dissonance. (a Böhme novel) (25 page)

“You’re too good to me Brecken,” I said, and I meant it.

“Don’t sell yourself short Blakey. Being with you these last couple weeks has been amazing. Are you going to be able to come with me to my grandpa’s before the party tomorrow?” Brecken asked.

“Of course. But you’re still coming by tonight?” I asked.

“Yes, I am. I’m actually planning on staying there,” she said with the sound of a smile.

“Fuck, Mason’s coming back out now. Did you really just insinuate what I think you did? Because if you did and you said it on the phone when I’m getting ready to hang up, that’s pretty shitty,” I said as I watched Mason slowly take the steps from the porch. “I won’t hold it against you though. I think if you did mean what you hinted at, I would be willing to forgive you. I’d forgive you many times.”

“Damn it, there’s a fault Blake. I’m trying to flirt with you and tell you what I’m willing to do. Something that is hard as fuck for me to say, by the way.” I giggled at her word choice.
Yes, I fucking giggled like a thirteen year old.
“Oh god, I’ll see you at your apartment in a bit.”

“Okay, and I’m sorry Brecken. I couldn’t help it. I’ll make it up to you. I mean it,” I said as Mason climbed in.

“Apology accepted,” she said before ending the call.

Fuck it. I need to get home.

“That sounded like a good conversation,” Mason said.

“Yes it was, Mason, yet it was. So, did you get your answers?” I asked, turning the key in the ignition.

“Not really. He wasn’t much help. He said he would talk to some people and then get back to me,” Mason said as he buckled in.

“Well, okay. What’s going on anyway?” I asked.

“I don’t want to talk about it right yet. It just has to do with this little self-discovery I’m going on,” he said with extreme vagueness.

“Okay, I won’t ask. But if you need me to do something let me know,” I said, and started messing with the radio. It was my turn now.

“Oh man, I haven’t heard this song in forever. Wynn and I used to love this song. We spent an entire afternoon learning all the words to it so we could sing it to my mom for her birthday. She was born on the fourth of July so we thought it fit.”

Then as if on cue, Don McLean started in on the chorus of
Miss American Pie
and as I sang along with him, I looked at Mason, trying to get him to laugh or lighten up or something. I realized I was doing to him what I used to do to Wynn. I was trying to cheer him up by being an idiot.

Mason started to sing the words quietly along with me and I shoved his arm. “See, you can sing it. How can you
not
sing along with this song?” I asked.

Mason smiled, rolled his eyes, but still kept singing. It was probably one of the cheesiest moments I’d yet lived. But it was worth it to watch him not seem as bummed. Why did I do that? Why did I have a need to make people laugh? I think it might be my own insecurity with dealing with emotions. The only emotion I was comfortable with involved humor.

I thought back on the day we learned that song. Wynn had stayed over the night before, but had to go home and help his mom early in the morning. She was in one of her moods. He left to go clean up the lawn and when he didn’t come back in the half hour or hour  that I thought he should have, I went searching for him.

I found him sitting on the ground next to one of the rain barrels his mom filled and he just paused and looked up at me.

“What are you doing here, Blake?” he had asked.

“Seeing if you needed help,” I had said as I sat next to him.

“You can’t help me, Blake.”

As the song grew quieter toward the end, I mindlessly looked out the window and didn’t sing as much. So much for the happy memory the song first brought with it. When the song ended, I turned the stereo off.

“It’s crazy how one song can bring back so many memories,” I said.

“It’s not that crazy,” Mason said “I have many songs that remind me of different places and points in my life. Songs hold more memories than photos. With a song you get the entire feeling of the moment—like those emotions travel with the words and wherever you are, when you hear that song, you remember. You just close your eyes and you’re there.” He spoke with a far off look as he kept his head turned out the window.

I could tell he was thinking about what he learned or didn’t learn at that old farm. I felt bad for the kid. I wanted to help him more, but it was obvious he wanted to do this on his own.

_______________

“So what’s the plan today?” Brecken asked when I let her into my apartment.

“Well, I have to change. I stink pretty badly from work and I need to take a shower,” I said as I pulled her in for a hug and jokingly started to put my arm around her so she could see for herself just how bad I smelled.

I stepped away from her and took my shirt off while still in the living room and let her watch me. It wasn’t that she hadn’t seen me with my shirt off. She came to my work site a couple times and saw. When you roof, keeping your shirt on isn’t an option on the hotter days.

She pretended to ignore my lack of a shirt right now, and then her curiosity got the best of her as she let her eyes float up to me. I stood there, motionless and wordless as she stepped toward me.

“So, happy birthday,” she said with a smile and rested her chin against my chest, looking up at me.

“Almost, I will be a quarter of a century tomorrow you know,” I said and leaned down to meet her lips.

We kissed briefly before she leaned into me and ran her nose across my chest and every few movements she would let her tongue taste me. Her height was just at my shoulder and she paused at my nipple. She still held my eyes and with a swift lick of her lip she smiled at me through her thick, long eyelashes. Then her smile grew before she moved in and quickly gave a gentle bite to my nipple.

I yelped.

“What was that for?” I asked.

“It’s part of your birthday present,” she said.

“I’m really not sure how I feel about being bitten on my birthday,” I said with a smile.

“Oh, you’ll like it, I’m sure. But that’s not what I have planned. That was just because it was there. You stick a nipple in my face, I’m going to bite it,” she said flirtatiously.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” I said.

Her tongue quickly traced her lip and smiled up at me with her eyelids lowered just enough to look sexy as hell. “So now what?” she asked.

“Now, I’m going to shower before we do anything. So, my little Brecken, go ahead and wait here until I get finished.”

“My little Brecken?” She rolled her eyes and gave me a mocking grin.

“Yes,
my
little Brecken,” I said as I kissed behind her ear.

“Go take your shower,” she said with another roll of her eyes.

When I came out from the shower, I found her sitting on my bed with her legs crossed.

I was wearing only a towel at this point and I knew Brecken was enjoying the show. I played it up when I bent over to get my shorts from the drawer, letting my ass stick up in her face. I looked far from manly as I did it too. It was on purpose, of course.

“You know, can I ask you something?” she said as she leaned back onto her elbows and uncrossed her legs. Her foot hopped as she tilted her head to the side to check me out.

“Yes, Brecken, ask away,” I said as I pulled my boxers on under my towel.

“Are you Bi? It isn’t that it matters; I’m just wondering. I know Gabe is gay because I think he dated a friend of mine once. I was watching you guys the first night we met and you were kind of touchy so I was curious.”

What…the…hell?
I’m sure my thoughts showed to her as her grin changed over to a smile.

“Wow. I wasn’t expecting that to be the question. You really thought there was something going on with Gabe?” I asked with a furrowed brow.

“Well, yeah. You guys seem close,” she said as she crossed her legs once more.

“We are close, but that doesn’t mean we screw. Do you sleep with the guys in your band? I mean you’re close right?” I asked with a raise of my eyebrow.

“No, no, we don’t. I now consider myself schooled, Blakey,” she said as she brought her feet up onto my bed and rested her head on her arm, just watching me. Her fidgeting reminded me of Mason earlier. She was uncomfortable with my nudity. “You can proceed in your getting dressed now.” She laughed with a wave of her hand and tried to cover her nervousness.

“Well it’s not as fun now that I can’t do it without you questioning my sexuality.”

She let her tongue peek out just for a moment as she looked at me with her thick lashes lowered, “Please continue?”

She had said please, so I continued.

“You have no tattoos at all, do you?” she asked as her eyes traced along my body.

“Nope. I have virgin skin. I’ve never felt the need to get one. I’ve gone with Wynn for pretty much all of his, so it isn’t like I’m afraid or anything,” I said as I turned to throw my tee shirt on.

“Your friendship with Wynn is intriguing. You seriously have a different look about you when you talk about him. It’s like you switch modes or something.” she said with sincerity as she sat up and rested her elbows on her knees. With one hand rested under her chin, she reached the other toward me. “Come here, I want to kiss you.”

“Yes I do care about him. He’s family.” I reached down and tied my shoes before standing upright and lifted a brow at her. “You think I’ll just come when you ask?” I walked right to her as I was saying it, and then pushed her legs apart with my knee. I leaned down as she looked up and met me half way. I usually didn’t let chicks take the lead, but with Brecken there was a give and take. I didn’t stop her from showing me what she wanted and I didn’t feel emasculated by her taking the lead. In fact, the opposite was true. I never knew I’d feel like more of a man, just by relinquishing control at times.

I knew it the first time I held her hand with intention. I had paused right before I took her hand. I had put it there just close enough to show what I wanted, but waited for her to take it from me. When we held hands at the gallery, I just grabbed her hand for the sake of pulling her along and because I wanted to touch her. But after our conversation and waiting, I knew I had to give her the control. I didn’t even want to hold her hand without her lead.

Her kiss was sexy and gentle and at first felt foreign to me, but it was fucking awesome every time she gave it to me. It was also filled with a sincerity that made my chest ache. She was so fucking beautiful… my chest ached. That sounds lame, but it’s true. I kept going back to that one feeling she instilled in me. She made me so fucking happy.

“Do you ever not smile? I mean, do you ever have a serious face?” she asked, looking up at me.

I laughed. “Yes, Brecken I do have a serious face. See,” I said as I tried to keep a straight face and give a sexy stare.

“Yeah, it isn’t working when you force it. It doesn’t look sincere,” she said. “You look constipated.”

I laughed. “Well, I hope to have the opportunity to show you my sincerely serious face sometime—without looking constipated,” I said as I pulled her from the bed.

“Sincerely serious? What does that even mean?” she asked with a laugh and walked in front of me.

“You’ll know when you see it,” I said.

“Well we need to eat something; I’m starved,” she said, looking back over her shoulder at me.

“Okay, but first I have to give
you
something.” I said.

“Give me something?” she asked, her brows furrowed. “It’s your birthday not mine.”

“It’s something my parents always do and I had to do it with you too. We always choose someone to give one gift to on our birthdays. It’s because we have to remember that the best gift we can ever be given is friendship and love. So we give gifts to those that we are thankful for having in our lives,” I looked away from Brecken and shook my head. “So yes, Breck, I have a gift for you. I know it’s just been a month, but I’m thankful for having you. Now come on, I need to take you down to my dad’s shop.”

_______________

I walked toward the office building and warehouse near my apartment with Brecken following close behind. She held my hand and clasped my forearm with her other hand.

“I’ve never shown you what’s behind the office,” I said as we stepped into the warehouse attached to the main area.

“Holy shit,” she said as she took in the many large terrariums and habitats for various reptiles just beyond the office.

“We have snakes, iguanas, and several other reptiles. We take them in when people can’t take care of them. Then we set them up with homes and make sure the family taking them is responsible,” I said as we walked farther into the warehouse.

“Are you fucking serious?” she asked with excitement. “When you told me about this before, I thought it was just going to be a couple little iguanas in aquariums or something. This is amazing.”

“Yeah, my mom started doing it years ago. She’s always loved reptiles. All of this is a full time job for her. She went to school to be a biologist, but when she met my dad, they fell in love, she got pregnant with me, and then dropped out. But she said she never regretted it, because this is what she always wanted to do—save animals that others were going to toss aside and she didn’t need a degree to do that,” I said as I walked her past the wall of habitats.