Dom Fever (Devlin Black #2) (4 page)

Slowly, she nodded. “And I take it with her being down the hall, you got her pregnant again.”

“You’d be correct.”

A sigh left her lips.
“She loves you, you know. Has from the beginning.” Her eyes narrowed as she looked over. “I watched her pick herself up off the floor so many times during that first year that it took everything I had not to find you and knock some sense into you myself. But I couldn’t blame you entirely. You had no idea. Now,” she said, facing me, “don’t let me see her like that again.”

With that, she turned and headed toward
Victoria’s room.

“
Lorraine.” I met her stare with one of my own. And it wasn’t a nice one. “I respect you for looking out for her, but don’t presume to know me. Yes, I wasn’t a good person. But had she of told me, I would have taken responsibility for her and made her mine. What she did crosses the line. I’ll take care of the babies, but she and I…we’re not together. Not now and probably never. She doesn’t want it and I don’t trust her not to lie to me again.”

“You’re both so stubborn. She loves you. I know you love her. Someday you’re going to realize that although forgiveness is hard to do, living without love is even harder.”

I let her words sink in as she disappeared through the double doors. I’d been hungry before, but it had all but vanished at her words. I wanted love. But it wasn’t a question of forgiveness, more a question of if I could forget. The answer was obvious.

Chapter 4

Victoria 

Being back home was heaven. I’d been advised to stay in bed for a few days, which I cleared with Lorraine. She didn’t have a problem with it in the least. It had been awkward at first, having both her and Devlin in the room at the same time, but after a few minutes, the uncomfortable feeling subsided and Lorraine headed back to the nursery.

Devlin’s friend had picked him up and took him to
retrieve his car before he came back to get me. We rode in silence the entire way home. Ava had been excited when we walked through the door, running up to me so I could pick her up. It didn’t take long for her weight to take its toll, though. I still felt weak and it wasn’t missed. Devlin hovered worse than my mother, asking if she was too heavy or if I wanted him to hold her because of her squirming. He kept nervously looking at my stomach and I couldn’t stop the softening of my heart that he cared so much. I half expected him to come to his senses this morning and go home, but he hadn’t. He came to the hospital with his car crammed to the max with clothes, shoes, and lord only knew what else.

“Here, let me fix the pillow.” I looked up as he leaned down, adjusting it under my head. “I got you water,” he said, pointing to the nightstand. “Uh,” he looked around, walking to the dresser. “Remote,
” he said, placing it down. “In case you want to watch TV. Do you want me to get you anything to eat? You still haven’t had a bite since yesterday morning.”

I shook my head, feeling my stomach roll with nausea. “No, I’m fine. Thank you, though. I think I’ll just rest. I’m still kind of
worn out.”

“Okay. I’ll just be out there playing with Ava. I have to go to the office later to overlook some papers, but it shouldn’t take me long. I’ll let you know before I leave. Just call out if you need me.”

I yawned. “Thanks.”

He stepped back, only to pause. “
I have a date tonight. I…” His confusion was written all over his creased forehead. Another waved rolled, leaving me shaking, and I turned more on my back. “I think I’ll just cancel. At least until you’re better.”

“
No, really. I’m okay now. You can go. You live here now. Just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean you have to disrupt your life. I can take care of myself. I know you don’t want that, to an extent, but I’ve been doing it for so long, any disruption to my routine is only going to make things complicated.”

He
paused, nodded, and left the room.

Dates. Wow, this was going to get interesting. I stared straight ahead,
my thoughts consuming me. Had I thought he’d stop looking for someone else to settle down with just because I carried his child…again? It hurt that a small spark of hope had appeared. Who was I kidding? I’d pushed him away for too long. He’d said he’d never forgive me.

A tear escaped and I wiped it away furiously. Why was I allowing this to bother me? Didn’t I want to be alone, even with my feelings? It was safer. I’d have my children and
no risks of being cheated on or lied to. I could live with that.

The door opened and Devlin walked in, carrying Ava.

“Yeah, I’m just gonna wait a few days. There’s no rush.” He came over, grabbed the remote, and hit the button. A cooking show registered on the screen and he climbed onto the other side of the mattress, placing our daughter in his lap. I couldn’t stop staring at him.

“Did you want us to leave?” He glanced down, but continued to flip through until he stopped on
cartoons.

“No, it’s fine. I’m just resting.
I doubt I’ll actually fall asleep. You can both stay.”

To have him in my bed, playing with Ava
, felt surreal. I adjusted the pillow, studying how the television was the least of his focus. Ava stood on his lap, jumping up and down while he played with her. The queasiness came back, but I couldn’t dare stop them. His smile as he looked at her left me in a state of awe. And her! She’d never been comfortable around strangers, but she’d taken to him immediately.

“Does she have any books?”

He looked down at me, his smile softening.

“In her room.”

“Good, I’ll read to her tonight before I put her to bed. Every night,” he said, turning his attention back to her. “Isn’t that right, sweetie?” A giggle came from her mouth as she continued to jump.

“Where’s my mom?” I pushed up to my elbow, realizing that she’d barely said two words to me since I’d gotten home.

Devlin glanced toward the door. “She’s in her room, packing.”

“Packing?” I shot up to a sitting position, forcing myself to stand. Lightheaded
ness hit briefly, but I headed for the door. As I made my way in the living room, she walked out, carrying her suitcase. “Mom?” My head shook. “What are you doing?”

“I’m going to Peggy’s for a while. You know how lonely she’s been
with her husband passing a few months ago. Well, I talked it over with Devlin and he said he could take care of Ava while you worked. So I’m not really needed. Plus, I think I need a little time to myself.”

“But
…” I pulled at the bottom of the large T-shirt I was wearing.

“Everything will be fine,” she said, coming over and hugging me. “You all need to bond anyway. This is a good thing.” She pulled back. “I’ll only be a few hours away if you need me.”

I couldn’t help but nod past my uncertainty of being left alone with Devlin. How would it be, just the two of us? How would it be without her? My mom and I had been inseparable since I’d gotten pregnant.

“I have to go. I’m taking my car. Devlin said you both had his if you need to go anywhere. Is that okay? I can leave it if you think you might
have to use it. I don’t mind taking the bus.”

“No.” I shook my head
, not wanting her to worry about us. “We’ll be fine.”

She kissed my cheek
, throwing me that heartwarming smile I loved. She really was an amazing mother. I counted my blessings for having someone so supportive. She’d kept my secret from Devlin for years, even though she couldn’t stand it. She also didn’t mind voicing her opinion on the matter, which I respected. “Good. I’ll call and check on you when I get there.”

“Drive safe,
” I said, lowly.

As I watched my mother walk out of the door, I nearly broke down completely. Something told me she wo
uldn’t be back. Not to live, anyway. God, this was too much. How had the last two days turned out this way? I headed back to the room. Did I really need to ask? It was all because of me. I did this.

“Is she go
ne?” Devlin glanced up, but went back to fixing the pink bow Ava had in her hair. My feet faltered for the briefest moment. His finger wrapped around one of her curls and the love on his face was clear. My heart soared and ached at the same time. Guilt for what I had done sank deep into my bones.

“Yeah.” I sat on the edge of the bed, my back to them. Could I do this? Live here with him now that my mother was gone
? That made our situation a lot different. There’d be no buffer. Nothing stopping either of us…nothing restraining us. My mom was my rock. She kept me sure-footed and gave me the mentality that I could take on the world all by myself. She had. Now, I’d be put to the ultimate test. I loved Devlin. Loved seeing the way he was with Ava. It made me melt and the feelings were growing with every adored look he gave her. But…

“You okay?”

The bed bounced at Ava’s jumps and I nodded, not trusting myself to look at him.

“What time does she usually eat? Is there any
thing in particular I should feed her?”

I looked over at the clock on the nightstand. It was close to eleven.
Lunch time. “She could probably eat now. I’m sure she’s getting hungry. We usually lay her down around noon for a nap, but my mom said she woke up pretty early so she might already be getting tired.” I stood, walked to the dresser, grabbed pajama bottoms, and slid them on.

“You can stay in bed. I can take care of
it. Just let me know what to feed her.”

Hell, I had no idea what was even in my refrigerator. My mom had taken care of the shopping for so long. She usually did the cook
ing since I worked so much. Wow, had I thought I’d been taking care of things? She took care of the house, most of the laundry, dishes, shopping, and Ava…I’d been in the role of the breadwinner. The supporter.

“It’s okay. I should really find something too.” I walked toward the door and Devlin stood, following. My fridge consisted of the
usual. Milk, cheese, yogurt, lunch meat. I grabbed the ingredients and began making her a sandwich.

Devlin had already
sat her in her high chair and I cut the sandwich into small pieces before I placed it on her tray. I was exhausted by the time I put the food away.

“Aren’t you going to eat?”

“I don’t think so.” I started to head to the room when he reached out and grabbed my wrist, gently pulling me in his direction.

“You really need to eat.” The demand was there, even if he was trying to
act restrained. “It might be hard or unappealing, but think about the baby.” The brush of his hand over my stomach almost made my eyes close. I wasn’t used to being touched. Not by a man, by
him
. The heat that emanated from my body left me longing for more. But that couldn’t happen. Not like I wanted. He wasn’t interested in me in that way anymore after what I’d done. Now, I was only the mother of his children.

My head lowered and he moved me to sit on the chair. “Now’s not the time to be proud or stubborn. I’ll make you something
, but you have to try to eat it. Okay?”

All I could do was nod. I didn’t trust myself to
speak. Wasn’t even sure I’d have the strength.

As he warmed up the soup, I kept my attention on Ava. The sandwich was
scattered and she was mainly eating the meat and cheese. I stood, walking over and grabbing her cup. Devlin took it from my hand, leading me back to the table.

“Sit and tell me what to do.” Again, an order.

“There’s apple juice in the fridge. She likes it with her lunch.”

He smiled. “Thank you. I’ll remember that.”

Ava’s hands went out as he finished up and walked toward her.

“There we go. See, all your mommy has to do is talk to me and we’ll get everything sorted out.” The look he threw me had both of us
looking away. Had he meant something else by that? Maybe even caught himself off guard?

He went back to the stove, turn
ed the burner off, and poured my soup. The smell as he set it before me had my eyes closing. Chicken noodle may have been good for sickness, but not pregnancy. I managed to do better if I breathed out of my mouth, but not by much.

“Good. Keep eating.” Devlin was back at the stove, making him
self some. I was betting he couldn’t even remember eating anything from a can in his life. At least since he’d made his money. This had to be odd for him. The house. The food. The…people. How was he taking it? Was he really as comfortable as he appeared or was he having second thoughts?

“If you want to go on your date tonight, it’s really okay. I’m feeling a little better
. Ava and I will be fine. You don’t have to stay.”

Blue eyes met mine and he turned back to the pot, stirring.

“I already called and cancelled. Besides, Branson’s bringing me some videos. Jill’s letting me borrow them. We can watch them together. It’ll be good.”

“What videos? Like, audition
s?”

I knew Branson was in charge of his ad and if he thought I was going to help him pick out a wife or sub, he had another thin
k coming.

“
No. It’s a show called A Baby Story, I think. Like a TV show. Anyway, he was telling me that Jill watched them every day when she was pregnant and I thought you and I could watch them too.”

My eyes widened. “That show is…” To say I hadn’t
seen it would have been a lie. I bawled my eyes out on almost every single one. Seeing the babies born and the parent’s reactions got me every time.

“Is, what?”

Even though I knew how I’d reacted, they were damn good and I wanted to experience that with him. “We’re going to need to keep some tissues handy. Well, I will.”

“
It’s sad?” Concern had him staring over as he tried to pour his soup into the bowl.

“Not sad, just…emotional.”

He got quiet as he walked to the table.

“It’s a great show, though. You’ll like it. A lot
, probably.” I smiled, taking another bite. Banging had him peering over at Ava who was slamming her cup into the lid of her highchair. “I’m going to go wash her up and lay her down for a nap.” He started to rise when I held up my hand. “I can do it. Really, I’m fine. It’s your turn to eat.”

I placed my bowl in the sink
, and took off her tray, lifting her out. As I washed her up and changed her diaper, I opted for rocking her to sleep. I needed her comfort. To hold her to me as the rest of my world spun out of control. Time flew by and I wasn’t sure how long Devlin stood leaning against the door frame, or how long Ava had actually been asleep. With the expression on his face…butterflies took over and I stood, placing her in bed and easing the door shut on my way out.