Don Quixote, Which Was a Dream (9 page)

:It's as if there's (me's) this black statue whose being is obsessed in and is its work. When the work goes, the being goes. The world obtrudes: there's only universe.

:I want writing is the world.

:Is courting writing, courting death?

:Approaching death changes your physical appearance. Just as when a fashion designer takes hold of your body, you no longer recognize your physical self. You act as you would never act, such as you shit in your pants in front of people. You have to flee from this self.

:Fleeing makes me want to die.

:Even though I'm more and more tired, I know there's more and more no need of sleep, cause soon I'm going to sleep forever. I have to be as conscious as possible every of these few moments left. I want to taste: I remember I've savored most of my experiences; I will enjoy.

:What do I enjoy? I'm apart from the world its social identities. 1 enjoy the mentality that leads to the world. The palace. (The world isn't separate from death.) All kinds of events're equally real. Memories're now the events most available for me to taste. As I care less and less about the world its social identities, I forget memories. I luxuriate in appearances. Every appearance or change's perfect. The closer I get to dying, the more time is perfect.

:I'm in the hospital. Cold tiled floors beneath the feet. Pale green walls pale green ceiling pale gray floor tiles. The hall outside this room: nausea-yellow walls nausea-yellow ceiling pale gray floor tiles. This is as far as the eye can see. This room is called 'a luxury room'. Even though (I remember) I've got money history etc., all my perceptions're narrowed down to this. My narrow bed in a box. I'm a narrow bed in a box.

:My perceptions're going.

:There's no one in this world of whirling. I've no one to turn to. I have to face the formal nausea alone. The formal nausea's absorbingly interesting: swirls of red slight lines of yellow some white within the swirls. I have to garner, and am, all my energy (me) to deal with this. Those who're in the world should deal with the world. Every human with where they're in. Giovanni, Stella, Frabrizietto: my blood, you should take care of blood. But you don't think anymore; you go after objects: it's the end of the aristocratic world, still mine, and the beginning of the bourgeois.

:I no longer exist.

:It's not only that my senses've been deprived shut in on themselves; now they're sending me in the priest whom I hate. Reality is taken away from me. I hate His cockless thighs. I hate the snot, cause He has no sperm, drooling out of His genitaless beard. They're making me do what I most don't want to do just when I'm my physical weakest. Priests're harbingers of death. I want booze, drugs, orgasms, sexual

dramas, connivings, slaughters, the greeds of politicians, preadolescents giggling in the snow. At least I want a glass of champagne. A glass of champagne rather than Him! Of what use is all this - drama, tribulations? What is my life? Just phenomena? Even all that I've thought, I've spent my whole life contemplating, I've meditated. What're these theories and abstractions worth? Are they just the preoccupations of humans who don't have anything better to do?

:Humans who don't have anything better to do are rich. Are the world's controllers. Did I admit early enough I was controlling the world?

:Was I? I, an upperclass member. What I wanted most was love. What I want most now, even as I'm dying, is love, though the sexual component has disappeared. I would have this love which is neither control nor being controlled.

The Prince: What People Say About Me After I've Died:

:'He fucked every female in sight. He had to have females,

especially famous females. I'll tell you what he was like . . . '

:'. . . a ladies' man . . . '

:'he was so sex-struck, you wouldn't have to be nice to him for it.'

:'I hear he's the best in town.'

:'He's dead.'

:'I hear he's the best in town: It isn't exactly what he does; he doesn't do anything special; it's that he shows he likes to fuck so much, he makes you feel good and that you're the only woman who exists, the only woman who can please him, and what he needs most in the world. You wouldn't feel insecure.'

:'As a race, Jews're remarkably insecure and need to be needed.'

:'He'd persuade, by his voice's timbre by his eyes by his desperation by his desperate emotion by his sweetness, that he needed and loved you while he was refusing to fuck you so he could lean on and depend on you to get you to help him in his sexual affairs. He used these women who were the ones he really loved.'

:'His friends regarded him as a piece of embalmed flesh.'

:'He didn't like being sucked because he felt guilty.'

:'Part of him wanted to be a female.' :'Cause that part was too babyish to be a male.' :'Cause that part was too scared to be a male.' :'Potency in a man is limited because a sadistic element linked with it requires it to be repressed.'

:'His friends ran away from him before he died.'

:'He didn't know what love is.'

:'I'll tell you whom he loved. The one person he loved.'

TEXT 3: TEXTS OF WARS

FOR THOSE WHO LIVE IN SILENCE

:I need you.

:Because you had to be out of my life, I closed myself off to all other men. I didn't want.

:Now, I'm very scared. Every other living being is a nuisance to me. My being alone is my only absolute pleasure.

:I won't accept the norms I've been given.

(Explaining to others): We've decided to rebel:

:If I can't get Heathcliff into my arms because we're too poor, I'll go off adventuring:

:Wars are raging everywhere. Males dumber than nonhuman animals're running the economic and political world. I want. What do I want? Is it wrong to want life?

:The liberty for love, the liberty for instinctual roamings, the liberty for friendship, the liberty for hatred, the liberty for fantasy: all of these have faded.

:Civilization and culture are the rules of males' greeds:

:The sun was no more than a degree or so above the horizon, where it stays when it is the end of the world. From the still-heated surfaces of the water - not thoroughly cooled by the former blackness - a slight low mist begins to rise; hovering; a mist so thin it is invisible to human eyes, yet strong enough to make the pale sun indistinct and brighter, hot. The edge of this disc touching the longer more elliptical slate of the ocean turns it darker, into a frown: our ocean is now deeper, and hints, in this brooding, of the real presence of evil.

:The second underground nuclear test took place on a small island somewhere in the South Pacific. Prehistoric monsters were born returned. Blue geysers rose up. The monsters were coming back now because culture and/or humans had been erased.

:At this time a typical American family was sporting in one of the lovely blue lakes near the island in question. Dad heard the first sounds of the quake. He looked around: all objects unusually, abnormally were rolling. One of his Japanese kids started to scream for help. The lake boiled up. What, they inwardly questioned, is happening to us? As an answer, daddy shot his rifle into the blue sky. His little boy was riding a plastic horse float up and down the boiling waters which were now a monster. Dad grabbed him away from the evil sexual water and they all ran. Would they be able escape increasingly abnormal nature?

:In the distance the Japanese people were watching this abnormality. White mists rose.

:One of the Japanese was a space scientist. Evil men overturned his private home. His closest friend chased the criminals into their car. But unconsciously, they had left tiny grains of an unknown substance that looked like sand on the space scientist's floor.

:'Why have criminals invaded this home? Will they also invade our bodies and soil and sky as the Hiroshima bomb had torn us apart?'

:Exhaustive analysis revealed that the sand-like grains had to be from a thirty-miles-below-the-sea-bed stratum or from Easter Island.

:'Has evil always been part of human nature? And is nature evil?'

:That is: Now that we and our world're at the edge of destruction, we have to figure out what evil is.

:If everything including us were evil, evil wouldn't be a problem. Since evil's a human problem, nature, naturally, isn't evil. So the young Japanese scientist, Mr A., can make a robot. Then the criminals returned to his home, killed him and his friend in order to own the robot. Were the criminals after the robot?

:CSeaSee-topia is an island. All the Ctopians wear white. Overlooking a weirdo lake, an Easter-island-like statue gazes down on five dancing girls. This is paradise.

:Why is Ctopia Paradise? Because humans use nuclear weapons, whereas the Ctopian populace want to keep their waters breathable. They've now realized they have to fight to destroy humanity in order to erase nuclear weaponry. Since they desire to kill all humans, the Ctopians are evil.

:Already, with all this nuclear waste that's in our air, the poisons that have had to filter down even to the very core of Earth have turned Ctopia red, then blue; then, poisoned, Ctopia in turn, naturally had to pollute the world above her. There's no getting rid of poison except via destruction. So the Ctopian government sent Megalon the Monster up here to eradicate us. Since Megalon's primary cause is human violence and human violence's finally powerless, Megalon, being a mirror, was an insect.

:Actually the young Japanese scientist isn't dead but is now (along with his kid) bound up in ropes in the back of the human criminals' truck. These human criminals and all human criminals aren't Ronald Reagan and the post-capitalist money powers who have put Reagan into power because human evil finally is indefinable and unknowable to humans. Zoom the truck moves on. The truck is moving toward mysterious Easter-Island-like island. Megalon the Insect is standing there. Waiting. Is there no escape from all these different forms of terror, of evil?

Mr A. runs away. But escaping doesn't solve problems.

Because of what you've done, The Insect conflagration disintegration destruction erasure lobotomy control dispersion is destroying everything. Total destruction is rational because it comes from rational causes. Why are humans beings still rational, that is, making nuclear bombs polluting inventing DNA etc.? Because they don't see the absolute degradation and poverty around their flesh because if they did, they would be in such horror they would have to throw away their minds and want to become, at any price, only part-humans. Only Godzilla who not only isn't human but also wasn't made by

humans therefore is unidentifiable and incomprehendable to humans can give the human world back to the humans.

:Planes shoot at The Insect. Huge, The Insect stomps on the planes. Blues and reds, from explosions, own the sun. The two monsters, being nonhuman, are mindless. The two monsters, the future rulers of our world, have the following conversation:

'Anti-rationality.'

'In the modern period, exchange value has come to dominate society; all qualities have been and are reduced to quantitative equivalences. This process inheres in the concept of reason. For reason, on the one hand, signifies the idea of a free, human, social life. On the other hand, reason is the court of judgement of calculation, the instrument of domination, and the means for the greatest exploitation of nature. As in De Sade's novels, the mode of reason adjusts the world for the ends of self-preservation and recognizes no function other than the preparation of the object from mere sensory material in order to make it that material of subjugation. Instrumental or ossified reason takes two forms: technological reason developed for purposes of dominating nature and social reason directed at the means of domination aimed at exercising social and political power.'

'This tendency, predetermined by the drive for self-preservation, now pervades all the spheres of human life: this exploitation or reduction of reality to self-preservation and the manipulable other has become the universal principle of a society which seeks to reduce all phenomena to this enlightenment, ideal of rationalism, or subjugation of the other.'

:The monsters created from human beliefs and acts will no longer follow human orders.

throughout the Second World War, the United States was planning, then actually preparing (for) its role in the future post-war world. If there is to be such a world. Emerging militarily and economically unrivalled from the Second World War, America was uniquely and fully able to impose its hatred of nonmaterialism - its main ideal - on the remainder of the world. This belief in total materialism is or intimately connects to economic hegemony, for the economic base of this new

order is large export markets and unrestricted access to key materials.

:Americans, having learnt from the British, inflicted this order by eliminating trade restrictions via the creation of the OAS, establishing organizations such as the World Bank and in 1944 the International Monetary Fund to stabilize currencies, opening international banking institutions to aid investment, and developing backward areas. International finance (that is, American finance) is a war strategy, a successful one, which the Japanese copied.

:The interests of these banks and companies are truly global, for the United States controls, or believes it controls, (does 'believes it controls' mean the same thing as 'controls'?), the globe. Thus the multi-national corporations form an integrated economic system which must be protected: this 'Cold War'. In order to maintain 'The Cold War' or economic control, we Americans believe (have been taught) the following ideology: 'The domination or control of the political institutions of any American state by the international Communist movement, extending to this Hemisphere the political system of an extra-continental power, would constitute a threat to the sovereignty and political independence of the American states, endangering the peace of America . . .' (the Caracas Declaration, a 1954 amendment to the Monroe Doctrine).