted in frustration.

The guard said nothing and Johnny didn’t know how he was going to free her, but all he knew was they had to be together. The pain of being alone, not being able to see each other was killing them both and the guard knew it.

The guard laughed, “I won’t release her and there is nothing you can do.”

“Please,” Johnny pleaded. “I’ll do anything.”

The guard decided to play with their emotions and released Jen from her cell bringing her out to Johnny in the waiting room, but the guard refused to free her. She tried to touch Johnny, he leaned forward to meet her hand, but they couldn’t quite reach each other. They were almost there, only short by a couple of centimeters. This was maddening. He felt helpless. The circumstances around them were out of his control and there was nothing he could do.

“I’ll wait Jen. I promise I’ll wait for you,” he said, looking desperate for her to understand.

Saddened, Jen looked down at her bare feet still in chains; a prisoner who had been taken away for no reason.

“Listen you’ve got it all wrong. She’s done nothing wrong. You should be looking for someone else.” But the guards would not answer Johnny; instead tormenting him with their silence.