Don't Explain (9 page)

“I would have come with Murph—Caitlyn—for the funeral, but I couldn’t get
excused from class.”

Caitlyn’s mother ignored him and turned back to her daughter, “You know
you should really tell me if you’re going to bring someone by the house with
you. At least he’s not dressed properly either, but what if he was?”

Caitlyn shook her head, and she heard Michael slip a giggle behind her. “Jesus,
Ma, you need to open a window.” Caitlyn walked into the den, waving her hand
through the dense smoke, and opened the two small windows.

“It’s too damn cold outside. Besides, I like the smoke.”

“A little too much.”

Caitlyn took a seat on the brown sofa, Michael sat next to her, and her
mother moved to her recliner.

“Is he the reason you’re too busy to come visit me these days?”

Michael placed his hand on Caitlyn’s thigh and began nodding, but Caitlyn
quickly removed it. The more she pushed away the more he pulled her back in.

“He’s just visiting for a few days before he goes back to California.”

“That’s too bad. You need to get married and have kids before it’s too
late,” she gave Michael a once over, “and he’s better than nothing.” There it
was: the Cat Murphy charm. She wondered why Caitlyn never came to visit, that
was it. What she thought was an innocent comment was actually a
not-so-thinly-veiled insult.

“He’s a doctor.”

“Being a doctor doesn’t make someone successful. You know there is a
website that you can rate doctors so you can avoid the real bad ones. I haven’t
seen it, but I’ve heard there are a lot of low ratings. Hopefully it will put
the hacks out of business. Are you on that website?”

Caitlyn rolled her eyes. “You don’t have to answer that.”

“It’s alright. She’s right. I’m not that successful. I haven’t been able
to open my own practice yet. And I haven’t looked at the website, but I promise
I will. I’ll let you know if I am a hack or not.”

“Have you been to her coffee shop, Michael? It’s almost as good as
Starbucks.”

“I have. I’d say it’s better.”

Cat huffed.

“We’re not going to stay long. We have to meet Alexis to watch the game.
Do you need anything while I’m here?”

Caitlyn’s mother ignored her and instead turned to Michael, whose smile
had not left his face. “She never stays long. You’d think that she couldn’t
stand me.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.” His face got all twisted, his voice rose an
octave, and he rapidly tapped his thumb on his thigh. God, he was a terrible
liar. Her mother seemed to buy it nonetheless.

“Maybe you’re not so bad after all. Could you talk to her about moving
back to town? I’d like to have my only daughter close.”

Caitlyn stood. “Alright, Ma. We’re leaving.”

“If you must.” Her mother looked blankly at the TV that had been running
muted in the background. Caitlyn hated this part. She knew that her mother
wasn’t made of the evil that spewed from her mouth, but she couldn’t be around
it. Between the smoke and the comments, the house was physical and mental
poison.

“I’ll call you later this week.”

Michael said goodbye, and they left quietly out the front door.

“What the hell happened?” Michael asked as they headed back toward the
car.

“She lost the love of her life and couldn’t figure out how to move past
it.”

“Go, go, go, go, go!” Caitlyn shouted at the big screen TV in chorus with
twenty other people, followed by a loud cheer as they watched the Patriots halfback
rush for thirty yards.

Michael smiled at her as she sat back down in her bar stool. “You really
get into this, don’t you?”

“It’s hard not to,” she shrugged. “Remember the Wildcats games?”

“You weren’t this excited.”

“Inside I was, but it really comes out for the Pats. And it didn’t help
that the Wildcats kinda sucked.” She smiled and took a sip of her beer, putting
her attention back on the screen.

“Where’s Alexis?” Michael liked Alexis. She was humorously honest, and in
some ways reminded him of Caitlyn’s mother. Only she was less bitter about
everything.

Caitlyn scanned the bar and then pointed to a dark corner where Alexis
was running a finger down the chest of a man who was probably fifteen years
older than her.

“Is she going to be alright?”

“It’s kind of what she does. I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Why? You
interested?”

“No.” Alexis wasn’t his type anymore. There was a time when Michael would
have enjoyed her overt sexuality and forwardness, but as of five years ago he
wanted something more, something sweet.

Michael pulled Caitlyn’s stool closer to his and wrapped his hands around
her waist. He wasn’t sure why, but she let him. A commercial flashed across the
screen, and she spun the stool to face him.

“I don’t want to stay in the motel anymore.”

Caitlyn closed her eyes in thought. “Hmmm…There’s nothing else in town,
but Gardner has a few places.”

He leaned in and whispered in her ear, “I want to stay with you.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck. “It’ll cost you,” she whispered
back and bit his earlobe gently.

“I’m willing to pay.”

Caitlyn backed away. “Fifty bucks a night and you get the couch.” She
turned back to the TV, but Michael grabbed her around her waist and pulled her
into his lap. She laughed out loud.

“How about we leave now, and I’ll give you something worth a lot more
than fifty bucks?”

“There’s two minutes left in the fourth. I think you can wait that long.”

“What’s going to happen? The Pats are up by seventeen. You won’t miss much.”

Caitlyn pulled away and sat back on her own bar stool. “Sorry, but the
hotel doesn’t open until the last second runs out on the game clock.”

Michael’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and looked at the
display. “Fine.” He lifted his phone to show Caitlyn. “I gotta take this. I’ll
be right back.”

“Hello,” he said as he moved toward the exit.

“Where the hell are you?”

Michael stepped out into the cold night air, and the cheering was muted
when the door closed. “Massachusetts.”

“You can’t just take off. You have to schedule it ahead of time. We’re
short staffed.”

“There were extenuating circumstances, Rob.”

“The hospital needs you. When are you coming back?” Rob Breyer’s voice
became tenser. Michael probably should have done a little more than leave a
vague message in the middle of the night on Rob’s voicemail the night he left.
Michael had only missed one shift so far, but his mind had been so far from
work and so focused on either Margaret or Caitlyn that he didn’t remember to
call Rob again to give him something more solid.

Michael sighed. “I don’t know.”

“What happened? Is everything alright?”

“Margaret left me. I needed to get away, so I’m staying with a friend
from college.”

“Mike, you’re going to have to do better than that. There’s no broken
heart leave.” Rob was a good guy, and they had been interns and residents
together. They were friends, but Rob was now in charge of the ER and Michael’s
boss. He was a little soft for it, but Michael had never taken advantage of
that until now.

“I don’t know what you want me to do. I’m across the country.”

There was a brief silence. The door to the pub opened and shouts exploded
through the open door. Michael moved a little further away.

“I’m putting down that your uncle died.”

“I don’t have an uncle.”

“Good. He can’t die again.”

Michael laughed, “Thanks.”

“You have to be back to work on Thursday.”

Michael wanted to say no. He wasn’t quite ready to go back, but he didn’t
want to push it. Despite how nice Rob was being right now, he knew he was on
thin ice. “I’ll be there.”

Michael hung up the phone. “Damn it.”

“Everything alright?”

Michael turned to find Caitlyn standing beside him holding his jacket. “Fine.”

“Game’s over. Ready to go?” Michael grabbed the back of her head and
pressed his lips against hers. He was going to miss her. Miss this, but what
could he do but enjoy it for what it was right now?

“Absolutely.”

#

Caitlyn was screwed. She lay naked in her bed, waiting for Michael to
come back from the kitchen. She couldn’t possibly imagine what he had in mind,
but she didn’t have any sexy foods in her fridge: no chocolate, no
strawberries.

Somewhere between her mother’s house and beer number three, she thought
it was a good idea to take Michael for what he was worth. Now that she had an
hour without alcohol and another amazing orgasm, she recognized a sobering
truth: old feelings are easily found.

After the aftershocks of her climax dissipated, she was left with that
empty feeling she always had when Michael took off on a date or she saw him
disappear into his apartment with another blonde bimbo.

Only this time, she was actually involved, and it was going to hurt a
lot. The really pathetic part was that she could only recognize this when he
wasn’t in the room.

Michael walked into the bedroom, wearing nothing. She glanced over the
lines of his muscular body. That right there was part of what was blinding her
from the truth.

“I made you a hot chocolate.” He held a mug out for her, and she reached
out and grabbed it. This was the other part. He was too nice.

She took a sip, and the liquid gently warmed her mouth.

“You’re beautiful.”

Caitlyn looked up at him as he sat on the edge of the bed and taking a sip
of water from a glass. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“You can’t say nice things too. It’s not fair.” Caitlyn took another sip
of her hot chocolate and then set it on the bedside table.

“How isn’t it fair?”

“It’s too much. It’s too Michael-ey. It’s making me fantasize the
impossible.”

 Michael laughed softly. “I like that you fantasize about me. I think you
should continue to do it, and then let me know so that I can try to make them
come true.”

Caitlyn backed away a bit. “These are a little too wild. I don’t think
that you could live up to them.”

He set his glass down. “Give me some credit and a shot. You might be
surprised.”

He leaned in and sucked on her neck. “Does it involve something like
this?”

“You’re not even close,” she moaned.

Michael ran a hand up her side and onto her breast, pinching her nipple
between his thumb and finger. “What about this?”

“Not crazy enough for me.” Caitlyn’s body moved to his against her will.
A heat was building between her legs, and she couldn’t ignore it.

Michael grabbed her wrists tightly and pushed her back on the bed. He ran
his mouth down the center of her chest, stopping only to suck briefly on each
of her nipples.

“Oh, Michael,” she moaned.

“I must be getting closer.”

“Don’t stop, please.” Caitlyn raised her pelvis to his, and he pushed
inside of her.

“I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.”

#

Michael awoke the next morning to Caitlyn clumsily crawling back into bed
with a cinnamon raisin bagel on a small plate. “You want some?” She asked as
she balanced the plate high above her head to keep from dropping the food on
the bed.

“What time is it?” He sleepily replied.

“Five.”

“I think that I'll go back to bed instead.”

“You can stay as long as you want, but I'll be leaving for work in half
an hour.”

“Don't you ever take a day off?” he said as he rolled to onto his side
facing her.

“Only on Sundays,” she stated plainly.

“What if I asked you to stay home?”

“I’d tell you that I just opened, and I haven’t earned any vacation time
yet. Besides, my two customers will be upset if I don’t open at six sharp.”The
toasted bread crunched as she took a bite.

Michael yawned. “I thought you were a rebel.” He gave her a sleepy smile.

“Go back to sleep; I have to get ready.”

Caitlyn pulled the covers off her bare legs and headed to the shower. She
thought about him holding her down, begging to know her fantasies, and she smiled
to herself. A slight tingle began rising from below. With a deep breath, she
convinced herself that there wasn't enough time to start again and to finish
getting ready.

As she was leaving, she looked at Michael sleeping serenely. Maybe this
wasn’t as bad as she thought. He was the same friend that she enjoyed for four
years and the lover that she wanted all that time. He wanted to be with her, to
fulfill her desires.