Dizzy (15 page)

Nineteen

~ Dylan ~

I deserve sainthood. Really. Or knighthood. Or something. Ziah’s plastered to my side as I lead her up the front steps of her house. Her arms are circled around me, and my hand is on her waist. God, she was gorgeous tonight in her tight pants and the blue top. I’m pretty sure she did it just to drive me crazy.

When Derrick told me his friend from college was coming down for a final fitting, I’d been stoked. Not because of them, but because of the girl in my arms right now. I knew I’d get to see her, too.

Her coat’s on now, but before… It was almost more than the dress. She’s managed to walk that perfect line between sexy as hell but still Ziah, and it about killed me not to be able to touch her bare shoulder or her back.

Well, we’re touching now, but it’s different. This is because she needs my help, not just because we want to explore each other. It’s strange because this is good, too. Probably too good. I’ve never had so much fun helping someone before.

“You got a key, Hanes?” I ask.

“Nope.”

Shit. Now what? I’m afraid to try the doorbell. I’d much rather just drop her off than risk her parents catching us. Good thing Margarita smells good, but the alcohol still takes over. Not that her glassy eyes wouldn’t be enough to tip anybody off.

“It’ll be unlocked.” She sort of points in the direction of the door.

Weird. My house has a gate code, an alarm, and two locks.

We stumble through the door, and all I’m trying to do is be quiet. Ziah doesn’t seem worried about it at all, letting the screen door slap shut and dropping her coat on the floor.

“Ziah, shh.” But I’m distracted again by her top—what there is of it anyway.

She turns, so her front is pressed against me. Her arms are around my neck. “What will you do to me?”

The list of things I want to do to her is getting longer every second. I shove my hands in my back pockets, so I’m not tempted to do anything stupid.

“You’re home. I gotta run.” This girl is killing me. I wonder if she knows how much I really like her. She should. I wouldn’t have told anyone what I said to her about my mom.

Her body presses into me farther. “Will you help me upstairs?”

I know I should say no. I mean, that’s like the first rule when you’re in my position and have no plans to hook up. But I don’t. Instead I put my arm around her again and lead her upstairs.

Luckily, her door is quiet when we open it. Her room is a mess, which I would not have expected from Ziah. There are books on a shelf, but some are lying down and some upright. Her desk is full of papers and there is an overflowing clothes basket in the corner. She’s full of contradictions, and I like that about her.

“Okay. You’re here. You gotta let me go.” Not only do I need to get away from her, but her parents are probably down the hall. The last thing I need is them walking in on us right now.

“As soon as you give me a kiss.”

Wow… Drunk Ziah has balls. I groan. “Ziah, no…”

She closes her eyes and tilts her head away from me, pointing to this soft spot on her neck, just below her ear. “Right here, and then I promise to let you go.”

Sainthood. Seriously.

I’m having another one of those moments when I feel myself doing what I know I shouldn’t do. My lips touch her skin, and it hits me just like it did in that tunnel. My whole body reacts. Wants more while at the same time, it already feels like more.

Her arms are still around my neck and she pushes in closer. So close that our faces almost touch. My hands rest low on her waist.

“That wasn’t so hard, right?” She’s breathless and staring at my lips.

“Not so hard.” I swallow. If she wasn’t drunk, I’d probably really screw up the friendship thing right now. My thumbs are tracing the skin along the top of her jeans. God. I have to stop.

“’Night, Hanes.” I drop my arms.

She frowns. “Night.”

I can’t believe that didn’t wake her parents. And I have to get home before I do something really stupid, like walk back up the stairs and kiss her again.

***

I haven’t stopped thinking about Ziah since Saturday. About how she smelled and how she looked and what her room looked like. The little mole I saw behind her ear when I kissed her, and how she’d curled her feet up on Mary’s seat and it didn’t even bother me.

And crap… what I told her. I still can’t believe it. Derrick keeps trying to bring up Mom, and I won’t let him. I swear he looks relieved every time I skip out on the conversation. I don’t get why he keeps trying to talk to me about her if he obviously doesn’t want to go there.

At lunch Becky and Chastity ask if they can ride with Paul and I. We climb into the Hummer and hit up Taco Bell. Lunch off-campus is only for seniors, so we make sure to hang out the window and talk crap to the lowerclassmen as we tear out of the parking lot.

After ordering, we sit in the lot to eat. As soon as the food is consumed, Becky and Paul’s lips are locked as he leans her into the side of Mary.

“Dude, quit getting busy on my car,” I call to him. Without taking his lips off Becky, he flips me off. Laughing at him, I climb into the driver seat to listen to some music before we have to go back. Less than thirty seconds later, Chastity is climbing in the passenger’s seat.

“Wha’cha doing?” she asks.

“Trying to keep my lunch in my stomach, which wouldn’t be a problem if I didn’t have to watch the two of them swap spit.” I push buttons on the CD player, trying to find the song I want.

“So….what ya been up to?”

“Nothing, you?” I’m still fooling with the dial.

Chastity crosses her legs, and turns toward me a little. Finally! I find the song and lean back in my seat.

“Nothing new… What’s this?” she picks up my sketchbook.

“Don’t look at that!” I grab it from her. “Sorry, it’s nothing.”

I tuck it under my seat and try to focus on the music again. My eyes close, and damn if I don’t think about Ziah again. And Derrick and Lora. The way he holds her and looks at her.

When I feel a hand on my thigh, I jump.

“Dylan?”

“Yeah?” I don’t open my eyes.

“Dylan.” She says a little more urgently this time. “I was thinking maybe we could hang out tonight?”

My eyes open now. I should say yes. There’s a part of me that kind of wants to say yes, but the word doesn’t come out of my mouth. I told Ziah we were only friends, but it still doesn’t feel right.

“I thought you and Ted were together?”

She shakes her head, looking a little sad. “No. We broke up again.”

And so she comes to me, which I guess I knew she would all along. Chastity comes to me for fun, but she’s really into someone else. It never bothered me before because, well, I only want fun, too, but now it feels weird. I’m just not feelin’ it like I used to.

“I don’t think so, Chas. I’m just looking to chill right now. Got a lot going on with my family and stuff.”

She pulls her hand away, not looking hurt, but maybe a little annoyed.

“It’s just… I have a lot on my plate. I’m trying not to add anything more.” By the look on her face, I’m pretty sure that just came out all wrong. “Not that you’d be ‘on my plate’ but you know what I mean.” Hopefully, because I sure don’t. All this girl wants is to have a good time with me. It makes no sense for me to say no to that.

“You and Ted will get back together in no time.”

“I hope so…” She mumbles, and for the first time, I wonder if there is more to Chastity than I thought.

“We can all hang out, though. I’m just not into hanging out, hanging out.”

“You have it really bad for someone, don’t you?”

I scoff at that, but it makes me a little uncomfortable too. “No.”

She laughs at me. “Whatever, Dylan. I swear, I will never understand boys.”

“Yeah, me either.” I don’t understand myself or the opposite sex. I’m wondering if there’s anything I really do know.

***

It’s decided that I’m skipping school on Tuesday, and we’re doing something for fun before Derrick and Lora’s friends go back to Boulder. It’s not like I’m going to argue with skipping school, but I have to admit I’m pretty sketched out about seeing Ziah.

This girl is turning me into knots. I’m tripping out on what it’s going to be like just to hang out with her after I bared my friggin’ soul, and then she got drunk and asked me to kiss her. Totally not a friend thing to do, so can we still just be friends? I’m hoping so because I like hanging out with her way more than I thought I would.

Ziah’s face gets all scrunched up as I step up and say hi at the beginning of the paintball course. I’m stoked this is what they chose for us to do.

“What’s with you?” I ask as I nudge her with my elbow.

“Just…” Her cheeks pink and then red. “The other night. When you dropped me off… I just…”

Oh. She’s totally nervous about the other night. That kind of makes me feel better since I was too. I laugh. “No worries, Hanes. Happens to the best of us. How was your hangover?”

“Hangover makes it sound like it takes less than a day to wear off. And it definitely didn’t.” She shakes her head, obviously still embarrassed about the whole thing. “No more drinking for Ziah.”

“Well, if you ever decide to drink again, stick with me. You gotta find the happy buzz, and—”

“Alright!” Derrick interrupts. “We’re breaking up into boy/girl teams.”

“I call Lora!” I raise my hand to give my brother crap. It’s not like he’s letting Lora on any team but his.

“Haha. When did you turn into a comedian?” He puts his arm around her.

I grab Ziah and pull her to my side. We’re supposed to be friends, so that’s what I’m doing. “That’s okay. Ziah’s tougher anyway.”

Derrick just rolls his eyes. Paul pairs up with Mardie and Sam with Karissa. Ziah’s wearing camo, which is pretty freaking cool, and as soon as Derrick says go, each group of two takes off into a different area of the course.

“Come on.” I’m holding her hand as we run. We take up behind a big wall, both of us panting hard.

“Karissa was scared to death to do this. I say we go for them first,” Ziah tells me.

“Good looking out.” There’s a hole in the wall, so I look through it. “They’re by the tree on the left. Wanna go for it?”

“Absolutely.”

We make a run for it, and then hide behind another wall. I point, and she immediately catches what I’m saying. We each head around different sides to close in on Karissa and Sam. Ten seconds later, we take them out. Karissa screams like crazy, but looks way too happy about being done.

“If I know Paul, he’s coming for us.”

Ziah smiles. “We got this.”

When Paul jumps out from behind a mock-building, I shoot him. Ziah’s aim is awesome, and she gets Mardie.

“Hell, yeah!” I hold up my hand, and she gives me five.

Right then Derrick jumps out. I shoot at him and miss. He takes off again, hiding.
“I think Lora went first,” Ziah tells me.

“Attack or retreat?”

She raises her eyebrows, and I don’t need her to reply. “Attack,” we say at the same time. And we do. It takes a lot longer to get Lora and Derrick than it did the others, but eventually we take them out, too.

When they both have red pain splattered across their chests, I collapse to the ground. Ziah is right next to me. We’re both breathing hard.

“That was awesome.” As soon as the words clear her mouth she starts laughing.

I can’t help but laugh, too. I don’t let myself question why I told Chastity no or what’s going on. It’s not about how hot she is or how good it feels to kiss her. She’s just cool as hell, and I like hanging out with her.

***

I am so lame. Seriously, I would make fun of myself if it didn’t make me even lamer.

I knew I liked Ziah. That I enjoyed kissing her, and that I told Chastity no probably because of Ziah. But somehow, just laughing with her on the paintball course, and how well we work together is the last straw that makes me know I’m in over my head.

I can’t stop thinking about her, and I both want to stop and don’t at the same time. I’m not sure when I turned into that guy—the one who’s scared to move forward, but doesn’t want to back up either.

It sucks. 

Derrick trusts Lora, but it’s like a roadblock I can’t get past. I’ve tried. And Dad can’t either, which is why I’m sitting outside his building like an idiot.

It’s one of my favorite places to come and draw. The noise of the city somehow settles me. On any given day, I have my choice of a million different pictures to capture. They’re never the same, except his building. The constant in the ever-changing picture of the city.

Putting pencil to paper, I start with the outline of the structure in front of me. The windows, the glass. I know exactly which one is Dad’s office, where I’m sure he’s working like crazy, even more distracted than usual. But at least I feel close to him here. This place is my dad.