Don't Make Me Beautiful (46 page)

“I can’t wait to see him.
 
It’s been too long,” she says, resting her bruised cheek gently on his chest.
 
She misses Liam like a part of her family is gone. The idea of leaving to start a new life somewhere else feels really unpleasant now.
 
Waiting for Kitten has taken precedence over anything else, including plan-making; but when it’s time to get back to that, Nicole wonders if leaving this town is even going to be an option.
 
So much depends on her surgery and what happens with John…

“I know what you mean,” Brian says.
 
“It’s like the house is way too quiet or something.
 
I can’t wait for …”

He stops in mid-sentence.
 
Nicole waits for him to finish but he doesn’t.
 
“For what?” she asks.

“Nothing.”

“You were going to say something.
 
What was it?”

Brian sighs, wondering if telling her how he feels will make her want to run the other direction or feel more like staying.
 
Better to say the things in my heart than pretend they don’t exist.
 
Love never ventured is love never gained
.
 
“I shouldn’t do this probably, but I can’t help thinking how cool it will be or would be if … you know … if Kitten were here too.
 
I’d like them to meet, her and Li-Li.
 
And be together.”

Nicole hugs him hard.
 
“Me too, Brian.
 
Me too.”

Chapter Sixty-Five

IT’S THREE WEEKS LATER WHEN Nicole is standing in the bathroom, applying the little bit of makeup she’s taken to wearing on a daily basis to outline her eyes a little.
 
The swelling and bruising is completely gone, leaving behind a girl with a passably pretty face and the eyes Brian likes to call the windows into her gorgeous soul.
 
She smiles as she thinks about her life and how lucky she is.

Liam shows up in the bathroom doorway.
 
“Briana … oops … I mean, Nicole?”

She turns around and looks at the sweet little miniature Brian.
 
“Yes?”

“Daddy says there’s a phone call for you.”

She looks in his empty hands.
 
“Do you have the phone with you?”

“No.
 
He says you need to come to the shop cuz his hands are dirty.”

She frowns, not sure the Liam has translated the message properly.
 
“Okay.”
 
She turns back to the mirror to finish her mascara.
 
“Tell him I’ll be right there.”

“He said it’s really important and you should probably run.”

Nicole drops her mascara wand and picks Liam up, running to the garage like she’s being chased by a phantom.
 
Throwing the door open, she steps into the space that smells like varnish, paint thinner, and raw wood.

“What is it?” she asks, lowering Liam to the ground.

Brian’s holding the stick she knows he uses to turn his phone on when he’s got crud on his hands. Maybe it’s just the lighting, but his face looks a little pale.
 
“Your attorney.
 
It’s about Kitten.”

“What did he say?” she asks, her heart racing and spasming painfully in her chest.

“He didn’t say anything to me.
 
We both agreed you should hear it first.”

“Nicole?
 
Is that you?”
 
Gary’s voice is coming over the speakerphone.

“Liam, son, go inside and play with your truck,” Brian says.

“But Daaaad, I wanna stay with you guys!”

“You know you’re not supposed to be out here.
 
Scoot.
 
I’ll come get you in a few minutes after I’m done with this chair.”

“Oookaaaaay,” the little boy mutters, dropping his head as he goes back inside.

When the door shuts, Nicole grabs the phone.
 
“How do I take it off speakerphone?”

Brian uses his stick to point it out to her.

“Gary, hi, this is Nicole.”

“Are you sitting?
 
You should probably be sitting.”

She shuffles through the bits of sawdust and wood corners to the garage steps and takes a seat.
 
“Can I just say how much I hate it when you say that?
 
Go ahead.
 
I’m sitting.”

“I’m sorry, I just don’t want you passing out and falling on your new face.
 
That
not
beautiful face of yours.”

She smiles at his efforts.
 
“Just tell me, Gary.
 
It can’t possibly be worse than what I’ve been imagining.”

“Okay, so here’s the latest.
 
Do not freak out until I’m done, okay?”

“Okay.” Sweat breaks out under her arms and across her upper lip.
 
Nicole feels like it is very possible she could experience a heart attack over this news, whatever it is.
 
“I just need to know if she’s alive.
 
Before you tell me anything else, tell me that.”

“We have reason to think that she is.”

Nicole gasps and squeaks at the same time, her hand flying to her mouth.
 
She feels like she’s going to throw up.

“…But we don’t know for sure, so don’t freak out.
 
Are you okay?
 
Can I continue?”

Nicole nods, but then realizes he can’t see that.
 
“Yeah.”
 
She barely gets the word out.

“The police pulled John’s phone records.
 
There was one number he called a lot, but it was to one of those throw-away phones.”

Nicole hisses with anger.
 
“Those things should be against the law.”

“Yeah, let’s just throw the Constitution in the garbage too, all that privacy crap really gets in the way.”

“Spare me the lawyer stuff and just give me the news, would you please?” Nicole loves her attorney, but he does cling to his precious privacy laws a little too much sometimes.

“The thing is, they figured out where the phone was purchased, so they went to the store and got copies of the store’s surveillance tapes.
 
The clerk watched them with the cops and remembered the girl who bought the phone because she had a crying baby with her, and it was the smallest baby he’d ever seen.
 
That’s what he actually said.
 
And when he pointed it out, just a passing comment, the girl freaked.”

“Who is she?
 
What was she like? Is she the one from the picture? Was she mean to him?
 
To the baby?
 
Did you see the tapes?”
 
All Nicole can picture right now is a tweaked-out druggie for some reason.
 
Baby stealer!
 
Kidnapper!
 
Murderer!

“I’m getting to that.
 
I thought you wanted the whole story.”

“I do.”
 
Nicole doesn’t push him for the ending because she’s worried it’s going to get worse than this already is.

“A sketch artist put together a picture of her and the clerk working at the smoothie place next door recognized her as a regular customer. It’s pretty close to the photo Brian found, but the hair is different.
 
A detective working the case brought in a picture of John, and the clerk said they did come in together sometimes.”

“What about Kitten?” Nicole asks, trying to speak past being nearly breathless with worry.
 
“Did he see her too?”

“He has seen her before, but he couldn’t say when the last time was.”

“Shit!
 
Dammit!”
 
Nicole holds the phone with a death grip.

“I told you not to freak out yet.”

“How can I not freak at that?
 
She could be sick right now!
 
She could be …”
 
Nicole can’t bring herself to say the word.
 
Dead.
 
Murdered.
 
Buried.
 
They’re so close and yet still so far.
 
She wants to scream with the unfairness of it.

Gary continues his story, ignoring her outburst.
 
“They have a detective at the smoothie place.
 
He’ll be there with backup for the next three days.”

“Why only three days?” she asks, panicking as she pictures this woman, whoever she is, taking a break from smoothies.
 
That would be Nicole’s luck, that the woman would finally decide she’d rather have a caramel macchiato instead.

“Because, that’s all they have the budget for.
 
Stakeouts are expensive.”

“Fuck expensive!
 
I’ll pay for it!
 
I’ll use every last penny of that trust money if I have to!”

“You can’t do that.
 
But if you would just be patient and relax…”

“What?!
 
Are you insane?”

Brian steps over, taking off his rubber gloves and holding out his hand.
 
“Can I talk to him?”

Nicole slaps the phone into Brian’s outstretched hand.
 
“Yes.
 
Talk to him.
 
I can’t do it anymore.” She jumps up and runs into the house.
 
She skids to a halt when she sees Liam sitting on the floor, pushing his truck around with a sad expression on his face.

Her heart that a moment ago felt like it was swelling to the point of explosion shrinks down like a leaky balloon.
 
“What’s the matter, little man?”

“I don’t know.
 
I’m just sad.”
 
His bottom lip comes out in a pout.

She walks over and sits down next to him, focusing all her attention on him instead of her broken heart.
 
“Tell me about it.”

“I heard you yelling, and you never yell.
 
And my daddy never yells.
 
And it just makes me sad because I know that it means you’re mad.”

Nicole feels like utter crap.
 
As bad as her life is right now, it’s not fair of her to put any of it on this little guy - her hero, the one who rescued her from hell.
 
“I’m not mad, Liam, I promise.
 
I’m just frustrated.”

He looks up at her, his face screwed up in concentration.
 
“Frusterated?”

“Frus-tra-ted,” she says slowly and carefully so he can copy it.

“That’s what I said.”

She smiles.
 
“It means I wish I could control some things in my life, but right now those things aren’t controllable.”

He hands her the remote for his truck.
 
“Maybe you can use this?
 
It makes my truck go right where I want it to go.”
 
He leans over and points to the tiny wheel.
 
“If you wanna go that way, then you turn it like this.”
 
He twists the wheel.
 
“And if you want it to go back, you push that thing there.”
 
He points to it.
 
“Try it.
 
You can do it.
 
You’re very smart.”

Nicole’s smile wavers a little as tears battle to come to the surface. She won’t let them, though.
 
She doesn’t want to ruin this moment with Liam.
 
“Like this?”

He grins up at her, his face practically glowing.
 
“You did it!
 
See!
 
You can control stuff.
 
You just need a controller like I have.”
 
He looks down at it and goes serious, biting his lip for a second.
 
“I don’t really need it right now.
 
You can borrow it if you want.”

Nicole sets the remote down on the ground and pulls him into a hug.
 
He happily climbs into her lap and wraps his skinny arms around her back.

“You are the nicest little boy in the entire world, you know that?”

“Really?” he asks.
 
“Cuz my mom says that the world is a very big place and there are a jillion million billion dillion people on it.”

“You must also be very good at math,” Nicole says, smiling as she kisses his head.

“I am.
 
I can add and subtract and multiply and add
and
multiply.”

“That’s a lot of stuff.
 
Maybe you can help me with your daddy’s books.”

“Are you going to stay with us forever?” Liam asks.
 
He doesn’t lift his head or move.
 
It’s like he’s asking what’s for dinner or what temperature it is outside.

Nicole is taken aback by the honesty there and the complete lack of lead-up, not to mention the worry and concern that he must be feeling but trying not to show.
 
“Do you want me to?”

“Yes.”
 
He squeezes her harder.
 
“I want you to stay forever and ever and ever.”

She so badly wants to ask him if having a little girl there as part of the package would make a difference to him, but they’ve kept the story of Kitten from him just in case it has a sad ending.
 
The boy’s been traumatized enough having met John.

“Well, that’s very sweet.
 
And I can’t promise anything, because a lot of it is up to your dad, but if I can stay I will.”

Brian’s voice comes from over her shoulder.
 
“As far as I’m concerned, you can stay here forever.”
 
He walks over and sits down next to them, putting his arm over her shoulders and drawing her close.
 
“I can’t imagine this place without you anymore and I don’t want to.”

“Me neither,” says Liam, detaching himself from the grownups and going back to pushing his truck around.