Dissolve (9 page)

“It’s y-your room,” I manage to sound annoyed instead of awestruck, which is a plus. “You paid for it. Do whatever you want.”

He smirks over his broad, bare shoulder at me, his green eye mischievous.

“Maybe I will.”

I wait until Kai’s closed the door and started the water to turn on the TV. I can’t believe where am I - spending the night in a motel with Kai Jackson. How the heck did I manage to wrangle myself into this? It’s mostly Hayley’s fault. I swear we’re going to have a talk when this is over.

For now, I concentrate on the mindless Discovery channel and try to control my breathing. I take stock of my hands, my head, my body. I’m not as terrified as I thought I’d be. I’m not scared at all. Something deep in me whispers I’ll be okay, loud enough to drown out my memories. Kai’s done nothing to hurt me, even though he’s had multiple chances to. He hasn’t even hit on me. Not seriously, anyway.

The water buffalo on the TV start butting heads, and the announcer starts talking about ‘mating season’, and I instantly change it to cartoons. I have zero patience for that right now. How many girls would kill to be in my shoes? How many girls have already been in my shoes? This exact scenario is probably nothing new for Kai.

Speak of the devil. He comes out of the shower, damp hair falling sinfully into his eyes. He’s dressed already, and pulling on his jacket before I can say a word.

“I’m gonna stop by the gas station, see if there’s anything to eat.” He says. “You want anything?”

“A million dollars would be nice.”

He laughs. “As you wish.”

The room is eerily quiet while he’s gone, but it gives me more breathing space. Just act natural, Eve. He doesn’t have his eye on you - you’re not his type. You’ve got the shortest hair imaginable and your ass is flatter than a zombie’s pulse. You don’t carry enough perfume in your purse or have intimate knowledge of how to use condoms. Not that you need to be thinking about condoms, right now, because nothing is going to happen. Absolutely nothing.

I muss my hair up and growl in frustration. What the hell is this guy doing to me? I can’t get that kiss out of my head, and being so close to him isn’t exactly helping. Somewhere between all my angst I manage to change into my pajamas I brought - an oversized shirt and pants with googly-eyed cartoon puppies on them.

A knock comes at the door, and Kai’s voice filters through. “You decent?”

“Sure.”

He opens the door, closing it against the sudden rush of December air. His cheeks and nose are red as he stomps his boots free of slush and deposits the four filled-to-the-brim plastic bags he’s carrying on my bed. He looks up at me, then down at my pants. I’m suddenly hyper-aware of how immature and stupid my pajamas are.

“Cute pants.” He drawls sarcastically.

“I’m sorry it’s not Victoria’s Secret,” I snipe.

“I’ll let you in on a regular secret. But just this once. My seduction real talk doesn’t come without a price, normally.”

He picks out a can of potato chips from the bag and flops on the opposite side of the bed.

“Lingerie is actually pretty boring.”

I quirk an eyebrow. “You’re joking, right?”

He chuckles. “Not right now, no.”

“I thought that was, like,” I munch on an M&M from the bag. “All dudes like seeing women in scanty underwear. That’s supposed to be a thing. And for you? Especially so.”

“It turns out what’s underneath is a lot more fun than some pieces of silk with ruffles on them.”

“Be honest - you just prefer naked women to everything. Ever.”

“Guilty as charged!” He clutches his heart like he’s been shot and falls back on the bed, ladling chips into his mouth. “What about you? Naked women your thing, too?”

“Ugh. I am not discussing this with you.”

“Aw, c’mon. Just when things were getting interesting.”

“It’s so typical of you to think sex is the only thing interesting to talk about.”

“What?” It’s his turn to quirk a brow. “No, sex is really boring to talk about. I just like seeing you blush. And the topic makes you blush a lot.”

“It makes most people blush!” I snap, scooting away from him.

“You’d be surprised,” He makes his voice singsong. “The girls I know don’t even bat an eyelash at the dirtiest thing. But you? You light up like a bonfire in August if I even insinuate it. It’s fun to watch.”

“So that’s what I am? Fun to watch.”

He rolls over on his elbows, watching me from under his slightly-damp, impossible-messy-yet-perfect-looking bangs. “Yup.”

I must look upset, because he reaches out and ruffles my hair.

“Hey now, don’t go assuming the wrong thing.”

“I feel like I’m a pet, or a child.”

“To be fair, you
are
kind of adorable.”

“What?” I nearly choke on an M&M. I keep coughing, and motion for him to give me the water bottle he’s holding.

“Uh, you might not wanna -”

I grab it from him, chugging it immediately. The sting in my throat clears up the M&M and the mystery of what exactly I just drank.

“Alcohol!” I gasp. “You son of a -”

“I tried to tell you!” He grabs the bottle back. The familiar buzzing sensation down my limbs alerts me to the booze in my blood.

“Why the hell would you put it in a water bottle?” I ask.

“I didn’t want to bring a whole bottle back and make it look like I was trying to get you drunk,” he sighs. “So I just brought a water bottle in for me.”

I stand, and instantly wobble. Kai jumps to his feet and eases me down on the bed.

“Holy shit, how much did you drink? Are you okay?”

“I-I’m fine,” I manage. “It’s vodka, and I had three gulps - three shots, more or less. I’ll be alright. Just don’t -”

I pull his hand off my shoulder, and he starts back.

“Shit. Sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s fine,” I murmur. “I’m just not good with guys touching me.”

He’s quiet. The cartoons keep playing in the background, like some kind of sick mockery of our silence. I pick a bag of fritos out of the gas station haul.

“Thanks for buying all this, by the way.” I say. Kai rummages through another bag. He pulls out a container of guacamole and uncaps it, handing it to me.

“Can’t have salty-ass chips without some guac.”

“Agreed.”

We watch the TV for a bit, Kai sitting with his legs splayed against the side of the bed, on the floor, while I’m on top of it. He’s suddenly careful about making sure our hands don’t touch when we reach in the same chip bag, or pass each other energy drinks. The booze is hitting me hard, and I start laughing at every little thing in the cartoon, and Kai laughs with me. A joke has us both practically in tears, and a thump and a shout of ‘shut up’ from the wall next door is the only thing that ends our laughing spree. We cover our mouths and struggle to contain ourselves.

“Shh, shhh. Shut up,” I wave my hand at him. “I don’t wanna get kicked out.”

“It’s okay,” He scoffs. “I’ll drive us home if we do.”

“You can’t! The roads are closed, dumbass, and it’s cold and you’re drunk.”

“Uh, no, you’re the drunk one. I haven’t touched the stuff. Gotta have a clear head in case you pass out.”

I flinch, the words too convenient, too much like I’ve been expecting. He must see how I react, because he backtracks.

“Shit, shit
shit
. I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant in case something happened to you -”

I shove the water bottle of vodka in his face. “Chug, mister.”

“What?”

“I can’t be the only one drunk, here. You have to be compromised, too. It’s gotta be equal or I can’t…” I take a breath. “I can’t. I don’t want to go back to my Dad’s, but I can’t do sleep here if you’re more in control than I am. It scares me too much.”

Kai’s mismatched eyes go soft. He takes the water bottle and determinedly downs nearly half of it. When he comes up for air, he salutes.

“Reporting for duty, ma’am.”

I laugh and grab the bottle back from him. “That was a whole shitload. Are you gonna be okay?”

“I had to catch up. If I die here, donate my corpse to science.”

“Right, because I definitely want a bunch of Kai clones running around and shacking up with every girl under the sun. No thanks.”

“Hey man, an army of shag bots with my devastating good-looks would be unstoppable.”

“I would go on a personal vendetta to assassinate every single one of them.”

He laughs. “Train for tens years under a waterfall.”

“Get really good at guns,” I add, stuffing peanuts in my mouth. “Kung-fu cage fights every night to toughen my muscles up.”

“No guys would mess with you then,” He says. “You’d be safe from their evil clutches.”

“Truly. Why haven’t I thought of this sooner?”

“Assassin training might be a little expensive.”

“And I’m broke.”

“We’re all broke. We’re in college.”

“And my Dad hates me.”

“Join the club!” He toasts at me with a cheeto bag.

“Your Dad sounds way worse than mine.” I say.

“He’s the worst guy alive,” Kai’s eyes get distant for a moment, but then he forces a smile. “I bet your Mom’s pretty great though.”

“Oh, are you kidding? She’s the best. When I graduate and get a good job, I’m gonna help her out with all the stuff at the house - renovations, mortage. All that good stuff.”

“That’s awfully noble of you.”

“What else am I gonna do with the money? Use it on my husband? My kids? Yeah right. That’s never gonna happen.”

Kai changes the channel to other cartoons, and I try a question.

“What about your Mom? Do you like her?”

There’s a beat, and then he says; “She’s dead.”

I instantly regret bringing it up. “Crap. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry -”

“It’s okay,” He assures me with a smile. “It was a long time ago.”

The image of him at the graveyard suddenly runs through my mind. Is that who he was visiting? I want to ask, but it would be crazily insensitive to ask at this moment. Or ever. I barely know this guy - I have no right to ask him about his parents, deceased or otherwise. As if trying to break the tension, Kai stands up and stretches.

“Shit. I really fucked up, didn’t I?”

“What?”

“The kiss,” He groans. “You don’t like being touched by dudes, and I went and kissed you out of the blue. I’m a douchebag.”

“Except I -” I swallow hard, the booze demanding honesty from me. “I liked it.”

Kai freezes, and I can’t look him in the eyes as I keep blathering.

“I mean, you shouldn’t go around kissing girls you don’t like in the first place, it’s kind of a dick move.”

He frowns, and I keep talking like it’ll save me from looking stupider than I already do.

“It just gets someone’s hopes up, you know?” I laugh.

I stuff more candy in my mouth to shut it up. Kai finally speaks.

“Have you ever liked someone?”

“There was one guy,” I say. “Back in high school. He was different than the other guys - really quiet, but really smart, you know?”

Kai just listens intently, and I can feel his gaze on my cheek.

“He got bullied a lot, and I felt bad for him.”

“So you dated him because you felt bad for him?” His voice is volatile all of a sudden.

“No, not at all,” I insist. “We didn’t really date. But we did hang out. We were friends. I think, if he hadn’t hated himself so much, we could’ve been more than that. But he refused to let me touch him, or even hold his hand. I think he was afraid of what people would say about me. But I really liked him. He was funny, and sweet.”

“Then what happened?”

“I moved to another school. We lost touch,” I sigh. “I feel shitty about it pretty much everyday for letting him slip away. He was a good guy. I hope he’s happy, wherever he is. He deserves to be happy.”

I hear a rustling, and look up to see Kai leaning on the bed, face only a few inches from my own.

“W-What’s wrong?” I ask. He just stares into my eyes intently. After a moment, he looks away.

“It’s nothing. Nevermind.”

“Why so prickly all of a sudden?” I frown. “Where’s the usual smooth-and-smiley Kai I know?”

“And hate,” He finishes.

“What?”

“You hate me. I’m not stupid - I know I’m not your favorite.”

“Hate is a little strong,” I say finally. “I don’t hate you, okay? I barely know you.”

He starts laughing, and for a moment I’m confused. When he stops, he wipes at his eye.

“Sorry. I must seem crazy. It’s just ironic, is all.”

“What’s ironic?”

He opens his mouth, then closes it. Before I can blink, he’s near me again, the smell of him pepper and honey.

“Can I kiss you again?” He asks.