Don't Let Me Go (61 page)

Chloe looked at Anthony and held out her arms for him to take her.

‘Today,’ Charlotte said, when she was settled, ‘you are going to have a
jump-off
.’

Chloe’s eyes grew round.

‘Do you remember what that is?’ Charlotte asked.

It took a moment, but suddenly she was bursting with so much excitement that she almost fell out of Anthony’s arms as she struggled to get down. ‘I’m having a jump-off,’ she told Charlotte. ‘Mummy, I’m having a jump-off.’

‘That’s right,’ Charlotte laughed. ‘We’ve got everything ready for you, even the jump-off ring that Celia sent from Aroha.’

Chloe gave a leap of pure joy. ‘Having a jump-off,’ she said to Anthony. ‘Want you to come too.’

‘Of course I’ll be there,’ he assured her. ‘I wouldn’t miss it for the world.’

Loving how readily Chloe had accepted Anthony into their lives, Charlotte scooped her up again and gave her a resounding kiss. One day soon she might be persuaded to call him Daddy, but Charlotte had no intention of pushing it, not when the word alone had such awful connotations for Chloe. She’d find her way to it in time.

Much as Charlotte had expected, Chloe was hardly able to sit still in the court, wanting to run back and forth between her and Nanna and Auntie Maggie and Danni to tell them she was having a jump-off. Before coming inside she’d done her best to explain to Tracy, Tommy, Wendy and Julia the guardian exactly what a jump-off was, though how much they’d understood of her breathless garbling Charlotte wouldn’t have liked to guess. On the other hand, her cousins, Phoebe and Jackson, were almost as excited as she was, so presumably, on some level, they understood what was going to happen, even if their parents remained slightly mystified.

Now, still not having quite connected with the fact that the big event was going to take place in this funny room with lots of benches and big tall windows, Chloe whispered to Charlotte, ‘When are we going?’

‘Ssh,’ Charlotte replied, putting a finger to her lips.

Chloe looked up at Anthony. ‘Can we go now?’ she asked him.

As Anthony started to respond Judge Cross came to the end of his official speech with the words, ‘. . . and so I am now in a position to announce that the adoption order has been granted.’

Grabbing Chloe into a bruising embrace, Charlotte jumped up and down with so much relief and joy she might have burst with it. Anthony was laughing as he threw his arms around them, but he was soon making way for the others to crowd in with their own joy and congratulations.

‘Is it time to go now?’ Chloe asked, bemused by all the fuss.

‘Oh, no,’ Charlotte whispered. ‘We’ve got the most important bit to come.’

Chloe looked crestfallen. Since she didn’t have the courage to argue, she slid down from Charlotte’s arms and stood looking dolefully at the floor.

‘Chloe Nicholls, are you still here?’ Judge Cross asked in a gentle sort of roar.

As the small crowd parted to reveal Chloe in their midst, her head came up, and almost instantly she shrank back behind Anthony’s legs, making Charlotte laugh and feel glad that the judge, as requested, hadn’t robed up for the occasion. With his frosty wig and flowing gown he’d have appeared even more terrifying to someone as small as Chloe than, with his bushy grey whiskers and eyebrows, he already did. Though it was true some kids loved nothing better than the whole lawyerly regalia for the granting of their adoption orders, they were usually older than Chloe and quite possibly already knew the judge from previous appearances in the family court.

Hoisting Chloe into his arms, Anthony said, ‘She’s here, My Lord.’

Chloe immediately tried to launch herself at Charlotte.

‘It’s all right,’ Charlotte assured her, ‘there’s nothing to worry about, I promise.’

The judge’s watery blue eyes were twinkling with merriment as he said, ‘I do believe we have something very particular planned for you, young Chloe, so shall we begin by . . .’ He gave a quick glance at his notes. ‘Ah, I believe we should have a throne somewhere . . .’

‘It’s here,’ Janet from the Pumpkin called out, as she came bustling in from a side room with a silver-foil-wrapped high-back chair. After setting it in front of the judge’s bench, she held it steady as a maintenance man climbed nimbly on to it and attached a hoop of gaily coloured ribbons, bows and bunting to a pre-installed hook.

Chloe gasped, clasping a hand to her mouth. ‘Mummy, it’s the jump-off ring,’ she whispered loudly.

Laughing, Charlotte said, ‘I do believe it is.’

Chloe’s eyes were almost bursting from their sockets. ‘It’s the jump-off ring,’ she informed everyone, and thrusting Boots at Anthony she slid to the floor and grabbed Charlotte’s hand.

Going down to her level, Charlotte said, ‘Janet’s going to take you into the other room now where all your friends are waiting to walk to the throne with you.’

‘Want you to come,’ Chloe said, not exactly shyly, more excitedly.

‘I have to wait here with everyone else,’ Charlotte reminded her, ‘because if you remember, you have to choose who you’re going to jump off to.’

Chloe’s mouth fell open. Apparently she’d forgotten that part of the ritual. ‘But we haven’t played any games yet,’ she protested. ‘Or sung any songs.’

‘We’re going to do that later, at the Pumpkin. Everyone will be there, and we’ve got lots of prizes for pass the parcel . . .’

Coming to join them, Judge Cross said, ‘Are you ready, Chloe?’

Spotting the huge paw of a hand he was holding out, Charlotte realised it was going to be too much for Chloe to go with him on her own. Together with the judge, she walked her past the lawyers who’d overseen the adoption and who were now appearing highly entertained by the prospect of a closing ceremony, over to the side room. Inside, the kids from the Pumpkin were already kitted out in the hats and costumes they’d been making in secret under Janet’s guidance.

Seeing them, Chloe jumped up and down with joy. ‘Mummy, look, look,’ she cried, almost beside herself.

‘And this is for you,’ Janet told her, lifting a sparkly crown fit for a fairy-tale princess from a large pink box.

Chloe blinked in awe.

After carefully placing it on her head and telling her she looked beautiful, Charlotte said, ‘I’ll see you out there, OK?’

Chloe nodded. Her face was so flushed it was almost feverish.

Accepting it was OK for her to go, Charlotte returned to Anthony’s side to wait for the ceremony to begin. There was a chance, she realised, that she might actually be as excited as Chloe.

At last, after much shuffling and bumping around offstage, the side door creaked slowly open and a moment later Chloe, looking a little more anxious than important, appeared in her crown and a glittering blue robe that Janet must have made specially.

Hearing Anna choke back a sob, Charlotte had to laugh through one of her own.

‘She looks so sweet,’ Phoebe whispered.

‘Doesn’t she?’ Gabby agreed.

‘We always do this at home,’ Danni told them.

If anyone else spoke it was drowned in a sudden deafening noise from Chloe’s accompanying band, and as she began walking towards her throne, dutifully followed by her retinue of Pumpkin attendants, the cacophony of drums, trumpets and tambourines became so loud it might almost have raised the roof.

As Anthony dropped his head into one hand, either to disguise a laugh, or wince at the noise, Charlotte leaned in to him saying, ‘Has this court ever seen anything like it?’

‘I doubt it,’ he replied, and clapping along with everyone else he suddenly had to smother another laugh as one little boy blew his trumpet so hard that the boy in front turned round and thumped him.

Eventually the children were gathered in front of the judge, still hooting and banging, until Janet finally persuaded them to stop and sit on the floor. Then taking Chloe’s hands, the judge and Janet half lifted, half swung her up on to the throne. Once settled, she looked up at the jump-off ring and promptly lost her crown.

Quickly restoring it, Janet gave her a reassuring smile and stood back as the judge cleared his throat, ready to begin.

‘Chloe Nicholls,’ he said solemnly as he unfurled the scroll Charlotte had prepared, ‘this is a very special jump-off you’re having today to mark a very special event indeed. Do you know what the event is?’

Chloe didn’t look sure.

Smiling kindly, he said, ‘This is the day that you become Chloe Nicholls in the eyes of the law. That might not mean very much to you right now, because I know you’re used to being Chloe Nicholls, but in years to come, when you look back on today and watch the video which is being made of it, you will understand its significance and how very much you are loved.

‘Though you’re only four years old, you have already shown more courage and resilience than most people can manage in forty-four. You have also brought more joy to your mother’s heart than she can express, and brightened her world in ways too numerous to mention. Though there have been dark days, times when you were not together, the bond between you was never broken; if anything it simply became stronger.’

Though still appearing slightly mystified, Chloe was hanging on to his every word, and Charlotte wanted to squeeze her so much that she had to take Boots from Anthony and squeeze him instead.

‘Some people say we choose our parents,’ the judge continued, ‘and in your case, Chloe, I don’t think there’s any doubt of it.’

Charlotte blinked in surprise. She hadn’t written those words, so the judge must have added them himself.

‘I believe you’ve made one of the wisest choices of your life, Chloe,’ Cross was saying, ‘and as the years pass I’ve no doubt you’ll find that it remains the wisest, because you are a little girl who is truly wanted in every way, and couldn’t be more loved by your mother, your soon-to-be father and the whole of the rest of your family.’

Cross smiled at Chloe’s bemused little face as he said, ‘I have heard much talk of you over the past months, and I have no doubt that you are going to grow up to be a most remarkable young lady.’

Just about bursting with pride, Charlotte gripped Boots more tightly than ever as Cross went back to the script. ‘Some of your family have travelled from the other side of the world to be with you today,’ he read out. ‘Nanna and Grandpa Reeves, Auntie Shelley and Uncle Phil, Danni, Craig, Uncle Rick. From Devon we have Auntie Gabby, Uncle Martin and your cousins Phoebe and Jackson; and from Kesterly we have your Auntie Maggie and Uncle Ron. Also from Kesterly we have Tracy Barrall, Tommy Burgess, Wendy Fraser and Julia Minor, and of course all your friends from the Pumpkin playgroup.’ Looking at her again, he said, ‘I wish all children who had a difficult start in life could find the love you have, Chloe, but sadly it doesn’t happen for everyone. You are a very lucky girl indeed.’ His smile broadened quite suddenly. ‘And now I do believe it’s time for you to tell us who you have chosen to jump off to.’

Chloe blinked.

‘Have you decided?’

She nodded shyly.

He waited. ‘So are you going to tell us who it is?’ he prompted.

Chloe turned to search the room, her eyes travelling from Nanna and Grandpa, to Uncle Wick, to Auntie Gabby and Danni, to Auntie Maggie and Anthony, until finally they came to rest on Charlotte. ‘Mummy,’ she whispered haltingly.

Biting her lip to try and stop her smile from becoming too wide for her face, Charlotte stepped forward. ‘Of course Mummy,’ she heard Anna murmur, ‘it could only ever be Mummy.’

Glancing at her mother, Charlotte gave her a smile.

‘And how many claps would you like to take?’ the judge asked Chloe, after consulting his script.

‘Four,’ she replied.

‘OK, so are we ready?’

Charlotte leaned in to remind him to ask the children to stand.

‘Sorry, yes of course. That’s right, everyone up we get and form two straight lines from Chloe to her mummy . . . Very good, wide enough now for Chloe to jump through. Excellent.’

Chloe was standing on the throne now, holding on to Janet’s hand to keep herself steady.

‘Are you ready, Chloe?’ Judge Cross asked.

Her eyes were glittering widely as she nodded.

‘Then it’s time for you to
jump off
,’ he cried, and punched a fist in the air.

‘Jump off,’ everyone chorused.

Gripping the judge’s and Janet’s hands so they could swing her down from the throne, Chloe proceeded to make four giant leaps through the columns of her friends, with the last being straight into Charlotte’s arms.

‘Well done,’ the judge praised as everyone cheered and applauded. ‘You have performed an excellent jump-off to your mummy, Chloe, and may I be amongst the first to wish you both a very happy and healthy life together.’

‘Thank you,’ Charlotte murmured, her voice muffled by the enormous hug she was being given. ‘Thank you, thank you,’ she repeated over and over, as everyone crowded round to congratulate them.

It was almost too much, she wasn’t sure she could contain all the emotion, and seeming to sense it Anthony wrapped her and Chloe in his arms as though to hold them together.

It was many hours later that Anthony carried a sleeping Chloe up to the flat and into her bedroom. The jump-off, followed by the party at the Pumpkin when she’d played all her favourite games and sung the songs of her choice, had worn her out completely. She didn’t even stir as Charlotte undressed her and tucked her under the duvet with Boots.

‘She’s my daughter,’ she whispered incredulously, as she and Anthony stood looking down at her. ‘She’s actually mine.’

As he tightened his arm round her shoulders, she turned to him. Though she knew everyone would be arriving soon for the adult celebration of the adoption, she said, ‘Do you mind if I sit here with her for a while?’

‘Of course not,’ he replied, and after kissing her he closed the door quietly behind him.

Lying down on the bed, she turned on to her side to gaze at Chloe’s sleeping face. She looked so peaceful, so angelic with her tufty curls and sweeping lashes. Her creamy complexion was softly flushed, and her sweet little mouth was half open as she breathed. Could a child look, or be, more innocent and tender? Was it really possible for one little heart to contain so much courage and hope? She’d never given up on the dream of coming back to Charlotte, and now Charlotte could only wonder at the power of that dream.