Don’t Forget to Remember Me (48 page)

“Julia! I’m not waiting to open this! I
can’t stand it,” Ryan called from the other side of the door. I
wanted to see his reaction, but remain out of sight, so I opened
the door and watched his reflection in the mirror.

He was silent, barely moving, as he looked
at the photos. He was holding the one of me in my gown and veil on
the steps of one of the buildings on the Medical School campus. I
didn’t even know the name of the hall, but Mike suggested it, in
true fashion photog form. It was a brilliant idea and I knew Ryan
would love it. I’d only seen emailed prints when Mike sent the
digital proofs so wasn’t sure how he’d cropped them.

Ryan was frozen, mesmerized by what he saw.
He moved to another, which I assumed was a close up of my face with
my bouquet and he gasped. “Julia…” he breathed and reached out to
touch the photograph in front of him. “Holy fuck!” He sat down on
the bed and my heart fluttered when he got to the sexy pictures in
the lingerie. Mike was a pro at setting the stage and from Ryan’s
reaction, he’d hit the mark. “If these weren’t so damn amazing, I’d
beat the piss out of that little bastard,” he said softly, almost
to himself.

I decided it was time to show him the live
version and turned into the open doorway. “I can’t wait to see the
ones of both of us together and of my handsome groom.”

“Julia, these are…” he
stopped when he looked up and saw me standing there.
“Just…
gorgeous
.”
His eyes were filling with tears. It never ceased to amaze me how
sensitive and loving he was. “I’m…” he put his hand over his heart,
“overwhelmed. You are so fucking beautiful. And, look at you right
here in front of me.” I moved toward him and put my hand to his
face. “Incredible. I’m so…in love with you.”

“Ryan,” His name tumbled from my mouth like
a prayer as I moved closer to him, ever so slowly. “I love you and
I’m yours. You’re welcome to look at me for the rest of your life.”
I stood in front of him waiting as his eyes roamed over me, the
outfit leaving little to the imagination. Finally, he reached for
me, his hands hovering over me, barely touching but lighting me on
fire, his eyes blazing.

“Like I said, not long
enough.” His mouth found the nerve at the base of my neck and
opened hotly over my skin, sucking and nipping as he dragged his
lips over me. I closed my eyes as his fingers began to work their
magic on my body. “I want more than forever. I want to devour you;
to dissolve right into you. My one and
only
love.”

I gave myself over to Ryan and he gave
himself over to me…anything and everything. Over and over again, we
got lost in each other and it was heaven. For the rest of our lives
it would be heaven.

I rolled over on the couch
and
stared
out at the twinkling lights of
Manhattan. The apartment was dark, the full moon was shining
brightly through the windows, its light falling in angles over the
furniture and floors. Our music played on the iPod and I sucked in
a huge sigh as it filled the room. Missing Ryan was a constant
ache. We worked like dogs and on the odd night he arrived home on
time, inevitably, I’d be stuck at the office.
Newton’s
Law.
A irony of it stung like fire and I
blinked angrily in protest of the tears that tried to form in my
eyes.

We’d been married three months. Ryan easily
passed his boards but the hours that residents put in were
ridiculous. There were times I didn’t set eyes on my husband for 36
hours. His keyboard sat next to my art table, everything cramped in
the small room. We’d looked for an apartment in Lower Manhattan
closer to St. Vincent’s, but the rent was so outrageous, we
couldn’t justify it. Ryan insisted we save our money for a nice
house once his residency was finished. I hated that the subway
meant another two hours apart every damn day.

I reminded myself to concentrate on the time
we were together. It was wonderful and amazing, but never seemed
like enough. My phone buzzed and I reached for it on the coffee
table. It was my mother.

“Hi, Mom.”

“Hey, how’s my baby girl?” she said happily.
“Sorry for calling so late. I forgot about the time difference
until just this minute.”

“It’s fine. I’m just waiting up for Ryan.”
My voice was flat. “What are you doing?” In the time since my
wedding, my parents were in touch and I secretly hoped that they
would get back together.

“Oh, not much. Just cleaning up the house.
Your dad’s coming for a visit.”

“Holy shit! Really?” I sat up in my
excitement and smiled happily. “I was hoping but…when did you
decide this?”

“Just, I don’t know, Julia.” She sounded
flustered. “We’ve just been talking more and I realize how much I
miss him.”

I leaned back on the couch
and
propped my
feet up on the coffee
table. “I’m glad you’re finally talking. This is good. I’m happy
for you. I never felt that Daddy ever got over you.”

“I know. He told me. I feel silly, like I’m
back in college or something. It’s stupid.” She chuckled
nervously.

“No, it isn’t. I think it’s great.”

“The wedding pictures! Oh, my God, they are
gorgeous! Everyone looks so beautiful. That photographer is just
wonderful!”

I flushed with pleasure.
“Yes, he’s great. One of the best I’ve worked with. We have a shoot
tomorrow for the September issue, in fact. Meredith has me working
on a project for
The New Yorker
,
too. It’s a feature on an AIDS benefit that’s being held at the Met
in November. I’m exhausted.”

“Why isn’t Ryan home?”

“Still working, but dinner is cold and I’m
sitting here in the dark. Business as usual.” My fingers tugged at
the hem of my shirt as I shrugged. “I just…miss the shit out of
him.”

“I know, honey. I’m sure he misses you, too.
How is it though…I mean, otherwise?” Her tone filled with
laughter.

I flushed at the pictures
her words conjured and almost giggled. “Mom. You’re not asking me
about the
sex
, are you?” I teased.
“Because if so, it’s open season and I might have to interrogate
you after this weekend with Dad.”

“Julia Anne,” she
admonished sternly, her tone turned teasing. “Not
just
sex. Everything! How is life? Talk to
me.”

It was nice chatting with my mother in a
happy, lighthearted way. “Just about perfect, Mom. We can’t keep
our hands off of each other, if you want the truth.”

“That’s how it should be. I’m very happy for
you, darling. I was wondering if he’d be able to live up to those
lofty vows he wrote. He set the bar quite high and so did you.”

“We’ve gone exploring and
found a new Sunday coffee place. Even if he’s working, I call like
when we were apart. We spend a lot of time at home, cooking
together and just…well,
not keeping our hands off of each
other
.” I drew in a deep breath as my heart
swelled and I smiled when Ryan’s key turned in the lock.

“Uh, Mom, Ryan’s here. Can I call you
tomorrow or later in the week?” I turned and watched my weary
husband wander in, wearing navy blue scrubs, his hair was a mess.
He pulled the stethoscope from around his neck and tossed it with
his keys on the coffee table in front of me, smirking despite his
tiredness.

“Sure, baby. Tell Ryan I love him.”

“What am I? Chopped
liver?” It totally jazzed me that my mother loved Ryan so much, but
I couldn’t resist a little teasing.
What wasn’t to love,
anyway?

Ryan motioned for me to wrap up my call and
I grinned up at him.

“You know I love you. Talk to you
later.”

“Take care, Mom. Love you.” Before I even
had the phone back on the table, Ryan’s arms were lifting me fully
into his arms. He supported my weight under my bottom as I wound my
arms around his shoulders and neck while my legs wrapped around his
waist.

“Hey, you,” he said softly as his mouth
settled on mine. One of my hands moved over his cheek and into his
hair, raking it back as I did, the soft strands sliding between my
fingers as we kissed each other hungrily. Ryan sat down on the
couch leaving me to straddle his slim hips as we clutched at each
other, both moaning softly through heavy breathing.

“God, I missed you,” he breathed as his
mouth blazed a trail down my neck and his hand pulled the neckline
of my t-shirt aside to make way for his exploration. I was
trembling, his touch and his mouth setting my body on fire and I
pressed my hips into his. His arms tightened around me and he
groaned in answer. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. The nights when you’re
away last forever.” As caught up as I was in our love play, I
worried about him. His hours and routine were so demanding and
sometimes he didn’t take time to eat properly. “Are you hungry? I
have roasted chicken and vegetables.”

“Later.” He buried his face in my neck and
wound his hand around my long hair, gently pulling my head to one
side as he tasted my skin and rocked his hips into mine.

“Mmmm, hmmm.” Words were
scarce as his mouth found mine again, our tongues laving each other
again. We were both starving and it showed in the desperate kisses
and frantic dry-humping, heat pooling in response to the friction
between our bodies
.

Ryan stood and carried me down the hall to
our bedroom. I was denied his mouth so I licked and sucked on the
sensitive skin below his ear, which I knew, drove him wild. “Truth
or dare?” he asked as he kicked the door shut behind us. The light
was extinguished by the closed door, the curtains blocking out the
moon and city lights.

“Mmmm…dare,” I whispered against his mouth
as his strong arms lowered me to the bed in one smooth
movement.

“I dare you to not touch me, until I make
you come. You can’t touch me at all.” His hot breath rushed over my
face as he spoke.

“Ryan, no. I miss you too
much,” I moaned longingly as he threw his shirt over his head. He
was so beautiful and I wanted to run my hands over his muscled
shoulders and abs, to feel his biceps and back flexing beneath my
hands as he made love to me. “Anything but that.
Please
.”

“Do this for me, and I’ll do anything you
ask.” His lips were moving down my body as he slowly peeled off my
clothes. His eyes were intent on mine, burning as he threw my
clothes aside piece by piece. “Anything…” he whispered as I arched
up as his tongue circled a nipple and his hand parted the flesh
between my legs. “Oh my God, Julia, you’re always so ready for me.
You’re so beautiful.”

“Uhhh…” My breath left my lungs in response
to his expert touch. My body was wound so tight already, he had my
flesh humming with the briefest of touches. He was on his knees at
the edge of the bed and he wrapped his arms around my thighs and
pulled me toward him and instantly he was moaning into me. The
sounds he made as his tongue and lips worked their magic were low
and guttural, his fingers splayed out on the flat plane of my
stomach. I was completely and utterly helpless to fight the
building ache.

“Ryan…I want to touch you, baby.”

He ignored me and alternated between strong
swipes of his flat tongue and light suction. “Fuck, Julia, you
taste so good. I thought about this all day.”

That velvet voice was muffled against my
flesh and in seconds he had me undone, writhing against his mouth
and moaning his name over and over again as I fell apart. Ryan
didn’t let up until I was completely still, his arms locking around
my thighs, refusing to let me pull away. He kissed me softly once
more and then the inside of my thigh, over my stomach and up the
side and peaks of my breast until he found my mouth, my taste still
lingering on his lips, so intimate and perfect. “See how delicious
you are?” he said softly between the slow, deep kisses we were
sharing. Jesus, it was amazing.

“Uhh…you’re so mean,” I
complained breathlessly. He chuckled ever so softly as I pulled him
back for another kiss. “You make me take and not give…when I
want to give
,” I said softly as his mouth
hovered and teased at mine, until he sucked my lower lip in between
both of his. “So take, Ryan. Anything and everything…until there is
nothing left.”

“I want your love, Julia…and all that goes
with it. I want your humor and intellect, your beauty, and
kindness…your magnificent soul and your words. Without you, there’s
nothing.” He looked at me seriously, his hand stroking down the
side of my face and his nose nuzzled into me. My heart swelled
though it was already so full of him.