Dom of Ages (8 page)

It
had
to be enough.

“I’m ready, Master,” I whispered. My head was muzzy and the birdsong grew less distinct. There was a tingling in my arms and legs. I rose unsteadily to my feet, and my legs gave way under me, sending me tumbling to the ground. I tried to rise, but a wave of weakness flowed through me.

“I’m disappointed in you, love.”

My eyes unfocused. I couldn’t see who was speaking, but that voice….

“Is
this
what I gave up my life for? I died trying to save other people, and you’re just going to throw it away. I thought I trained you better than that.” I could hear the sorrow in his voice. “For all the years we were together I thought you were the strongest man I knew. You were giving, compassionate, caring. Now? You’re just a coward.”

His words sent a shockwave rippling through me. “Master Phillip?” It couldn’t be real. For one thing, I was still alive.

“Give up if you want to, but know that my heart hurts because you’re also throwing away the life we had together. The one that meant more to me than anything ever has. If that’s all I meant to you, then I guess we never really knew each other at all. Good-bye, Jarod.”

I sat upright, screaming. My clothes were soaked with the light rain that had begun to fall, saturating the ground I lay upon, the grass cold against my skin. It wasn’t real. Master Phillip would
never
say anything so cruel to me.

Would he?

My wrists throbbed. The bleeding had stopped, but I felt so light-headed. My heart ached worse. I could imagine Master Phillip saying those words to me, could hear the hurt in his voice. It was my fault. I tried to stand, only to fall back to the ground, no strength left in my body.

That earlier flare of panic swelled and surged through me, my heart beating faster. I pulled out my mobile and found the number I needed.

“Jarod?” he answered breathlessly.

“Sir? I-I don’t want to die.”

Eli

I HAD
the car keys in my hand and was out the door before Jarod even told me where he was. I didn’t understand what he meant by not wanting to die, but it frightened me to my core.

“Where are you?” I demanded, opening the car door and getting behind the wheel.

“The folly, Heaton Park.” He sounded weak, and just like that my heart started hammering.

“How did you get in?” Surely all the gates were locked at this hour. The sun was just over the horizon. I switched on the engine, almost flooding it in my haste.

“P-pedestrian entrance, near Sainsburys.”

“I’m on my way.” I pulled away from the curb, the tires squealing.

“Hurry, Sir.” The phone went dead.

Fuck.

I drove in a panic through the semideserted streets, thankful for the lack of traffic. My mind was racing the whole time as I negotiated the familiar route. By the time I reached the park entrance and switched off the engine, I was frantic.

What have you done, Jarod?

I pushed open the gate and ran along the driveway toward the boating lake and the small hill where the folly was situated. My heart pounded and my stomach clenched when I saw a figure lying on the ground. I raced up the hill and fell to my knees beside him. Jarod’s eyes were closed. I nearly threw up when I saw the blood caked on his wrists. Then I caught sight of a penknife, its silvery blade bloodied. Shock thrummed through me.
Oh, fucking hell.

“Jarod?” I said softly as I pulled him up. His skin was ghostly pale, his breathing shallow. I hefted him, dead weight in my arms. There was nothing for it but to hoist him onto my shoulder in a fireman’s lift. I struggled down the hill and back along the path to the gate, Jarod growing heavier with each step. I held on to him tightly. He was mine, and I’d be damned if I would lose him.

I struggled to unlock the car and then got him into the seat. I buckled him in and hurried to the driver’s side. When I slammed my door, he stirred and his eyes fluttered open. He looked dazed, uncertain.

“Why did you do that?” I snapped, then held my hand up. “I’m sorry. Are you all right?” The car engine roared into life once more, and I backed out of the driveway.

He nodded, then choked out, “I’m sorry.” Tears streamed down his cheeks as he continued to babble apologies, his arms crossing over his chest, his wrists held up.

“We’ll talk later. After I take you to the hospital.” I shifted into a higher gear and headed through Blakeley toward the city center.

His hand flashed out, grabbing my wrist. “No hospital, please!”

“You’ve
got
to be kidding. You need medical attention.”

“Please, Sir,” he said weakly. His head fell back against the rest. “I… I don’t want anyone else seeing what… what I did. Is there anyone you can take me to?”

I thought quickly. “Maybe.” I pulled over to the curb and got out my phone. I scrolled through my contacts and pressed Call, hoping Will was still an early riser who liked to jog first thing in the morning. I waited for the call to connect, my gaze fixed on Jarod.

“Wow. Don’t tell me you want to join me for my morning run,” Will said with a wry chuckle.

I didn’t waste any time. “Will, I need help. There’s been… an accident.”

“Where are you?” His manner changed instantly. “Can you get to me or shall I come to you?”

“I’m about fifteen minutes from your surgery, in the car.” One glance at Jarod brought me little relief. His breathing was still labored, his skin far too pale. I hoped it would be enough time.

“I’ll meet you there and open up, ready for you.” With that, he was gone. I pulled out into the road.

Jarod turned his head toward me. “Who… is Will?” he croaked.

“He’s a friend of mine. We used to run together, before I got my present job and my working hours changed. He also happens to be a GP.” What I didn’t mention was that he’d also been a member of a BDSM club that I used to frequent. That was how we’d first met.

“Oh.” Jarod fell silent. I drove in silence, focused on the sound of his breathing. Thankfully it seemed to grow less erratic. By the time we arrived at Will’s surgery, I had to nudge Jarod’s shoulder to awaken him.

“We’re here.”

Jarod blinked and looked around him. “Is that Will?”

I saw Will walking briskly toward the car, his expression serious. “Yeah. He’s a good man, okay?”

Jarod gave a single nod. Will peered in through the passenger car window, and his eyes widened. He yanked open the door and helped Jarod out of the car, his arm around Jarod’s waist. Will’s gaze met mine, and I knew the questions would come later. Will guided Jarod to the front door of the surgery, and I hurried ahead to hold it open. Once inside, Will and Jarod went into his office.

“Take a seat,” Will called out over his shoulder, “while I see to your friend.” The door closed behind them.

I sank into one of the comfortable chairs in the waiting room and closed my eyes, trying to let the panic recede. Little by little my heart settled down to its usual rhythm as my state of heightened anxiety diminished.

About twenty minutes later, the door opened and Will came out, alone. He walked over to me and sat in the chair next to mine.

“An accident?” His eyebrows arched.

I let out a heavy sigh. “I don’t know what happened. He was distraught last night after an incident at the club, and he ran. He called me this morning, begging for help.” I paused to take in a deep breath. “How is he?”

“Judging by the state of his clothing, he hadn’t lost a great deal of blood, thank goodness. Thankfully he didn’t cut too deeply, or we wouldn’t be having this conversation now.”

I shivered. I didn’t want to think about that.

“I’ve stitched him up and given him a sedative.” He leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. “That man is a mess, Eli.”

“What do you mean?”

“He broke down. He was crying about how he’d disappointed you and dishonored someone called Phillip.” He shook his head. “There’s a lot of pain inside him.”

I began to understand. Jarod had never healed from his loss, and it was eating away at him. Without talking to him, I could only guess the depths of his pain, the loneliness he’d suffered, and the soul-deep ache he felt. I was angry, not at all with Jarod, but with myself. I’d allowed this to happen because I was in a hurry to satisfy
my
needs. I thought about calling Ben, but what would I have said? He’d been right all along? Of course he had. He’d grown a lot as a man and as a Dom since he’d accepted Scott into his life. He’d stumbled, sure, but there wasn’t a Dom alive who didn’t at some point or other.

It looked like
I
had some growing to do too. It was up to me to stand up, dust myself off, and make things right for me and for Jarod.

“Can I see him?”

Will glanced toward the door. “He’s groggy, and I wouldn’t take any stock in what he says. I think everything finally crashed in on him. How much do you really know about him?”

“Not enough,” I admitted. “I’m going to fix that, though. At least if he lets me in.”

A warm hand on my shoulder and a sympathetic squeeze. “He needs you, and I think this episode showed him the truth.”

“Truth?”

“We had a talk while I was patching him up. He’s lonely. All of his friends sort of fell by the wayside, and he was alone. He needs friends, a support network, and most of all, he needs to feel again. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

A light switch flicked in my head, memories of Jarod kneeling at my bed, of making me breakfast naked, of those amazing days where he simply existed to serve me. Yeah, it had been absolute bliss for me, but his needs were never addressed. What would he do if I hugged him? If I held him close and whispered to him that I wanted to know and take his pain as my own? That his fears were mine to address? “Yes, I know exactly what you’re saying.”

Finally, after searching for something for the last year, I’d found it in my own kitchen, bedroom, and life, and I was ready to claim it.

“Thank you, Will. Thanks for taking care of my—” I bit back the word that was on the tip of my tongue. My
pet
.

Will’s eyes went wide. “He’s yours?”

I gave a small smile. “He’s the one I want, yes.”

Will’s face broke into a broad smile. “I never thought you’d find someone. Leave it to you to be untraditional.” He chuckled. “He can rest here for a while; then you can take him home.” He rose to his feet. “Come see your boy.”

Jarod

THE DOOR
creaked a little as it opened, and I caught a glimpse of Eli stepping into the room. I turned my head away, not wanting to see the disappointment in his eyes. I’d messed up so badly. I didn’t want to die, but I was tired of being alone, and after what happened at the club, there would be no way Eli would want me back.

“Jarod?” he called softly. I didn’t answer. “Pet? I know you can hear me. Open your eyes, please.”

Pet?
I hesitantly met his gaze, and where I’d expected to find censure, there was concern and compassion. When he reached a hand out, I expected punishment. I deserved it for not putting my trust in him. What I got surprised me yet again. He stroked my cheek, his fingertips warm against my skin. I tried to push into his hand, needing the connection more than I think I’d needed anything in many years, but I was tired and couldn’t find the strength to raise my head.

“Don’t try to move. Will said we should let you rest for a while, and then I’ll take you home.”

My heart thumped, and confusion had me in a tight grip. “Home?” I whispered.

He smiled and ran his fingers through my hair. “Yes, home. But it’s going to be up to you which place you want to go. I can take you back to your house, or… you could come home with me. No pressure, though. I want you to do what you think is—”

“I want to come home with you. Please.” My head was swimming, and I had no dignity left. I needed a place to belong, and Eli had been offering that to me.

“I was hoping you might say that, but you have to know, pet, things are going to be different.”

My heart dropped. “I understand.”

“No, I don’t think you do. And that’s been the problem since I brought you home with me the first time. You’re a trained submissive, but you’re not
my
trained submissive. If you decide you want to stay, you’re going to have to learn
my
rules,
my
way of doing things. We’re going to start from the beginning, the way it should have been done in the first place. You’re going to be my primary concern, and we’re going to start this journey together.”

He wanted me. Despite everything, he still had a place for me.

“Yes, please,” I croaked.

“Okay, you get some rest. Will says I can take you home in an hour or two. He wants to make sure everything is okay.”

“Will… will you stay with me?”

He smiled then, and it thawed my heart the tiniest bit. When he pulled up a chair and sat down, then took my hand, I felt a moment of contentment, the purest bliss, and then darkness pulled me under, and I slept, praying I was safe in Eli’s hands.

Eli

JAROD WAS
sleeping when we pulled into the driveway. I didn’t want to wake him, but he needed to eat and get some rest in a proper bed. I shook him gently and waited while he got his bearings. A small pool of drool had made his shoulder soggy, making me smile.

“Come on, pet, let’s get you into the house.”

I put his arm over my shoulder, being mindful of the stitches that Will had said would dissolve in a few weeks, and propped him up as we made our way to the front door. I put the key in the lock and cursed when the door popped open. I had never closed or locked the damned thing.

“Let’s get you into bed.” I half lugged him toward the bedroom, then stopped. I thought for a moment before taking him into my room. His breathing hitched.

“You’ll be more comfortable here, and I want to be near you in case you need something. Is that okay?” I studied his face. He bobbed his head, and I helped him take off his shirt before he lay down. I gazed at him, his face still a little pale. “I’m going to make you something to eat. I’m not going away, and I promise I’ll be right back. Will you be all right?”