Do Anything (8 page)

My heart starts racing, and my stomach is doing flips. He’s going to kiss me if I don’t move. My mind is having trouble focusing. I can’t decide if this is what I want to happen.
Don’t move. Let him do it. You’re just scared. You’re always scared. Stop being scared.

He lingers, our lips now mere inches away from one another’s. He looks into my eyes as if asking for permission without words. I give a long blink, acknowledging him, hoping it’s enough to convey that I want him to take me in whatever way he desires.

“Please,” I whisper. For a second I wonder who said the word, and then I realize I was the one pleading for his lips.

His eyes grow large in excitement, and it’s clear he doesn’t plan to leave me wanting any longer. There’s so much desire in his eyes, I feel like I might melt from his stare. He wastes no more time, reaching around me and placing a hand against my lower back, pulling me against him. At the same moment our bodies collide, so do our mouths.

I don’t resist, allowing his grasp to envelop me. His lips part, and his tongue presses its way in, entangling with my own. It’s like an explosion happens throughout my body all at once, and I struggle telling where he begins and I end.

Before I realize what’s going on, I feel him grip my upper arms and spin me around with him. His lips begin to explore my chin and neck while his hands slip down to my hips, and then around to my butt. With an intoxicating ease, he lifts upward on my ass and places me on the counter that is now behind me. The mugs clank together as they get shoved to the side.

My robe slips off and slides down my back, and Holden doesn’t hesitate to take advantage of the newly exposed bare flesh. He pulls on one strap of my tank, dropping it over my shoulder, and sucks on my skin. He presses against me, causing my legs to fall open, and the trail of his kisses begins to burn. An ache consumes my flesh.

He pulls away just for a moment, yanking his shirt over his head, exposing his muscular arms, firm chest, and defined stomach. I bite my lip, marveling at the display of manliness before me, but I don’t have time to enjoy it. He is right back between my legs before I can take another breath.

I wrap my arms around him, digging my fingers into his back, in an animal side of me I was unaware existed. He pulls one hand up my side, gripping my breast through the fabric of the tank top. My thighs quiver when I feel him growing harder against me. I arch my back and moan. His hands cascade down my chest, and his mouth explores my nipples through the fabric of my shirt, prolonging the building ecstasy.

He pulls his mouth away long enough to groan, “God, I want you so fucking bad.” A sizzling sound fills my ears, and I’m in utter shock. I’ve never felt such intensity.

“Oh shit!” Holden shouts before pulling away from me.

It takes a moment for me to regain my bearings and figure out what in the hell is happening. I see him grabbing a dishcloth, and that’s when I feel the intense heat on my leg. The milk has boiled over and saturated one side of my robe.

Instinctively, I hop down and step back, allowing him to scoop up the pot and rush it to the sink, trying to stop any further mess.

He’s laughing, which causes me to laugh. Then I fall silent. The reality of what just happened hits me. A panic floods over me as I question what in the hell I am doing.

Without a word, I turn and leave the kitchen, even though I hear him calling after me. I’m halfway up the stairs by the time his fingers catch hold of my arm. He grasps me firmly, whispering, “Belle? Are you okay?”

I nod, my eyes shifting all around the dark stairwell, trying to settle anywhere but on him. “Yeah, I don’t know what got into me.”

“Are you kidding, that was amazing,” he moans, leaning in close to my ear. “At least I thought it was.”

“Yeah, it was, but …” What am I supposed to say. I can’t think straight with him so close to me.

“You don’t normally do things like that,” he interjects, as if he can read my mind.

“No, I don’t,” I confirm.

“I don’t either.”

“Maybe we should just slow down a little,” I suggest. He releases my arm, and I make my way up the steps, but he’s following close behind.

“If that’s what you want,” he whispers. “I’ll see you in the morning?”

I can tell by his tone he’s concerned about what I’m thinking. That in itself is a high for me. To have this gorgeous man wondering what’s going on in my head is a power I never imagined I could have. I’m not particularly proud of this feeling, but still fully aware of it.

I dare not watch him as he walks to his room, and I know if he stops, hesitates at all, I won’t be able to stop myself. I open my door, slide inside, and press it closed, panting, trying to catch my breath in the excitement.

Collapsing onto the bed, thoughts are swimming around wildly in my head. I want to scream, but instead I bite my pillow in frustration. The passionate encounter in the kitchen replays vividly in my mind.

A second later there’s a gentle knock at the door. My breath catches in my throat, and I dare not move. I hear Holden whisper my name. Slipping my hands over my mouth, I press firmly, doing my best to remain silent.

I know why he’s here. He’s thinking about the same things, unable to shake our encounter. I can only assume he wants more. I can tell he’s still at the door, and though I’m trying to decide what I should do, I don’t budge as I play out the scenario in my mind. What would it mean if I opened that door? Allowed him to run his hands all over my body, exploring every part? Once it’s open, I know I won’t be able to stop myself.

The decision is made for me; I hear his footsteps as he returns down the hall. I wait for his door to close before I breathe again.

Letting out a huge puff of air, I toss a pillow against the wall. I’m frustrated with my choice, and know sleep after that experience is going to be even more of a challenge.

Pushing myself up in bed, I pull my journal out of my nightstand and begin writing. Nothing like a little sexual frustration to get the words flowing.

My night is riddled with dreams of Holden. His lips, his firm grasp holding my body, his teeth teasing my breasts. I awake on multiple occasions drenched in sweat. Once the sun is finally up, all I want to do is get dressed and try, once again, to find Chawton. I don’t trust myself in this building with him lurking nearby.

I slip on jeans, a t-shirt, and an off-white cardigan, pushing up the sleeves. Making my way down the stairs, I don’t linger. I’m out the front door in a matter of seconds. Once on the gravel path I let out a sigh of relief. I’d made—

“Where are you headed, beautiful?” Before I can even finish the thought, I hear Holden’s voice above me. I turn and look up to discover him leaning out the window at the end of the upstairs hallway.

“I thought I’d go for a walk,” I answer, lifting a hand up to my brow to shield the morning sun.

“Don’t move,” he shouts before disappearing.

A few seconds later he emerges from the front door. I wonder how a pair of jeans can hug someone so perfectly. He’s wearing a faded blue t-shirt and a gray button-up that hangs open. His hair still shows evidence of his morning shower, and the image of his bare chest consumes my thoughts.

I squeeze my eyes closed, and when I reopen them, he is standing in front of me.

“Did you really think you could ditch me that easily?” He flashes me a mischievous look.

“I wasn’t—” I start defensively, then laugh. “Okay, maybe I was.”

“I was waiting for you to get up; there was no hope of you escaping me,” he says to my surprise.

“You were?”

“I was hoping I could convince you to spend the day with me.” He glances down at the ground in front of me, kicking the dirt around with his toe, and the moment of vulnerability makes him even more endearing to me.

“That’s a great offer, but I was kind of hoping to visit Chawton, since I didn’t make it yesterday,” I reply, remembering Kenzie’s words of wisdom about playing hard to get, but never too hard.

“Perfect, because that is exactly what I’d planned. Be right back.” He doesn’t wait for me to respond. In a flash, he’s inside, but minutes pass before he emerges, tossing keys into the air with one hand and holding a basket at his side with the other.

“Whatcha got there?” I inquire.

“I guess you’ll just have to wait and see.” There is a flirtatious tone in his voice, and the day I was looking forward to just got ten times more exciting. I turn and walk in the direction of the truck. He sets the basket in the bed, then rushes to beat me to the handle, pulling open the heavy metal door.

“Why thank you.” I grin and nod with a slight curtsy, hoping I look adorable and not like a complete dork.

He walks around and climbs in, gripping the steering wheel as he does, causing his arm muscles to flex and my stomach to flip. I lick my lips, remembering the explosive kiss the night before, shifting in my seat as a slight ache begins to rise between my legs.

“All right, confession time. I’m actually glad you’re with me,” I begin.

“Oh yeah?” he asks; a single eyebrow lifts in anticipation.

“Yeah.” I laugh, slapping his arm. “I’d hate to get lost again.”

“Nice, thanks a lot. You just want me for my tour guide skills.”

“Just being honest.”

“Well, you’ll be glad I came with you by the end of the day,” he says, starting down the long gravel drive. My imagination is going wild with what he might mean by the statement. Is it because he planned a repeat of last night? “I’m the best damn tour guide in Hampshire.”

“Oh …” My disappointment is obvious.

“Hey, dirty bird, what did you think I meant?” he taunts. Strangely, I like it when he does this.

“I guess I can’t help myself.” I’m flirting … I think. I’m actually flirting with this guy. And I think I’m pretty good at it.

“After last night, I don’t blame you. I can’t get it off my mind.”

There! He said it first. He is the first one to acknowledge the mind-blowing collision between us. The awkwardness of it going unsaid is now gone. I sigh a breath of relief.

“Last night was …” I start, choosing my next word carefully, “nice."

I smile at him, and he glances at me, furrowing his brow. “That was a lot fucking better than nice!” he exclaims, lifting his arm across the back of the seat of the truck. I use the opportunity to slide in close to him, allowing his heat to envelop me.

I don’t recognize who the hell I am, but in that moment, this close to him, his scent surrounding me, I don’t care to recognize myself. I just want to see where this day takes me.

“So Mr. Tour guide, what can I expect today?” I ask, resting my head on his shoulder. I feel his muscles stiffen beneath me for a moment, and then he relaxes. We pass the sign for Alton and I realize just how lost I’d been the day before.

“I’m sure you know Austen’s home is a museum now …”

“Yeah, I saw that in a brochure I picked up in London.”

“I don’t want you to get your hopes up, but there isn’t a lot there. A small collection of her possessions and you can explore the house,” he explains.

“Are you kidding? I get to walk the halls she walked.”

“If you say so.” He laughs, and our eyes meet momentarily in the rearview mirror.

A few seconds later we’re pulling into a parking spot across the street from our destination.

“You’ve got to be kidding me? I rode around for an hour, and it was this close,” I grumble.

Holden slips his arm down my back and around my waist, squeezing my hip. “Maybe next time you won’t be so stubborn and just ask for directions, or even better, for some company.”

Before I can argue, he’s out of the truck and racing around to open my door.
I could get used to this
. I exit, and we approach the museum, where an older woman at a small desk in the entryway greets us. After exchanging pleasantries, she tells us to enjoy ourselves and let her know if we have any questions. Holden takes the lead, walking into the first room off to the right.

Lining the wall with the windows are glass display cases. Holden is already standing at one, peering in. I approach his side and catch sight of the well cared for treasure. Inside are manuscript letters penned by Jane’s own hand.

“Can I ask why you love her so much?” he inquires.

I think about the question for a moment, “I guess because she was so brave. I wish I was brave.”

“What? Are you kidding me?” He gasps, turning to face me. “You hopped on a plane and flew over here, by yourself, no plan, just an adventure in your mind. I’d say you’re probably one of the bravest women I’ve ever met.”

He leaves me with his words, turning and walking into the next room. I’d never had anyone call me brave, and though his words seem sincere, I don’t think I can believe them about myself. I knew I was smart, and I am even willing to admit I’m attractive, but brave, that is a word I could never imagine using to describe myself.

I hurry to catch up with Holden, the next room holding one of the most inspirational things I’d seen yet—her writing desk. “Can you imagine being a woman back then trying to get your work published?” I ask.

“No, I guess not.”