Dollenganger 02 Petals On the Wind (12 page)

"What's wrong with Carrie?" whispered Chris. I could only shrug. Somewhere along the way I'd lost Carrie's confidence. Her big, blue eyes fastened on Paul. They mutely pleaded with him. But he was looking at me, not Carrie.

As the time approached for her to be driven back to school Carrie would grow very quiet; her eyes would become blank and resigned. We'd kiss her good-bye and tell her to be good, make friends, "and if you need us, you know how to call."

"Yes," she said weakly, her eyes downcast. I pressed her against me telling her again how much I loved her, and if she was unhappy she had to speak up and say so. "I'm not unhappy," she answered with her eyes fixed sadly on Paul.

It was truly a beautiful school. I'd have loved to attend such a school. Each girl was allowed to decorate her side of a double room as she saw fit. Miss Dewhurst had only one restriction, and that was each girl had to choose "proper, ladylike" appointments. Soft, passive femininity was greatly stressed in the South. Soft, whispering clothes, drifting chiffon, dulcet voices, shy, downcast eyes, weak, fluttery hands to express helplessness, and absolutely no opinions that would conflict with male ones--and never, never let a man know you had a brain that might be better than his. And I'm afraid, after reconsidering, it wouldn't be the proper school for me after all.

Carrie's bed was twin size, covered by a bright purple spread. On it she had decorator pillows of rose, red, purple, violet and green. Beside her bed was a night- stand with the milk-glass vase filled with plastic violets given to her by Paul. Whenever he could he brought her real flowers. Strangely, she adored that little pot of violets more than the real flowers that soon withered and died.

Since Carrie was the smallest girl in the school of one hundred students, she was given as a roommate the next smallest girl, named Sissy Towers. Sissy had brick-red hair, emerald eyes that were long and narrow, thin, paper-white skin, and a spiteful, mean temper which she never displayed to any adult, but saved for the girls she knew how to intimidate. Worst of all, though she was the second smallest, she towered over Carrie by six inches!

Carrie had celebrated her ninth birthday with a party the week before her ordeal began. It was May, and it began on a Thursday.

The school days ended at three. The girls had two hours to play outside before dinner at five-thirty. All the students wore uniforms of colors determined by what grade they were in. Carrie was in the third grade; her uniform was of yellow broadcloth with a dainty white organdy pinafore to top it off. Carrie had a strong dislike for the color yellow. Yellow represented to her, as it did to Chris and me, the color of all the best things we couldn't have when we'd been locked away and made to feel unwholesome, unwanted and unloved. Yellow was also the color of the sun that was denied us. The sun was what Cory had wanted most to see, and now that all yellow things were so easily accessible, and Cory wasn't, yellow was a hateful thing.

Sissy Towers adored yellow. She envied Carrie's long, golden locks and despised her own head of crinkly rust. Perhaps too she envied the beauty of Carrie's doll-like face, and those big, blue eyes with the long, dark, curling lashes, and her lips ripe as strawberries.

Oh, yes, our Carrie was a doll with an exquisite face, sensational Goldilocks hair and, the pity of it all, this beauty hovered above a body much too thin, too small, and a neck too delicate to support a head that belonged on someone bigger and taller.

Yellow dominated Sissy's side of the room; yellow spread, yellow slip-covered chairs; her dolls were blondes wearing yellow, her books wore yellow jackets, homemade. Sissy even wore yellow sweaters and skirts when she went home. The fact that Sissy looked unbecomingly sallow in yellow did not lessen her determination to annoy Carrie with the color-- come what may. And on this day, for some trifling reason that was never explained, she began to taunt Carrie in a mean, spiteful way.

Sissy in a sing-song chant.
"Carrie should be in a circus . . . a circus. . . a
circus," Sissy chanted on and on. Then she jumped up
on the top of her desk and in the loud, brassy manner of a barker touting a freak show at a carnival Sissy really began to shout,
"Come one! Come all! Come pay your quarter to see the living sister of Tom Thumb! Come see the world's smallest woman! Come, pay your money and see the little one with the huge, huge eyes--like an owl's! Come view the huge, huge head on the little, scrawny neck! Come pay your
quarter to see our little freak naked!"
Dozens of little girls crowded into the room to
stare at Carrie who crouched in a corner on the floor,
with her head hanging low and her long hair hiding
her shamed, terrified face.
Sissy opened up her small purse to receive the
quarters the affluent little girls dropped in willingly.
"Now take off your clothes, little dwarf-freak," ordered Sissy. "Give the customers their money's
worth!"
Quivering and beginning to cry, Carrie
crouched into a tighter ball and pulled up her knees
and prayed that God would somehow open up the
floor. But floors never graciously open up and
swallow you when they should. It remained hard and
unyielding beneath her as the taunting voice of Sissy
went on and on.
"Look at her tremble . . . look at her shake . . .
she's gonna make . . . an earthquake!"
All the girls giggled, except one average-sized
girl of ten who looked on Carrie with pity and
sympathy. "I think she's cute," said Lacy St. John.
"Leave her alone, Sissy. It's not nice what you're
doing."
"Of course it's not nice!" Sissy said with a
laugh. "But it's such fun! She's such a timid little
mouse! You know, she
never
says anything. I don't
think she
can
talk!" Down from the chair Sissy
jumped to run to where Carrie was, and there she
prodded Carrie with her foot. "Have you got a tongue,
little freak? Come, little big-eyes, tell us how you got
to be so funny- looking. Did the cat steal your tongue?
Do you have a tongue? Stick it out!"
Carrie hung her head even lower.
"See, she doesn't have a tongue!" proclaimed
Sissy, jumping up and down. Sissy whirled around and
spread her arms wide. "Look at what they gave me for
a roomy--an owl without a tongue! What can we do
to make her talk?"
Lacy moved protectively closer to Carrie.
"Come on, Sissy, enough is enough, leave her alone." Pivoting, Sissy stomped down hard on Lacy's
foot.
"Shut up!
This is my room! When you're in my room, you do as I say! And I'm just as big as you are,
Lacy St. John, and my daddy's got more money too!" "I think you are a mean, nasty, ugly girl to
torment Carrie!" said Lacy.
Sissy raised her fist in the manner of a
professional boxer, dancing around to take quick jabs
at Lacy. "You wanna fight? C'mon, put up your dukes!
Just see if you can get me before I blacken your eyes!"
And before Lacy could raise her hands for protection,
Sissy shot out a right that caught Lacy squarely on the
left eye. Then Sissy's left hook smashed Lacy's fine
straight nose! Blood spurted everywhere!
This was when Carrie lifted her head, saw the
only girl who'd shown her the least bit of kindness
being beaten to a pulp, and that was cause enough for
Carrie to use her most formidable weapon--her voice.
She began to scream. Full blast, using every bit of
vocal power she had, Carrie threw back her head and
let go!
Down in her study on the first floor, Miss Emily
Dean Dewhurst bolted upright and smeared the ink in
her ledger. She ran to sound an alarm in the hall to
bring each and every female teacher on the run. It was eight o'clock in the evening. Most of the
faculty had retired to their rooms. Clad in bathrobes, negligees, and one in a scarlet evening gown, apparently ready to slip out on the sly, the teachers raced toward the clamor. They burst into the room Carrie shared with Sissy and found a frightful scene. Twelve girls all doing battle, while others stood back and watched. One girl, like Carrie, only screamed, but the others were yelling, kicking, wrestling on the floor, pulling hair, biting and tearing off clothes--and above all the racket of the fray resounded the blaring
trumpet of one small human in terror.
"Where is the man--the man?" cried out Miss
Longhurst, the one in the scarlet evening gown with
her bosom about to fall out of the lowcut bodice. "Miss Longhurst, control yourself!" ordered
Miss Dewhurst, who promptly assessed the situation
and planned her strategy. "There is no man here.
Girls!"
she boomed,
"stop this fracas this very second,
or every one of you will be denied liberty this
weekend!"
Then she said in a low voice to the sexy
Longhurst,
"You
report to my office when this is under
control."
Every girl in that room about to have her hair
pulled or her face scratched jerked abruptly still and
quiet. With horrified eyes they looked around and saw
the room full of teachers--and worst of all Miss Dewhurst, who was not known for showing mercy once bedlam broke loose, as it often did. All hushed. All but Carrie who kept right on screaming, her eyes
squeezed shut, her small, pale hands in tight fists. "Why is that child screaming?" asked Miss
Dewhurst as a guilty-looking Miss Longhurst sneaked
away to take off her incriminating evidence--that
somewhere a man
was
hiding and waiting.
Naturally, it was Sissy Towers who recovered
first. "She's the one who started it all, Miss Dewhurst.
It's
all
Carrie's fault. She's like a baby. You've just got
to give me a new roomy or I'll die living so close to a
baby."
"Repeat what you just said, Miss Towers. Tell
me again what I
must
do."
Intimidated, Sissy smiled uneasily. "I mean, I
would like to have a new roomy; I don't feel good
living so close to someone so unnaturally small." Coldly Miss Dewhurst eyed Sissy. "Miss
Towers,
you
are unnaturally cruel. From now on you
will room on the first floor in the room next to mine
where I can keep an eye on you." She flashed her
sharp gaze around the room. "As for the rest of you,
I'm going to notify your parents that your weekend
leaves are canceled! Now, each of you report to Miss Littleton so she may mark your records with demerits." The girls groaned and one by one they drifted out to have their names recorded with minus marks. Only then did Miss Dewhurst advance to where Carrie was on her hands and knees, her voice faded to a whimper, but her head kept moving from side to side in a hysterical way. "Miss Dollanganger,
are you calm enough now to tell me what happened?" Carrie was beyond speech. Terror and the sight
of blood had taken her back to the locked room, to a
hungry day when she had been forced to drink blood
or starve to death. Miss Dewhurst was touched and
bewildered. Forty years she'd seen girls come and go,
and she knew girls could be just as devastatingly ugly
and cruel as boys. "Miss Dollanganger, unless you
respond to me, you will not visit your family this
weekend. I know you've had a hard time of it and I
want to be kind to you. Can't you please explain what
happened?"
Fallen fiat on the floor now, Carrie looked up.
She saw the older woman towering above her, and the
blue skirt she wore was almost gray. Gray was the
color the grandmother always wore. And the
grandmother did terrible things; somehow the
grandmother had caused Cory to die--and now she
had come to get Carrie too!
"I hate you! I hate you!" screamed Carrie over
and over, until finally Miss Dewhurst was driven from
the room and the school nurse was sent in to give
Carrie a sedative.
That Friday, I answered the telephone when
Miss Dewhurst called to say twelve of her girls had
broken her rules and disobeyed her orders, and Carrie
was one of them. "I'm sorry, really I am. But I can't
give your sister privileges and still punish the others.
She was in the room and she refused to quiet when I
ordered her to."
I waited until evening at the dinner table to
discuss it with Paul. "It's a terrible mistake to leave
Carrie over the weekend, Paul. You know we
promised her ,she could come home
every
weekend.
She's too little to be the cause of anything, so it's not
fair she should be punished too!"
"Really, Cathy," he said, putting down his fork,
"Miss Dewhurst called me right after she talked to
you. She does have rules, and if Carrie misbehaved
then she has to suffer along with the rest of the girls.
And I respect Miss Dewhurst even if you don't." Chris, home for the weekend, spoke up and
agreed with Paul. "Sure, Cathy, you know as well as I do that Carrie can cut up when she wants to. If she did nothing but scream she could drive you batty--and
deaf."
That weekend was a flop without Carrie. I
couldn't get her off my mind I stewed, fretted, worried
over Carrie. I seemed to hear her calling to me. I
closed my eyes and I saw her small, white face with
her eyes huge and haunted by fear. She
was
all right!
She had to be, didn't she? What could happen to a little
girl in an expensive school controlled by such a
responsible, respectable woman as Miss Emily Dean
Dewhurst?
When Carrie was hurting and at odds with
herself and all the world, and there was no one near
who loved her, she retreated to yesterdays and the safe
comfort of the tiny procelain dolls she'd carefully
hidden away beneath all of her clothes. Now she was
the only girl in the school with a room all to herself.
She'd never been alone before. Not once in all her nine
years had Carrie spent a night in a room alone. She
was alone now and she knew it. Every girl in the
school had turned against her, even pretty Lacy St.
John.
From her very secret place Carrie would take
her dolls, Mr. and Mrs. Parkins and dear little baby Clara, and she'd talk to them as she used to do when she was locked away in the attic. "And Cathy," she told me later, "I thought maybe Momma was up in God's heaven, in the garden with Cory and Daddy, and I felt so mean at you and Chris because you let Dr. Paul put me in that place, and you know how much I liked to be with all of you. And I hated you, Cathy! I hated everybody! I hated God for making me so small
so people laugh at my big head and little body!" In the short halls and long corridors of green
carpeting Carrie heard the girls whispering. Furtively
they shifted their eyes when she looked their way. "I
told myself I didn't care," whispered Carrie hoarsely to
me, "but I did care. I told myself I could be brave like
you wanted and Chris wanted and Dr. Paul wanted. I
kept on making myself feel brave but I wasn't really
brave. I don't like dark. And I told myself God was
gonna hear my prayers and make me grow taller,
'cause everybody grows taller when they grow older,
and so would I.
"It was so dark, Cathy, and the room felt so big
and scary. You know I don't like night and darkness
with no lamp burning, with nobody there but me. I
even wanted Sissy back, she seemed better than
nobody. Something in the shadows moved and I was terrified, and though we're not supposed to I turned on a lamp. I wanted to take all my little dolls to bed with me so I'd have company. I was gonna be so careful not
to toss and turn and break off their heads.
"I always put Mr. and Mrs. Parkins left and
right with baby Clara in the middle in the bottom
drawer of my dresser. I picked up the cotton wadding
that was in the middle first and felt something hard.
But when I looked, Cathy, when I looked there was no
baby, only a little stick! I unwrapped Mr. and Mrs.
Parkins, and they were only sticks too--bigger ones!
It hurt so bad not to find them I began to cry. All my
little dolls gone, all turned to wood, so I knew God
was never gonna let me grow tall when he would
make my pretty dolls into only sticks.
"Something funny happened to me then, like I
turned into wood too. I felt stiff and couldn't see too
good. I went and crouched in a corner and waited for
something bad to happen. The grandmother said
something terrible would happen if I broke a doll,
didn't she?" Not another word would she say, but I
learned from others what happened after that. In the dark, long after midnight, the twelve little
rich girls Miss Dewhurst had denied liberty all stole
furtively into Carrie's room. It was Lacy St. John who had the integrity to tell me, but only when Miss
Dewhurst was out of hearing.
Twelve girls, all wearing long white cotton
nightgowns, the official sleeping garments of the
school, filed into Carrie's room, each bearing a single
candle held so her face was lit up under her chin. Such
lighting made their eyes appear sunken, dark hollows
and lent their youthful faces an eerie, ghoulish
appearance-- enough to terrify a little girl still
crouched in the corner, already in a trance of haunted
fear.
They came to form a semicircle around Carrie,
to stare down at her as each put over her head a
pillowcase with holes for eyes. Then came the ritual of
weaving the candles intricately in formalized patterns
as they chanted in the way of real witches. They
sought to drive the smallness out of Carrie. They
sought to set her "free" and themselves "free" from
whatever evil they were driven to do for selfprotection from someone so "unnaturally small and
strange."
One voice shrilled above all the others and
Carrie knew it was Sissy Towers. To Carrie, all those
shrouded girls in their long nightgowns with white
hoods over their heads and the black holes for eyes were devils straight from hell! She began to whimper, to tremble, and oh, she was so scared, as if once more the grandmother were in the room, only this time she
had multiplied until there were twelve of her! "Don't you cry, don't you fear," soothed the
nightmarish voice from a mouthless hood. "If you live
through this night, through this initiation, you, Carrie
Dollanganger, will become a member of our most
private and very exclusive society. If you succeed
from this night forward, you will share in our secret