Divided Loyalties (49 page)

Shauna, Carrie and Dan were gone. He was on his own.

Shauna felt completely numb and very cold. She’d been reading a book of short stories called
Moments
, whose theme was how life could change in the blink of an
eye. In a ‘moment’, literally. Well, her life had just changed in a moment. All she had built her marriage on was gone in an instant. Her security, her life plan, such as it was,
vanished. Her foundations were rubble under her feet.

It was over between her and Greg. She could never be with him again. He had no love for her. If you loved someone you’d never wound them so deeply that they felt destroyed. Tears welled in
her eyes and dropped silently down her cheeks. A muffled sob escaped her.

‘Oh, Shauna, don’t!’ Carrie exclaimed helplessly from the driver’s seat, as she heard her sister cry. She’d insisted on driving them home.

‘How could he do it to me, Carrie? Has he no feelings for me? Has he no respect for me? How could he let me go through abject misery, month after month, knowing that he was the cause of
it? How could he be so devious? How could he make love to me knowing that he’d betrayed me in the cruellest possible way?’ The questions poured out of her as she sought answers that
might take the crucifying pain away.

‘I don’t know,’ Carrie said miserably. ‘Look, you said it yourself, Shauna, they’re a weird family. They only ever consider themselves, because that’s the way
that they’ve been brought up. So even though he’s done this terrible thing to you, sometimes I think he acts the way he does because he knows no better,’ she added lamely.

‘That’s not good enough. Anyone with any morals would know that what he did was an appalling breach of trust. He robbed me of my chance to have another baby, and you know the worst
thing? I let him. I stayed on the Pill for at least three years even though I didn’t want to.’ She was crying and talking at the same time, her face a mess of streaked make-up and
mascara.

‘All my life I’ve let men bully me. First Dad, then Greg. Never again, Carrie. Never again! I’ll never give my power away to a man again,’ she vowed bitterly.

‘What are you going to do?’ Carrie asked hesitantly as she drove back onto the M50 and headed north.

‘One thing’s for sure, I’m not going back to Abu Dhabi,’ Shauna said grimly, taking a tissue out of her bag. ‘I’m staying at home and I’m going to make
a life for myself on my terms.’

‘You’ll have to get Chloe into a school,’ Carrie pointed out.

‘I know. But I think we’re better off here. I couldn’t bear to live with Greg, not even for Chloe’s sake.’ She started to cry again.

‘Look, give yourself a week or two. You don’t have to make a decision immediately,’ Carrie advised.

Shauna’s phone rang. She took it out of her bag and saw that it was Greg. ‘Go to hell,’ she muttered and let it ring out.

They drove on in silence. Carrie turned off the busy motorway onto the relative calm of the M1. Shauna gazed at tilting fields full of massive golden bales of hay that lined either side of the
dual carriageway. Cattle grazed contentedly in a field of emerald green. A tractor and a combine harvester worked together, harvesting a field of rippling corn in perfect precision, moving slowly
in great wide arcs to gather the precious grain. Smoke curled from the chimney of a small cottage, drifting into a copse of russet-tipped trees that swayed idly in the autumn breeze. The calm,
indolent rhythm of the September afternoon was a complete contrast to her own turmoil.

‘Della took great pleasure in letting me know about it, didn’t she?’ Shauna said a little later as they turned onto the slip road that led to Whiteshells Bay.

‘She’s a vindictive cow,’ Carrie declared vehemently.

‘I think she’s sad,’ Shauna said reflectively. ‘If that’s what it takes to make her happy and feel superior, who’d want to be her?’

‘Well, you know what they say, what goes around comes around, and what we put into the lives of others comes back into our own. She’ll never have any luck for what she’s done
today, and neither will Greg.’

‘Is that supposed to make me feel better?’ Shauna managed a small smile.

‘Yeah, but it’s true. “Do unto others . . .” and all of that, as Dad used to say when we were naughty.’

Shauna groaned. ‘Oh Lord, what’s
he
going to say when I tell him that I’ve left Greg? I’ll never hear the end of it.’

‘Let that be the least of your worries,’ Carrie counselled. ‘The important thing is to do what’s right for you and Chloe.’

‘What am I going to tell
her
?’ Shauna burst into fresh tears.

‘I don’t know how to advise you, Shauna. Sleep on it tonight. You’ll have to talk to Greg at some stage. See what comes out of that,’ her sister suggested. ‘Do you
think that you could get beyond it?’ she probed delicately.

‘Could you?’ Shauna retorted.

‘No,’ Carrie said quietly. ‘I’d die if Dan did that to me.’

‘Dan would never do anything like that. Dan’s a real man in every sense of the word. Morally and physically. He
knows
how to treat people. You’ve a great marriage,
Carrie,’ she said wistfully.

‘I know,’ her sister agreed.

‘I don’t respect Greg now. And I hate him for what he’s done to us. To our family, to the family we could have had, and could have been.’ She cried bitter tears and
Carrie let her alone, knowing that there were a lot more tears to come in the weeks ahead.

‘You’ll stay with us tonight, won’t you?’ she said as they drove into her driveway.

‘I don’t know. Maybe I should go home and get it over and done with.’

‘Not tonight. Stay tonight,’ Carrie urged. ‘And Shauna, when you go to meet Greg, leave Chloe here. She doesn’t need to hear you fighting.’

‘OK,’ her sister agreed wearily.

Dan, who had got home just before them, had the kettle boiling when they went into the kitchen. ‘If there’s anything you need or there’s anything you want me to do, you only
have to ask,’ he said sympathetically, drawing Shauna to him in a bear hug.

‘Thanks, Dan,’ she murmured against his chest, thinking how solid and strong and dependable he was.

‘Sit down and have a cup of tea here with Carrie. I’ll go over to Sadie’s to collect the kids.’

‘OK.’ She sank tiredly onto the comfy, fat-cushioned sofa and felt a little of the tension seep out of her.

They had just finished their tea, and Dan had left to collect the children, when Noel arrived. ‘Are you all right? You look shook. Was it a very sad funeral?’ he asked as he noticed
his younger daughter’s ravaged face.

‘You could say that, Dad,’ Shauna murmured.

‘But she was a good age. I’m sure it was a happy release. Wasn’t she ailing for a while?’ Noel sat beside her and patted her arm.

‘Oh, Dad, it wasn’t that. I found out something terrible today. Greg did an awful thing to me,’ she blurted, starting to cry.

Noel looked at Carrie in horror; he found tears hard to cope with. ‘What did he do?’ he asked hesitantly.

‘He . . . he . . .’ Shauna swallowed and buried her head in her hands, distraught.

‘What? What happened, Carrie?’ Noel demanded anxiously.

‘Greg had a vasectomy and never told Shauna,’ Carrie explained, handing her sister a wad of tissues.

‘May God forgive him!’ Noel exclaimed, aghast. ‘That’s a terrible thing to do. Wait until I see him, he’ll get a good talking to from me. To treat my daughter like
that . . . I . . . I don’t know what to say.’ He put his arm round her and tried in vain to comfort her, but Shauna cried with abandon, as years of pent-up sorrow and grief poured out
of the depths of her until she could cry no more. Noel and Carrie watched helplessly.

‘Sorry,’ she murmured eventually.

‘Why don’t you go and lie down for a while?’ Carrie suggested gently.

‘Yeah, I think I will. I’ve got an awful headache,’ Shauna said shakily as she struggled to her feet.

‘I’ll light a candle for you,’ Noel said awkwardly.

‘Thanks, Dad.’ She managed a wobbly smile and gave him a quick hug.

‘Go into the spare room. It’s nice and quiet at the back of the house, and the sheets are fresh on the bed,’ Carrie told her.

‘Right,’ Shauna said tiredly. ‘I’ll be down in a while.’

‘Stay there as long as you like. I’ll bring you up your dinner, if you want.’

‘I don’t think I could eat any, Carrie. There’s a lump like a golf ball in my throat.’

‘That’s understandable. See how you feel later,’ Carrie said firmly. ‘Now go on before the kids get home.’

‘Bossyboots,’ her sister said affectionately, but her lip wobbled as she left the room and Carrie could hear her crying again.

‘This is a terrible state of affairs.’ Noel shook his head worriedly as he paced up and down. ‘I’ll have to speak to Greg. They’ll have to go and have
counselling.’

‘Dad, stay out of it. They have to work it out for themselves. It’s not our place to interfere,’ Carrie said as she put the mugs into the dishwasher.

‘I know, but there are services for marriages in distress,’ Noel pointed out earnestly.

‘Dad, Shauna has every right to leave Greg after what he’s done to her, and don’t you make her feel bad about it if she does,’ she warned.

‘Now Carrie, what God has joined together let no man put asunder,’ Noel said sternly.

‘Dad, stop it. Greg had a vasectomy behind Shauna’s back and let her think they were trying for a baby. How could she live with him after that? If there’s no love and respect
there’s no true marriage.’

‘But—’

‘But
nothing
, Dad. Don’t you dare go adding to Shauna’s burdens with all that religious stuff,’ Carrie said crossly.

‘Now, miss, I don’t like your tone,’ Noel said with some of his old authority. ‘The Church says—’

‘Tough, if you don’t like my tone, Dad. I’m not interested in what the Church says. You gave Bobby a hard enough time; I won’t let you do it to Shauna. It’s not up
to you to judge. You haven’t walked in her shoes. You don’t know what it’s like.’ Carrie’s tone brooked no argument. ‘Greg’s deprived her of the chance to
have a baby, he’s lied to her, and treated her abominably. Why would anyone want her to stay in a marriage like that with a man like that? That’s not marriage, that’s
abuse,’ she exploded, wishing she could get her hands on Greg Cassidy.

‘Hmmm, you have a point.’ Noel backed down, unused to Carrie lecturing him so vehemently. ‘She has grounds for annulment there, I think. After all, because of what he’s
had done, he’s a eunuch,’ he pronounced solemnly. Carrie, who had her back to him, spluttered and managed to turn it into a cough. She had a hysterical desire to laugh, but Noel would
not be amused. He took his theological matters very seriously. As far as he was concerned, Greg was now officially a eunuch in the eyes of the Church. Trust her father to come up with a gem like
that.

‘Go and light a candle for her. I’ll have the dinner ready in another hour,’ she suggested, thinking that it was all very surreal. If only she could wake up and find it was
just a bad dream.

Shauna lay curled up in a ball in the comfortable double bed in Carrie’s guest room. She felt sick and cold. Her stomach was tied up in knots. She’d never felt so
alone in her life. Why had Greg done this to her? Did she mean so little to him? Was she, or her needs, of no consequence? Did he not see her as equal in their marriage? Obviously not, she thought
forlornly as she switched on the electric blanket.

But then, had she ever been his equal? she wondered. It had always been about him and what he wanted. She’d never
really
asserted herself. The thoughts raced around in her head.
It was her own fault. Knowing that made it all the worse. She buried her aching head under her pillow.

She was going to have to meet Greg and confront him about what he’d done. She couldn’t run away from this one. This time she was going to have to make the decisions as to what she
wanted to do with her life. The thought frightened her to her core. Did she have the strength to stand on her own two feet? She’d never done it before and right now the thought of it
enveloped her in dread.

Greg poured himself a stiff whiskey and lay down on the couch. He’d phoned Shauna twice. The first time the phone had rung out. The second time it had been switched off.
He wanted to book flights back to Abu Dhabi. Would he be booking for three or one? What would she decide?

He wished he could fly out tonight and get back to work and bury himself in it. Work was his solace. It made him feel good about himself. It was the
only
thing that made him feel good
about himself, he thought glumly. Ever since Shauna had got the bee in her bonnet about having kids, he’d come second in her life. How was that supposed to make a man feel? It was
all
her fault that they were in this mess, anyway. And he was going to tell her so if she started giving him a hard time. Angry and embittered, he went into their bedroom and began to pack
the remainder of his gear. He’d left a message on his wife’s phone telling her to get in touch. He’d give her until midday tomorrow. If not, he was going to book a ticket for
himself and she could do what she bloody well liked. She always did, anyway.

‘Are you sure you don’t mind if Chloe stays here?’ Shauna said to Carrie as she carefully made up her face in preparation for her encounter with Greg.

‘Of course not. She’s better off here,’ Carrie assured her.

‘Imagine being nervous going to meet your own husband,’ Shauna said wryly. ‘My stomach is in a heap.’

‘That’s natural. There’s a lot at stake,’ Carrie said quietly.

‘I know. I was awake all night trying to decide what to do,’ Shauna confessed.

‘Look, I’ll go down to the school tomorrow and see if they could take Chloe for a couple of weeks. That would give you time to think. And give you and Greg some space,’ Carrie
offered.

‘That’s a good idea. Thanks, Carrie. I might take you up on that,’ Shauna said gratefully. ‘It would give me a bit of leeway.’ She kissed her sister.
‘I’ll see you later. Wish me luck.’

‘Just don’t let him persuade you to do anything you don’t want to do or feel uncomfortable with,’ Carrie advised.