Dominion (22 page)

I told you, I’m good at being happy. When you have the weight of the universe on your shoulders like I do, you learn to live through anything. And as for the pain, I can’t allow myself to break down because if I do, I take the universe with me, and I can’t have that.
And just like that, he flew back to Abigail.

“
Are you still here, Gideon?” Abigail called, looking around her. The paramedic who was checking her out looked at her concernedly, his brow creased in confusion. Abigail continued to scan the faces around her. Her mother was nowhere to be seen.

It took awhile before Mr. Cells’ body was finally located. They pulled him out of the water and rushed him toward the closest ambulance. “Abigail,” I muttered under my breath as the ambulances started pulling away from the scene. I watched her grief-stricken face as the ambulance she was in followed after the rest. “Abigail…I…
ich liebe dich
,” I whispered, admitting at last that Valoel and Tristan were both right. I was in love with Abigail.

The cars drove away, leaving me restless. All I could think about was Abigail. I felt furious and sad at the same time. I couldn’t control my emotions anymore, so I just gave up and let them wash over me.

“
Gideon!” D’s voice called, trying to pull me out of my stupor. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Wait, D being here could only mean one thing.

“
D, what…no…why are you here?”

“
I’m here for a Brian Cells.”

I felt as though something sharp was shoved into me.

“
No, no, you can’t take him. It’s Abigail’s father,” I told her. “If you take him, Abigail will be sad and—”

“
Gideon, I have to take him. And what do you care?” she asked, not understanding why I was acting like I was. “Anyway, his name has already been crossed out because he’s already dead.”

“
No! You have to give him back. There has to be a way. I’ll do anything.” I grabbed her hand to make my point. “You name it, I’ll do it.”

“
Gideon, I can’t bring him back. Once his soul leaves his body, it’s too late.”

“
This…this is my fault.” What the hell had I done?

I managed to raise my head, only to see the taillights of the cars far away in the distance.

“
Your fault? Did you cause the accident?” D asked.

It had to be my fault. I was the one Abigail saw. Come to think of it, why didn’t I know I was visible?

“
I think I did,” I answered.

“
Then why are you—?”

“
Valoel was getting on my nerves, saying I love the girl, and I wanted to prove her wrong and—”

“
If you don’t love her, shouldn’t you be—” D stopped herself, and I knew it was because she already knew the answer to her question.

AMAZING GRACE

*Abigail*

“
I know someone will cry for me when I’m gone.

Whether they are tears of joy or pain,

I’m sure they’d make it count.”

Melody Manful

š›

T
hree days ago, my mother had a husband, and I had a father.

My father was gone. He was dead because I was seeing things that weren’t supposed to be real.

Because the CIA told the police my father was a new bodyguard we had hired, we buried him using a fake name, together with Felix. At their funeral, a fake family member who was acting as–my father’s family cried for him, but the casket we buried was empty.

The CIA held on to my father’s body because my mother wouldn’t allow him to be buried with a fake name, so after his fake funeral, we had another one where he got all the respect he deserved.

I couldn’t look at my mother’s face without feeling guilty. She hadn’t stopped crying since she learned he didn’t survive the crash. I hadn’t cried since I learned it.

Even when I stood and watched my father’s casket being lowered into the ground, the tears didn’t come. My heart was filled with emptiness. No one dared tell me to cry. I felt as if I were crashing through invisible walls.

The CIA said there wouldn’t be any more danger now that my father was gone. Andrei had sold out the rest of his team to the CIA in exchange for his family’s protection. Even though they said nothing was going to happen, Ben was still supposed to stay with us, and they kept agents around the house.

After my father’s and Felix’s burials, I refused to go inside, staying outside on the field, since it was where we trained and the only place I felt connected to my father. I refused to eat and went inside only to sleep and to try to forget the world.

Even now as I stood shooting reactive targets outside, the tears still wouldn’t fall. I had emptied every gun we had, except for the gun in my hand, which was also about to run out of bullets. My head was filled both with regret and a pain I couldn’t show because I knew my father’s death was entirely my fault. It was me who had screamed and distracted him.

“
Miss Cells, please come eat something,” Ben said the moment he reached me.

I didn’t even bother turning around to look at him. I heard and felt the sadness in Ben’s voice, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to keep on shooting and let the noise shut out the rest of the world.

“
Miss Cells, are you—”

I whirled around. “Don’t ask me if I’m all right.” I knew that if I heard that phrase one more time, I would do something I’d regret. Was I all right? My father and a man who was like a father to me both died—why the hell would I be all right? Did it look like I was having the time of my life?

My father was really gone. He was never coming back. Everyone was sad. Everyone was crying. Everyone except me.

Ben’s voice sounded so sad. “Your father…”

“
My father is dead!” I shouted at him. My voice lacked the emotion I knew should be there, but I was numb. Numb and angry.

“
Tears are a luxury we can’t afford to waste.”
These were my father’s words, not mine, and the least I could do was obey them.

“
Abby, I understand that you’re sad and angry, but that doesn’t mean you should—”

I fired over Ben’s voice to drown it out. When I didn’t hear him anymore, I knew he was gone. I knew he was angry with me for trying to shut myself out.

I fired another bullet, and when I pulled the trigger again and found that there were no more bullets, I threw the gun aside in anger and started kicking the ones around me. I felt like my heart was about to rip out of my chest. The only thing I could do was scream and scream until my throat couldn’t take it anymore. I sat on the ground, angry at the world, angry at everyone but myself.

“
Abigail, honey,
please
come eat something.” My mother’s pleading voice was what made me finally get up. I walked past her and went to my room without acknowledging her. I knew I was causing her pain and making her sadder by ignoring her, but how could I ever face her after taking the love of her life away from her?

I went to the bathroom. When I saw my reflection in the mirror, I couldn’t stop myself. I stared at myself as tears finally ran down my cheeks. I sank to the floor.

By the time I got the strength to get up from the bathroom floor, my eyes were bloodshot and swollen. When I closed my eyes that night, I prayed. I prayed that I would wake up and everything would be as it should be. I prayed for my mother, my friends, and my family.

Come morning, none of my prayers were answered because I woke up to nothing but sorrow. My family was still in mourning.

My father used to say, “Goodbyes are sad, but they are temporary because as hellos end with goodbyes, so will goodbyes start with hellos.”

So, I closed my eyes and whispered,
“Father, until I see you again—hello and goodbye.”

TRUTH OR DARE

*Gideon*

“
I won’t blame you for this.

I won’t dare judge you!

For it wasn’t your fault that

I only saw what I wanted to see.”

Melody Manful

š›

I
t had been a long week, the longest week of my life. I didn’t mean to stay away from Earth, but I did. Now I was back in the place where I spent most of my existence, and I felt as though I were a stranger.

Earth had never looked or felt so different; standing near a San Franciscan cemetery didn’t even bring me joy. I felt nothing, but then again how was I supposed to feel anything when Abigail was crying right in front of me?

Abigail was standing beside her mother, and they were looking at the gravestone in front of them with tears in their eyes. I couldn’t move or even make a sound when she turned and scanned the cemetery as if looking for someone. Tristan stood invisibly beside them.

I didn’t want to be in the cemetery. I had stayed away an entire week, during which I did my best to avoid everyone, but how could I stay away when Valoel was constantly breathing down my neck? She wouldn’t leave me alone until I returned to Abigail, and it was an ultimatum I couldn’t say no to.

When D brought me home after the incident on the bridge, I refused to return to Earth. All I did was think about Abigail, and when I couldn’t get her out of my mind, all I did was attack angels. I told myself that I wasn’t in love with her. The reason I killed wasn’t just to forget her; it was also to convince myself that there wasn’t a new Gideon, that I was still the same old hateful Gideon. But nothing I did proved me right. I couldn’t believe that a single human was all it took to turn my world upside down.

After about half an hour, Mrs. Cells left in one car, leaving a limo and two guards behind for Abigail. The limo was parked beside the cemetery, not far from where Abigail stood. The bodyguards stood beside it, watching her.

Gideon, how have you been?
I missed those days when I was away from Tristan and he couldn’t force his thoughts into my head.

Can’t you for once in your godforsaken life pretend you don’t exist?

Although I felt Tristan’s emotions, I only caught a fraction of the pain he was in, and even though it faded after a few seconds, I had never experienced such pain in my life. I was sure his pain would kill anymore who felt it for more than a few seconds, but Tristan looked unfazed.

So, where have you been?
And there he went again acting like nothing was wrong.

Did you talk to your parents about whatever this connection with us is?
I didn’t want to feel his unbearable sorrow any longer.

My father knew nothing, and my mother started crying when I told her. Why don’t you ask your father?

I can’t ask my father. We don’t ask each other personal questions.
Questions weren’t the only thing my father and I didn’t ask. We didn’t talk much, and he hardly acknowledged my existence because he was scared of me.

I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to—

Why do you always pretend you’re fine, even when you hurt so much?
I asked, trying to steer the conversation away from me and my messed up relationship with my father.

Because I have to, Gideon; it’s my job to be strong for everyone, and I can’t allow myself to feel weak.

I didn’t even know what the hell Tristan meant by that.

You’re allowed to feel. I don’t know how the whole nice guy thing works, but I’m pretty sure you are allowed to scream when you’re hurting like I know you are.

Really? Gideon, when the angels think of a savior, they think of me! When they need a hero, they call out to me! I have to protect our race and the humans from
you
!
Tristan’s voice rang out in my head. I could feel his sadness and confusion—the feeling of anger was new to him.

I can’t even have a second to breathe for myself. Whenever someone around me hurts, I hurt three times as much, so yes, having the weight of the entire world on my shoulders really hurts!
Suddenly, he sounded angry.

Shouting and anger wasn’t something I thought Tristan could do or feel; after all, he was normally calm, collected, nice Tristan, and it seemed I forced him to open up.

 
No matter how much I try, I can never help everyone. I can’t protect them all, and it kills me. But, I shouldn’t complain.

I’m sure you can take a break from being a nice guy, and you don’t have to protect everyone
. I had no idea where the words I was saying were coming from or why I felt bad for Tristan. Was I sick again?

Tristan laughed.
You are really starting to sound like you care.

It’s all part of the act, Tristan, so don’t be fooled by it.

“
Dad,” Abigail cried. “I am so sorry. This is all my fault.” Both Tristan and I turned to Abigail, who was now kneeling beside a gravestone, crying.

“
No, Abigail.” I didn’t know what came over me, but I was beside her in a flash, and to my great surprise, I was visible.