Doin' Me (15 page)

“We'll be there,” Jewel answered. “Please show up.”

“Don't get your panties in a wad. I said I'll be there.”

Reyna practically floated down the street and into the pizza eatery. A pint of vodka plus orange juice had rendered her joyous enough to sing to the birds along the street and bob her head to music no one heard but her. Over the past few months she'd developed a tolerance to alcohol that rendered her functional. She'd meant to take only a sip to calm the anxiety the last twenty-four hours had piled on her. First, Peyton and his drugged-out piece on the side had chopped her car. Then Tyson had dumped her for a new and prettier model. He hadn't actually dumped her, but that was the story she fed her psyche to avoid facing the truth. Now her mother wanted to have a heart-to-heart chat, but the problem was that Jewel didn't have a heart and Reyna's heart had hardened too much to care. At least she'd get a few meals for the inconvenience; she planned to order enough chicken and spinach-stuffed pizza to last the two days until payday.

Reyna slid into the booth in the back left corner. “All right, Jewel, Rosalie, what's up?”

“Thank you for coming,” Jewel began, then sniffed. “Have you been drinking?”

“Have you been lying?” Reyna countered. “I said I'd hear what you had to say, but that doesn't include telling you my business. The last time I checked, I was a grown woman.”

“Do you have to be so disrespectful? I know we taught you about respecting your elders and honoring your parents.”

Pastor Jennings's rebuke fell on deaf ears. “You also taught me how to manipulate and use people.”

“I will not—”

“Rosalie, please let me handle this,” Jewel said, cutting in.

Reyna didn't miss the glare Pastor Jennings shot her mother. This marked the first time she'd witnessed Jewel stand up to her.

“Reyna, I ordered that chicken and spinach pizza you like and a diet Pepsi. I ordered a large so you'd have enough to take home for later.”

Too ornery to say thank you, Reyna opened her mouth to say something derogatory but couldn't think of anything. Not only had Jewel remembered what she liked, but she'd robbed her of the pleasure of draining her wallet.

“Reyna, earlier you said you had to catch the bus. I don't mean to pry, but where is your car?”

“Mother Jewel, you are prying, but since you're paying for the meal, I'll answer. I don't have a car anymore. It was stolen and stripped.” Reyna gave enough of an answer to keep Jewel from asking more questions, or so she thought.

“Have you contacted the insurance company?”

“Now you're asking too many questions that are none of your business.”

The waitress delivering the drink order silenced a rebuttal from Jewel.

Reyna sipped the diet Pepsi and wished it were something stronger. “What's so important you had to hunt me down at my place of employment? Oh, by the way, don't do that again.” She didn't miss the nervous glances her mother and Pastor Jennings exchanged. Her mother's hands shook so much, lemonade dripped from her glass when she attempted to drink. She had a bombshell, all right. Even semi-drunk Reyna could see that.

“Reyna, I need to tell you something I should have told you long ago,” Jewel began after cleaning up the spilled liquid.

“You'll have to wait a few minutes longer to clear your conscience. I gotta pee.” She covered her mouth and giggled. “Oops. I mean I need to use the ladies' room.” The only negative about drinking for Reyna was alcohol sent her bladder into overdrive.

Reyna left the table and sideswiped a waiter carrying a hot pizza. The man's quick reflexes and steady hands saved the pizza from kissing the floor.

“Sorry,” she giggled, then stumbled toward the restroom.

When she returned, Jewel and Pastor Jennings were waiting to bless the food. “I don't do that no more,” she said, then loaded her plate with a pie slice. She'd eaten half the slice before noticing her mother and Pastor Jennings weren't eating. She wiped off the cheese dripping from her mouth. “What? Y'all don't like stuffed pizza anymore?”

“We've been fasting all day. I have some soup back at the house for us,” Jewel explained.

Reyna rested the knife and fork against her plate and folded her arms. “All right, spill it. What's the big news flash?”

Jewel played with the folded napkin and sipped lemonade.

“Come on, Jewel,” Pastor Jennings said, encouraging her. “You can do this.”

“Do what?” Reyna wanted to know.

“Please promise to hear me out,” Jewel begged.

Reyna didn't like it, but the dread in Jewel's tone pulled at her heartstrings, which caused her to sober some. “I'll try.”

Jewel's eyes closed, and her mouth moved. Either she was praying, speaking in tongues, or both.

“Come on, I don't have all night,” Reyna said, pressing. She needed to get back home to pack and throw Peyton's clothes into the trash bin for the garbage pickup in the morning.

“Reyna, I was a sheltered teenager,” Jewel began. “When I went off to college, I ran wild. For the first time I was free from my overprotective father, and although I enrolled in college for an education, my number one objective was to find a man and have fun.”

“I could do without the history lesson, but this one might be interesting,” Reyna grumbled. “I can't imagine your sanctimonious self looking for a man.” Giggles poured from her at the absurd thought.

“My friends and I would dress up and use false IDs to get into the local party spots. One night I met this man. He was so fine, I fell in love instantly. His name was Reynard. Sophistication and class radiated from him, and I wanted what I thought he could offer me. I didn't ask how old he was, because I didn't want him to know how young and inexperienced I was.”

Reyna shifted in her seat; this story sounded familiar, but she couldn't place where she'd heard it.

“That night I did everything he wanted. If he wanted to dance, I danced. I'd never tasted alcohol before, but when he offered some, I accepted. When he invited me to his room to talk, I went. I readily accepted his offer to make me his woman, because I wanted to be his. I'd grown up reading fairy tales, and I thought I had found my Prince Charming. I thought since he wanted to sleep with me, he loved me. Love and lust look the same when alcohol is involved.”

“I know what you mean,” Reyna interjected, thinking of the night she lost her virginity. “I mean, I've heard that before,” she added, recovering. There was no way she'd admit to her mother that she fell victim to that stupid way of thinking too.

Jewel's head tilted to the side, like she was analyzing what her daughter had said.

Reyna gestured with her hands. “Keep going.” Jewel now had Reyna's full attention. She had tuned out everything and everyone around her. Even the pizza pie had lost its appeal.

“I spent the night with him . . . well, a couple of hours actually. Then he drove me to Rosalie's house since I'd missed dorm curfew.” Jewel nodded at Pastor Jennings. “She snuck me inside without her parents knowing.”

Reyna smirked. “No wonder you're such good hypocrites together. You've had decades of practice.”

Pastor Jennings narrowed her eyes, and Reyna rolled hers.

“At any rate, my life didn't end like a fairy tale. He wasn't Prince Charming, and we didn't get married and live happily ever after. I never saw or heard from him again. I went back to the club every week for three months. I even did a few weeknight drop-ins. No one saw him. To this day I don't know if he's dead or alive. It's nearly impossible to find someone with only a first name.”

Reyna gasped. “You mean you slept with a man without knowing his last name?” Not only had Reyna heard this story before, but she'd lived it too.

Jewel's head dropped in shame. “Yes,” she whispered.

The pain of heartbreak from decades past sounded fresh to Reyna's ears, and she ached for her mother in the small spot in her heart that bitterness hadn't tarnished. She'd never witnessed transparency in her mother. The fact that she saw herself in her mother agitated her.

“Girl, hold your head up,” Pastor Jennings said, encouraging her. “That was a long time ago. We were different people back then. God forgave us a long time ago.”

Reyna started to ask Pastor Jennings what deep dark secrets she had, but she didn't want to give the impression she cared.

Jewel collected a fresh tissue from her purse and wiped her face. “That one night with Reynard changed my life in more ways than one.” She held eye contact with her daughter. “I got pregnant.” Her voice quivered as the words poured out.

Reyna's jaw dropped.

“That's why I tried so hard to find him. I was carrying his child. I held on to the fantasy that if he knew about the baby, he'd do the right thing and take care of us, but I couldn't find him. My family was so angry with me, they refused to support me. I had to quit school and get on public assistance to feed myself and the baby.”

“Wow. That's some deep stuff,” Reyna said after gulping down the remaining diet Pepsi. The restaurant was filled to capacity, yet Reyna swore if she dropped a pin on the table, she'd hear it crash against the wood.

Reyna observed the nervous glances her mother and Pastor Jennings exchanged, and realized a vital and important piece of the story had been omitted. “What happened to the baby?”

Jewel covered her daughter's hand with hers. “Reyna, you're that baby. I named you after him. Rosalie told me I was crazy, but at the time I had this foolish hope that he'd come back and we'd be a family.”

Reyna's head shook violently. She needed to release the vise grip vodka had on her thinking faculties. “I'm a little high right now. What's your excuse?”

“What do you mean?”

“What medication are you on? Prozac? Xanax? Whatever it is, leave it alone. That stuff has you all twisted. You can't get your baby daddies right. My daddy's name is David Mills,” Reyna answered emphatically.

Jewel's head shook sideways. “No, baby, the truth is David Mills was your stepfather. Reynard is your real father.”

Whatever buzz she had left fizzled with Jewel's confession. He'd abandoned her, yet Reyna loved her father and blamed her mother for driving him away. Her heart ached for him daily. “What are you saying, Jewel?”

“Let me explain. You were two years old when I met David Mills. We were good friends, but I didn't love him. He had a decent job, a car, and was willing to raise you as his own. He even had me amend your birth certificate to add his name. I agreed to marry him because I didn't think I could do better. I didn't trust my heart, and I no longer believed in fairy tales. Real life was hard. I was barely putting food on the table. I needed what he offered, and he wanted what he thought I could give him.

“David made good on his promises, and he took good care of us until he met the neighbor and fell in love. She gave him what I couldn't and apparently what he needed. Although you believe otherwise, David and I parted on good terms. I'm happy he found his soul mate. In fact, I envy him. A few hours of fun scarred me for life. Chances are, I'll never experience real love.” Jewel leaned close to her daughter. “The one thing I regretted is how he disconnected from you. I begged him not to, but he said it was best for all parties involved. Actually, I think his new wife influenced that decision.”

The high was officially gone. Reyna now understood what Peyton meant by messing up someone's high. Jewel's admission had dragged her ten degrees lower than her already depressed state. She no longer knew who she was; Jewel had stripped her of her identity. The father she loved didn't love her. The man whom she was named after didn't know she existed, and never would.

“Is that why you hate me so much?” The question flowed from a sea of bitterness and resentment. “You've never liked me.”

“I swear that's not true,” Jewel asserted. “I love you. I'll admit I wasn't ready for motherhood. I was too young. I didn't know how to be a mother. I tried to do right, but you came out looking just like Reynard. Every time I looked at you, I was reminded of what he took from me, what I had lost. I was angry and felt cheated. I didn't know how to relate to you without attacking you, so I had Rosalie help me.”

Red spots floated past Reyna's eyes, and her finger pointed at Pastor Jennings. “How did the way she manipulated me help me?” Reyna's shrill tone caught the attention of the table closest to the booth. “Mind your business,” she barked when the couple stared at her.

“Baby, please listen.”

“Don't you dare call me baby! Most of my life I've been nothing but a whore or a Jezebel to you. Don't change now!”

“Okay, Reyna. I went about it the wrong way, but I didn't want you to end up like me. I saw so many of my untamed characteristics in you, and I was afraid. I didn't know what to do, but you were close to Rosalie, so we sheltered you. I admit, telling you to chase after Kevin was a mistake, but I didn't do it to harm you. I wanted you to have more than I had and not get caught up with someone like your father. I shouldn't have used Rosalie as a substitute mother, but I did. I regret it, but I can't change what's done. Please forgive me. I don't want you to end up pining after someone who is not good for you and only cares about what he can take from you.”

Jewel paused to wipe more tears. “I don't want you to be like me—defining yourself through others. I slept with a man I barely knew because I thought he would make me happy and he said I was pretty. I married a man because my father said a respectable lady should have a husband. I'm over fifty and just now learning my value as a woman.” Jewel's sobs made the remainder of her explanation unintelligible.