Ditched (23 page)

I could tell how uncomfortable Max was having thi
s conversation. I decided it would only be fair if I made myself just as uncomfortable as he was. “I meant what I said. I’ve been thinking about you a lot the last few days. And I know that doesn’t seem like very long. But you and I, it’s pretty much
all
I’ve been thinking about. At the same time, I get what you’re saying. But I want you to know that Collin has nothing to do with this.”

“And what
is
this, exactly?” he asked. He glanced at the clock on the wall and cut me off before I even got started. “I’ve really got to get going. I’m already late. Do you think you could do me a favor?”

I nodded. “Anything.”

“Can you think about it today, while I’m gone? I mean, really think about it? What you want from me? I don’t want to cross any lines that shouldn’t be crossed. Not if it means possibly losing you as a friend. And if you’re not one hundred percent sure about what you want, I’m afraid that’s what’s going to happen.”

I understoo
d what he was saying. I was surprised that I felt so…disappointed. When my gaze flicked back to him, he must’ve been able to read it splashed across my face.  He hesitated. Then he pushed off from the counter and walked over to me. He slid his hand across my cheek, cupping my jaw line. His movements were slow. Full of intention. And they seemed to pull the breath right out of me.

When he kissed me I clung to him because my knees had become useless. He slid his arm
s around me and I knew I already had my answer. I didn’t need the day to think about anything. Last night, everything about kissing Max had felt so perfect. It felt the same right then. When I felt him begin to pull back, I pulled him in before he got too far. I didn’t want this maple syrup flavored kiss to be a single second shorter than it had to be.

“What was that for?” I finally asked.

“Just in case,” he said as he backed away. His arms slipped from around my waist. “Just in case you decide we’re not going to work and I don’t get the chance again.” He leaned in, dropped a kiss on my cheek and he left.

I stood there, trying to catch my breath as I watched him go.

“I need to talk to Lanna,” I mumbled to myself as I heard Max pull away.

It was early in California.
Lanna liked her sleep even more than I did, so even thought it was two hours later for her, I’d be taking a chance, hoping she was up. She was.

“Do you have something exciting to report to me?” she asked.

“What happened to ‘hello’?”

“It’s overrated.
”

“I’m actually surprised you’re awake,” I told her.

“I’m up. I’ve even made a batch of chocolate chip muffins already,” she said. I hesitated and she grumbled. “Okay, they were out of a package and all I had to do was add milk. But it’s the finished product that counts, right?”

“Of course.”

“So, what’s new? It’s
really
early for you. Why are you up already?” Her tone had changed and I could picture her settling onto the couch with her muffin.

I gave her a quick recap of the night and my morning.

“Good for you, you little tart,” she said proudly.

I knew she was teasing. I felt compelled to defend myself anyway.
“No. It wasn’t really like that. It all stayed pretty PG-13ish.”

“Bummer,” she said.

I ignored her. “Then this morning, it was a little awkward. I didn’t think it would be awkward. I mean,
it’s Max
.”

“So, what’s the problem?” Lanna asked.

“He’s worried that he’s nothing but a rebound.”

“Is he?”

I didn’t think so. But…“How would I know? For sure, I mean?”

“
What do you like about him?” she asked.

“He’s sweet. He’s honest. He’s fun to be with. He’s smart. He’s—”

“Yeah,” Lanna interrupted. “I got it. You’ve always thought Max has a ton of great qualities. Has anything changed?”

“No. Oh, I can add
awesome kisser to the list. In fact, that was probably the most memorable night of kissing in my life.” I tossed myself down in the chair that overlooked the ocean.

“See! Even better.
If it were anyone else, I’d be worried. But you’ve known him a long time. You know what you’re getting into.”

She was silent for several beats
and so was I as I watched the waves rolling in. Between the view and the conversation, my agitation from earlier had nearly faded.

“What about Collin?”

And just like that, my agitation was back. “What about him?”

“How do you feel about him?”

I took a moment to process the question. “Honestly, I don’t miss him as much as I thought I would. Mostly I’m still so mad at him that I don’t bother to think about him at all. The few times I have let my mind go there, I’ve realized how wrong we were for each other. I think we both got so used to playing a part from the time we were kids. I don’t think either of us knew where we really ended and where each of us began alone.”

“Okay, so give Max a chance.”

A stray thought came to me. “If I do that, everyone will think Collin was right. They’ll believe I ran off with Max because there was already something between us.”

She was silent for a
while before saying, “You do realize they already think that, don’t you? So what difference does it make?”

I got up and started to pace the short
length of the living room. Yes, she had mentioned it to me before. At the time, I wasn’t seeing Max. The thought that anyone would believe Collin’s lies seemed too absurd to worry about. But now, I was worried.

It was infuriating to me that Collin was the one who had
behaved so reprehensibly, and yet I was thought to have been guilty of the same thing. A huge part of me wanted to go home and set everyone straight. But that would mean leaving Max.

“You’re being too quiet. Do I even want to know what you’re thinking?” She paused. “Actually, I can guess what you’re thinking. Please do not let Collin’s lies ruin this for you.”

“I know,” I said with a sigh. “It’s just, well, it looks bad.”

“Holly!” she snapped. “You can’t be serious! Do not let what other people think get to you.”

“But if I date Max, if we start something, really start something, it’s going to make it look like
Collin was telling the truth. Like I was the lying cheat first!”

“Your friends know that’s not true. Who cares what everyone else thinks?” she demanded. After a little pause she said, “Besides, you already left with Max. You’ve already spent a good chunk of the summer with him.”

I groaned, clearly hearing what she was saying. “So I already look guilty as charged.”

“Yes,” she said unapologetically. “Your family knows the truth. Your friends know the
truth. I’d be willing to bet that his friends all know the truth, too. Who cares about anyone else? If there are people who are going to believe him and think the worst of you, then they’re not people who are important to you, anyway. It’s as simple as that.”

Maybe it was.

***

After I’d gotten off the phone, I’d spent the rest of the morning thinking about Max.
Probably not in the way he’d intended. I knew he wanted me to think things over, seriously. Instead, I was
seriously
wrapped up in daydreaming about him.

I knew exactly what I wanted.

I could only hope that it was what Max wanted, too.

The day was dragging by
and I decided I needed to find something to do or the afternoon would seem endless.

My mind started spinning and I made a plan.

My culinary repertoire was painfully limited. But I’d always been able to make a decent lasagna and an even better white chocolate mousse. After a quick walk to the grocery store, I started dinner preparations. By the time I was expecting Max home, the lasagna and breadsticks were in the oven, the mousse and a salad were in the refrigerator. I’d set the table out on the patio complete with cloth napkins, a pillar candle I’d found in my bedroom and some flowers I’d plucked out of the flowerbed.

It wasn’t terribly fa
ncy. But it was better than eating in the living room with our plates propped in our laps like we normally did.

When he ended up being later than usual, I started to worry, wondering if I’d accidentally scared him away. Maybe he really didn’t want me in the way Mike said he did. I was worrying myself into a nervous mess by the time he finally did come home.

He was only half an hour later than normal, but it felt like a whole lot longer than that.

I had no intention of playing games or acting coy
.  When he finally came through the front door, I was waiting for him.

“Hey,” I said as he slipped in.
“I thought you’d be back before now.”

“Oh, I just went for a little dri
ve to clear my head. I wanted a little bit of time to think before I came back.” He looked surprised and a bit leery as he stood in front of the closed door. “Were you waiting for me?”

I nodded and worry coursed through me.
“What did you have to think about?”

Please don’t tell me you changed your mind
, I thought as I took in the uncomfortable way he was looking at me
. Now that I finally know how you feel, please don’t tell me that you don’t feel that way anymore.

He let out a little puff of air that was probably supposed to be a laugh. Only it was too humorless to actually pass for one. “I was thinking about
how I was going to handle this when you say you just want to stay friends.”

“That’s not what I want,” I said. I took a few steps toward him. “I want to see where things go with us.”

A slow smile spread across his face. “Yeah?”

I nodded, closing the distance. “Yeah.
Just so you know, this has nothing to do with you-know-who. This is about us, no one else. There are,” I took a deep breath, willing to lay it all out there, “so many things that I love about you. To be honest, even before Mike said anything, there were times I caught myself thinking that I wished I was with someone like you.”

“Someone
like
me?” he asked with a smirk.

“Or better yet,
you
,” I said, smiling back. “I promise I won’t…” I was going to say, ‘Hurt you,’ but that sounded pretentious.

He raised his eyebrows. “Tear out my heart?” he wryly offered.

My own heart twisted a bit at his words. “I won’t.”

I took another step,
which put me right where I wanted to be. I was close enough to slide my arms around his neck. I hummed out a happy little sigh of relief when his arms looped around my waist and he pulled me in so that our bodies were finally touching. I ran my fingers across his neck and a smile broke out on his face as he closed his eyes. When he opened them he looked as happy as I felt.

I kissed him the way he
kissed me the night before. As if I couldn’t get enough of him. I ran my fingers through his hair as his hands slid up my back. I realized I may have the same effect on Max that he had on me. He stumbled a few steps back, until we were pressed against the closed door. Then he squeezed me in a hug so tight he pulled me right up off of my feet, never once breaking our kiss. I was alternately gasping for air and whimpering for more when the oven timer went off.

He set me back down and
I reluctantly pulled away.

“What was that for?” he asked. He was smiling as he echoed my question from that morning.

“The kiss?” I shrugged and grinned up at him, instinctively knowing he wasn’t questioning the timer. “Just because I can.” I grabbed his hand and tugged him into the kitchen with me. I reached for the pesky timer and shut it off.

The aroma finally seemed to register with him. “Did you make dinner?” he asked in surprise.

I motioned to the sliding glass door. The table was clearly visible, set against the backdrop of the ocean and the setting sun.
As always, I was stunned by the beauty of it all. I knew if I saw it every evening for the rest of forever, I wouldn’t tire of it.

“I was hoping tonight could be like a date? Only I thought with such a
gorgeous view, why go anywhere. Besides, here we have privacy,” I said as I slid the lasagna onto the stovetop.

“Wow. This?” he said with a huge grin as he pulled me back to him again. “I think this is going to be even better than I ever thought it would be.”