Don't Say A Word (34 page)

    "What are you doing?" Julia asked, unable to believe she would have to play out the same scene again-this time with her sister.

    "I'm moving out," Liz announced.

    "Why?"

    Liz paused and stared at her as if she couldn't believe the question. "Why do you think? I don't want to be a part of your search. It's obviously dangerous. Not that you care about risking my life."

    "Of course I care, Liz."

    "But it's not even about that. It's what you said earlier."

    Julia felt a wave of guilt. "I'm sorry if I came down too hard on you. I just can't keep fighting you and everyone else at the same time."

    "No, you were right. I've been drifting aimlessly for too long. I moved in here because I didn't know where else to go. And I wanted you to get married to Michael, so I'd have a wedding to plan, even if it wasn't my own. I urged you to talk to Dad about his drinking, so he wouldn't get mad at me. I even wanted Michael to let me help him with his new house, so I'd have something else to do besides work at a place where I ladle soup into bread bowls and wait tables."

    Julia couldn't believe what she was hearing, but she didn't intend to argue. Instead she said, "It's understandable that you've been drifting, Liz. Mom just died. It was a long illness. I drifted, too. That's why I let Michael and me go on for so long. In fact, I think that's why I started dating him in the first place. Mom had just gotten sick, and I thought how fast life was going and how I was almost thirty and I wasn't close to getting married. I latched onto Michael like he was a buoy and I was drowning." She walked farther into the room. "Don't move out. Let's just start over."

    Liz put up a hand in defense. "No. We can't start over, because you're still involved in searching for your past, and I can't be part of that. I'm afraid of where that search will take you and what our relationship will be when you're done."

    "We'll always be sisters." 264 "You say that now, but your feelings might change."

    "They won't. I know they won't."

    Liz shrugged. "All right, I'll believe you for the moment, but I'm still moving out. I don't want to live here with some madman running around after you, and I also need to take a step forward for myself. This seems like a good time to do that."

    "Where are you going? To Dad's?"

    "That would be easy. But no. Mary down at the cafe told me that her sister is in Europe for two weeks. I'm going to stay at her place while I look for something more permanent." Liz paused. "I don't think you should stay here alone. Maybe you should move in with Alex."

    Julia shook her head. "I can't do that. Alex is leaving."

    Liz's eyes widened in surprise. "Where's he going?"

    "Back to work," she said simply, not having the energy to get into a lengthier discussion.

    "Just like that he takes off? Nice guy. So what will you do now? I thought you needed his help to figure out your secret past."

    "I'll do it on my own. I can handle it." She wasn't nearly as confident as her words.

    "Maybe I should stay here after all," Liz said halfheartedly. "I don't want you to be alone."

    Julia hesitated. She didn't want to be alone, either, but she also didn't want Liz in danger. And she knew that Liz needed to make this move for herself. "FB be fine. I'll probably find somewhere else to stay, a friend's house or something. Don't worry about me."

    "I can't help it." Liz gave her a disgusted smile. "You're my sister." She walked over to Julia and put her arms around her, giving her a quick hug. "Be careful, okay?"

    "I will. I promise."

    As Liz left, Julia sat down on her bed and gazed around the room, which was in the same state she'd left it in yesterday. She might as well start cleaning, throwing away the broken pieces of her life. It would give her something to do while she considered her next move. And tomorrow she would go back to St. Helena and talk to Charles Manning. He was her only link to the past. Maybe Alex was right. Maybe his father would tell her more if she were on her own. She just hoped she was ready to hear it.

    It was almost midnight when the knock came at her door. Julia started at the sound. She set down the broom she'd been sweeping with in the kitchen and moved cautiously to the front door. She didn't live in a security building, so anyone could come right up to her door. But she did have the dead bolt on as well as a chain. She peered through the peephole and was shocked to see Alex on the other side. She'd thought he'd be on a plane to some other continent by now.

    "You came back," she said as she opened the door. Alex still wore the blue jeans and black polo shirt he'd had on earlier, but there was no sign of the overnight bag he'd been packing when she'd left his apartment. "What are you doing here?"

    "Hell if I know," he said cryptically, as he walked into her apartment. "I see you've cleaned up."

    "As much as I could. Some of the furniture I'll have to replace."

    "Where's your sister?"

    "She moved out earlier. She's going to get her/;.-., own place."

    His eyes narrowed. "That was sudden."

    "Not really. We haven't been living together all that well the past few months. She only intended to stay here temporarily after my mom died and my dad sold the house. One day just ran into the next." She 266 stopped abruptly. "You didn't come here to talk about Liz. So, why did you come? You couldn't get a flight out tonight?"

    He crossed his arms in front of his chest. "I went to the airport. I bought a ticket, stood in the security line, waited at the gate. When they called my seat number, I couldn't make myself get on the plane. My bags are on their way to Peru right now, and I'm probably on some FBI flight watch for bailing at the last minute." He looked into her eyes and sighed. "I kept thinking about you, Julia, and the deal we made to find the truth together. You should have called me on that earlier."

    "How could I after what you learned today?"

    His expression turned grim. "I don't want to talk about that."

    "How can we not? Your father-"

    "Don't call him my father. Call him Rick Sanders. That's who he is now." Alex looked away from her, but she could tell he was battling his emotions.

    She walked over to him and put a hand on his arm, but he shrugged it off.

    "Don't feel sorry for me. I don't want your pity," he said.

    "What do you want from me?"

    A long silence followed her question. Finally, he gazed back at her. "I don't think you're going to give me what I want." He put his hands on her waist and pulled her up hard against his body. "Are you?"

    Her breath caught in her throat at the look of intense desire in his eyes. No man had ever looked at her like that. A shiver ran down her spine as he shifted, grazing her breasts with his hard chest.

    "I don't know what's true anymore," he said. "There have been so many lies, secrets, inconsistencies in my life. But I know this: I want you, and I think you want me. Is that enough?"

    A week ago Julia would have said it wasn't nearly. DON'T SAY A WORD 267 enough, that she needed romance and candlelight, soft words, proper dating, promises. But none of those things had ever made her feel as alive as she felt right now. Alex was right. She didn't know what was true anymore, either. The only person who wasn't lying to her was Alex.

    She answered him the only way she could-with a kiss. He gave her a second to lead, then took over, his mouth moving hungrily over hers, demanding entry so his tongue could take possession. She'd never been feasted upon, but that's exactly the way she felt now. His kiss was demanding, consuming, overwhelming, and she didn't want it to end. She gave a small cry of disappointment when he pulled away to kiss a path across her cheek. Then her stomach clenched again when his tongue swirled around her earlobe and he licked a delicious path down the side of her neck.

    Conscious thought deserted her as his hands moved up her sides, his lingers flirting lightly with her breasts. She wanted her clothes off and his hands on her-all over her. Then she wanted to return the favor. In fact, she wanted to start right now. She ran her hands under his shirt, touching his hard, muscle-bound chest. He moved closer to her, pressing his groin into her belly. He was hot and hard, and she was melting fast.

    He yanked her shirt up and over her head so quickly that a strand of her hair caught in one of the buttons, and she yelped with pain.

    "Sorry, sorry," he muttered, pulling her hair free with impatient hands.

    "You'll have to kiss it better."

    "I intend to," he said, his gaze burning into hers. "I intend to taste every inch of you."

    "Oh." Her chest tightened at the promise in his eyes, in his voice.

    He pressed her back against the wall, one hand in her hair, the other playing with the light blue lace trim on her bra. He ran his finger back and forth along the edge, his eyes following the path until she wanted to scream. She caught his hand with hers.

    "Wait," she said.

    "Second thoughts?"

    She didn't answer. She simply flipped open the front clasp on her bra. The edges clung to her breasts. She wondered if she had the nerve to peel them away. He didn't give her the chance as he pushed the bra all the way off. His hands covered her breasts as his mouth returned to hers. She didn't know how they got the rest of their clothes off, but somewhere between the living room and the bedroom, they managed to strip themselves naked. By the time they reached the bed, there was nothing but skin and heat.

    Love, lust, sex-whatever it was-had never been so hot, so impatient, so demanding. And not just on Alex's part, but on hers, too. Julia found herself making impulsive, bold moves she'd never made before. There were no rules with this man, no boundaries, nothing to hold her back. Every touch, every taste was a risk, but for once she met the risk head-on. She didn't know where they would be tomorrow, but tonight Alex was in her arms, and she was in his, and when their bodies came together, everything was right with the world.

    Julia woke up to the sun streaming through her bedroom window and Alex shifting restlessly beneath her. She lifted her head from his chest and saw that his eyes were wide open and he was watching her. She self-consciously patted down her hair, sure it must be flying in a hundred different directions. They'd had quite a workout the night before. She felt tired but wonderfully loved.

    "Good morning," she said, feeling a little shy now that it was daylight. She pulled the sheet up over her shoulders.

    He smiled at her, pushing the sheet back down. "You look beautiful in the morning."

    "Oh, please, that can't be true."

    "It's your eyes. They're so clear, so blue. They're like a window into your heart. You show all your emotions."

    She wondered what emotions she was showing right now and was tempted to look away, but there had been nothing except honesty between them until now, and she didn't want to change that. "Your eyes hide everything. I'm never completely sure what you're thinking."

    "I like it that way."

    "I'm sure you do." She traced his jaw with her finger and saw his eyes darken and his lips part. They'd made love twice already and it still wasn't enough. "We should get up," she said.

    "I'm already there," he replied with a grin.

    She laughed. "I can see that. Actually, I can feel that." She pressed her thigh into his groin and his arms came around her back. "What are we going to do about it?"

    "I have a few ideas."

    "Really? You haven't used them all up?"

    "I haven't even come close." He rolled her onto her back, pinning her beneath him. His hands cupped her face, and the smile faded from his lips as his expression turned serious.

    She wondered what he was thinking. She was afraid to ask.

    "Julia," he said, then stopped.

    She waited for him to finish. He didn't.

    "What?" she asked.

    He shook his head, then kissed her, long, slow, and tender, like he was never going to let her go. She ran her hands up and down his back, loving the weight of him in her arms, the way he moved and touched her, the way he made her feel wanted and loved. Not that they'd spoken of love. Maybe for Alex it was just desire, chemistry, physical attraction, but she liked him. She liked him a lot. Probably too much. He'd never promised to stay or to love her. And one day he would go, and she'd probably find herself with a broken heart.

    But he wasn't leaving today, and if today was all she was going to have, she'd take it.

    Hours later, Julia was dressed and back in the car, this time with Alex behind the wheel. She'd thought it would take a huge argument to convince him to go back to St. Helena to see his father, but he'd brought it up himself. He said he knew they had unfinished business.

    Despite his resolute determination to get to the bottom of things, she could feel his tension as they drove north on the freeway. The closeness they'd shared the night before evaporated with each passing mile. She knew Alex wasn't thinking about her, but about his father and what he would say next.