Divided (4 page)

Today was our rehearsal dinner and the last time I would see Marco before our wedding day. I was checking into the
W Hote
l for the next couple nights with the girls until our nuptials; we thought it would be more special that way.

My phone rang in my purse and I was thrilled to see that it was Katie calling; I couldn’t wait for our all girl slumber party.

“Hi Sugar, what are you up to?” I asked. I had taken the week before and two weeks after the wedding off. I was so ahead with all my articles that I could enjoy this time to just prepare and relax.

“Finally done with work, I’m on my way to catch the train into the city. Do you need anything from here before I leave?” She was such a good maid of honor.

“Nope” I responded, “I’m on my way to pick up my shoes and then I’m surprising Marco at work. We agreed that we’d meet at dinner but I’m too eager! I feel like a silly school girl waiting for the prom.” Marco had been acting a little distant since I arrived from Las Vegas and I just hoped it would blow over. I could tell that the stress of work and the wedding was catching up to him.

“Well if you need anything let me know. If not, I’ll see you at the hotel.”

 We hung up the phone as I made my way to the
Christian Louboutin
store on Madison Ave. It was a beautiful spring day, the trees had all bloomed and New York City was filled with people. All of the tourists were out along with all the regulars. I had fallen in love with New York when I was a little kid. Every Christmas, my parents would bring me to have dinner, see the tree at Rockefeller and watch the Christmas Spectacular.

 For college, I went to NYU and shared a dorm with Melanie all four years. It was the best time of my life and I knew then that regardless of what I did with my life, I always wanted to be next to New York City. So after college when I finished my internship at Express Magazine and they offered me a full time position and I took it, never once looking anywhere else. I rented an apartment in Hoboken with Katie, just so I could see the skyline anytime I wanted and that was it for me, I was happy.

 New York was also the city that introduced me to Marco. Melanie, Katie, Caitlyn and I were out five years ago celebrating Melanie’s promotion at work when Marco sent over a round of drinks. He sent one to Melanie, Caitlyn, and Katie but not to me. When the waiter put their drinks down he said, “The gentleman over there would like for you ladies to excuse this young lady as he would like to talk to her for a second.”

At first I thought it was so rude of him to do that -- not only because he didn’t even come up to me himself, but also because he asked my friends to leave. Before the three of them could get up and excuse themselves, I interrupted: “Thanks, but no thanks.”

Marco didn’t get the message though; he continued to bother me until I was willing to talk to him. I gave him five minutes. He had five minutes to wow me or I would walk away. It only took him three before I stopped looking at my watch and was in full-blown conversation with him.

 After that night we were inseparable. We spent every possible second together. I told him all of my fears and my secrets and he told me all of his dreams. We were perfect together and everyone else seemed to agree.

As I walked out of the store with my beautiful satin wedding shoes I couldn’t wait to start my life as Marco’s wife. For the past couple of years, I felt as if we were playing house, almost like none of it was actually real. This would make it official, man and wife.  I didn’t tell Marco or his assistant Trish that I was planning a surprise visit. Usually I called Trish and confirmed that he wasn’t busy. Though he was never surprised when I walked in.

I quickly stopped by Whole Foods and picked up some small sandwiches and a small fruit platter just in case he hadn’t had lunch yet. My nerves were all over the place from the wedding and I knew Marco would calm me down. I walked down Avenue of Americas and walked into his office building, making my way through the office and stopping to say ‘hi’ to everyone. I was a bit of a regular here; I had made it a mission to get to know everyone he was working with. I never wanted to be the ‘boss’s wife’ who acted like she was too good to speak to anyone.

Before I could walk into Marco’s office, I first had to pass through Trish’s. I found it strange though that she wasn’t at her desk and even stranger that Marco’s door was closed and locked. Usually when she was out to lunch, his door was open and when it was closed and locked his red light outside his office was on stating that he was on a call or with a client.  Being that the light was not on and Trish wasn’t there to let me know if he was in or not, I punched the code in on the keypad to open his office door. 

Big mistake.

 As the door opened I came to a stop just inside of the doorway at the sight of Marco standing, his pants around his knees with Trish lying flat on his desk, as he repeatedly pounded himself into her.  At first I was speechless. This couldn’t be happening. We were getting married in only TWO days. My mind had to be playing tricks on me. But as I stood there unable to avert my gaze, the realization of what they were doing hit me. Marco’s back was to me and he was blocking Trish from my view, but I knew it was her. She had an ugly koi fish tattoo on her calf, the same calf that was wrapped tightly around Marco’s waist. I slammed the door closed behind me shutting the three of us in the office, startling the pair. A part of me wished that I had never opened the stupid door. Marco turned around to see who had opened the door and managed to face me while protecting Trish and blocking her naked body from view. Marco protecting her from being seen made me see red. Adding the cherry on top, the asshole – that I was supposed to marry - was not only fucking someone else, he also wasn’t using any protection while he was doing it. 
Fucking asshole!

 “Alani!” He said in utter shock. With sweat dripping off his body, he quickly attempted to pull his pants back up

“Were you expecting someone else?” I said, still holding everything in one hand, and my fist wound tight in the other. Trish was busy trying to get her clothes back on and Marco kept failing to pull his pants back up.

“I can explain.” He said reaching for the remainder of his clothes.

I waited, and he said nothing. Trish just sat behind him silently, knowing better than to open her mouth at that moment. I’d had her over for dinner multiple times, had gone for massages, and mani's and pedi's with her. She was a friend.

“Try me!” I yelled. “How the hell can you explain this?” Anger was consuming my body and I could feel a flush creep up my neck. “Better yet, how about the two of you go 
fuck
 yourselves. Marco, we’re done. Done!”

I pulled my engagement ring off of my ring finger. Peaking her head from behind Marco, I saw her strawberry colored hair. “Here Trish have my sloppy seconds.” I said, throwing my engagement ring in her direction.

 With that I stormed out of his office, I needed to breathe and I refused to let him see me cry. I was fueled with anger and didn’t want his pity. He didn’t deserve a single tear from me. I knew that I would cry, I would cry a lot, but not in front of him. I was better than that.

“Alani baby, let me explain. It was just wedding nerves. She means nothing to me.” He said catching up with me in the hallway.

“Don’t!” I screamed as I turned around to face him. “Don’t you fucking dare 
Alani baby 
me Marco, you are a piece of shit, a fucking asshole. What’s done is done. We’re through. I’ll never be able to be with you, let alone have any respect for you after seeing what I just saw. You fucking disgust me.”

 
Tears please stay inside. Please.

“But, I love you” He pleaded.

“No, you don’t.” I said my voice trembling. My anger quickly turning to sorrow. “When you truly love someone you love them with your whole heart! You don’t go around 
fucking
 your secretary on the night of your
fucking
rehearsal dinner, 
two 
days before your
fucking
wedding. 
Two Fucking Days!
” I took a deep breath to calm myself. “You couldn’t really love me, if you did, you wouldn’t have done any of that. You Marco, you did all of it”

He just stood there, no tie, his shirt buttoned incorrectly, bowing his head in shame.

 I turned and walked straight out his office and out of his life. Taking my big giant bug-like sunglasses out of my purse I put them on, avoiding all the stares from employees who had overheard our conversation. I could no longer control my tears and I couldn’t get to the elevator quick enough. I practically ran out of the front lobby. When I was finally outside, the air hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn’t know where to go.

Home.
I couldn’t go home. My home was now tainted. It was a home that I shared with
him
and I didn’t know how long he had been sharing himself with
her.
The thought of that made me gag, and I found myself looking for the closest trashcan.

After puking up my breakfast, I just stood there looking around trying to figure out where to go. I no longer had a place to call mine and I wasn’t ready to call Katie. I knew I wouldn’t be able to speak and wasn’t ready to break down and sob, which is exactly what would happen if I called her. So instead I walked towards Central Park.

 I walked from one side of the park to the other and then all the way back down before I decided it was time to make my way to the hotel to meet with the girls.

As I was walking, I couldn’t help thinking back to what Ryan said to me as we said goodbye. 
“I wish you nothing but happiness, it’s exactly what you deserve.”
 Did he mean it? Was this my entire fault? Was this just Karma for the way I flirted with Ryan in Vegas? The thought brought a whole new wave of tears to my eyes. Not being able to control it any longer I sat on the bench bowing my head and released my pent up sobs.

By the time I made it to the
W Hotel,
I was all cried out and my eyes were large and puffy. I thanked God for New Yorkers who just left everyone alone and didn’t pry. When I got my room key, I was informed that the girls were already upstairs. 
Great. Let’s rehash the last two hours of my life all over again. 
 I needed serious amounts of vodka and tequila to get me through this weekend.

“Can you please make sure that if Marco Mirabelli comes by or calls in asking for my room number, please do not provide him with any of my information or transfer his calls through? Also can you please send up four bottles of
Ketel One
and one bottle of
Patrón
?” Hell this was all under Marco’s credit card so why not. The receptionist nodded and looked at me like I had six heads; so with that I headed for my room.

 When I walked into the hotel suite, all four girls were pacing the room back and forth until they all saw me and stopped dead in their tracks.

“What happened?” They asked in unison rushing to the door.

“What do you mean?” I responded as calm as possible, exhaling slowly. Still with my sunglass covering my blood shot eyes.

“Marco called us, each one of us, looking for you. He was frantic but wouldn’t tell us anything. He just said he needed to talk to you.” Melanie said. I just looked at her not saying anything, chewing on the inside of my mouth.

“We called you a million times.” Caitlyn chimed in.

I looked at Katie and knew she could tell exactly what was wrong. It was as if the second the sunglass came off my face, she knew that something had happen. Without elaborating on what I was upset about I called out, “I ordered Vodka and Tequila from the front desk, it’s on the way up. I’m going to shower and after I have enough liquor inside of me, I’ll let you all know what is going on. For now can you all do me a huge favor?”

They all nodded as I wiped away the tears that dripped down my face without any of my control. “Call everyone and all the vendors. Please inform them that the wedding is no longer happening. But be sure to tell all the vendors that they will all receive their final payments courtesy of Marco Mirabelli.”

I turned away heading for the bathroom.

“You want us to what?” Melanie questioned, my back towards them now.

“Just do it,” Katie answered for me.

⌘

 I was glad for the extravagant showerhead that the 
W
 
Hotel
had in the room. I sat on the floor of the shower letting the water continue to fall on top of me and tried to think of happy thoughts in an effort to stop the tears from falling but nothing helped. My heart was torn into a million pieces. I blamed myself at first.
Was I not enough for him? Was I not what he really wanted? Was this moving too fast for him, did I push him to this?
I couldn’t get the image of him and Trish out of my mind. Deep down, I knew this wasn’t my fault. It was never okay to cheat, regardless of what the issues were, and to make it even worse, he was having unprotected sex.

I cried now because I was going to have to find a place to live. I cried because my mother and father would be devastated. And I cried because I was embarrassed that this was happening to me. I never thought I would be calling my wedding off two days prior because the groom was having an affair with his secretary.

 When I was all pruned and ready for some alcohol to numb the pain, I stood up, finished showering, and got out. I dried myself off and looked in the mirror.
God,
my eyes were swollen and red, practically burnt from what felt like nonstop crying.  Taking a fluffy robe off of the rack, I put it on and looked at myself in the mirror. “I can do this.” I said to my reflection. “It will hurt like hell, you will cry, you will want to die, but you will get through this. It is impossible to die from a broken heart.” 
It doesn’t feel impossible.
I took one last look in the mirror and took a deep breath.

 
      Walking into the living area, it appeared that the girls had all the information from the vendors out, and that all the necessary calls were made.