Divine Temptation (14 page)

“He did warn them.”

“How?”

“With the story of Adam and Eve.”

Maggie narrowed her eyes until something clicked…sort of. “This is one of those circular things, isn’t it? They represent mankind and the fall, and he gives us this story as a warning, but it also really happened. So we had to live the warning in order to get the warning.” She felt more confused by the end of speech and understood what Evan meant about the limitations of the human language.

He nodded, an approving smile playing upon his lips, and moved his thumb slowly back and forth over her cheek, sending a small wash of peace into her, calming her confusion and helping her to accept the gist of what she’d tried to explain without having to fully understand it.

She took in his serenity and examined his features. He didn’t have any permanent lines there from worry or the harsh reality of aging. His face represented trust in and sincere devotion to something higher than himself.

“Must be nice to be free of original sin. To automatically follow the Lord’s path and never mess up,” she said with a touch of envy.

“Is that what you think? Do I need to remind you that the biggest sinner of all is an angel? And his most loyal followers, all angels?”

Maggie’s eyes opened wide. She’d always feared Satan, but he’d also felt almost like a make believe character to her, like a villain in a Disney movie. With this very real angel sitting before her, touching her, and after Father Tom’s presentation, things that had always felt vaguely mythical were brought into crisp reality. Evan brought his other hand up to her temple and touched it lightly with his fingertips, surrounding her with gentle security.

“It’s true that angels are less prone to temptation,” he said softly, “but when we give in, the betrayal is at a higher magnitude. It’s nearly unforgivable because it’s not in our nature, so it isn’t weakness we demonstrate. It’s willfulness, which is much worse.”

His fingertips roved over Maggie’s face, tracing her cheekbones, over the bridge of her nose, across her lips. She closed her eyes, luxuriating in his silky touch as he glided over her eyelids, up to her forehead, and everywhere while the sound of his rich, steady voice rolled over her.

Maggie thought of how different the sensations he now sent into her were from those she’d felt the last time he’d touched her, at the canyon. There had been an urgency then, something on the verge of losing control. He’d clearly mastered whatever had afflicted him then.

“When we overcome the lure to sin,” he continued, “we’re strengthened tenfold and made able to face our temptations more easily. We can come closer to that which tempts us than we previously would have dared—” he lowered his hand to rest at the side of her throat “—and resist without effort.”

Maggie stared into the depths of his mesmerizing eyes and wondered how he didn’t feel the throbbing vein in her neck as it pulsed in time with her thundering heart. She wasn’t quite as practiced as him at resistance.

Chapter 10

T
WO
D
AYS
B
EFORE
S
ENDING
her children on their trip out west, Maggie took a day off work and let Kirsten and Liam each invite a friend to Six Flags Great America. Nothing in Wyoming would quite compare to being flung around in tiny metal cars over twisted tracks, or having cotton candy stuck to teeth and the bottom of shoes as the small group trampled across burning asphalt on their way to the next brush with death.

They’d tackled all the major roller coasters by the time night fell and decided to take advantage of the short lines at smaller attractions. Having recently polished off a huge pepperoni pizza for dinner, the kids challenged each other to the Fiddler’s Fling—last one to turn green would be the winner. Maggie sensibly abstained and stood against the fence, watching and laughing and snapping futile pictures. Most of the photos came out as nothing but blurry streaks of light.

Creating this distinct memory in her children’s minds further restored her sense of security. She couldn’t be the sole center of their universe, but she still played a significant role and that was enough for her. It seemed she’d become more satisfied in general since that day at the canyon, and she could legitimately call herself happy again. But she’d learned long ago that maintaining balance was a continual process, and even as she stood there, she knew this felicity wouldn’t last forever. Something would come along to throw her once again into doubt and despair; it was inevitable. But this time she was going to nurture her happiness and bask in it for as long as she could.

She snapped another picture and groaned as she looked at the result. But rather than feeling the annoyance she’d just expressed, her contentment and joy received a boost of adrenaline just as someone came to stand at the fence beside her. She turned to look, and her mouth fell open when she saw Evan’s attractive, flawless figure.

He laughed. “Nice to see you too. I can’t stay; I’m on my way somewhere else, but I thought of you and here I am.”

“I won’t ask, because I already know the answer will be ‘I don’t know,’ but this seems…we’re both getting more control over this thing, as far as when we get to see each other, aren’t we?”

He nodded. “Things feel different.”

“But in a good way, right?”

He nodded again, and this time he smiled too. “Enjoy the rest of your evening.”

He disappeared just as the ride began to slow. On one last, impulsive whim Maggie snapped a picture, and when she looked down at it, she saw both her kids’ screaming faces perfectly captured as their separate cars spun next to each other.

Maggie further asserted her motherhood the next afternoon with ice cream and a walk along the river, followed by a night at the movies. When she and the kids returned home, the phone was ringing. Maggie ran to it, and after reading the caller ID, answered it in a rush.

“Sharon! I’m so, so, so sorry. I got your message but things were crazy and I didn’t call back and I’m so sorry. How are you?”

“Calm down. It’s no big deal. I figured you were just busy. But hey, Katie tells me Kirsten and Liam are going on vacation with their dad for a few days.”

“Two weeks. They leave tomorrow.”

“I thought you might want to get together while they’re gone.”

“That sounds great. I’m going to be working full time while they’re gone to get some projects done, but maybe we can go out to dinner one night. How about I give you a call next week and we can see what works?”

“Sure. Sounds good. Tell the kids to have a great trip, and we’ll talk next week.”

“Okay, bye.”

The next morning a huge TV pulled in front of Maggie’s townhouse to take her children away. After promises of texts and phone calls and postcards, they were off. Maggie kept busy at work that day, but as she lay in bed at night, her mind was free to wonder whether her kids were comfortable sleeping in the RV, if they were homesick, if Melissa had turned into an evil shrew of a “step mother” once the children were safely out of their mother’s grasp. She wished for Evan, for his soothing hands to touch her and let her know everything would be okay, but she put a halt to the yearning. She needed to sleep and didn’t quite feel up to resisting him should he want to demonstrate his self-control again.

After work the next day, she went to a park by the river and sat atop a vacant picnic table, watching bikers whiz by on the paved path and fishermen wade into the water. After a few minutes, her face brightened as she watched Evan approach her. She hadn’t dared hope her plan would actually work, but it had. He stopped a few feet in front of her, and for a moment they simply smiled at each other. It felt nice to exert a small amount of control over a situation that continued to baffle both of them. His pale gray irises, always beautiful, were now lustrous, shimmering in the full sunlight like cut crystals.

“Would you like to go for a walk?” he asked, breaking the happy silence.

“Can we do that?” It seemed like a silly question, but so far the two of them had only managed to remain in each other’s sight when they’d stayed in one location.

He cocked an eyebrow and took several steps backward, toward the forest. “Looks like
I
can.”

Maggie hopped off the table and sprinted to him. “Smart aleck.”

He turned and they walked across the lawn to a path, eventually winding into the forest. Though their view of the river was blocked by tree trunks and full branches, they could still hear the rush of its currents. Maggie wasn’t in the mood to get into any mystical discussions that day. She didn’t want to hear Evan say he didn’t know, and she didn’t want to have to strain her brain cells to try to grasp concepts he’d tell her she’d never understand anyway. Instead the conversation turned to her very human issues.

She was handling the vacation just fine and understood the finality of the divorce, but that didn’t mean it didn’t still hurt, and Evan was such a very good listener. He let her open up without asking too many questions, without giving false encouragement, and without judgment.

“I think it’s always going to be hard to see him with someone else,” Maggie concluded after her diatribe. “It’s not even so much that I want him for myself. It’s just…it was always ‘Carl and Maggie’ and now it’s going to be ‘Carl and Melissa.’ As if I, the essence of Maggie, don’t matter at all. I was just one warm body easily substituted with another.”

“I doubt the substitution was easy or complete—she can’t fully replace what you were to him or your children. She’s clearly taken up some space in all of their hearts and probably occupies parts of Carl’s heart that used to be yours, but she hasn’t pushed you out.”

They’d reached the parking lot, and it was starting to get dark, so Evan walked Maggie to her car. She opened the driver’s door, but before getting in, she turned toward him. “Thanks for putting up with me today. It was helpful to talk things out. How ironic that the very symptom of my insanity also serves as my therapist.”

She was surprised when he frowned at her joke. “Do you still not believe I’m real?”

“You better be real. I sorta like having you around.”

“Good. I sorta like being around.”

The next several days passed quickly. Maggie’s projects kept her busy at work, and Evan came around more frequently. He even showed up during Maggie’s solitary nightshift at the food pantry and helped her sort donations.

“Cinnamon again?” he said out loud to himself as he unpacked bags and stocked the dry goods shelves. Then he turned to Maggie where she lined up a row of cardboard boxes to be packed with a week’s worth of meals for the average family of four. “Cinnamon Life, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, apples and cinnamon oatmeal. Over there I unpacked cinnamon applesauce.”

Maggie shrugged. “People like cinnamon.”

“All people?”

“I’m sure not every single living person. But most, yeah.”

“Why?”

“It just makes things taste better.”

He pulled out another box. “Simply Cinnamon Corn Flakes,” he murmured as if contemplating the wonders of the universe. “Would you say the vast majority of people enjoy the works of Mozart?”

After the last few evenings together, Maggie was getting used to his random questions and observations of humankind. He was wise beyond anything Maggie could comprehend, but apparently things like spices and classical music weren’t on the list of things he “needed to know,” so when he asked, she always answered to the best of her ability. She found it wildly freeing to put her mind to something other than her personal woes.

“I think most would
say
they enjoy Mozart,” she answered, “but actually enjoy it? Probably a lot less.”

“How about Johnny Cash?”

She chuckled as she answered, “Definitely not most.”

“And yet they all like cinnamon.” Evan shook his bewildered head.

“Evan, dear, I could try to explain it…but you wouldn’t understand.” Maggie beamed a Cheshire grin. She’d never imagined that the two weeks she’d been dreading could turn out to be so enjoyable. During the second week of the kids’ absence, she found herself working as efficiently as possible at the office so she could take Friday off work.

“Oh, kids back early?” Brenda asked when Maggie told her she wouldn’t be in the next day.